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Forgive my sarkiness – but I don’t think we needed a study to prove that incels’ barometer for what women want is somewhat wonky. Any woman who has tuned in for any length of time to the incel philosophy (not to mention any straight woman trying to date) would have been able to tell you as much.
Short for “involuntary celibate”, the term incel has myriad connotations, ranging from risible stereotypes to the downright terrifying (incel ideologies have been cited in manifestos for mass killings, although the report suggests the ideology isn’t the main motivation).
Whatever end of the spectrum they fall on, incel beliefs boil down to a simple equation: women owe them sex, but they aren’t delivering. Never does it seem to occur to these men that it’s their attitude towards women that’s the problem – and reason no one wants to date them – rather than their looks or their money.
Not only do women remain with men during difficult financial periods, but also research shows that more and more US women are the breadwinners in their relationships. It’s also worth mentioning that, quite opposite from seeking the most handsome men, one study suggests women are happier with less attractive husbands.
Anecdotally, when it comes to long-term partnership, a sense of humour and thoughtfulness go much further than looks – my boyfriend is gorgeous, obviously, but I love him much more when he cooks a surprise dinner or makes me laugh than when he’s done 20 extra push-ups.
Despite this, incel communities instead discuss frightening ideas like state-mandated girlfriends as serious solutions to their predicament, believing that it would save them from the whole ordeal of dating (which would force them to treat women as human beings!). Why won’t anyone date me?! cry these guys, as they put their finishing touches to a manifesto for keeping women in cages. Truly, a mystery for the ages.
For a worldview that rails against the injustices faced by single, straight men, incel-dom sure does a good job of keeping them that way. The idea that women are only interested in the most preternaturally chiselled men and their bulging bank accounts must fill any guy who falls below the impossible (imaginary) standard with self-pity.
Women (or “foids”, short for “female humanoids” on incel forums), meanwhile, are seen as vapid idiots at best, and sex-slot-machines – into which you just have to pour the right amount of money and/or abs in order to cash out – at worst.
It’s hard not to feel frustrated by this state of affairs, partly because it seems so easy to straighten out; women have been writing books and articlescountering these toxic arguments, as well as offering more realistic accounts of what we’re actually looking for in male partners.
Sure, nice jawlines and money don’t hurt – but the idea that that’s what’s stopping an incel from getting a daterather than the frustration and resentment radiating from his every pore seems pretty convenient on the one hand, and totally self-defeating on the other.
With such a brutal understanding of interpersonal relationships, it’s perhaps no surprise that the study from the University of Swansea reveals incel mental health to be in staggeringly poor shape.
Hatred often comes from unhappiness, and I’d be depressed too if I felt as if the world was configured in such a way as to make my personal fulfilment impossible.
But the good news is that however dark the incel worldview might seem, it is a fantasy. Hopefully this new study, conducted by Dr Andrew Thomas and masters student William Costello will encourage incels to see women as human beings.
Say it with me: women don’t care about your cheekbones, we want to be seen as full human beings. That might not sound like much to ask, but it should be revelatory for the guys who are too busy griping about their facial structure to see the altogether simpler – and far more meaningful – truth. If it takes a study by a man to get that ball rolling, then so be it.
What incels get wrong about women
The Pope is Catholic, bears shit in the woods, and new research shows that “men who identify as incels overestimate how much women want physical attractiveness and financial success” in a partner while underestimating the importance of traits such as kindness, humour and loyalty.Forgive my sarkiness – but I don’t think we needed a study to prove that incels’ barometer for what women want is somewhat wonky. Any woman who has tuned in for any length of time to the incel philosophy (not to mention any straight woman trying to date) would have been able to tell you as much.
Short for “involuntary celibate”, the term incel has myriad connotations, ranging from risible stereotypes to the downright terrifying (incel ideologies have been cited in manifestos for mass killings, although the report suggests the ideology isn’t the main motivation).
Whatever end of the spectrum they fall on, incel beliefs boil down to a simple equation: women owe them sex, but they aren’t delivering. Never does it seem to occur to these men that it’s their attitude towards women that’s the problem – and reason no one wants to date them – rather than their looks or their money.
Not only do women remain with men during difficult financial periods, but also research shows that more and more US women are the breadwinners in their relationships. It’s also worth mentioning that, quite opposite from seeking the most handsome men, one study suggests women are happier with less attractive husbands.
Anecdotally, when it comes to long-term partnership, a sense of humour and thoughtfulness go much further than looks – my boyfriend is gorgeous, obviously, but I love him much more when he cooks a surprise dinner or makes me laugh than when he’s done 20 extra push-ups.
Despite this, incel communities instead discuss frightening ideas like state-mandated girlfriends as serious solutions to their predicament, believing that it would save them from the whole ordeal of dating (which would force them to treat women as human beings!). Why won’t anyone date me?! cry these guys, as they put their finishing touches to a manifesto for keeping women in cages. Truly, a mystery for the ages.
For a worldview that rails against the injustices faced by single, straight men, incel-dom sure does a good job of keeping them that way. The idea that women are only interested in the most preternaturally chiselled men and their bulging bank accounts must fill any guy who falls below the impossible (imaginary) standard with self-pity.
Women (or “foids”, short for “female humanoids” on incel forums), meanwhile, are seen as vapid idiots at best, and sex-slot-machines – into which you just have to pour the right amount of money and/or abs in order to cash out – at worst.
It’s hard not to feel frustrated by this state of affairs, partly because it seems so easy to straighten out; women have been writing books and articlescountering these toxic arguments, as well as offering more realistic accounts of what we’re actually looking for in male partners.
Sure, nice jawlines and money don’t hurt – but the idea that that’s what’s stopping an incel from getting a daterather than the frustration and resentment radiating from his every pore seems pretty convenient on the one hand, and totally self-defeating on the other.
With such a brutal understanding of interpersonal relationships, it’s perhaps no surprise that the study from the University of Swansea reveals incel mental health to be in staggeringly poor shape.
Hatred often comes from unhappiness, and I’d be depressed too if I felt as if the world was configured in such a way as to make my personal fulfilment impossible.
But the good news is that however dark the incel worldview might seem, it is a fantasy. Hopefully this new study, conducted by Dr Andrew Thomas and masters student William Costello will encourage incels to see women as human beings.
Say it with me: women don’t care about your cheekbones, we want to be seen as full human beings. That might not sound like much to ask, but it should be revelatory for the guys who are too busy griping about their facial structure to see the altogether simpler – and far more meaningful – truth. If it takes a study by a man to get that ball rolling, then so be it.
