Sudden crisis of doubt
So I’m currently recovering from the Stage 1 associated w/ delayed ALT (preparing the donor site & vnectomy, not yet to the phallus creation) and over the last week or so I’ve kinda been caught up in my own head a lot…
I’m really looking inward wondering if I’m cut out for it and able to make the sacrifices it takes or if it will be worth it in the end, something I had ZERO doubts about til now despite knowing how brutal this process is. I’ve had such a sense of urgency because I’m in my mid 30s already and in some ways it feels like my life can’t truly start until I’ve made it to the other side of recovery.
I’m probably going to ask the doctors at my follow up next week if there’s any downside to waiting a bit longer than 6 months until the next stage to give myself time to think and prepare mentally, but also to not deprive myself of the ability to work and of happiness in between (ie being able to do any ‘fun’ travel to see friends or go to a concert etc).
I’ve sacrificed so much time, money and comfort in anticipation of proceeding to this next big step of transition but have all these fears now that it’s becoming imminent. Thinking “will this be worth it? Will I feel fixed, or more whole despite voluntarily taking on such terrible scars?”
Apologies if this is a redundant topic, I just needed to get this off my chest in a place where others might be able to relate
