Summer, if you're reading this take my advice. Give up weed and get a job. You come across disorganized and desperate for attention. Working retail isn't as bad as people online say it is. Establishing a routine and learning how to interact with people in a positive way will be good for you. The only attention you've been able to garner during the show and after has been through you acting like a child. Your whole emotional outburst on the show- you acted like every TTS was directed at you, and the whole show revolved around you, really sucked the fun out for all the contestants. Brian apologized for yelling at you, but he really shouldn't have. You wouldn't listen to words. The only thing that stopped you from continuing in psychotic rage was Brian's raised voice and the potential for violence.
You apologized after the show to both production and viewers, but you're going through your attention seeking behavioral pattern again. I'm no MD, and many of them are quacks, but disorders are real. From my standpoint as a viewer you're exhibiting signs of manic depressive disorder onset by lack of sleep and weed addiction. You need to drop the online stuff for a while and come back a different person. You get off on attention-and since positive has not been a quick option for you-you rely on negative attention. Accusing someone of rape publicly without evidence because you, and I'm using your words here, "think" happened, is extremely childlike and if you weren't mentally ill would be illegal.
You rely on methods to acquire resources that are unethical, and have worked for you previously, but are being exposed for the poor, rotten behavior it is, because it is on display now for the world to watch. Nobody is denying the traumatic things that happened to you in your past, but if you want to grow as a person you have to get over that. I suspect you will continue your attention seeking behavior and weed addiction online, commenting to everyone who comments to you, instead of doing something beneficial like getting a job. You should be setting yourself up in a position for you to be successful ON YOUR OWN, as you are a burden on everyone involved in your life. Take these comments as something positive, and not something for you to suicide bait over. Start making changes in your life and developing healthy cycles you can repeat on a daily basis. I'd start by cutting out the weed. If you are serious about being a Christian, you would change your actions and start producing value for those around you. I suspect you are not serious, as you give zero consideration about how you make others feel when you go on your emotional outbursts-only how you think you will be perceived.
1. Get off weed
2. Regular sleep schedule
3. Social job interacting and providing value to public in a safe and monitored environment (retail job)
4. Get off the internet
I suspect you have some people who would be willing to help you out if you had a realization about your pattern of behavior and how it has affected those around you. If you come to them with your plan, they would be willing to hold you accountable (this doesn't mean going back to an unhealthy ex). I hope you start helping yourself out, because this attention seeking behavior will only lead to more and more people disliking you. The only "fans" you will have will be girls who themselves are maladapted and reinforce each others behavior through encouragement and horny black guys. I know you've got some people in your life that still care about you Summer, realize your behavior and repent before it's too late. And throw away that weed pen.
