Nicholas Robert Rekieta / Rekieta "Law" / Actually Criminal / @NickRekieta - Polysubstance enthusiast, "Lawtuber" turned Dabbleverse streamer, swinger, "whitebread ass nigga", snuffs animals for fun, visits 🇯🇲 BBC resorts. Legally a cuckold who lost his license to practice law. Wife's bod worth $50. The normies even know.

[Darkholme's Dungeon]

Slightly related to Nick, but Itsagundam and Coomalot crossover. Some funny bits included with copious MGTOW overtones.

"All these kinda girls are upper middle class, like only Netflix and wine".
"I knew I was in a bad place when I was at this apartment when this girl was blasting her favorite music (technobable bullshit) and in the background it's like 'Necrophillia, I'm so horny'".
"I hooked up with a girl who later told me that she had sex with her biological brother... I still hit it one more time".
"I used to bang married chicks, think of it as me punishing men" (Talk about "our wife" lol).
With friends like these, who needs enemies?

 

[Sewer Rat]

Rekieta very recently said (and there is also a clip of that) that he will avoid drama and stay out of it regarding shit like comics drama with EVS, Eric July, YellowFlash, but yet at the mere presence of his e-daddy diddler dax he can't stop himself from going back in, lying and putting themselves as winners like always.
I think Rekieta might be the biggest case of parasocial/e-daddy syndrome I've seen, and with a fucking failure like dax nonetheless.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gbwytI0IoeY

 

[AnOminous]

But, yes, he's not as bad as some of the others Nick surrounds himself with.

I suppose it was kind of unfair to lump Cecil in with Nick and the diddlers.

>10% body fat
How delusional. He's not even close to 10%, he's around 20%. Dunning-Kruger effect in action.

More like he's just a lying liar who lies. He has no basis for that belief whatsoever. No doctor told him that.

I mean nobody's going to look at him and say he's fat, but you don't drink as much as that faggot does without not only accumulating abdominal fat, but visceral fat and fat literally in your liver. Not even his gay alcoholic manorexia (where he eats as little as possible so he can drink on an empty stomach and get more drunk) is going to stop that kind of fat from accumulating.

It's still funny how he's as retarded as a deathfat completely denying reality and the objective effects of the substances he consumes that do not magically change the moment they pass his magical dick sucking lips.

Realistically, once Ty became Nick's official attorney of record, every single fuckup became one that Ty has to own. I'm sure @AnOminous and/or @TherapyMan would back me in that conclusion.

I still wouldn't blame him for the referral itself, considering that while Ty did find defamation lawyers, they weren't willing to act while his career was burning to the ground. The timing made for a difficult decision. Ty's specific mistakes were so bizarre and inexplicable I don't think they could have been predicted.

I could and did blame him for that ridiculous stream the night the filing was due, though, especially considering it showed up and was a horrible non-proofread piece of ugly shit. People threw some puzzle pieces at me for that, but that shit actually matters. If the first page looks like a mess, the table of contents changes format in the middle, etc. etc. it's obvious the lead lawyer shouldn't have been gloating and drunkenly talking shit on YouTube but whipping this critical filing into shape.

Then issuing bogus notary statements swearing he'd taken affidavits in person when not only was that not even necessary, but for a few bucks he could have had that done by someone qualified to do it, which Sam Johnson caught immediately, was ridiculous. He could have just used unsworn declarations at no cost. Instead he detonated a bomb under Vic's case for no reason at all.

 

[Get the rope Macaulay!]

I would love to see a broke Nick arc, like Rumble declines and then Nick has to fire his lawyer and in the scramble for a new one picks bad and monty wins really hard and now Nick is Ethan Ralph tier desperate. Even better is if Nick decides to cut back and hilariously enough just fucks over his kids and wife and cuts all their extracurriculars, no more family massages or swaps, no more soccer or hockey or dance, just all the kids and him stuck in the house all day.

He is in the top 10 streamers by watch time.

thats not true. any time there's a chart with watch times for rumble, on the off chance nick is on it; he's near the bottom. plus his viewerbase has collapsed so hard especially this month i highly doubt he's getting more than Mersh.

because there are so many bilingual lawyers who simply had hispanic parents.

yep. people don't seem to realize that "melting pot" shit is just a lie jews told that only white people believe. Even if Nick had a 4.0 and a masters in spanish there's just too much cultural knowledge you won't be able to get and you wouldn't be able to represent them correctly, its the same reason they say you should have a lawyer who practices in that county and knows the judges instead of flying in one. Cultural understandings keep people from going to prison or even getting charged.

but their QC system

if you ever watched Dick on other podcasts especially Gas Digital ones, you can tell if he isn't already comfortable around you he shuts up hard. A lot like an autistic person (think TJ on fishtank right now), Vito has way more confidence and Dick ends up playing his sidekick. I'm sure Dick gets intimidated hard too, there's a reason unless one of his friends are on the inside and getting him the role, dick can't pass an audition.

 

[Goku 1000000 O]

An Elissa Clips. Nick and Dax talking about gay stuff and how gay they are. And apparently Doug TenNapel has incredibly funny private heart to heart conversations about homosexuals and homosexuality with Dax. I'm starting to think Doug's whole christian family man thing is as fake as Nick's was.

If Nick is sober and talking like this, drinking is far from his only problem.

Holy fuck I'm bored. I want to suck start a shotgun listening to this.

Thank god for ElissaClips, and the Casino segments because I couldn't follow Nick's exploits otherwise.

 

[ThisHill2DieOn]

I wish I knew how to use After Effects so I could take the homo kiss and murder scenes from American Beauty and put Nick and Dax's face in. Unfortunately, my digital art domain is static 2d imaging.

Shh. I need more baking advice from the guy who uses a "bread machine".

Oooh, dis. I use a machine to knead dough that's baked in an oven. Like virtually every bakery in the developed world does.
Lecture me more, mongoloid poverty nigger.

Slight PL, but I had an electrical resistance BFP thing and it said I was 6.5% bodyfat.

Do you mean like the at-home scales that claim to measure body fat? Because those are notoriously shit. They claim to use a low impedance and maybe they do (doubtful), but they certainly aren't done clinically. They basically use a generic BFP formula to guesstimate based on height and weight, and those are notoriously inaccurate. One of the best methods is hydrostatic weighing and 3-D scanning. There was an old video of a champion cyclist claiming 3% body fat and he got roasted because at that low of body fat, you would be experiencing all sorts of endocrine issues, as well as erectile dysfunction and cardiac complications.

Nick is actually low bodyfat. He simply has no real muscle to pop through his layer of fat.

I know what you're getting at, but that's not how it works.

Spoiler: autistic shit about BFP

Nick is skinny fat. It's not about muscles popping through, as a lot of fighters with notable musculature are still 10%-15% body fat. When you dip below 10%, multi-organ issues arise. Below 5% and even the healthiest of young bodies will start to have issues. To give you a visual, bodybuilders are typically around 8% body fat. It's not because of muscles that they look like skinless cooked meat. It's because of how thin their layer of body fat is. Nick at 10% body fat would look more like Christian Bale in The Machinist, who was estimated by experts to be around 7%.

A big caveat with all of this is that even the best and most comprehensive testing tends to have an error of at least 2%. 10%-15% is perfectly fine and fit. There is a lot of bullshit marketing about BFP to sell supplements, diet plans and testing and they tend to massively misrepresent these in visual examples. BFP is a metric to be aware of, but it's not anywhere near as important as other metrics.

The best ways to measure ideal physique, IMO, are the Grecian Ideal and Roman Golden Ratio. These beauty standards for men have stood the test of time and are individualistically based. People made fun of Null saying women don't want jacked dudes, but it's mostly true. Most women tend to prefer a physique of Brad Pitt over that of Jay Cutler. This isn't speculation. Numerous studies bear this out.

 

[FedPostalService]

Let me get this straight, the evil Kiwi Farms is (without evidence) fucking with Nick’s business and are the Great Satan but Dax is openly trying to destroy the business of Eric July for no reason other than clout farming and it’s a funny joke Nick is happy to join in with? Is there some nuance I’m missing?

 

[keke]

Nick recommended Ty, but it was Ty that ended up fucking everything up.

Realistically, once Ty became Nick's official attorney of record, every single fuckup became one that Ty has to own. I'm sure @AnOminous and/or @TherapyMan would back me in that conclusion.

I think the Vic thing is now actually the weakest criticism to lay at Nick's feet. He's done way stupider shit since then.

This is in response to Nick once again bringing up how Eric July has shit lawyers and Nick recommends he get new ones. That is exactly in line. Not sure why you’re tagging other people to back you up on this lmao, no one thinks Nick has legal responsibility for Ty’s mistakes. He is responsible for recommending him though, and paying him, so yeah his failure is 100% relevant and important in the context of Nick shitting on Eric’s lawyers.

It’s not a weak criticism because there’s a reason he brushed over it as fast as possible, even with Ty on stream. Recommending Ty at all when that legal area was not his expertise was irresponsible and ego-driven. Weird take. This Is the specific context of Nick recommending lawyers.

 

[Swole McPole]

- People on the Internet don't like Dick, Cecil, or Coomalot, but they are genuine and upfront and you don't have to guess who they are.

Unlike myself, who larped as a good traditional Christian family man and a practicing lawyer for years, until I'd made enough money to cast off the disguise and reveal myself as the bone idle trust fund cuckold with a taste for black cock.

People like Dick and Coomalot are truly the role models that I aspire to be. Retarded mongs who are unashamed in their degeneracy.

 

[Pippa's Greasy KB]

thats not true. any time there's a chart with watch times for rumble, on the off chance nick is on it; he's near the bottom. plus his viewerbase has collapsed so hard especially this month i highly doubt he's getting more than Mersh.

He is probably going off the only time he retweeted rumble statistics from some other account and went off on how hard it is to be a streamer around middle of last year. He was pretty proud about being about 5th or 6th on the list iirc. Top 3 were tate/crowder/bongino and streamed way less than him so their audience sice was astronomical compared to him. Something like their 2 hours each vs nick's 16 hours per week but their total watch times was like 5 times his.

 

[Swole McPole]

One-half US pint, or 240ml.

Seriously, it has a fixed value. They are are not talking about some random cup.

So why don't they just say 'half a pint' or 240 ml. I do know they sell 'cup sized' measuring cups, which I assumed was an attempt to introduce some consistency into the equation, but it must have started out with some old housewife using whatever random cup they had to hand and they attempted to standardize it because everybody's recipes were all fucked up.

And why would you measure dry goods by volume rather than weight? That still makes no sense to me. Do US kitchens not have scales?

My go-to pizza dough recipe is 2:3 water to flour, 1/15 of flour in olive oil or butter, 1/40 flour in salt, 1/50 flour in instant yeast. If using 3 cups flour (360 grams), this equals to 360g flour, 240g water, 24g oil, 9g salt, 7.2 g instant yeast.

This one is mine:

https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/1016230-robertas-pizza-dough

Oooh, dis. I use a machine to knead dough that's baked in an oven. Like virtually every bakery in the developed world does.

The thing that would stop me using a bread machine for this is it would take longer to clean the damn bread machine than it would to actually knead the dough.

Knead for 3 mins. Rest for 15. Knead for 3 mins. Done.

 

[newuser131]

Let me get this straight, the evil Kiwi Farms is (without evidence) fucking with Nick’s business and are the Great Satan but Dax is openly trying to destroy the business of Eric July for no reason other than clout farming and it’s a funny joke Nick is happy to join in with? Is there some nuance I’m missing?

the nuance is you are assuming rekieta has ethics and morals. he never had it. it was all a mask to getting conservative viewer base. these e-celebs have no other goal then to get money from their social media platforms, nothing more, nothing less. the community they foster and the opinions that they give is a secondary consideration.

hypocrisy occurs then the morals of their fanbase and the ego/money of the e-celeb clash. in the real world, a dissatisfied fanbase would not spend money on the celebrity and the celebrity would be force to change their behavior, or at lease not display it in public. in the social media world, the problem for the fanbase is the clicks are the fuel that gets these e-celebs money. even if you hate rekieta, you are still feeding him clicks, thus money.

in his coomer brained, alcohol riddled mind, rekieta believes kf really hates him. tbh, it is mostly dislike and mild annoyance. all the talk on message forums are just talk. if people really hated rekieta, there would be serious attempts to get him canceled from rumble, twiiter, youtube, etc and irl trolling. none of that has been done to date, outside of the keffals attempt in 2022 to rekieta. rekieta should trade notes with wings of redemption or dsp about real internet hate.

 

[AnOminous]

how hard it is to be a streamer

That ain't workin' that's the way you do it get your Balldos for nothin' and your chicks dicks for free.

 

[Get the rope Macaulay!]

He is probably going off the only time he retweeted rumble statistics from some other account and went off on how hard it is to be a streamer around middle of last year. He was pretty proud about being about 5th or 6th on the list iirc. Top 3 were tate/crowder/bongino and streamed way less than him so their audience sice was astronomical compared to him. Something like their 2 hours each vs nick's 16 hours per week but their total watch times was like 5 times his.

i remember Funetes used to also retweet an account that tracked that stuff, and it was mostly like you said, i saw plenty of other people but unless Rekietachu decided to stream multiple times that week, he wouldn't be in the top 10. his average viewership per hr was a lot smaller and on par with Fuentes compared to any "name" Crowder and Bongino had about 100k viewers per hour or close to it, while Nick had 5-8k and i'm sure his lack of a consistent schedule is why he was dropping in viewers too.

Rekietachu would only get in the top 10 if he pulled an ethan ralph and streamed an obnoxiously long time. He isn't "contract" material. its not 2022 anymore for the site and they have legit names now.

 

[AltisticRight]

This made me laugh.

 

[FedPostalService]

This made me laugh.
View attachment 5653223

God forbid two people can effortlessly love each other and be able to be comfortable with each other.

 

[SaidNoOneEver]

thats not true. any time there's a chart with watch times for rumble, on the off chance nick is on it; he's near the bottom. plus his viewerbase has collapsed so hard especially this month i highly doubt he's getting more than Mersh.

I wouldn't trust any public-facing numbers Rumble (or any of the YT-clone startups) put out since there's a huge incentive for them all to lie about usage metrics. Behind-the-scenes, however, Rumble knows exactly what his numbers are and what his value to the platform is. I suspect that's why we haven't heard anything about a new contract.

 

[Swole McPole]

God forbid two people can effortlessly love each other and be able to be comfortable with each other.

That video just spoke to his desire for swinging and other adulterous liasions to me. Being 'comfortable' with your partner after being married for as long as Rekieta has been is the default state if you're in a good relationship. It doesn't mean there still isn't heat there, but it isn't going to be at the forefront of your relationship.

When you're craving novelty though, all the basement dungeons and St Andrew's Crosses in the world aren't going to scratch that itch. Better to take a flight to Jamaica to watch your wife getting railed by a couple of black bulls while Romaine and Ricardo spit-roast you in the corner.

 

[boofit]

Recommending Ty at all when that legal area was not his expertise was irresponsible and ego-driven.

Well the case could never be won that pants fuck is a creep if I ever seen one tho mighty gay I suspect. The getting was good for a while. All involved ate well.

 

[Get the rope Macaulay!]

there's a huge incentive for them all to lie about usage metrics.

while true, it can at least be used as a tool when comparing him to everyone else right? even Cozy's multiplier wasn't super account based. its obvious he has to be ethan ralph levels of viewers on rumble with how few 'fupa chats he has on there. The fact Nick didn't use the fact he gets 20% more of the money with rumble superchats is retarded as well. that would have been a great selling point to convince people to follow him through.