Nicholas Robert Rekieta / Rekieta "Law" / Actually Criminal / @NickRekieta - Polysubstance enthusiast, "Lawtuber" turned Dabbleverse streamer, swinger, "whitebread ass nigga", snuffs animals for fun, visits 🇯🇲 BBC resorts. Legally a cuckold who lost his license to practice law. Wife's bod worth $50. The normies even know.

[Neetorino]

Presented without comment.
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Hope all is well, but also ACK ACK ACK ACK I guess I'll go get my spreadsheet screenshots in order since January's been called!

 

[Tiberius Rising]

I didn't think Rumble would not renew with Nick, but as it looks more certain I just really find my self hoping they make a million dollars joke at his expense.

I am just confused why either party would either publicly discuss contract negotiations. The only reason to talk about them publicly is if it helps your position. This doesn't help Nick's position, which leads me to he is either that much of a narcissist and is down that bad or there is something he sees that the Farms doesn't which benefits him to talk about it. Rumble has not publicly disclosed their position on negotiations which leads me to nick is a narcissist and a fucking moron to play his hand like this.

 

[Retink Retunk]

Presented without comment.
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Edit, speculation: Ok, so, he was at a place he couldn't set up the link...but now there is a med issue. At 11:30pm?
Ok, you say the medical issue was early; fine. But why was he going to stream then? Why can't he post the link from his whatever, at said med place?

The bull couldn't last.

 

[Shagedan]

Presented without comment.
View attachment 5683828
Edit, speculation: Ok, so, he was at a place he couldn't set up the link...but now there is a med issue. At 11:30pm?
Ok, you say the medical issue was early; fine. But why was he going to stream then? Why can't he post the link from his whatever, at said med place?

AIDS confirmed? Liver finally gave up? Throat cancer from sucking dick??

 

[Captain Manning]

I am just confused why either party would either publicly discuss contract negotiations.

You don't.

You also don't publicly discuss litigation you are part of. It's like the most basic rule of litigation. A rule Nick intentionally ignored with Montagraph, and was all set to keep ignoring, until it became clear shit wasn't going quite the way he thought it would and he wasn't getting the money he thought he was.

Nick's an idiot.

AIDS confirmed? Liver finally gave up? Throat cancer from sucking dick??

Foreign object stuck in anus?

 

[Mister Dongs]

Where did it all go wrong, balldobros?

 

[SaidNoOneEver]

AIDS confirmed? Liver finally gave up? Throat cancer from sucking dick??

We know it wasn't an erection that lasted more than four hours so it's something else. Gerbil?

 

[Himedall All-seeing Waifu]

Amazing! I leave for a few days to handle family issues, and the thread is inundated by 'Scandinavian Prudes' talking religion. I feel I missed out.

Been reading some highlights, so I feel relatively caught up on the swinger tub stream and what all it entails. What I haven’t been able to ascertain the significance of is the few posts about Branca. Did Nick and Branca have a falling out?

Sean had Branca on regularly to comment a trial. The speculation is that he might have jumped ship from Nick becuase he isn't doing trial streams. Thus has yet to be seen.

Heave a sneak peek of the data collected so far. I'm gonna go back through the 2023 data and add YT totals from Playboard so we have that to compare against as well, for posterity sake. I'll show last year's January data again when I do the full Jan breakdown; all Rumble data is collected by the magnanimous @Potatoherder

Spoiler: SneakPeek

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Edit: Spreadsheets are very fun; as a treat have the Superchat and Rumble Rant final totals for 2023. I say known simply because not every Rumble amount was recorded and those totals aren't using estimates.
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100K isn't a bad haul, obviously not including for Youtube's Cut (Rumble didn't have one last year from what I've understood). But it's interesting that Rumble only makes up ~1/5 of that total considering how big his Rumble audience apparently is.

I LOVE spreadsheets!

It's been documented in this thread that both Rekieta and our wife were very much into Christianity and active church members prior to Nick's sharp rise in popularity on YouTube. This was documented through family Facebook accounts which were archived about 1,800 pages ago.

Yes. He was a dorky nee
Rd (Just LOOK at his old pictures) and they were the picture of very conservative protestants with long skirts, collared shirts, birth control glasses, and very out-of-date hairstyles.

I am sure he was prete ding for his wife who was much more devout--or socially connected to the church.

What kinda bugs me is how RETARDED this is.

Like… Nick already complains about people believing “all sorts of untrue things about him”.

So why add fuel to the fire with a hot tub stream full of swinger jokes?

Is he this dumb?
Is he such a deviant that he just can’t help himself? (In that case, why do it on stream?!)

Or does Nick have some kind of humiliation fetish, and gets off on it, every time a farmer calls him a cuck?!

This is just… Weird!

I think Nick still believes that his tried and true method of ironically "owning" the meme will dispel criticism and has not yet figured out that this approach has the opposite effect in the presence of compelling evidence.

Nick has talked about it: this is DAX'S method of dealing with criticisms, and he is aping it.

I met a Farmer from an antique forum
Who said: Two vast and trunkless streams of law
Stand on the video platforms. Near them, on the Internet,
Half sunk, a drunken visage lies, whose tattoo,
And balldo, and nose of cold command,
Tell that its well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these non-practicing things,
The mouth that mocked them and the tongue that licked:
And in the description these words appear:
"My name is BalldoMANdyas, king of swingers:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, shirtless and bare
The lone and contract-less streams stretch far away.

I LOVE things like this! Let me contribute some Blake inspiration:


The Cvck:

Cvck, cvck, want to fuck
But in the corner he is stuck
What darken'd bull's BBC
Will sate thy fearful cvckery?

How many rings on Balldos
Will suffice to please the Nose?
To Jamaica will he fly?
What the cost, drugs to buy?

And what tattoos & what ink
Could fit on canvas that does shrink?
A snake upon which none dare tread
What thin hair? & what nose red?

What the liquor? what the drink?
Which caused thy brain to shrink?
What new dark muse? What new course?
Set you on path to divorce?

Once 'splained law to legion fans
'Pervious to YouTube bans:
Now does he smile as he sips?
Is he taking another trip?

Cvck, cvck, wants to fuck
But in the corner he is stuck
What darkn'd bull's BBC
Dare try to sate thy cvckery.

- William Blacked

 

[waffle]

Nick's probably got that ol' brown bottle flu from entering February with no Rumble contract.

 

[Pippa's Greasy KB]

So what do we call this? The fact that he announced a stream but no showed?

That he's back in top form..? Or bottom form?

 

[Roboute Guilliman]

Edit, speculation: Ok, so, he was at a place he couldn't set up the link...but now there is a med issue. At 11:30pm?
Ok, you say the medical issue was early; fine. But why was he going to stream then? Why can't he post the link from his whatever, at said med place?

My guess is it's because he's a lying faggot

 

[Neetorino]

As January comes to a close I'll toss out some screenshots and share the current iteration of the spreadsheet so you can look at everything collected so far. Once again thank you @Potatoherder for posting the Rumble Rant numbers whenever you can since Rumble is too opaque to track money after the show ends.

The Streams
First up is the strict tally, how many times "Lawsplaining the Interwebz" went live in January. In 2022 it was a full 31 times with a decent split between night and day shows. Next is 2023 with 21 shows, mostly at night as Nick begins to bask in the "7 figure" Rumble deal allowing him to sleep in and do as little work as possible. Finally, 2024 has started off to a rocky start. just 17 live shows in the month he was supposed to be starting his next year of Rumble contract work, or at least be in negotiations.


I think this one is my favorite visual representation of much that drop off really was. Also the dates in bold are morning streams.

But I know people like the calendar perspective so I'll stick them into a spoiler to take less space.

Spoiler: January Calendars

Blue is a daytime stream, green is a nighttime stream. Years are 2022, 2023, and 2024 in order.

The Money
And now the funny stuff, how much cash Nick grifted off his audience in January. I've got last year's data and this years, using only numbers we know. It's pretty fucking bleak how much his superberry income dropped this year; I sure hope he's saved some money for the kids futures. The Balldo Brigade only managed to beat last year's Rumble Rant total by $304 across both YouTube and Rumble. If Rumble's viewership numbers are accurate, and there's no reason to believe they are, then Nick must've gotten all his mobile YouTube viewers to switch to mobile Rumble where they can't SuperChat because that's the only thing I can think of to explain this disparity.


I'm kidding of course it's pretty obvious his viewership is in the toilet and the ones remaining aren't all paypigs. Really makes you wonder what it is that Rumble would want to keep paying Nick for at this point.

February will be fascinating to track I'm sure!

 

[miss ethanol]

Presented without comment.
View attachment 5683828
Edit, speculation: Ok, so, he was at a place he couldn't set up the link...but now there is a med issue. At 11:30pm?
Ok, you say the medical issue was early; fine. But why was he going to stream then? Why can't he post the link from his whatever, at said med place?

 

[Balldo's Gate]

Edit, speculation: Ok, so, he was at a place he couldn't set up the link...but now there is a med issue. At 11:30pm?
Ok, you say the medical issue was early; fine. But why was he going to stream then? Why can't he post the link from his whatever, at said med place?

Something's up and I'm pretty confident that it's not that Rekieta suddenly caught a cold from the darn kids or the miasma of the hot tub or whatever which was his line on Monday and Tuesday. That was sus as it is and I said as much. But the two posts today, taken together, make no sense.

 

[Captain Manning]

The Money
And now the funny stuff, how much cash Nick grifted off his audience in January. I've got last year's data and this years, using only numbers we know. It's pretty fucking bleak how much his superberry income dropped this year; I sure hope he's saved some money for the kids futures. The Balldo Brigade only managed to beat last year's Rumble Rant total by $304 across both YouTube and Rumble. If Rumble's viewership numbers are accurate, and there's no reason to believe they are, then Nick must've gotten all his mobile YouTube viewers to switch to mobile Rumble where they can't SuperChat because that's the only thing I can think of to explain this disparity.


I'm kidding of course it's pretty obvious his viewership is in the toilet and the ones remaining aren't all paypigs. Really makes you wonder what it is that Rumble would want to keep paying Nick for at this point.

Holy shit!

Doing the math, he experienced a 83% drop in Superchat/Rumble revenue between last January and this January.

No wonder he's all like "superchats are gay, Rumble should just pay me." I mean, the viewers certainly aren't anymore.

Outstanding data collection, BTW.

Something's up and I'm pretty confident that it's not that Rekieta suddenly caught a cold from the darn kids or the miasma of the hot tub or whatever which was his line on Monday and Tuesday. That was sus as it is and I said as much. But the two posts today, taken together, make no sense.

I know I'm a bit an asshole for saying this, but I'm gonna laugh my ass off if he has an STD.

 

[Maude Snew]

Foreign object stuck in anus?

He heard his old teacher was back in town so he stuck his last Transformer toy up his ass to hide and to avoid another worst day in his life.

 

[LiquidKid]

Then they took Ls as well as their favourite cows did. Balldo was already 5% ahead as documented in this thread, the MANdy feature simply accelerated his W.


Not entirely, it was well timed for sure but putting together everything must have taken a while as evident by how in-depth the featured post went. It would have taken at least 2 weeks, around or before the LOTY polls.


Even his simp and lust over escorts on Instagram didn't get featured. He was probably the least featured major subforum lolcow. He won fair and square.

I love me some Bossman content, and I’ll never pass up a chance to do a stalker child joke, but only an idiot would honestly think they held a candle to Nick in 2023. Patrick finally had to pay Quasi, but otherwise it was just modus operandi for him. And while Bossman was a shining new star that offered hours and hours of entertainment, what makes him so appealing is how predictable he is almost down to it being a science. You know he’s gonna hop on with some choice mid-2000’s music, then he’ll either lose it all and rage quit, or win big for a few minutes before losing it all and rage quitting.

Nick constantly did different shit. Frankly the 7 hour Eric July rant Dick stream was enough to win him Lolcow of the year as it was the most unhinged thing we saw. But then you have the months of drunken kitchen rants, the shower texts, the playboy airbnb, the pre-boiled eggs, paying for Camelot to wreck two race cars, the dubious nature of the Rumble renewal, and all the American beauty shit, and THEN the Mandy reveal and there was just no contest. Nick had so many arcs and sagas in 2023 that provided a ton of variety not seen by the other cows

 

[Pippa's Greasy KB]

Could it be sudden massive intake of alcohol from the tub stream? That's making him ill? That would imply he actually fasted on alcohol from jan 1 to tub stream, though. Which I doubt..

Maybe the tub really is just filthy and he got skin cancer. What about the steel toe guy? He skipped any of his own stream schedule?

 

[Howling Janny Dog]

Could it be sudden massive intake of alcohol from the tub stream? That's making him ill? That would imply he actually fasted on alcohol from jan 1 to tub stream, though. Which I doubt..

Maybe the tub really is just filthy and he got skin cancer. What about the steel toe guy? He skipped any of his own stream schedule?

While I still have my doubts on Rekieta reducing his alcohol intake for the month, him drinking in the hot tub after a period of abstinence probably didn't do any favors to his organs.

 

[ShinyStar]

S

Where did it all go wrong, balldobros?

My favorite part is how the tattoos in the pic look so much better than his real life tattoos. It's like the AI, having drawn upon the collective knowledge of the whole human species, couldn't conceive the existence of such lame designs.