Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Adamska]

Wdym you can leave it in the freezer for 2 years just fine, MOM

I mean, if you do leave it in the freezer it's probably perfectly edible, if not that tasty. It'd just be freezer burnt to hell.

lol no this is his new video about new gruesome low-quality horsemeat steaks he made with the new TASTEE air fryer. such a dogshit video it was barely discussed after posting

Oh that piece of shit? I mean I can half-ass shred this apart. Let me get my torture instruments rather than my coroner's kit, we're doing this Lubyanka style.

1. Fat fucking retard buys chinesium scam air-fryer. It looks to be a generic copy; either way, it'll do the job of a convection oven fine in small batches if used right.
1b. Pathological liar lies about this being a product placement video and a sponsor. It isn't, he bought this with his mommy-wife's money like usual.
2. Crybaby Jack changed his mind about the air fryer because he realized he can slam in meet and fuck it. I mean forget it.
2b. The more he eats five pounds of badly cooked flesh from an airfryer, the more he likes them. Paraphrased it, but accurate methinks.
3. Retard with severe TBI tells you to buy gadget for a fake shill video of a product that already is quite popular more than a half decade after the explosion in popularity.
5. Consoomerist puppet is gleeful this POS has IOT aspects. Literally a waste of time and designed to upmarket this pile of crap.
6. Dipshit reads box to fake sell promo.
7. Son of Ham in denial wastes over 10% of this video explaining what a "smart" thermometer is.
7b. Not gonna matter, it's not idiot proof.
8. Massive sexual pervert reveals gastrosexuality once more. Treats what this bootleg can do as a two-page pin-up from a gay pornzine.
9. Ree he hates the fish, he hateses it. Sorry you have to actually cook it to doneness wendigo spirit possessing this corpse.
9b. Mongoloid makes a podcast with his a-logging pervert brother about magic pills being bullshit; still wants a robochef to eat himself to death with it.
10. Salty bitch throws a wee bit of shade at people mocking his inability to cook chicken to doneness. Cope, seethe, and die from a TIA caused by apoplexy.
11. Mutt lies blatantly about Fry mode being to fry food. It's clearly talking about french fries, and you broke your diet on day four. Cope and take the L you cluster B headcase.
12. Pile of crap needs a phone app to work, making this worse than any other model on the market and more expensive as well. Best ad for why this scam of a product ain't worth it right there.
13. Of course this incompetent wants a rare steak, since maximum food, minimum time.
14. Fatty proves he doesn't know shit by putting this thing on dehydrate. Technically you can find people claiming this is within the margin for rare, but TBH put that shit at 125 minimum for the internal probe.
15. FIRST STEAK.
15b. FIRST. STEAK. Motherfucker wants to live like Alfred Hitchcock over here.
16. And fake and gay diet kicks in. This thing is basically rolling the steak around in confectioner's sugar.
17. Jack brags about a cheap promo item that came with this waste of money. Cool. A generic cookbook that you won't read.
18. There is no point in putting two steaks into a bake pan if you're just gonna dump them into the air fryer; waste of clean up tbh.
19. And there's no point in making the second one medium rare other than "OMNOMNOM ME AM NEED A BABY TO EAT"
20. Brags about cheap attachments put into a prone to crack version of plastic. Cool Jack, I still know Tammy paid for it.
21. Oh goodie... a touch screen button. On SOMETHING THAT EMITS STEAM AND CAN PENETRATE THE ELECTRONICS DUE TO ITS ANGLE.
22. Steak don't look right due to how the flesh at the sides still has a dark redness despite everything.
23. Fat Narc destined to hell lies about cutting shoe leather. I literally have no clue how Tammy's struggling to cut this shit tbh.
24. It takes over 20 seconds to cut the fucker in half.
25. And raw steak. Exactly as predicted because 125 would've been the better temp to set towards.
26. Only compliment I'll state is the diabetes rub at least didn't burn, meaning this pile of shit is still a better cook than Jack.
27. I could go on about how bad the cut of steak was given some details, but lol fuck that.
27b. Just gonna say that this is why you don't emulate gluttons who act like a metrosexual bitch when you mock their home interior choices when it comes to prepping steaks. CUT YOUR GODDAMN STEAK TO MINIMIZE FAT CAPS.
28. Gud Gud burbles the dumber than a bird retard used for sympathy by his mommy wife.
29. And Jack lets slip that even he thinks that medium rare looks rare. GG in proving you can't use sensor temps for shit.
30. And fatty reveals a secret: he either pulls out everything early due to hungee or he just lies about numbers so he don't get made fun of.
30b. To be fair, it could just be stroke-brain, but he does state his medium-rare temp is 131, which explains why it looks rare.
31. And the medium rare is also raw. It's close to rare though so I guess a victory for AI?
31b. Either fatty puts the thermometers in, he lies about cook times, or this thing sucks. It's probably all three.
32. Baby throws a tantrum when he realized he failed twice. Watch it porky, you might stroke out due to your Beepee you don't give a fuck for. 157 is a lot closer to 180 than it is to 120 after all.
33. No Jack, you just love being fed raw and rotten shit from your time as Hugo Simpson and the hated child by Mama.
34. Narc desperately running ahead of the narrative to fail to cut off his fate of shitting himself in tard rage as dapeepul make fun of him.
34b. For those who can't be fucked to, he gets angy and wastes a minute coping and seething about how da magic IOT didn't fix his fucking awful cooking skill and propensity to want to eat raw and rotting meat from a trashcan.
35. Faggot spams lightning fast a lot to describe it. Probably the tagline to this joke of a product.
35b. Also I think I could pan-fry those steaks faster than this thing could.
36. He ends this catastrophe explaining how you eat raw meat now to eat less raw and more rotten meat you throw into a fucking microwave or something later. Eat before you eat.

Anyway fuck this video. Bitch didn't even eat them since even he could tell they weren't done yet.

 

[EatBeforeYouEat]

Jack’s elevated blood pressure (upper too high/lower ok) is of a form known as isolated systolic hypertension. It's the most common form of HBP in older adults and can be aggravated by diabetes, sleep apnea, and obesity. Even though the diastolic pressure is OK this is still a serious medical condition that needs treatment.

Leave it to this guy to have 4 strokes and a heart attack and then take a victory lap because his diastolic blood pressure dropped by like 3. Controlling the systolic blood pressure is what is important in people over 50 to lower the risk of strokes and heart attacks . That goes triple for people like Jagoff who have had strokes.

Credit @rubytintedchix

Jack told that guy who commented that his BP is high that "bottom number keeps dropping". Well, Jack, that's because you only check once a week now. He already messed up by including day to day BP at the start of this whole tardventure. You can see above how much variability Jack can have day to day if he just checks everyday. There is pretty much no tangible improvement in his blood pressure.

 

[p1138]

But double checking what the hell it is, I think it MIGHT be a form of roast. My suspicions is it's a type of beef chuck or something. All I do know is I suspect it was frozen when thrown into the cooking agent given the stark difference.

It looks like a shitty barely cooked roast that he's managed to moderately char the exterior of. Kind of like what you might see at a buffet if it's been left out. I'm sure this disgusting zoom shot is Fatty's idea of a glamour shot for food like you might see in a crappy chain restaurant commercial.

30. And fatty reveals a secret: he either pulls out everything early due to hungee

We absolutely know that's the case, because it's entirely why so many of his videos feature raw meat that's burnt on the outside consistently. It's also why he's burnt his mouth so often in his videos, because he CANNOT wait for shit to cool down or even just rest like any normal person would do, because he can't delay shoveling food into his mouth.

31b. Either fatty puts the thermometers in, he lies about cook times, or this thing sucks. It's probably all three.

I'm going to go with all of the above combined with inserting the thermometers(when he does use them) so far that the end of the probe is now on the exterior of the opposite side of whatever slab of meat he's cooking. So the probe now near the exterior reads 122, 130, whatever but the interior still looks cold.

 

[SpiceyHuman]

It looks like a shitty barely cooked roast that he's managed to moderately char the exterior of. Kind of like what you might see at a buffet if it's been left out. I'm sure this disgusting zoom shot is Fatty's idea of a glamour shot for food like you might see in a crappy chain restaurant commercial.


We absolutely know that's the case, because it's entirely why so many of his videos feature raw meat that's burnt on the outside consistently. It's also why he's burnt his mouth so often in his videos, because he CANNOT wait for shit to cool down or even just rest like any normal person would do, because he can't delay shoveling food into his mouth.

I'm going to go with all of the above combined with inserting the thermometers(when he does use them) so far that the end of the probe is now on the exterior of the opposite side of whatever slab of meat he's cooking. So the probe now near the exterior reads 122, 130, whatever but the interior still looks cold.

I had never thought about the thermometer reading wrong due to him pushing the probe too far in, but now that I think about it, I csnt recall a single time seeing him use a thermometer without plunging that thing in as far as it goes. He is most definitely reading the temprature basically near the surface of the opposite side.

But i do agree, i think it's a combination of the probe, his wendogo craving for bloody flesh and his impatience for sugar meats.

 

[p1138]

I had never thought about the thermometer reading wrong due to him pushing the probe too far in, but now that I think about it, I csnt recall a single time seeing him use a thermometer without plunging that thing in as far as it goes. He is most definitely reading the temprature basically near the surface of the opposite side.

But i do agree, i think it's a combination of the probe, his wendogo craving for bloody flesh and his impatience for sugar meats.

Yeah I just went back and looked up "thermometer" on his channel.

The thermapen vs thermopro video, 4 years ago. He's jabbing it damn near completely through the chicken, and not from the longer axis either.

Meater wireless meat probe, 5 years ago. He mentioned actually reading the instructions and not inserting it too far, and he's got some other temp probes he's using that are only jammed part way into the thicker part of the slab he's got on the grill, so that one is probably fine.

Comfyer meat thermometer, 5 years ago, he's got it inserted in a way that seems correct? I don't know what the bottom side of that cut looks like.

Cappec meat thermometer, 8 years ago. He appears to put it in the center.

The meat stick review, 2 years ago(repload?). He inserts a probe crooked and not only is it damn near all the way to the end, because it's crooked it's near the surface. He's got his color balance so fucked up, it looks like the meat is practically raw as it comes off the grill and then indoors it's so damn red because the colors are fucked up I can't tell what I'm looking at. But some of the pieces look like they have unrendered fat and tissue again.

Asmoke portable smoker, 2 years ago. He's got a cut so large he can't place the probe wrong.

Trip tip tacos with cilantro lime, 1 year ago. You can see he's got the probe jammed as far as it'll go damn near vertical so the end is going to be near the surface again. Also he's got the color on his camera fucked up again.

The fact that he can use them right some of the time, but then fail other times... it's just one of Fatty's many problems preventing him from being able to properly cook.

 

[Shiki Ouji]

How Jack fawns over Charles and truly believes him to be intelligent will never get old for me.

"I'll say, I say dumb things about guns a large portion of my life"

Newsflash, Charles: you have been saying only dumb things the entire duration of your life.

 

[GloriousRapeRabbit]

i had never previously visted jack's "linktree," https://linktr.ee/jakatak, which he promotes on his various channels and homepages.

true to form, it has a disturbing video background in which tammy (presumably) is sawing through what looks like a large, aged, jellied flounder, only for the mystery object to crack open at the end revealing bright scarlet gore amidst the pallid lard wads.

Food Jacks, what the fuck is this unholy object?
View attachment 5697269

I got diarrhea just by watching that.
That will make your ass puke good, real good.

 

[a terminal posture]

I've been looking at this for 5 minutes and I can't figure it out. It's so slimy and gelatinous. I know he's a shitty cook, but how does he continue to make things so unrecognizable? What the hell is this thing?

It's the same thing he has been (under)cooking for the last couple of videos, a chuck roast. It's one of the cheapest cuts of beef, because it's fairly tough. However, it's pretty great when cooked low and slow in liquid, where the connective tissue breaks down and the meat becomes tender. Or, you can just grind it up and make hamburgers. Ironically, his #1 most viewed video (13M, how?), 'Poor Man's Fillet Mignon' involves Jack using some bs tenderizing technique on a chuck roast he calls 'cheap trash'. Thirteen years later his diet is eating mostly raw pieces of 'cheap trash', probably because they can't afford actual steak in these quantities and don't know how to prepare chuck properly. This is truly giving up on life.

​

 

[Remember to dilate]

I like how mushbrain just hits post who needs spell check

 

[Doctor of Autism]

Jack reviews a movie

 

[yeahright]

A minute extra on each side is 2 minutes the wendigo have to spend not eating shugary meat, after all.
I'm just glad that it is the fat fuck himself that is eating the under-cooked flesh, since his digestive system is at least immune to the ill effects.

And if he really needs those rubs and seeznins for his meat, making your own is hilariously simple.
Then again, time spent measuring spices and dumping them in a bowl to mix is, again, time not spent feeding the wendigo raw, shugar-coated flesh.

 

[AnOminous]

Looks like Fatty has surprisingly continued to grace us with his updates.

He looks like a corpse.

 

[Sugriva]

  

 

[EatBeforeYouEat]

 

[Falcon Sebben]

Jack reviews a movie

View attachment 5698485

His movie reviews are as informative as his food reviews. "It's amazing! But a let down at the end so I can only give it a C-". That's your summary. That's after you said what was good, what was bad and all that stuff.

View attachment 5698713

Nicest guy on youtube.

 

[topshrek]

View attachment 5698713

And Jack is the biggest, smelliest piece of excrement that Cali's ever flushed out into the rest of the country

 

[topshrek]

His movie reviews are as informative as his food reviews. "It's amazing! But a let down at the end so I can only give it a C-". That's your summary. That's after you said what was good, what was bad and all that stuff.


Nicest guy on youtube.

Every single Jack movie review boils down to:

'Movie wuz gud' or 'Movie wuz stupid'
'Movie wuz WOKE' or 'Movie wuzn't WOKE'
'Movie had a five second-long kissing scene, NOT FAMILY FRIENDLY'

Deeply thoughtful critical film analysis from cinephile Jack Scalfani. Only the guddest of goyslop gets a 'Gud/10' from his notoriously tough grading scale

 

[p1138]

Yes Fatty, why bother? Just die already(no, don't die we need to be able to laugh at your stupid ass)

 

[Falcon Sebben]

Yes Fatty, why bother? Just die already(no, don't die we need to be able to laugh at your stupid ass)
View attachment 5699048

Ironic considering four strokes and he does absolutely nothing to change his lifestyle.

 

[Kosher Salt]

Yes Fatty, why bother? Just die already(no, don't die we need to be able to laugh at your stupid ass)
View attachment 5699048

Jack is living proof that this isn't always true. Fucker has had more warning signs than anyone deserves, and he could've corrected course if he'd buckled down and got serious about his health before it was too late for him. Yes, it is too late now, he's had what, FIVE strokes? Meanwhile other people who aren't so lucky as Jack have their first stroke and drop dead.