- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
I hope everyone is able to find a relationship like Rob and Patty have. They're amazing
Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental
- Thread starter Gentlebastard
- Start date
Jack's recent political sperging is ridiculous the last few days. It's so boomer that it's not even worth screenshotting anymore. Blah blah blah, government is going to shit and Jack told us so.
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Edit: typo
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- Joined
- Sep 25, 2021
- Joined
- Sep 29, 2022
Yes and this is literally the one place were process cheese is the clear winner when you want it to melt. But you can make your own if you really want. One thing I've discovered is you can make a silky smooth cheese sauce by just adding cheese to barely simmering milk and adding some sodium citrate. Makes for some really nice mac & cheese.
When you're raised in that sense it's hard to get rid of. And when you convert to it like Fatty did when he got with Hammy you tend to go all in. The difference between your friend and Fatty is he's not an idiot and Fatty is.
That's going to fly right over Fatty's head.
- Joined
- Aug 9, 2019
Triple CARNIVORE Bacon Cheeseburger
(02/09/2024)
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(02/09/2024)
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a terminal posture
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Sep 19, 2019
Blooper reel because of Rob.
- Joined
- Nov 3, 2023
Jack getting angy at Amber Alerts because "the liberals" made laws about using your phone while driving is some fucking crazy shit. I'm glad God forcefully took away his ability to drive a car. First of all, the government isn't telling you to just whip out your phone on the highway, and checking your phone at a red light because of a missing child is more important than you trying to record an intro to your next Arby's "Big Meaty Men Slapping Meat Sandwich" review while you are still driving.
ddlloo
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2018
Genuinely an amazing recipe and video. Going to show it to my mate who hasn't watched him in years, let him see the full glory of ja/ck/s current era.
Mundane Ralph
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jul 22, 2020
By my estimation that burger and two extra chaffles is 3182 calories
topshrek
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Apr 25, 2020
Yes, but have you considered that Jack feels gud, MOM?! The heart palpitations means that his heart is pumping extra hard to clean out the excess plaque in his arteries. Just a few more oddly cold-looking cheeseburgers and Jack's gimp arm will be working as good as new
Here's his canned chicken... so much fucking sodium. It's a 12 ounce can, and he used the whole thing
And then here's his parmesan, again so much fucking sodium
And then he needs to put a fried egg on top of this mess with an egg already in it? And that 2nd piece of cheese, look how fucking thick that is, that's not a slice. And actually mashes this shit down with the weight of his fat arm and just digs in... it's fucking vile.
Previously I'd have said his fat ass eats 4-5000 calories a day, this has got to be pushing 6k at this point. Of course with his body so fucking wrecked, he's probably just shitting at least 1/3 of it as grease.
topshrek
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Apr 25, 2020
'They steel election'
You just can't make this shit up. This stroke-brained retard writes like an actual caveman
- Joined
- Sep 3, 2014
The best part is after throwing endless tantrums and making up idiotic reasons to be mad, he then tries the hypocrite approach to call others as mad. You know, after tard screeching in rage that no one cares about him.
Anyways I goddamn hate how that abominable burger looks, so let's dissect it.
1. After the clown intro and robo child speech, it cuts to Jack in a new shirt. I'm calling it the potato sack, since it looks ugly as fuck with that yellow hat he loves to wear to hide his baldness.
2. The camera angle and framing this opens to is fucking terrible, since it doesn't angle towards the kitchen splash and the oven that would be behind the table. It actually focuses more on the blue curtain of mystery than anything else.
2b. It's actually tilted more away from the kitchen than it was for the waste of time air-fryer, and I don't know what reasoning there is for it besides Jack being a moron.
3. Anyways, he's making a carnival tribble beggin borgl, and it's gonna be beautiful according to him. Given I've seen the thumbnail, I'm chalking this up to more pathological lying.
4. So we're going to first make the buns from scratch. In another show, like say Weissman, Babish, or Rob, this could be pretty neat... the problem though is it's more delusional cheese alchemy.
4b. The definition of insanity is repeating the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result; Jack clearly doesn't like these cheese crisp things he shits out every single time he tries to make them to replace bread, but he keeps fucking doing it.
4c. This is so bad that at this point I'd point out a better carnivore take would've just been to have them be well made steak patties topped with a decent cheese and sliced up bacon. That's how fucking dumb this is.
5. WAIT THIS FUCKING MONG WAS GOING TO BURN THIS SHIT IN A WAFFLEMAKER WHAT THE FUCK WHYYYYY!!!
5b. Oh fuck... this is a chaffle reference. This might be him copying this recipe and tripling the meat due to his crippling eating disorder, but this is equally possibly an attempt to make his own recipe.
6. Anyways, he can't find the wafflemaker he used to make Chaffles, which means he probably did send it back after using it tbh.
7. So despite knowing he didn't have the device when filming it, he still has to do a fade cut to get the pan to fry this in since of course it needs more oil.
8. Oh god this fucking sucks; it's basically a return to the cheesy nuggies he made a while back.
8b. Basically he's blending terrible canned chicken breasts, with shreddy parm and eggs. This is a lovely refrain of all the worst hits. I hope he makes his own burger by using old rotten brisket from the freezer next!
9. Jack once again confuses dough for batter; it's actually impressive to keep fucking up what solids and liquids are. He does it with soups and stews, and he does it for doughs and batters.
9b. Again, a dough's a far more solid being than batter, which is runny and liquid.
10. Jack lies about making chaffles often. Yeah, so often your fucking wafflemaker isn't in the kitchen. If you're going to have a brain disorder that makes you want to lie, invent better excuses retard.
11. Jack brings up washing his hands when handling pre-cooked chicken since we own what little liveable space is left in there in that beluga blubber head he has.
12. One of his dogs circle around him like a shark, wanting that canned chicken. I've noticed he has never shown his pibble unlike Hope on the show. Probably because that one wasn't a young pup.
13. I actually suspect the proper mix for how much shit this idiot put into that bowl is like two or three eggs tbh. I don't expect it to hold easily.
13b. Also, kudos to @a terminal posture for noting that he put way too much into that bowl; it's gonna splat because of that.
14. Jack proclaims he's going to use a fork to mix it up, and then immediately cuts to him just plopping the clearly unmixed chaffle garbage into the pan. GG.
15. Jack corrects himself on calling the cheesy chicken stuff batter as it sizzles in the pan, instead calling it a mixture. I'd agree since this doesn't even qualify as dough since he didn't bother to fucking mix it.
16. "Gonna round it out a little bit, flatten it out a little bit, let it fry for a little bit..." ~ Jack Scalfani
17. Very telling Jack only tells you to add more to this joke of an idea; because god forbid that you make a proper bun shape for what is supposed to be a burger.
18. And given that Jack is now calling these patties, it's clear he lost the plot and is treating these as basically two more non-beef burgers. Gotta love that stroke damage.
19. Yes Jack, lie to people about how much you love chaffles. You know, the thing you were late to the party for by two years, and only made fucking once. No, the Churro one doesn't count.
19b. Given how hard he's repeating this, he certainly looked at the chaffle video before doing this for narc supply. It's pretty stupid given it only has less than 5k views which is within the same region as he gets now, but whatever.
20. The final results look like a mcdonalds egg puck. I hate those things so much since they have no flavor whatsoever alongside that texture and I don't know how the fuck they pull that off.
21. And we immediately fade cut to a trio of pub burgers sizzling loudly in the pan after he mentions that they were going to the island to assemble it. Good direction and scripting Jack.
21b. It's clear that he realized he should probably show off the beef cooking too, but couldn't be arsed to dub over the cooking footage.
22. Might want to be louder Jack, your shitty microphone is struggling to pick up your phlegmy voice from the sound of beef searing in that rock pan.
23. "It looks like we're going to have alotta meat" ~ A glutton cooking 1.5 pounds of ground beef or so
24. Wait, Jack's squishing them down? I guess he stopped hating smash burgers then.
25. Not that it matters, since you're supposed to do that when they start to cook. All he's doing now is ruining the crust.
26. Very telling he didn't show us flipping the burgers, much like he didn't show us him able to flip the cheese pucks. Probably only postured so his wife could do it off camera in another case of Jumpcuts and Lies.
27. Yes. Put on the lump of cheese and chicken cream cheese or butter. It very clearly needs this for the tribble beggin borble that is guaranteed to cause a fughn strokk...
27b. "KERRRNIVFOOOORRRR" ~ Jack's last words as he takes a sixth stroke, a second heart attack, and inhales a chunk of meat at the same time
28. Wait why the fuck did he make four of those cheesy nuggies... oh please tell me he made two of these abominations. I need to see that, since it's the greatest reason to support the man who runs the Heart Attack Grill ever.
29. Jack, you're not going to really taste the one egg you put into that mix.
29b. And I actually am not referring to the fact he has no working tastebuds; it's because the salty cheese and the shitty chicken are going to be more noted flavors due to the amount and seasoning in them.
30. So Jack touches everything with his one hand; grabbing the burger like a savage and likely slightly burning it rather than using a tool like a civilized human.
31. He also fucks up assembling since he's so meat lustful that he almost puts the bacon on top of the first patty.
32. So Jack, in a fit of retardation and since he probably only understands texture, uses unmelted cheese. I legit don't know why he doesn't let it at least soften a bit by putting it on the burgers in the skillet, but whatever.
32b. It's probably for the same moronic and autistic reason he likes mixing shreddy cheese and sour cream into chili and ricotta cheese into tomato sauce to turn both nuclear orange. He's a massive fucking retard who goes by texture alone.
33. Jack then slams a thick horkin chunk of some bruised looking cheese on top of the second patty; yeah no that ain't gonna soften or melt the fuck.
34. Jack's third cheese is a kraft single. I stare in disgust.
35. Jack begins to gush and flush with all of the licentiousness and whorishness of a degen pastor who then kills himself after being outed for sucking truckers off in a toilet while in drag.
36. Motherfucker got Tammy to make him a diner egg, over easy to put on top of it like the goddamn Good Morning Burger from the Simpsns.
36b. Also since they used the same skillet, said egg has charring from the meat and the cheese and that makes it both uglier and taste worse.
36c. TBH I do think a fried egg on a burger is delicious, but it's so rich I'd never put it onto this attrocity; the itis alone could be lethal.
37. Tammy corpses a bit at Jack's sexual arousal at this behemoth of a culinary mistake when combined with his girlish jitters over it like it's a first date. I don't fucking blame her.
38. Yes. Three fucking strips of bacon. You know, I find anything more than one on a burger or in an omelet over does it. In a breakfast having two or three strips is fine, but like fuck man.
39. "Wow... that's a little big" ~ Jack "Size Queen" Scalfani
40. Jack is so proud and wants to post photos of this excessive pile of shit.
41. Jack finally realized that he is not going to be able to shove this into his mouth and is rather giggly he gets to go full food bukkake on us. I fucking loathe this video.
42. Jack has to squish the sandwich down and dirty talks the sandwich before chomping down on the top half of it.
43. It took his brain two seconds to register it, but yes, he does nut into his pants with a moo-moan. I'm gonna need some draino after this fucking video.
44. The dark irony is that the egg likely did help that bite, since the kraft single was the closest to getting melted, meaning he accidentally took the best bite he could've.
44b. Well that and it had bacon, which dominates as a flavor wherever it goes.
45. Jack brags he made this as a carnivore meal. I'm just staring since whoopsie-doopsie Jack you framed the meal to show you didn't cook the burger all the way through.
46. He ends this attrocity by suggesting you get a wafflemaker solely to make chaffles like he doesn't do, and that he loves us like the special needs CostCo guy does.
47. There's a few bloopers attached to this, and funnily enough he does call this a Carnival. I was right...
48. The bloopers then ends with Tammy bluntly telling Jack she doesn't know where the wafflemaker is as he is happy to watch her labor to find it for him like the piece of fucking shit he is.
I rate this meal an F. For Fucking Fat.
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2023
Thankfully he warned Tammy he'd be making a "big mess" in a few minutes.
- Joined
- Mar 25, 2023
I tickles me that Jack looks at this and thinks its health food.
topshrek
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Apr 25, 2020
Moar meat in belly --> Feel gud = Health
Checkmate, doctor
- Joined
- Jun 5, 2015
what's that?? your michelle-for-president snowflake sensibilities can't handle the raw cold dangling purple truths jack spews on twitter?
ok guys, today we're doing a jakatak twitter deep dive. come in close and let's take a look at the xeets.
first, jack's thoughts on maga:
NEXT, JACK GETS DRAWN INTO A WAR OF WITS WITH A FOREIGNER WHO'S JUST TO DUMB TOO UNDERSTAND!! ENJOY THE RAPIER-SHARP REPARTEE GUYS
BECAUSE AMERICAN'S AND OBVIOUSLY YOU, FAGGOT!! ARE YOU SERIOIUS RIGHT NOW?
IF YOU THOUGHT "OK MOM" WAS SCORCHING, CHECK OUT THAT MERCILESS "OK ELON"
WHATT?? GIVE ME A BREAK! ALSO THIS GUY CLAIMS TO BE BRITISH BUT HE HAS AN ITALIAN FLAG?? COME ON GUYS
To conclude, let's turn down the heat and experience a more sensitive, even vulnerable side of Jack. He may seem like an invincible paragon of masculinity, but he's man enough to admit when he's frightened.
What is jack scared of?
- Joined
- Feb 13, 2020
Some great arm colors on this one, gawd's helping big time.
Right arm
Left arm
Right arm
Left arm
biggacracka
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Dec 14, 2022
STEEL YOU ELECTIONS
- Joined
- Feb 12, 2023
Did anyone else catch him saying "skittle" instead of 'skillet' at around 1:06-1:07 in the latest episode?