Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Mundane Ralph]

 

[The Southwest Strangla]

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Now that’s some cope

 

[Super Hans v2]

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The only way that Jack's weight could start with a 2 is if his height starts with a 4. Lardass is about as tall lying down as standing/leaning up.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

Jack's probably got himself on an industry blacklist after that incidemt.

I'm pretty sure some Chinese company that sells shitty products would send Fatty some product to review because they don't care.

I can’t be the only one who failed to immediately recognize that the sinister, black bullshit covering those steaks was both seasoning and the intended amount of it. It looks like someone broke a MagnaDoodle in half over them.

He always dumps like half the container of "seasoning" on his food because he wants to taste the salt and the spice and the sugar. Spices should enhance or complement the taste of your food. Not cover it up completely.

Now that’s some cope

When your life is as shitty as his is you need anything you can to deal with it.

 

[LustrousMelons]

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lol lmao

 

[The Southwest Strangla]

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lol lmao

His BP and blood sugar are still high. He’s so deep in denial right now. He could lose weight and follow his doctor’s orders but……..NAH

 

[AnOminous]

He always dumps like half the container of "seasoning" on his food because he wants to taste the salt and the spice and the sugar. Spices should enhance or complement the taste of your food. Not cover it up completely.

He has repeatedly called shit a "rub" when he just retardedly dumps it on the meat and doesn't even cover the entire cut or, you know, actually rub it in.

His BP and blood sugar are still high. He’s so deep in denial right now. He could lose weight and follow his doctor’s orders but……..NAH

It won't be long before he's back in the hospital bitching and complaining like an angy baby about how they're not serving him enough MEAT GUD. Or in the graveyard never bitching at all any more, other than in Hell.

 

[Super Hans v2]

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lol lmao

I don't know which could be funnier, that whatever shitty text to speech app Jack uses catches how angy he is but still can't clean up his grammar, or that he's so pissed that he puts in the 5+ minute effort it takes his retarded ass to type out a sentence but never realizes it's been in caps lock the whole time.

 

[AnOminous]

I KNOW IT'S IMPROVING MY HEATH.

Genuinely spoken like a non-demented man of normal intelligence, not a stroked-out brain-damaged retard.

 

[Whaler]

It won't be long before he's back in the hospital bitching and complaining like an angy baby about how they're not serving him enough MEAT GUD. Or in the graveyard never bitching at all any more, other than in Hell.

I'm pretty sure after stroke 5 he won't be coherent enough to be bitching and complaining about not getting enough meat. Tammy will end up getting him a See N' Say and his meals will be based on whatever animal rattles off when the arrow stops moving.

 

[VenomPlug]

Ah the classic I JUST KNOW, JUST TRUST ME OK? Every hardcore addict does that at some point. I'm not drinking, just trust me ok? I'm not taking drugs, jst trust me ok? When it's been obvious you aren't doing shit. Also those Kermivor stats he posted...dude, deathfats will bever tell you the truth, and especially about their weigth. Look how Boogie2988 did it - by putting one foot on the scale. And boom he's magically not 400 or 300 or whatever. No different with Strokey here, take all this shit with a huuuge grain of salt.

 

[fag0rz]

Companies typically send you their product after you buy it. Jack hasn't had a real sponsorship in years. His last legit one was probably the omelete flipper thing he said blew itself up and got sued over by the sponsor to retract the claim since he refused to follow the directions and the obvious happened.

Jack's probably got himself on an industry blacklist after that incidemt.

If Jack ever filmed himself destroying a product I made and calling it worthless I'd sue the shit out of him too. Nothing good comes from any affiliation with Scalfanis.

I think my all-time favorite CWJ product spotlight is the Magic Bullet. Jack tries to cook an omelet, burns it, blames the Magic Bullet for this, and then makes "salsa" which is inedible green slime because he can't follow his own recipe and adds way too much cilantro and jalapeno. Jack also nearly breaks the Magic Bullet several times by pounding it with his fat fists (his arms both worked then) before he calls it a waste of time. He always brags about not reading the instructions because book-lernin' is for girls and not for a manly carnivoar BBQ pit master like himself.

I think the video he had to redo was the 5-Minute Chef. Jack ruined everything like he always does and then announced the product was defective. I suppose the 5-Minute Chef company gets a pass because back then there wasn't all this video evidence that Jack is less skilled at tool use than an orangutan.

 

[Marc]

He has repeatedly called shit a "rub" when he just retardedly dumps it on the meat and doesn't even cover the entire cut or, you know, actually rub it in.

This comment led me to the realization that Jack never learned to wash his hands after he became (further) disabled:

-He uses one hand to point to the giant canister of white sugar, MSG, smoked salt, molasses, and onion powder he wants Tammy to open for him.

-Jack then turns purple as he strains to wrap his palm around the cylinder shaker and grip it with enough dexterity in his rubbery arm to turn it upside-down over his GUD MEETs - Greatly resembling an octopus in the process, minus the intelligence.

- Jack lets gravity do the work of piling tasty poison on his GUD MEETs. However, Jack considers rubbing the stuff in to the meat to be a two hand job; because he's using his one working appendage (including his penis) to dump. He refuses to set the rub tub aside and then use his free hand to mush the pile of sugar into the surface of the meat like a toddler patting together a sandcastle; because then his hand will be covered in more than the usual layer of shit.

And if a two step process is beyond Jack's reasoning/seasoning, then a third step of running his hand under a hose, dunking it in a toilet and shaking it around like a marlin tail, or karate-chopping it between his ass cheeks and then clenching while he runs his hand through his crack like a credit card is out of the question. Basic protocols of hygiene may as well be rocket science to him: Something only faggots do.

So either Jack refuses to rub the salt pile in because his hand will remain crusted until the next time Tammy pours boiling water over it, or he's just mentally going blank in the middle of dumping it on and asking Tammy if the MEET's ready, yet, while wondering why he's smelling burning chicken feathers again.

Look how Boogie2988 did it - by putting one foot on the scale. And boom he's magically not 400 or 300 or whatever. No different with Strokey here,

The difference is that Jack lacks the proprioception necessary to place one foot on the scale without falling over into a garbage can.

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

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lol lmao

Lol Rob tries to be nice (in a trolling way) and Jack still rages at him because fatty KNOWS that he is getting healthier

141 / 66 is a weird blood pressure, which makes me think it's totally made up. 141 for systolic is stage 2 hypertension, which is pretty damn high. 66 for diastolic is pretty low (<60 is hypotension). So basically fatty is close to somehow dealing with both hypotension and hypertension, which is possible but pretty damn unlikely unless it's caused by orthostatic hypotension (impossible for Jack because it is hypotension that only happens after standing)

 

[James done did it]

People keep forgetting that Jack is short. 266lbs at 5'6'' is still a BMI of 43. It's not an unbelievable number. Fudged probably but Jack was never the size of someone like Boogie. Both in width and in height, since Boogie if memory serves is about average height.

For Jack to get down to the starting line of obese at 30 BMI he would need to get to 186lbs. At his height a healthy weight for a male of average physical fitness/muscle mass would be about 150lbs.

 

[EatBeforeYouEat]

More retarded merch nobody except Jack and his family members will buy.

Ladies and Gents, Jack did it again. He made yet another video talking about his time in grocery stores judging people. While he is sitting there in his motorized scooter with a thread of drool stretching from his mouth to his protuberant belly down bellow, Jack feels down that clueless shoppers are tearing their bodies apart eating SHUGAR and popcorn.

 

[AnOminous]

-He uses one hand to point to the giant canister of white sugar, MSG, smoked salt, molasses, and onion powder he wants Tammy to open for him.

It's an important fact to remember Jack ALWAYS did this shit, even when he had two functioning arms. His "rub" technique has always been just randomly dump some mix of pre-prepared spices on his MEAT GUD and then not even rub them, so they were just randomly covered or without any spice at all.

People keep forgetting that Jack is short. 266lbs at 5'6'' is still a BMI of 43. It's not an unbelievable number. Fudged probably but Jack was never the size of someone like Boogie. Both in width and in height, since Boogie if memory serves is about average height.

Yet another example of a massively corpulent fat fuck claiming he isn't fat despite all visible evidence.

 

[Super Hans v2]

https://twitter.com/jakatak4/status/1759618311237546195


Ladies and Gents, Jack did it again. He made yet another video talking about his time in grocery stores judging people. While he is sitting there in his motorized scooter with a thread of drool stretching from his mouth to his protuberant belly down bellow, Jack feels down that clueless shoppers are tearing their bodies apart eating SHUGAR and popcorn.

What could being going through Jack's head when he thinks this shit? Does he really think it's normal to be so severely disabled that you can't wipe your own ass or fuck your wife after your mid-30's?

 

[Marc]

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Jack looks and sounds as though his eyeballs are trying to fall out of his nostrils. As always, he exhibits zero self-awareness that the sight of a drooling diaper man straddling a scooter full of meat, pooting around the Piggly Wiggly to scornfully shake his head at any able-bodied patrons presumed to be purchasing any grocery other than what he can reach on the bottom shelf paints a different picture than he intends. What the fuck is this life unworthy of life doing parked in aisles for food groups he claims to not eat? Touching his peepee?

 

[Major]

I only just realised that Jack's youtube channel has over half a million subscribers. I can't help but think his inflated ego stems partially from that number. Obviously it's mostly the likes of us, but still