Sex Toy General - We all have them. Even you.

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I need a new toy or something, I'm getting bored of mine. It was just a cheap dildo so nothing fancy. Maybe something that vibrates would be nice, or just something a big bigger.
Alright which one of you posted this to /r9k/ I know you're in here.

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@SSj_Ness you most answer for this immediately.
You can’t unsheathe your dildo from your ass sleeve in the time it takes for me to shoot someone in self-defense.
Imagine though getting beaten by this. The cops would make fun of you forever.
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I need a new toy or something, I'm getting bored of mine. It was just a cheap dildo so nothing fancy. Maybe something that vibrates would be nice, or just something a big bigger.

@SSj_Ness you most answer for this immediately.

Imagine though getting beaten by this. The cops would make fun of you forever.
A waste of Canadian Healthcare.
 
I need a new toy or something, I'm getting bored of mine. It was just a cheap dildo so nothing fancy. Maybe something that vibrates would be nice, or just something a big bigger.
I heard all of the hot girls and guys are alleviating their boredom with this thing called fasting and prayer instead of blowing out their assholes with hunks of plastic. Might wanna look into it.
 
I need a new toy or something, I'm getting bored of mine. It was just a cheap dildo so nothing fancy. Maybe something that vibrates would be nice, or just something a big bigger.

@SSj_Ness you most answer for this immediately.

Imagine though getting beaten by this. The cops would make fun of you forever.
in the name of godbearjesus where the fuck is that supposed to go, what the fuck are you supposed to do with it, that thing is the length of an actual human infant, there is no way it can be inserted anywhere
 
in the name of godbearjesus where the fuck is that supposed to go, what the fuck are you supposed to do with it, that thing is the length of an actual human infant, there is no way it can be inserted anywhere
I've seen videos of people take things like this, but not one quite that big. I am sure there is a man out there who could, but I'm not sure how.
 
I've seen videos of people take things like this, but not one quite that big. I am sure there is a man out there who could, but I'm not sure how.
people put this thing in their anus???
 
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in the name of godbearjesus where the fuck is that supposed to go, what the fuck are you supposed to do with it, that thing is the length of an actual human infant, there is no way it can be inserted anywhere

I would post a video example I found on /r9k/ (I just save crazy shit I find), but I'm pretty sure the moderator would step in. Guy videos are often uploaded, so they are boring, its the Women ones that are shocking.
 
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I would post a video example I found on /r9k/ (I just save crazy shit I find), but I'm pretty sure the moderator would step in.
As long as you spoiler it, I doubt it. And as longas its apparently someone of age- no CP here. I mean watching a gif of Chris-chan fucking a blow-up doll was part of the captcha when I signed up.

It can't possibly be worse than some of the shit I've seen in the SRS Surgery thread.
 
in the name of godbearjesus where the fuck is that supposed to go, what the fuck are you supposed to do with it, that thing is the length of an actual human infant, there is no way it can be inserted anywhere
You underestimate the sheer, unholy determination gay furries have. They are solely powered by their need for sexual gratification and there is no dick out there that would be too big for them.

Oh here's some better examples. I just dump everything into the "crazy shit i found" folder and should spend a few hours trying to organize it all.

You aren't fooling anybody. Fuck off back to /gif/. Nobody gives a shit about your porn webms here.
 
Imagine though getting beaten by this. The cops would make fun of you forever.
I always had the funny idea if I had too much money to blow, inspired by games like Saints Row and GTA. I would buy the biggest horse dildo I could find, and commission someone to make a proper handle for the base, it would probably need some reinforcing too so it doesn't break on the first swing. I always imagined something you could use two hands with like a claymore hilt, depending on how heavy it was. I doubt I would ever use it, but the opportunity to thwart a would be criminal and mentally scar them by beating them with a lump of silicon shaped like an equine phallus would be probably one of the greatest achievements I could attain.
 
Fuck it, anybody here used an iroha? I've been considering it since I threw out the one item I did have (girlfriend said it hurt, so I want something softer)
 
Fuck it, anybody here used an iroha? I've been considering it since I threw out the one item I did have (girlfriend said it hurt, so I want something softer)
No, but looking them up, they do look nice and well-made. Ad even brags about how soft they are:
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Mostly I want to put googly eyes on that and make bird noises.

Have you considered taking her to a brick-and-mortar store, somewhere customer-friendly where you can squeeze the samples? Not somewhere sketchy with the masturbation booths but something more like a Castle, so you can look at actual physical items and get ideas, overpay for something right there, then use your knowledge to make subsequent purchases online.
 
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