Amusing Engrish from Item Listings

[Friendly Primarina]

Not an item listing but still my favorite example over the years:

"Buttering the weekday" comes a close second, though.

 

[Aunt Carol]

COMPLEMENT THE TEETH
SOLVE THE TROUBLES OF SOCIAL LAUGHTER

 

[Aunt Carol]

not Engrish but very questionable explanations, albeit nice graphics

 

[Kalsarikännit]

I wish I could give this post a million winners. I can't stand the obvious plant shit, it's so fucking retarded and gay. It loses all the joy of actually finding something unintentionally hilarious and replaces it with 600000 IQ Rick and Morty watching Humour©™. Fuck that shit.

This is how I feel about finding legit car manifesto crazies vs. the retarded “birds are fake” guy. It’s the same thing, basically.

 

[Citizen Nappa]

THE FURNITURE OF LAW ENFORCEMENT

NOURISH THE BLOOD

 

[The Auditor]

 

[Smaug's Smokey Hole 2]

If were posting videos then the dramatization of chicken nugger is a classic something everyone's already seen.

 

[TapewormSalesman]

Aliexpress kindly emailed this to me. Can't say I've ever looked up 45° Body Tilt Left Magic before but here we are

Spoiler: Are you grandfather inside?

I'm sure this has raised some questions, but fear not, for they are all in the Q&A section, though unfortunately, the answers are still pending

 

[Aunt Carol]

I'm sure this has raised some questions, but fear not, for they are all in the Q&A section, though unfortunately, the answers are still pending

I'm getting the suspicion that the instructions are not written in English, at least as we know it.

 

[Aunt Carol]

Reinforced blood tank iron plate hook
The hook is sharp/the flesh is stabbed quickly

This is probably machine-translated fishing vocabulary, but it could also be Dethklok lyrics.

 

[The Decimator]

Can someone please tell me what “Most New Catena” is? I saw it on a bootleg train toy in Wilmington, NC last summer, and now I see it pop up all the time.
(not my picture but this is the toy I saw)

 

[Aunt Carol]

Can someone please tell me what “Most New Catena” is? I saw it on a bootleg train toy in Wilmington, NC last summer, and now I see it pop up all the time.
(not my picture but this is the toy I saw)
View attachment 5634419

"Catena" is the kind of word a machine translation might suggest, and a non-native speaker pick, to describe a train:


I don't know why it would pop up a lot, though, unless you're looking at a lot of toy trains (very understandable).

 

[Smaug's Smokey Hole 2]

Maybe I've already posted this.

edit: I've had that image in a folder for years because it's funny. Only after uploading it I got a suspicion that it would be some Obvious Plant-like product. Wouldn't I look foolish if that happened!
It is a real product with a different purpose.

 

[Doppelmonger]

I am not old enough to own a unique toy

 

[Fried-Rice12]

Cranberry has varying anti-biofilm action on microorganisms, notably e.coli which is the culprit for most urinary tract infections. I don't know if tea will do it, but the problem with straight cranberry juice is that the amount you'd have to drink ends up giving you a ton of sugar.

I made a big batch of cranberry sauce last year for Christmas.
It lasted 4-5 months in the fridge.
Every time I brought a Costco chicken, I would take some of the sauce out and eat the chicken breast with it.
Adds flavor to a rather dry cut.

This isn't on-topic, but it's tangentially related enough I'll risk wrath: what's the deal with Asian "brand names" (resellers of the exact same model of no-name shit) on Amazon picking the most retarded names possible?

Now, I get why the product names are stupid, it's (an attempt at) SEO: "Amazing water kids sports rubber ball playset H20 inflatable playground liquid air holder fun toy" might show up in more results than "inflatable pool ball", but the names of the "brands" are a whole other level of retarded: Xahpower. Kimilar. Aokin. Eanetf. Fpxnb. YZlolmeo. I found all of these "brand names" by searching for a Wii sensor bar. Half of them are using the same stock images, slightly reorganized. Is some Chinaman trying to think up cool, "Western"-sounding brand names without knowing English?

The problem begins at the English class.

Half of it is old branding from the illiterate days when you had to have a picture or concept as a brand, and Chinese writing does not deal as much in sounds as in concepts. The other half is "this looks good in roman letters".
Tax:

Very true.
Much of the meaning in Chinese is lost in translation

View attachment 5630527
Reinforced blood tank iron plate hook
The hook is sharp/the flesh is stabbed quickly

This is probably machine-translated fishing vocabulary, but it could also be Dethklok lyrics.

I already have a good idea of what the Chinese text said before it was butchered into English.

As a Chinaman born in the west, fluent in both English and Chinese, I had a helluva good laugh reading through this thread.
Reminds me so much of seeing Chinglish signs at tourists attractions in China. I laughed so hard at some of them that my grandfather had to ask me if I was alright.

Thread tax:

 

[Something Awful]

Strangely existential slogans for a toy ball.

 

[Doppelmonger]

"Have fun without Merriment. Get High all day."

Sign me the fuck on!

 

[Aunt Carol]

Once smoked is bright
Together we stand
(Become yellow)

 

[Something Awful]

All 90s kids remember The Little Bully, The Red and White Machine.



I- uh. What happened there.



...to power?



Plz no bully

Bonus:

 

[Aunt Carol]

Butterfly practice tableware

Spicy Girls Out of the Street
Refuse monotony