How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Betonhaus]

Thank you. Yes, he is.

Did I mention I paid off HIS $5-figure student loan debt (for his third degree; his father paid for his undergrad and then useless masters') ? When I was 26 and he was fucking 40 years old?

I know hate and resentment is not good, but I hate him. He is fucking garbage.

Send him a bill for the student loan debt and what the interest charges are, can you play hardball with him?

 

[eatler]

My punkass ex-husband just announced to our children - in college - that effective immediately he will no longer be contributing to their educations or other expenses.

Are dad attempted to do the same thing, but thankfully our mom got the court to stranglehold him into helping us with college. I will never understand the mentality of “ok your 18 gtfo I’m done with you”. I kinda wonder if a lot of these guys just forgot where they came from. But my condolences because if you have to still deal with him he will probably be the biggest asshole in your life. To this day 7 years after my moms divorce she still has to twist his arm back to get him to pay Alimony and will probably have to go to court again. (This was supposed to be settled 2 years ago)

 

[AnOminous]

To this day 7 years after my moms divorce she still has to twist his arm back to get him to pay Alimony and will probably have to go to court again. (This was supposed to be settled 2 years ago)

Not all states do, but some states (New Jersey comes to mind) do actually impose an obligation to pay for higher education. I'd definitely talk to a lawyer about this bullshit. And even if it doesn't I'd find literally any other possible way to fuck this faggot over.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

Send him a bill for the student loan debt and what the interest charges are, can you play hardball with him?

That was ~25 years ago and (what I considered) a matter of marital planning, so no, I can't bill him. I only mentioned it to emphasize his bitch-factor, not to suggest an enforceable debt.

Hardball at this point would probably require things I'm not willing to do.

But thank you.

Are dad attempted to do the same thing, but thankfully our mom got the court to stranglehold him into helping us with college. I will never understand the mentality of “ok your 18 gtfo I’m done with you”. I kinda wonder if a lot of these guys just forgot where they came from. But my condolences because if you have to still deal with him he will probably be the biggest asshole in your life. To this day 7 years after my moms divorce she still has to twist his arm back to get him to pay Alimony and will probably have to go to court again. (This was supposed to be settled 2 years ago)

Unfortunately our kids are over 18 and college costs are out of family court jurisdiction in my state.

I've spent more than 15 years dealing with this man post-marriage, have dealt with him in general since 1996. 28 years of utter crap human disrupting my life. The one thing it seemed he might actually do (and I was praying he would) was keep his obligations to his children. Not sure why I thought he might actually do that for college, since he failed on all fronts in their earlier years. But given the degree he complained about it, it seemed he was committed to undergrad, at least. WRONG.

I'm sorry for your mom. I am not familiar with alimony personally, but a debt is a debt, and shitheads who don't pay what is court-ordered are garbage.

I need to get over my panic and disappointment (but not my anger) and get strategic about what to do. It's probably going to mean drastic life changes, and fuck him for that, but I am not going to be broken again.

Sorry to go off. Thank you for your comment. And I hope your mom gets what she is rightfully owed and peace from the bs.

Not all states do, but some states (New Jersey comes to mind) do actually impose an obligation to pay for higher education. I'd definitely talk to a lawyer about this bullshit. And even if it doesn't I'd find literally any other possible way to fuck this faggot over.

Where I am, there is nothing past 18/secondary school. Our settlement agreement might have some mush-mouthed language about it, and I will re-check, but if it's there, I know it isn't a hard obligation. What I don't know is whether it's even enforceable after kids are 18, so that may be something to check. I'd love to find that there's a hook, though I'm doubtful. He had threatened this once before and only stepped up because I told his siblings and they shamed him into it.

 

[eatler]

Sorry to go off.

That’s what the threads for, airing out personal grevences. glad you could get it off your chest. It really sucks when your trying to just live your life and someone throws a wrench in it. I wish you luck with this, hopefully he falls down a manhole and shits himself.

 

[anustart76]

Now I don't know where you're based but could you possibly launch a formal complain about her behavior?

God, I wish. There's really nowhere I can complain that would actually help.

 

[boofit]

Did I mention I paid off HIS $5-figure student loan debt (for his third degree; his father paid for his undergrad and then useless masters') ? When I was 26 and he was fucking 40 years old?

Totally agree a father needs to take responsability and he is an asshole for not taking it but the way I see it you made a bad investment and he knows you. You'll come up with the funds again (as you should ofc those kids do not need to suffer but you know that is how it's going to go). Not you fault to be a good person but this is the real world and it bites.
If only we knew in advance what life can throw at you but it's always (or usually) too late.

 

[Dieter Laser]

Not all states do, but some states (New Jersey comes to mind) do actually impose an obligation to pay for higher education. I'd definitely talk to a lawyer about this bullshit. And even if it doesn't I'd find literally any other possible way to fuck this faggot over.

Of all the states it would be NJ. Beyond backwards place…. They’ll make you pay for higher education (good) but they also legalize incest (bad).

 

[Unnecessary Surgery Land]

I hate being anxiety's little bitch.
My anxiety is entirely chemical, 60% of my family is cursed with it. I'm not on chemical altering drugs anymore, made me numb.
It's a morning I can finally sleep in but here I am awake absurdly early, with a weird hot feeling in my head. Zero trigger, just my brain deciding I needed to be uncomfortable.
Sometimes I miss the antidepressants just so I didn't have this random 'on edge' feeling that can lead to full blown retarded panic attacks.
But fuck that. Feeling stuff, including anxiety, is better than not feeling stuff.

Can't wait until I'm not sick anymore, so I can work out everyday again. That helps massively.

 

[The Feline Solution]

Was at my Grandma's today, old girl's getting on in years, she had a fall this week, luckily not a bad one, nothing's broken. Ate with her and told her about a restaurant she knows that recently closed down because the owner died. She looked at me, obviously trying to remember, and then asked me in her innocent old lady voice "Oh, was that the place with all the... Faggots?" and i completly lost it
Definitly the highlight of my week.

Also saw my favourite childhood picture on her wall, it's five-year-old me hugging a newborn lion and a ~1-year-old lion at our town's zoo, back when the zoo was neither giving a fuck about animal nor child wealthfare laws. I still don't know if they drugged the animals for these photo ops or if they were tame enough to not pose a (significant) threat to the kids, they don't offer these photo ops anymore since decades by now. I contemplated posting the photo with my face blurred out but it's still way too dox-y, i'm really proud of it.

My punkass ex-husband just announced to our children - in college - that effective immediately he will no longer be contributing to their educations or other expenses. Nothing.

That's right - he did not even have the balls to discuss it with me, but made our children carry his water.

His fucking wine collection could pay for at least half of it. Or sell the fucking house he won't be living in because he will be living in paid housing elsewhere. Or the car he won't need because that will also be covered for him.

I am beyond furious. Trying to keep from pressing send on a text wishing him a soon, extended, and painful death.

That's some real assholish, deadbeat bullshit. How are your kids taking it?

 

[Nick Obre]

Had too many edibles two days ago. Spent a whole night in fractals + anxiety land. Surprisingly lucid in mind all along, but perceptions were going nuts.
Yesterday I felt sort of slow and hazy and with a lingering feeling of anxiety all day.
I'm good now.

But I've realized I get the same hallucinations when really high than when really feverish. And it's not pleasant. So I don't think I'll ever try to get anything more than slightly high ever again.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

Totally agree a father needs to take responsability and he is an asshole for not taking it but the way I see it you made a bad investment and he knows you. You'll come up with the funds again (as you should ofc those kids do not need to suffer but you know that is how it's going to go). Not you fault to be a good person but this is the real world and it bites.
If only we knew in advance what life can throw at you but it's always (or usually) too late.

Yep. That's exactly it. I screwed myself not having sense at 26, and at 40 he was an old hand at spotting it. I picked poorly, have paid a very steep price, and have spent many years figuring out my ass-headed stupidity and poor discernment.

(Since me, btw, he has gone on to continue to mooch off of one woman after another. Hopefully at his age at least he isn't still cheating on his mate with every other woman he meets, though I know he was until a few years ago. He presents very well, but in reality is a smug faux-woke liberal alcoholic misogynistic control-freak lying miser with no sense of manhood, fatherhood, decency or shame (only fear of public exposure).)

And yes, he just handed me a $250k bill, in addition to what I was already paying, because of course I will. He knows that, absolutely (though tbh he doesn't care who picks up the tab so long as it's not him). If I can't, then in his mind I'm the most proximate cause to negative impact on kids, so he will work that angle to lessen any resentment they might have for him. This is his s.o.p. Screw everyone over for self-gain, run away from the heat, then rewrite history to wheedle his way back in. I've seen him do it with his siblings for decades.

That's some real assholish, deadbeat bullshit. How are your kids taking it?

He's only told one of them*, the youngest and typically least emotional, who was mad, scared, and justifiably upset.

*another classic tactic: drop a bomb with the easiest person of several who need to know, and put that person in the position of spreading the news so he doesn't have to. He's a pro. This time he put it on an 18 yo kid. Shameless.

That’s what the threads for, airing out personal grevences. glad you could get it off your chest. It really sucks when your trying to just live your life and someone throws a wrench in it. I wish you luck with this, hopefully he falls down a manhole and shits himself.

I told him to drive off a bridge.

 

[The Feline Solution]

He's only told one of them*, the youngest and typically least emotional, who was mad, scared, and justifiably upset.

*another classic tactic: drop a bomb with the easiest person of several who need to know, and put that person in the position of spreading the news so he doesn't have to. He's a pro. This time he put it on an 18 yo kid. Shameless.

Wew, that's some masterclass in scuminess. Real fucking winner you picked there, no offense.

 

[Mayor Cody Travers]

Something popped up that just changed my attitude right now.

Several days ago my good ex messaged me in panic. Her co-worker was fostering a golden retriever named Elsa that turned out to have been pregnant, but the co-worker was panicking and not believing Good Ex on what to do, and essentially pretending Elsa wasn't pregnant even though she was in pain and not getting help she needed because of it. So she called me and my family up. I called the co-worker in turn, and also began texting her information from my brother and mother, who respectively cart dogs as a business and breed Boston Terriers, a ton of information from them besides linking their info. Co-worker felt assured to let Good Ex help her help Elsa out to get ready to give birth.

This worked. You know why? Because today I got the word from Good Ex. Elsa gave birth today. She showed me out of a litter of nine puppies, only one was stillborn, and the rest all looked wonderful and healthy. But she said my calling and texting allowed the dog who was in pain to get the help she needed and eight out of nine being healthy is a miracle. Because of ME.

You know something?

My friend who I've been in despair on and abandoned me was WRONG.

I DO help.

I saved lives, dogs or not, like I have saved other lives, people and animals, before. Anyone who ever thought I didn't help otherwise, including her, is a liar. And if I can do good things, then I'm going to KEEP doing them, and IMPROVING MYSELF, and becoming the kind of person I want and deserve to be, and get the people I deserve in turn.

 

[eatler]

I DO help.

It’s a good idea to bookmark the post just incase you feel not useful again. Good job bud!

 

[Star Platinum]

i'm having a harder and harder time getting out of bed. if i didn't have pets i think i would just stop going to work. i don't really care what happens to me or my possessions

 

[bliblblblbbllb]

One of my coworkers/buddies in his late 30s is openly a "mama's boy" who takes good care of her in her old age. I hang out at his house sometimes and it's always really striking to me how good and close their relationship is. They have their fights and stuff on occasion and stress over her sickness, but this man literally still goes to give his mom a hug and a kiss on the head before bed each night. I brought him food as a present and his first response was "I can't wait to get this home to share it with Mom!" And she is a really nice lady.

You could say a lot about how he's probably substitued taking care of his bedridden mom for raising children, and how maybe he should be out there boning chicks left and right and getting himself a wife or some shit, but all that aside...
It makes me SUPER envious. Having your mom- like, as an emotionally sound relationship in your life- is just a treasure beyond value. I don't really have much family and the family that I do have is just different. Probably about the age of 10 is when all gestures of affection stopped and I've never been told "I love you" or hugged by anyone in my family since. At 18 I moved out: there were no tears. I try to view it that I'm starting off on my own, like how a young lion does- I'm a future patriarch, I'm the start of my own clan.

But I wish I had a "Real Mom" that I could talk to like he does. It makes me SO jealous.

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

But I wish I had a "Real Mom" that I could talk to like he does. It makes me SO jealous.

I feel this on an intrinsic level. People really don't understand great parenting compared to lack of parenting/bad parenting is the difference between your life feeling like a Disney movie to a David Lynch film. If I could choose 50 million dollars in cash and a decent relationship with my parents, I would pick the latter no questions asked.

Jesus christ.

I am so unbelievably sorry about all of that.
I'm seeing a pattern that this man within the last couple of months has done multiple power moves on you and your loved ones. While I know you have your ways of going about life that are probably much healthier than mine, I do think this has gone beyond the usual annoying narc husband behavior to predatory. I'm not saying you have to get Joe Pesci on his ass (although...) but I do think publicly shaming and humiliating this useless piece of shit on a massive level would be rather deserving at this point.
I know you don't want to waste energy on him, but just letting people online know who this guy is and what he's capable of might not be the worst thing ever.
Nevertheless, I hope you're able to bounce back and that the guy gets raped by a gay carebear at some point.

Always had bit of a bad habit of internally imagining friends' families as my own. I am already halfway there, I suppose.

Damnit man, what's with all of these posts in the last week being family that hits close to home with me?
I went to a friend's house for Christmas this year, and had this family who was meeting me for the literal second time treat me to a great meal, a gift and lovely accepting company.... something that I have not had in a decade and will never have with my family.
Recently found out my mom traveled through Europe on my dad's dime probably around the same time I was living with methheads and was destitute, so there's that.

 

[dick brain]

But I wish I had a "Real Mom" that I could talk to like he does. It makes me SO jealous.

I am once again asking for rental mommies to be a real thing.

 

[Harbinger of Kali Yuga]

I'm having trouble sleeping again, a huge part of is it just this inexplicable rage at the 59% unaccounted for.