How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Phalanges Mycologist]

I'm miserable, tired and feeling ill.

I've still not come to terms with not being able to talk to my dad, I often find myself thinking "Wonder what dad's upto, I'll give him a call" only to get my phone out an realise he's never going to answer. Earlier I had to go to my doctors that's still near my folks an stopped in at the shops to get a few things for my mum (didn't ask just things I know she'll like) and I was in the discount section and in the discount section their was these Pie's my dad used to love mum hated them but my dad loved them and a big stack of them 9p each so I started filling the trolly thinking "HA! Dad's gona love this, and mums going to hate how much space this takes in the freezer" an then it hit me and I put them back an walked on.

I've working a shit load at the moment, I'm restoring a VERY old building at the moment, working full time and I am doing it alone at least on the daily, Mrs and my friends help as much as they can (go out there way to do so) but I want to make as much of the big interior stuff done before I replace parts of the roof including beams and that means I have to do my regular work and also plan in personal work around that, I am also moving my workshop from my current location to the old barn at my new place and I am having to work around not having everything i need for a job available I'm a smith so if I need a tool I make a tool but when you have a tool but can't move it until you get a low profile roller crane capable of lifting a ton or so it hampers progress, so does hunting down some materials but my mates have been great with this a stone mason friend of mine is making me a new lintle free of charge, he also managed to get me proper welsh roofing slate from the same quarry that did the roof in the 1900's, other Smiths are doing bits for me or roughing work for me to help out, Carpenters are helping me source timber etc and all lending there skills an effort but i am still doing most of it at the moment on my own,

I wake up at 5, take care of myself an the dogs, do a few hours in the house, then do a work day then do a few hours after, wears me down.

In the last few days I've felt ill like really ill, I have a medical condition that's caused me hell all my life but if I get a chest infection or a cold it hit's me really hard and I've got something that's threatening to put me in bed for a few days, I'm doing everything humanly possible to ward it off, but I still feel like shite right now.

In one good bit of news from myself, I've been letting some Metal Detectorists go wild on a few fields I own mostly to try an clean them up a bit one of them stopped by earlier today an said he found a few old Roman coins on the edge of the woodland, nothing special some Roman just lost a bit of pocket change but still nice to know.

Got more or less abandoned by the foster family. It's been more or less complicated with them but there's a part of me that still kinda dreams and longs for a family that I never had or can have which is why I come back despite how badly they tend to treat me. I suppose it's the process of mourning something I never had, then going back to the place where I have an illusion of having that thing.

You do get a little edgy from bouncing around in the system only to get retraumatized all over again. So I've more or less spent today getting comfortable with my own company, molding and analyzing my tendency to avoid people, and accepting being an orphan for the last four years with extremely unstable familial relationships until I eventually learn how to form healthy relations without becoming a doormat.

On the other hand, I may have gotten myself a job in the future. After a longer period of sickness and joblessness, I've been approached with an upcoming offer to work at libraries around the municipality which I am okay with.

I just want to share something I was told years ago - In your life you have two families, the one you get and the one you make, it's down to you to make the best of it.

From what little I know of you you seem like a decent human being, don't go seeking acceptance from people you don't have any real connection too (I know that's easier said than done) and concentrate on yourself an your friends and if your lucky enough your own family, you build the relationships you want in life.

Something popped up that just changed my attitude right now.

You did really well there, my Mrs is a Vet an you did stellar (I read your post to her on the phone) you where not useless you where the fucking dude who was there an able to help when someone needed it, be proud of yourself - also if you can have one of those pupps looking at mum she's a nice dog.

I am sick but I had an interview today and it went well, especially because it was in English and I'm not a native speaker. There will be another meeting tomorrow with them
This is the nicest Monday in months.

I'm really happy you did well! I do some work internationally (not travelling much but for clients abroad) and honestly I will say that you got yourself through on your own merit rather than bluffing your way through, I'm being serious here they likely clocked you where not 100% an you still shone through - so go you.

 

[Shadfan666xxx000]

Interesting! I'm trying to encourage my kids to branch out of apple everything, especially the one who loses stuff all the time (and so has gone back to wired). They don't seem to understand that they might get better sound elsewhere, and for a lot less. For me, I've jumped off the apple track. I had the airpods pro 2 - the case died once within the warranty period, then the replacement died not long after the warranty period was over, so I'm done and am very happy with a more moderately priced pair of earfun iems (air pro 3, which retails for about $80 but I think I got on sale). But the two you mentioned look interesting for wired - interested to see what you think

Thanks. The soundmagics are good but the bass is really overpowering to me and thr vocals don't really pop. I got it to work better once I started to play with the EQ but that's not for everybody. I'd recommend the Ludos Clamor a bit more to be honest and I hear the Final E1000 series are really good budget earphones.

 

[Sergeant Major Buzzkill]

Feeling a little better. Chewing some good gum right now.

 

[WhoBusTank69]

Haven't had a checkup in years, my health has been questionable with downs and ups, the algorithm has been throwing "everyone has ass cancer" articles at me, and I've noticed everyone becoming increasingly erratic.
Hard to keep a positive attitude, but I'm doing it.

 

[anustart76]

I'm feeling very anxious, I have an interview tomorrow, no idea how it's going to go, and dreading my upcoming meeting with my boss on Friday. I also talked with a company the other day that I really was excited about working at, but I haven't heard back from the recruiter, even though he seemed to really be into our conversation. I'm hoping I can get in there, I'm not even sure the company I'm interviewing with tomorrow is actually the kind of place I'd want to work.

I'm also trying to prepare for the GRE. Has anyone taken it? It doesn't look that difficult from what I'm seeing, but I guess I have to do extremely well to get into the Masters programs I'm interested in.

I've noticed I feel much less stressed when I'm spending quality time with my son (but I can't spend as much time with him as I'd like because of all the studying and job applications I'm doing now) and when I can find an interesting live stream on YouTube to watch. Sort of distracts my mind, I guess.

I also really need a real vacation from work. I took a week off a couple weeks ago, but it was for family stuff and interviews, etc. I need like a week to do nothing.

 

[The Feline Solution]

Back to vaping like the weak-willed faggot that i am. I have never been addicted to heroin but i swear getting off of nicotine is worse than getting off of that. How can it be that i can stay off of hard drugs and drink for a prolonged amount of time rather easily but never manage more than a week without the nicotine jew? The cravings are worse than anything i've ever experienced, total crackhead steeze. Glad to know this shit isn't fashionable amongst the younger demographics anymore, no one in my kid brother's social circle smokes, neither does anyone in my nephew's, i already had a pack-and-a-half habit at their age (early 20's and late teens respectively).

 

[Harbinger of Kali Yuga]

Back to vaping like the weak-willed faggot that i am. I have never been addicted to heroin but i swear getting off of nicotine is worse than getting off of that. How can it be that i can stay off of hard drugs and drink for a prolonged amount of time rather easily but never manage more than a week without the nicotine jew? The cravings are worse than anything i've ever experienced, total crackhead steeze. Glad to know this shit isn't fashionable amongst the younger demographics anymore, no one in my kid brother's social circle smokes, neither does anyone in my nephew's, i already had a pack-and-a-half habit at their age (early 20's and late teens respectively).

If you're desperate, try smoking raspberry leaf and/or damiana, the action of smoking may also likewise fool your brain a bit placebo-style. I'm sort of in a similar situation with cold turkeying off weed, but that's just because I'm a complete spaz naturally without it... and the ability to control my sleep while giving me good sleep, which sleeping pills never do. I went most of my life refusing to do it and looking down on pot, but a good night's rest doesn't lie. Nothing else is really reliable.

 

[eatler]

How can it be that i can stay off of hard drugs and drink for a prolonged amount of time rather easily but never manage more than a week without the nicotine jew?

From what I heard from someone who smoked a long time, how she overcame it was to fill the void of what cigarettes were. So usually people enjoy the motions of smoking a cigarette so when she wanted a smoke she would eat licorice like a cigarette. We tried the same thing with our grandma, we gave her licorice and a nicotine patch, and we got her off. She had been smoking since the 40s when she was paid for her babysitting job in cigarettes.

the action of smoking may also likewise fool your brain a bit placebo-style.

Hey you stole my line lol

 

[AnOminous]

How can it be that i can stay off of hard drugs and drink for a prolonged amount of time rather easily but never manage more than a week without the nicotine jew?

Because it's really insanely addictive. I quit this in 2002. I used gum. And nicotine lollipops (those kind of ruled before they were outlawed). And nicotine patches. At the same time even though you're totally told not to do that at all.

And then I went to just the gum. And then cut back to the 2mg gum.

And finally tapered it off, an absolutely miserable experience, to the point where just stopping entirely was actually a relief.

And I never even considered smoking again because ever having to go through that withdrawal again was unimaginable. If I have a cigarette in a fucking DREAM I wake up horrified.

Incidentally, I planned cigarette quitting repeatedly and this always failed. The time I succeeded I just wanted to watch The Fellowship of the Ring without having to leave for a cigarette in the middle, I was out of cigs, and just bought some gum instead.

Never smoked a cigarette after that, but went through a period involving gum, patches, and lollipops (the most fun part).

I have never regretted quitting and once the last part of phasing out gum ended, never wanted nicotine again. Except in my dreams, increasingly rarely.

You will never regret quitting but you will definitely regret every time you smoke.

And it's funny you hear all this bullshit about "hard" drugs and how addictive they are. I did most of them and just decided this isn't a really good idea and quit all of them. No problem. No big deal. But nicotine? Oh yes, that's that legal one. Somehow this was the most vicious and difficult one.

 

[The Feline Solution]

Yeah, i remember you talking about the gum before and it was what moved me to try it out, it did work out surprisingly well the first couple of days but today i slept incredibly shitty and woke up with the thought "I need to smoke right this second or i'll kill someone, probably myself" and went out to buy vape juice. I definitely wanted a real cigarette though. Doesn't help that the Mrs. is still smoking, too, though i banished her to the bathroom for that now. It was out of the house initially but, as i often stated before, i live in an incredibely shitty hood and i don't want to wake up at 2AM and immediately committing hate crimes just because she needs her nicotine fix and some motherfucker getting any ideas seeing a lone woman in the dark.

If I have a cigarette in a fucking DREAM I wake up horrified.

I have this constantly in the times when i stop using, hacking up lines and snorting and waking up like "Really, nigger? In my dreams?". Everything ultra-vivid because of the improved REM sleep via not using, too.

 

[CowPox]

I trimmed my left toenail a bit too hard today and it might start growing in causing plenty of discomfort.
View attachment 5805798

How round are you planning on growing that toe bud?

Tax, hitting biceps with a kettlebell then deltoid with dumnells before going to nogi jiujitsu etc.

 

[umami's milk]

Okay I guess. Not as good as I used to be for sure. I no longer wish to be a NEET so I'm finally leaving the nest (and the state) come fall to go to university in person. I'm terrified. I hear that college-aged people are insufferable, but at least the professors I've had so far rock my world. I have no plans on making friends and will be making a beeline for home as soon as I get my degree. Dorms also sound like a horrorshow and god forbid I get holed up with a person of gender. Going to miss my buddies here, too. Flying to and fro for the holidays seems expensive and exhausting, but I'm sure I'll manage (plus I probably couldn't bear staying away from my family for long.) At least because of my poorfag status the schooling itself is relatively cheap. I'll try to apply myself as much as I can. Getting out more would probably do me a lot of good mentally, I just hope than when I get the chance to go out in public that the public isn't there (())

Other than that, the days now just seem to go one after the other. Mood is unstable, but I know it's probably just hormonal. Highs and lows have jumped from mild to moderate and are getting more frequent. Just have to trust that the brain juices will sort themselves out as soon as I hit my twenties. It's totally stifled my creativity, too. I often overthink everything now.

A smarter person would take a break from the farms and try to live a full life before the eternal summer ends, but my retardation knows no bounds.

 

[FILTH Tourist]

So after switching schools a few weeks back, my happiness is still high and my stress is still low. Other than that, having to quickly hide all my English teaching material before bolting it out the back door to avoid getting caught by suprise goverment inspections is strange, but actually kind of fun. Also helps that I still get paid for hiding instead of teaching.

 

[TerribleUser09]

I have a talk with some corpo representative and have close to zero experience in field of business related stuff. I have some points that I know I should touch but do you guys have any hints on what should I investigate during this talk? It's kinda a big moment for me because the company representative I am meeting with might want to appoint me as a sole chief officer in significantly sized region.

 

[Slav Power]

How round are you planning on growing that toe bud?

Tax, hitting biceps with a kettlebell then deltoid with dumnells before going to nogi jiujitsu etc.

I'm 180cm@75kg, my toes were always massive and that's where my socks start to tear first.

 

[Overly Serious]

Other than that, having to quickly hide all my English teaching material before bolting it out the back door to avoid getting caught by suprise goverment inspections is strange,

I missed the backstory. Say what now?

Have we now reached the point where teaching proper English is actually restricted? Because it wouldn't surprise me.

 

[FILTH Tourist]

I missed the backstory. Say what now?

Have we now reached the point where teaching proper English is actually restricted? Because it wouldn't surprise me.

In Taiwan it is illegal to teach kindergartners English. I agree with the sentiment behind the law about promoting mother language and culture, but like most laws in Taiwan it is largely ignored, and bilingual kindergartens are a big industry here. Raids are only a problem if the school pissed someone off who narcs or the owners do something to get on the Ministry of Education's shit list. If I get caught teaching, then I could be deported for violating my visa (on paper I am still employed at my original school). Life as an international teacher can be interesting.

at least the professors I've had so far rock my world

Professors make or break a college experience. Glad to hear that yours are awesome. Most of my professors were really cool and were a huge help getting me started with my career. Stay on their good side and they can be a huge help from getting spots in classes to writing reference letters.

I have no plans on making friends and will be making a beeline for home as soon as I get my degree.

I was the same, I didn't get invited to go to a party until my last week of Uni lol. Still, don't be afraid to make friends who can help you with projects or just shoot the shit when professors are running late.

Other than that, the days now just seem to go one after the other.

What kind of hobbies do you do have? Playing 40k on weekends and spending evenings painting minis while listing to audiobooks of required readings helped me keep sane.

 

[The Feline Solution]

Dorms also sound like a horrorshow and god forbid I get holed up with a person of gender.

While you won't neccessarily get holed up with one you will definitly see them in your courses and on campus if it's anything like here. Kid brother, who's also early twenties, very aware of the troon menace and arguably more militant than myself when it comes to being anti-gay, started uni last year, after finishing his apprentenceship in a staunchly working-class field. He called me up after his first week, sounding exhausted and a little bit scared and told me "[My name]... there are people with pronoun pins here. And trannies. They are all REAL! The ukrainian chick in my course told me she's non-binary!", it was hilarious
He went as far to ask me to not send him anti-semitic or anti-troon memes (which i grab mostly from the picture threads on here) via Whatsapp anymore because he's afraid of some shit seeing what's on his phone accidentally and him being "found out".

 

[Harbinger of Kali Yuga]

While you won't neccessarily get holed up with one you will definitly see them in your courses and on campus if it's anything like here. Kid brother, who's also early twenties, very aware of the troon menace and arguably more militant than myself when it comes to being anti-gay, started uni last year, after finishing his apprentenceship in a staunchly working-class field. He called me up after his first week, sounding exhausted and a little bit scared and told me "[My name]... there are people with pronoun pins here. And trannies. They are all REAL! The ukrainian chick in my course told me she's non-binary!", it was hilarious
He went as far to ask me to not send him anti-semitic or anti-troon memes (which i grab mostly from the picture threads on here) via Whatsapp anymore because he's afraid of some shit seeing what's on his phone accidentally and him being "found out".

The shit we talk about with these people on KF is no joke and they exist in huge numbers in college where everyone is "trying to find themselves" and there's pressure to "make an identity" while on social media competing with everyone else for being unique and compelling in some way. While the professors openly mock and attack any conservative-leaning student or at least one that doesn't think fetishistic perverts that collect My Little Pony dolls are "real women."

That's when the genders come in.

Universities are full of people who are not critical thinkers. I was really shocked by how dim-witted most students were when I went. You would be disturbed by how poor the writing will be from other students. Random posters on KF generally write better than most undergraduates do, and ideas in random posts will be more developed. University can be a very sobering experience.

 

[ForgedBlades]

I have COVID and the absolute worst goddamn sore throat of my life.