Diseased Sanctioned Suicide - "Kill yourself" but unironically with sodium nitrite. Higher death count than the Farms. Targeted by parents, legislators, and journalists looking to alter Section 230.
- Thread starter Markass the Worst
- Start date
- Joined
- Aug 9, 2022
The UK will be a censorship hell hole once they start enforcing their law. Probably best to use a VPN at all times if you’re a brit.
I’m sure other countries are drafting their own censorship legislation under the guise of protecting children and “vulnerable” adults.
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2022
A Ukrainian man selling a poison thought to be linked to at least 130 UK deaths has been identified by the BBC.
Leonid Zakutenko advertised his services on a website promoting suicide and he told an undercover reporter he sends five parcels a week to the UK.
He has been supplying the same substance as Canadian Kenneth Law, who was arrested last year and is now facing 14 murder charges.
Mr Zakutenko denied the claims when challenged by the BBC.
He was tracked down to his home in Kyiv and denied that he sold the deadly chemical, which the BBC is choosing not to name.
However, our investigation found that he has been supplying the substance for years.
The chemical can legally be sold in the UK, but only to companies using it for a legitimate purpose.
Suppliers must not sell to customers unless they have carried out basic checks on what the substance is to be used for.
It can prove fatal if ingested in even small doses.
'Contemptible'
Zakutenko was described as a "contemptible and evil human being" by the family of twin sisters Linda and Sarah, who died in London last year after the Ukranian supplied them with poison.
Linda was given "easy access to a 'death kit' for a few pounds" after finding out about the seller on a well-known suicide forum, according to sister Helen Kite.
She described her sisters, 54, as "intelligent, caring and articulate".
If you've been affected by the issues in this story, help and support is available via the BBC Action Line
Ms Kite said that the lack of action by the authorities to prevent her sisters and many others getting access to the chemical was "a national disgrace".
The chemical Zakutenko sells is openly discussed on the forum used by Linda, with members advising one another on how to buy and then use it.
The chemical may be linked to more than 130 UK deaths since 2019, according to scientist Prof Amrita Ahluwalia, an expert in vascular pharmacology at Queen Mary University of London.
She analysed blood and other samples from people who had died, which were sent to her from pathologists and police around the UK.
IMAGE SOURCE,LEE DURANT
Image caption,
Prof Ahluwalia's analysis indicates more than 130 deaths could have been caused by the chemical
Of 187 tests she found 71% showed high traces of the chemical, indicating that at least 133 people may have died as a result of ingesting it.
"Something needs to be done," Prof Ahluwalia said.
"With what it's being used for, there has to be a full investigation of the issues. It has to be regulated so that its use is for its intended purposes."
Murder charges
Chef Kenneth Law was arrested in Canada in May 2023 and has now been charged with 14 counts of murder and of aiding suicide..
He is thought to have sold the chemical more than 1,200 times to buyers in 40 countries around the world and is linked to at least 93 deaths in the UK.
Our investigation found that Zakutenko has been selling the same chemical since at least November 2020.
He also offers three different prescription medicines, referred to in online suicide guides.
He even briefly promoted his service on the same suicide forum as Mr Law.
Since then, users have passed on his contact details through direct messages.
Image caption,
Zakutenko was confronted in Kyiv by the BBC
We traced Zakutenko to a small flat in a Soviet-era tower block in Ukraine's capital, Kyiv.
We challenged him outside his local post office where he had been posting more parcels.
We asked him why he was sending a poisonous chemical to people who wanted to end their lives.
"That is a lie," he told us, before putting his hand over our camera and trying to walk away.
We know that at least one of the parcels contained the chemical because we placed an order that day and received a tracking number shortly after Zakuetenko left the post office.
When asked what he had to say to the families of the dead, he replied: "I don't understand what you are talking about".
Firmer action
David Parfett's son Tom, 22, bought the same chemical from Kenneth Law, and used it to end his life in October 2021.
Mr Parfett now campaigns to shut down the suicide forum and stop sellers like Zakutenko.
The British authorities have known about the chemical and the online trade since at least September 2020, when they were alerted by a coroner who examined the death of 23 year-old Joe Nihill.
Image caption,
Tom Parfett and Joe Nihill
The coroner wrote to police, the chief coroner and a chemical supplier warning them about the lethal trade in the substance.
Since then, coroners across England have written to different government departments on at least five occasions recommending action be taken about the chemical and the suicide forum.
Mr Parfett bought a consignment from Zakutenko in December 2023 because he wanted to test the system to see if the authorities would intercept the parcel.
He had a "welfare check" from police a few days after placing the order, but he still received the chemical within weeks and did not receive another police visit.
"I still can't believe that was happening today, with everything we know now about the number of deaths," said Mr Parfett.
Similar welfare checks on UK buyers were carried out after Kenneth Law was arrested in Canada.
The National Crime Agency has confirmed that there are cases of people - who bought the substance from Law - dying after police had carried out welfare checks.
"Such cases are addressed by police forces in line with their policies and national guidelines," a spokesperson said.
Kenneth Law traded on the same forum as Zakutenko and is linked to at least 93 deaths in the UK
Mr Parfett and Ms Kite are both calling for firmer action to be taken against the forum where their loved ones Tom and Linda found out about the chemical.
Ms Kite described the site as "an abomination, preying, unimpeded by the authorities, on the most vulnerable and causing untold misery and suffering for those left behind".
The government says the new Online Safety Act, which became law last year should help restrict access to this kind of forum.
So it's a Ukrainian chap supplying SN to people from SS. Why isn't he in a trench fighting?
- Joined
- Oct 19, 2018
- Joined
- Feb 13, 2024
h2_jGX
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Nov 29, 2020
- Joined
- Feb 13, 2024
I can now too, but I couldn't yesterday/the day before when I was reading through the thread. Weird. Thanks!
- Joined
- Apr 22, 2015
WARNING: SADNESS
I recently attempted suicide by Sodium Nitrite. I was determined to just die and end the pain. I bought into the bullshit thinking it would be quick and painless. I think if I had to chart where the depression first started would be when I was 8 and started to become self-aware. If you're wondering why then I'll tell you:
The carny barker warns the crowd wandering around outside the tent of the freak show: “Look away! Don’t read the writings of… An extreme manic depressive!” The crowd gasps and runs off in horror.
My parents were your typical fucked up boomer parents. My mother was the black sheep. Her father may have molested her and all the girls in the family but I don't know. All the girls also grew up with Club Foot. My father had your typical drunk Irish dad who beat him and chased him with knives. My father's sister (my aunt) was killed by a trash compactor when she was 5 which fucked up his mother. I don't know much but I know that my father and his mother had a sort of Ed Gein/Norman Bates kind of relationship.
I am the middle child and my father sired each child approximately 15 years apart. So, even though I had a sister, by the time I was 7 she was gone so I was essentially an only child. Even though my parents were married, my father compartmentalized us and set us up in a house far away from Manhattan where he worked and played out his fantasies of being a spy for the C.I.A. So, it was like my parents were divorced because my father would visit every other month or every 3-4 months for a week and be off on his way.
My mother was psychotically abusive. One time when I was 5, I was watching TV on the couch and she wandered over with an idiot grin and pulled down my blanket and pants just to stare at my dick. My older sister said our mother touched her cunt sensually once when she was taking a bath. Other similar incidents as I grew up.
My mother would beat me for any reason. Locked outside the house when I was 6, punched in the face for asking for milk for my cereal, grabbing me by the hair and pulling hard when I was 7 or 8, almost decapitating a cat I owned and refusing to let him inside the house where he was ran over by a neighbor and I saw his nose pushed inside his brain, she killed a white kitten we had too, numerous screaming fits and random slapping and punching. She would have an episode at least twice a month. One of the worst is where she went into an hours-long rage repeatedly hitting me and telling me "If I give you a knife, would you kill yourself?" When I was 12 and I forgot to bring a book from school for homework. Not to mention deliberately abandoning me in a parking lot when I was about 8 or 9. Another time she had the idea to paint my room. My father wasn't home so she forced me when I was 8 to move those giant CRT TV sets. 30 inch screen or whatever. I said I couldn't do it but she forced it and the TV fell. She beat me and said how my father was going to kill us, she even drove to the bank to take all the money out but changed her mind when she came back and -miraculously- the TV was undamaged.
I know this isn't trauma dumping. This is atrocity dumping.
Mother was terrified of my father. She'd piss her pants because he beat her and could fly into rages. She set the tone by saying that he could fly into a rage and murder/suicide all of us at any moment. One time he tried: around 2001, he was driving with her in the passenger seat and he veered into the opposite lane into oncoming traffic and pulled away at the last second. He even confirmed the incident years later to me by saying "Women drive you crazy, son."
My father just neglected me. He knew what she was doing. He just let my mother do whatever she wanted and pretended that everything was fine. One time my family went to an auto parts store and my mother cornered me in the store and bent my hands backwards with a psychotic grin whispering to me "Yeah, I'm stronger than you." While store employees seemed disturbed and my father just ignored it.
I was never the son he wanted. One time he bitched to my mother (she would tell me everything he'd say behind my back) that my hands were soft and that I didn't like cars (I just simply wasn't 100% into cars). He would try to raise me but do it half-assed. Never taught how to fight. Never taught how to tie a knot beyond your shoelaces and he bitched about that. Never taught the game of socializing until I learned by myself when I was 16. He wanted me to be a car guy but aside from one time where he changed the oil he never did anything else like teach basic car maintenance despite him owning an autoshop for a minute and selling cars and shit. He wanted an over 6 foot tall redneck farm boy that loved redneck bullshit and cars. I was not that, I'm more of an arts & culture 5'10 fag. But we saw kinship with politics but even then I knew that we had a fundamental difference of opinion because he claims to love all people and I simply hate people and I especially hate the unintelligent and the slow. He's also more Conservative than me and I could be considered Independent.
When I was 15, my parents rented out a home to a tenant with 2 children. My father became more psychotic and unhinged and that was the time he veered off into traffic. But I suspected something was up with our tenant. I told both of my parents at the same time that I thought the tenant was trying to seduce my father. They both laughed it off. Later, my father starts pushing hard for divorce and my mother freaked out and took off with me. Granted, okay, I'm 15 but I'm not an adult and I couldn't legally drive yet. This would be the 2nd time she took off with me. When we left, my idiot mother didn't know what she was doing -and I found out later that she was catfished by a guy in Connecticut who claimed to be a doctor but she couldn't find the guy's address, I was not aware of any of this so I could have potentially been just handed over to a rapist serial killer- and I spent Thanksgiving, Christmas and my birthday homeless. I was homeless for about 7 months and it was one of the worst experiences of my life. Two months after we left, we found out that my father had another child and that's how I found out that I had a little sister. Years and years later I talked a little bit about this to my father and he was like "No, son. I started a relationship with Fuckface AFTER you guys left." I had to point out to him that we left in November and my half-sister was born in January. He just looked down in shame and said nothing.
Let's review my family:
This is my father: https://youtu.be/cg42VRJlgF4?si=HvQnPheRltI1CLM1
He lives exactly like this with my retarded stepmother and the woman is EERILY like my step-mother as well. It became obvious to me that he has a taste for disgusting, ugly, fucked up and easily controlled women. Even the cartoon voice the guy does in the clip is accurate because that's something my father would do all the time.
This is my mother: https://youtu.be/tUkE9qaVgmo?si=qwfRzlP5-JzpbBXW
This is 100% accurate and aside from 3-4 scenes the film is not a comedy. It is a horror film.
This is my older sister:
Pretty accurate minus the dyed hair and glasses. Same exact kind of persona.
This is my younger sister:
Minus the fetal alcohol syndrome and allergy to peanuts. This is pretty accurate to the kind of person she is.
Here are my suicide attempts:
1st attempt: when I was 14 and I grabbed the shotgun I got for Xmas (largely so my dad could play with it) and I put it in my fucking mouth and almost pulled the trigger. It was a lot like this but slightly less dramatized.
Note: the only Lethal Weapon movie I watched at this point was Part 4 and I had no idea that the Mel Gibson character was suicidal. But I really felt that moment.
2nd attempt: I was either 23 or 24 and I grabbed a lot of OTC painkillers and hoped they would just kill me. I passed out and woke up feeling very groggy.
3rd attempt: when I was 33 in the military a guy opened the bathroom stall as I took a razor and about to cut into an artery. Surprisingly, the drill sergeants never took it seriously and they never assigned someone to watch me or check to see if I had razors. Gotta' love the military.
4th attempt: Sodium Nitrite. I guess you could say that I fell for the hype? I just wanted a peaceful and quick death to put an end to all of the pain. I just wanted the pain to stop. I took an insane amount of it. About 2 liters of water with several scoops of the shit. I triple and quadruple checked to ensure that I had the right stuff. So I poured in easily 3-4 times the amount it supposedly takes to kill you. I took an anti-emetic too but it was OTC. I took that huge amount of it because I wanted to ensure that I just fucking die and the logic is "How could I possibly take too much poison to kill myself?' I vomited it up but my body absorbed most of it. And my guts felt like they were about to split open and I was projectile vomiting bile for 2 days in ER. Then I was taken to a BSU staffed by Nigerians and I saw some of the most horrifying shit you could imagine in that asylum. Surrounded by psychos, schizophrenics and elderly flinging shit and piss and vomit everywhere as the staff ignored it or were too lazy to do anything. It was EXACTLY like in Titicut Follies: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Titicut_Follies and if any fucking asshole says "Oh, the mental health centers aren't that bad now." I swear to fucking god as the last thing I will do is haunt you. Even if you whisper it under your breath while staring at your screen I will know because I am a motherfucker who is cursed with too much self-awareness.
Not to mention other various incidents from my cunt SJW older sister freaking out when I rented a copy of Stepfather part 3 (I was either 10 or 11) and she told every family member that I enjoyed watching rape. Plus her generally cunty behavior over years.
My younger half-sister also betrayed me when I was older and helped pushing me to that suicidal point yet again.
I eventually cut off my mother but I still wanted a loving family of some kind. So I tried to reconnect for my father only for him to betray me multiple times including stealing several hundred dollars. Then I had to contend with my step-mother (they weren't married but they were common law)
Plus numerous jobs, mostly customer service, where I tried to get out of it and shit would go down or something else would happen and it's so hard to dig yourself out of that profession and stay out of it. Plus extensive bullshit just from everyday life on top of all that. What really killed me is when my cat (who was a Calico) died of cancer after having him for 10 years. I had to put him down because I couldn't afford to help him and by that point there's no guarantee that you do will work to keep them around. That really hurt. More so because the place I was living in was a shithole with rats and it was insanely drafty and cold. He was one of the few things keeping me sane. Then after my most recent attempt, assholes took my latest cat that I owned for 3 years, put him in a pound and he was adopted and there's nothing I can do to get him back now. I just found out about that today.
Now I have survived and I have no idea why. My hypothesis is that I am here to continue to suffer. To be an abused horse for the world to pass by and whip at their leisure.
My ultimate review of the sodium nitirite method of suicide I would give a 0/10. And my recommendation is to learn the train schedule. Or simply buy a shotgun and aim for your temple.
I recently attempted suicide by Sodium Nitrite. I was determined to just die and end the pain. I bought into the bullshit thinking it would be quick and painless. I think if I had to chart where the depression first started would be when I was 8 and started to become self-aware. If you're wondering why then I'll tell you:
The carny barker warns the crowd wandering around outside the tent of the freak show: “Look away! Don’t read the writings of… An extreme manic depressive!” The crowd gasps and runs off in horror.
My parents were your typical fucked up boomer parents. My mother was the black sheep. Her father may have molested her and all the girls in the family but I don't know. All the girls also grew up with Club Foot. My father had your typical drunk Irish dad who beat him and chased him with knives. My father's sister (my aunt) was killed by a trash compactor when she was 5 which fucked up his mother. I don't know much but I know that my father and his mother had a sort of Ed Gein/Norman Bates kind of relationship.
I am the middle child and my father sired each child approximately 15 years apart. So, even though I had a sister, by the time I was 7 she was gone so I was essentially an only child. Even though my parents were married, my father compartmentalized us and set us up in a house far away from Manhattan where he worked and played out his fantasies of being a spy for the C.I.A. So, it was like my parents were divorced because my father would visit every other month or every 3-4 months for a week and be off on his way.
My mother was psychotically abusive. One time when I was 5, I was watching TV on the couch and she wandered over with an idiot grin and pulled down my blanket and pants just to stare at my dick. My older sister said our mother touched her cunt sensually once when she was taking a bath. Other similar incidents as I grew up.
My mother would beat me for any reason. Locked outside the house when I was 6, punched in the face for asking for milk for my cereal, grabbing me by the hair and pulling hard when I was 7 or 8, almost decapitating a cat I owned and refusing to let him inside the house where he was ran over by a neighbor and I saw his nose pushed inside his brain, she killed a white kitten we had too, numerous screaming fits and random slapping and punching. She would have an episode at least twice a month. One of the worst is where she went into an hours-long rage repeatedly hitting me and telling me "If I give you a knife, would you kill yourself?" When I was 12 and I forgot to bring a book from school for homework. Not to mention deliberately abandoning me in a parking lot when I was about 8 or 9. Another time she had the idea to paint my room. My father wasn't home so she forced me when I was 8 to move those giant CRT TV sets. 30 inch screen or whatever. I said I couldn't do it but she forced it and the TV fell. She beat me and said how my father was going to kill us, she even drove to the bank to take all the money out but changed her mind when she came back and -miraculously- the TV was undamaged.
I know this isn't trauma dumping. This is atrocity dumping.
Mother was terrified of my father. She'd piss her pants because he beat her and could fly into rages. She set the tone by saying that he could fly into a rage and murder/suicide all of us at any moment. One time he tried: around 2001, he was driving with her in the passenger seat and he veered into the opposite lane into oncoming traffic and pulled away at the last second. He even confirmed the incident years later to me by saying "Women drive you crazy, son."
My father just neglected me. He knew what she was doing. He just let my mother do whatever she wanted and pretended that everything was fine. One time my family went to an auto parts store and my mother cornered me in the store and bent my hands backwards with a psychotic grin whispering to me "Yeah, I'm stronger than you." While store employees seemed disturbed and my father just ignored it.
I was never the son he wanted. One time he bitched to my mother (she would tell me everything he'd say behind my back) that my hands were soft and that I didn't like cars (I just simply wasn't 100% into cars). He would try to raise me but do it half-assed. Never taught how to fight. Never taught how to tie a knot beyond your shoelaces and he bitched about that. Never taught the game of socializing until I learned by myself when I was 16. He wanted me to be a car guy but aside from one time where he changed the oil he never did anything else like teach basic car maintenance despite him owning an autoshop for a minute and selling cars and shit. He wanted an over 6 foot tall redneck farm boy that loved redneck bullshit and cars. I was not that, I'm more of an arts & culture 5'10 fag. But we saw kinship with politics but even then I knew that we had a fundamental difference of opinion because he claims to love all people and I simply hate people and I especially hate the unintelligent and the slow. He's also more Conservative than me and I could be considered Independent.
When I was 15, my parents rented out a home to a tenant with 2 children. My father became more psychotic and unhinged and that was the time he veered off into traffic. But I suspected something was up with our tenant. I told both of my parents at the same time that I thought the tenant was trying to seduce my father. They both laughed it off. Later, my father starts pushing hard for divorce and my mother freaked out and took off with me. Granted, okay, I'm 15 but I'm not an adult and I couldn't legally drive yet. This would be the 2nd time she took off with me. When we left, my idiot mother didn't know what she was doing -and I found out later that she was catfished by a guy in Connecticut who claimed to be a doctor but she couldn't find the guy's address, I was not aware of any of this so I could have potentially been just handed over to a rapist serial killer- and I spent Thanksgiving, Christmas and my birthday homeless. I was homeless for about 7 months and it was one of the worst experiences of my life. Two months after we left, we found out that my father had another child and that's how I found out that I had a little sister. Years and years later I talked a little bit about this to my father and he was like "No, son. I started a relationship with Fuckface AFTER you guys left." I had to point out to him that we left in November and my half-sister was born in January. He just looked down in shame and said nothing.
Let's review my family:
This is my father: https://youtu.be/cg42VRJlgF4?si=HvQnPheRltI1CLM1
He lives exactly like this with my retarded stepmother and the woman is EERILY like my step-mother as well. It became obvious to me that he has a taste for disgusting, ugly, fucked up and easily controlled women. Even the cartoon voice the guy does in the clip is accurate because that's something my father would do all the time.
This is my mother: https://youtu.be/tUkE9qaVgmo?si=qwfRzlP5-JzpbBXW
This is 100% accurate and aside from 3-4 scenes the film is not a comedy. It is a horror film.
This is my older sister:
Pretty accurate minus the dyed hair and glasses. Same exact kind of persona.
This is my younger sister:
Minus the fetal alcohol syndrome and allergy to peanuts. This is pretty accurate to the kind of person she is.
Here are my suicide attempts:
1st attempt: when I was 14 and I grabbed the shotgun I got for Xmas (largely so my dad could play with it) and I put it in my fucking mouth and almost pulled the trigger. It was a lot like this but slightly less dramatized.
Note: the only Lethal Weapon movie I watched at this point was Part 4 and I had no idea that the Mel Gibson character was suicidal. But I really felt that moment.
2nd attempt: I was either 23 or 24 and I grabbed a lot of OTC painkillers and hoped they would just kill me. I passed out and woke up feeling very groggy.
3rd attempt: when I was 33 in the military a guy opened the bathroom stall as I took a razor and about to cut into an artery. Surprisingly, the drill sergeants never took it seriously and they never assigned someone to watch me or check to see if I had razors. Gotta' love the military.
4th attempt: Sodium Nitrite. I guess you could say that I fell for the hype? I just wanted a peaceful and quick death to put an end to all of the pain. I just wanted the pain to stop. I took an insane amount of it. About 2 liters of water with several scoops of the shit. I triple and quadruple checked to ensure that I had the right stuff. So I poured in easily 3-4 times the amount it supposedly takes to kill you. I took an anti-emetic too but it was OTC. I took that huge amount of it because I wanted to ensure that I just fucking die and the logic is "How could I possibly take too much poison to kill myself?' I vomited it up but my body absorbed most of it. And my guts felt like they were about to split open and I was projectile vomiting bile for 2 days in ER. Then I was taken to a BSU staffed by Nigerians and I saw some of the most horrifying shit you could imagine in that asylum. Surrounded by psychos, schizophrenics and elderly flinging shit and piss and vomit everywhere as the staff ignored it or were too lazy to do anything. It was EXACTLY like in Titicut Follies: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Titicut_Follies and if any fucking asshole says "Oh, the mental health centers aren't that bad now." I swear to fucking god as the last thing I will do is haunt you. Even if you whisper it under your breath while staring at your screen I will know because I am a motherfucker who is cursed with too much self-awareness.
Not to mention other various incidents from my cunt SJW older sister freaking out when I rented a copy of Stepfather part 3 (I was either 10 or 11) and she told every family member that I enjoyed watching rape. Plus her generally cunty behavior over years.
My younger half-sister also betrayed me when I was older and helped pushing me to that suicidal point yet again.
I eventually cut off my mother but I still wanted a loving family of some kind. So I tried to reconnect for my father only for him to betray me multiple times including stealing several hundred dollars. Then I had to contend with my step-mother (they weren't married but they were common law)
Plus numerous jobs, mostly customer service, where I tried to get out of it and shit would go down or something else would happen and it's so hard to dig yourself out of that profession and stay out of it. Plus extensive bullshit just from everyday life on top of all that. What really killed me is when my cat (who was a Calico) died of cancer after having him for 10 years. I had to put him down because I couldn't afford to help him and by that point there's no guarantee that you do will work to keep them around. That really hurt. More so because the place I was living in was a shithole with rats and it was insanely drafty and cold. He was one of the few things keeping me sane. Then after my most recent attempt, assholes took my latest cat that I owned for 3 years, put him in a pound and he was adopted and there's nothing I can do to get him back now. I just found out about that today.
Now I have survived and I have no idea why. My hypothesis is that I am here to continue to suffer. To be an abused horse for the world to pass by and whip at their leisure.
My ultimate review of the sodium nitirite method of suicide I would give a 0/10. And my recommendation is to learn the train schedule. Or simply buy a shotgun and aim for your temple.
Last edited:
- Joined
- Feb 28, 2015
dont you dare kill yourself you eyetalian movie loving bastard. it may not seem like it, but you've got people who care about you here on this planet, even if some of them are a bunch of internet randos you may never meet. you find yourself something worth living for on this planet and you keep that thing on your mind at all times
- Joined
- Apr 22, 2015
But I feel like I exist just to feel pain and have it continue. That is no way to live.
- Joined
- Feb 28, 2015
life gives us hardships, various sizes. no matter how minor or major in life they are, it's our job as people to make it through these hardships. we cant let the hardships win. we persevere in spite of them because it will affect more than one person if we dont. there is something worth living for here, there are people here who care about you, i might not be able to help with everything because that's something only you have the ability to do, but you need to keep moving forward
- Joined
- Apr 22, 2015
My father was a glowie as I have said elsewhere here and in private or in relative privacy. And that's another thing that fucks with you when you have a lying manipulative father who is involved with the C.I.A. because you will never know what he did.
I can only confirm parts of it like his involvement in Jamaica in the 70's during the secret wars, Iran Contra bullshit, and definitely Haiti where I think he may have killed at least 1 person during the coup to remove Baby Doc. That was the only time he ever came close to confessing to killing someone. Those 3 things he definitely was involved in and can be confirmed by witnesses including a guy who told me his father worked with mine and saw him as a hero. He is no hero. What you read here is just the surface.
TBQH: I doubt he was this key figure in anything. Not a mover or shaker kind of guy. Plus he would blab to everyone and the shit he knows. He told me when I was 8 his indirect involvement with R. Budd Dwyer's suicide. And various conspiracy bullshit but upon reflection I can say that he got a lot of the facts wrong.
My hypothesis is that he was selected as part of an experiment to see if conspiracy theory if a Dale Gribble kind of asshole can do menial tasks for the C.I.A. They most likely kept him ready to be used as a fall guy and get railroaded but I guess he lucked out and they didn't find the right opportunity to use him like that.
Not to mention various other examples of the depression such as realizing you have the same exact childhood as a serial killer. I see a lot of parallels with myself and Ed Gein, Ted Bundy and Henry Lee Lucas. And you become paranoid and want to hide it because if that shit gets out there and God forbid there's a missing child near you or an active serial killer nearby because the feds will knock on your door simply because you match the profile. I even have 3 names like an assassin. All of that really fucks with you and you start to pull away.
I can only confirm parts of it like his involvement in Jamaica in the 70's during the secret wars, Iran Contra bullshit, and definitely Haiti where I think he may have killed at least 1 person during the coup to remove Baby Doc. That was the only time he ever came close to confessing to killing someone. Those 3 things he definitely was involved in and can be confirmed by witnesses including a guy who told me his father worked with mine and saw him as a hero. He is no hero. What you read here is just the surface.
TBQH: I doubt he was this key figure in anything. Not a mover or shaker kind of guy. Plus he would blab to everyone and the shit he knows. He told me when I was 8 his indirect involvement with R. Budd Dwyer's suicide. And various conspiracy bullshit but upon reflection I can say that he got a lot of the facts wrong.
My hypothesis is that he was selected as part of an experiment to see if conspiracy theory if a Dale Gribble kind of asshole can do menial tasks for the C.I.A. They most likely kept him ready to be used as a fall guy and get railroaded but I guess he lucked out and they didn't find the right opportunity to use him like that.
Not to mention various other examples of the depression such as realizing you have the same exact childhood as a serial killer. I see a lot of parallels with myself and Ed Gein, Ted Bundy and Henry Lee Lucas. And you become paranoid and want to hide it because if that shit gets out there and God forbid there's a missing child near you or an active serial killer nearby because the feds will knock on your door simply because you match the profile. I even have 3 names like an assassin. All of that really fucks with you and you start to pull away.
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- Joined
- Jan 21, 2020
This may sound superficial, but know that it is absolutely true.
You are not responsible for your Father's actions. You are not obligated to investigate and verify any of his sins. Things he may or may not have done do not reflect on who you are and your value as a human being. You are you.
Many people have childhoods that are similar to terrible people. The good news is you have a choice. Most people are not focused on you due to the complexities of their own lives. Your choices determine who you are. You are you.
Life is hard, but you are not any of those people. You are you.
Persevere. You can do it one day at a time.
- Joined
- Apr 22, 2015
True but it haunts you. We know the feds watch everything like the Farms. It's been confirmed endlessly least of which by Edward Snowden. And that's another thing that fucks with you and makes you sound like a schizophrenic. Just because of my father I know that I'm being watched in some way by feds.
It's like this Alex Jones curse being placed on me.
Then when you're growing up and try to make friends, maybe you go into the shit he told me just to have something to talk about and everyone thinks you're crazy until you realize too late to not ever talk about it.
It's like this Alex Jones curse being placed on me.
Then when you're growing up and try to make friends, maybe you go into the shit he told me just to have something to talk about and everyone thinks you're crazy until you realize too late to not ever talk about it.
- Joined
- Jan 21, 2020
I understand. The past can be suffocating.
One day at a time man. I know you have friends and I know they care about you. Embrace that and know that with time, things can get better.
Just take it one day at a time and keep going.
- Joined
- Apr 22, 2015
I have tried moving forward and every time I get fucked over or some other shit happens. At one of my last jobs I lucked into something very cushy that paid okay and wasn't really customer service but kind of was. I loved it despite the hours being weird and you have to stand a lot.
Me and my fellow employees decided to apply for full-time and the company suddenly wanted to get rid of us and forced us to work in a warehouse ran by an asshole who expected you to sweep the same clean floors over and over. I tried to apply to another position at the company but guess what? Assholes' wife is in HR and denied my application and shut down my fellow employees attempts to fit hired. And you're contractor too so they just found a reason and fired my ass.
Latest job that I don't know if I still have also changed after a year and became intolerable.
You keep trying. Keep your chin up. All the bullshit. Buy you can never really succeed at life other than saying you survived. That's not much.
Me and my fellow employees decided to apply for full-time and the company suddenly wanted to get rid of us and forced us to work in a warehouse ran by an asshole who expected you to sweep the same clean floors over and over. I tried to apply to another position at the company but guess what? Assholes' wife is in HR and denied my application and shut down my fellow employees attempts to fit hired. And you're contractor too so they just found a reason and fired my ass.
Latest job that I don't know if I still have also changed after a year and became intolerable.
You keep trying. Keep your chin up. All the bullshit. Buy you can never really succeed at life other than saying you survived. That's not much.
- Joined
- Jan 21, 2020
I can promise there's more life has to offer than survival. The truth is all I can do is offer you platitudes and encouragement. To see tomorrow is a chance to get an even cushier job, to have another laugh, to see something interesting. Based on the little I do know, survival is better for you than the alternative. I hope you get through this and things improve.
- Joined
- Feb 28, 2015
think of one thing that is worth living for, one thing to keep going on in spite of it all. one thing. what is it
- Joined
- Feb 7, 2023
To laugh at retards and troons online.