Star Wars Griefing Thread (SPOILERS) - Safety off

[LORD IMPERATOR]

The line that always gets me is his "Yipee!!"

There's the super awkward way Jake says it coupled with the fact that, yes, he is definitely reading from a script that Lucas wrote.

A child actor feeling a bit awkward reading lines off a script. Gee, what a massive crime to cinema, huh?

Anakin's entire attitude, as Lucas has written him, seems more akin to a cheerful, middle-class geek kid building a bicycle in his dad's garage more than a mentally disturbed slave boy to a single mother out in the desert.

That's because his slave master actually looked out for him and didn't want him getting caught up in something dangerous. Were you not paying attention?

And to think, he still sold his hope-filled, young, wide-yed, hip, Pollyanna-ish optimism to the empire big corpo.

LOL back then big corpo was filling the place with dark, brooding emo shit. You've gotta be kidding me.

Again, you forget the context of why he sold it; he was getting old, people kept saying he was a shit director, and in fact, many of the people who claimed that Lucas ''killed Star Wars'' with the Prequels rejoiced when the sale was announced, saying that Disney will do the job ten times better, even though most of their movies at the time were mindless superhero/animated flicks.

But hey, you might get what you want down the line. Dark, brooding, ''bittersweet'' SW stories. That's what Andor was practically building up to.

 

[Cheeseknife]

The same retarded cattle that shouts "WHERE ARE HER ORGANS" when they see a drawn sexy hourglass shaped female are the same people who rush to try to excuse Reva and Sabine's torso stabs as "it didnt hit anything vital". Yeah, sure, as if a small plasma circle entering your torso wouldnt instantly vaporize your insides and fry the surroundings. If you didnt instantly die, you would die like Qui Gon did, on the ground in agony as your body is in pure shock and dying from the catastrophic damage.

The only problem I have with the way this is argued is it isn't an anatomy question, it's a story question.

The whole torso stabbing thing serves no purpose story-wise other than to create false tension. As a consequence, any further battles with lightsabers become that much more suspect.

Filmento, a commentator on YouTube, talked about this recently about The Flash movie. There are two instances in the movie where Flash is injured. One occasion he heals almost instantaneously. The next time, however, he doesn't. Naturally, the second instance needs to override the previous instance since more tension had to be added to that scene. The problem, however, is you have also betrayed your audience's perception as to how Flash's powers work. This basically means you cannot take anything seriously anymore because you don't know what the story will do.

Applying the same logic here, a writer only stands to make any future lightsaber fight something not to be taken seriously if they have previously established that stabbing people with lightsabers may or may not work depending on what the author intends.

TL;DR: If I cannot trust a movie's capacity to apply tension to a scene, then all tension is lost in every other scene afterwards.

 

[Drag-on Knight 91873]

The only problem I have with the way this is argued is it isn't an anatomy question, it's a story question.

The whole torso stabbing thing serves no purpose story-wise other than to create false tension. As a consequence, any further battles with lightsabers become that much more suspect.

Filmento, a commentator on YouTube, talked about this recently about The Flash movie. There are two instances in the movie where Flash is injured. One occasion he heals almost instantaneously. The next time, however, he doesn't. Naturally, the second instance needs to override the previous instance since more tension had to be added to that scene. The problem, however, is you have also betrayed your audience's perception as to how Flash's powers work. This basically means you cannot take anything seriously anymore because you don't know what the story will do.

Applying the same logic here, a writer only stands to make any future lightsaber fight something to be taken seriously if they have previously established that stabbing people with lightsabers may or may not work depending on what the author intends.

TL;DR: If I cannot trust a movie's capacity to apply tension to a scene, then all tension is lost in every other scene afterwards.

And Disney Wars made it counterintuitive on top of it. You can complain about how Qui-Gonn should have just boiled and melted instantly or whatever, but we intuitively understand a stab to the gut is a long, painful death, just like how starfighters bank and turn like fighter jets. Factually wrong, but intuitively correct for veri sim ilute. Now, characters can walk it off like a charlie horse.

 

[Cheeseknife]

You can complain about how Qui-Gonn should have just boiled and melted instantly or whatever, but we intuitively understand a stab to the gut is a long, painful death

Yeah, story-wise we're not supposed to be concerned with the logistics behind how lightsabers work when Darth Maul stabs Qui-Gonn. The more salient detail is he was stabbed and he will die because Obi-Wan needs to take up his mantle. That's really all there is to it. If anyone feels the need to complain a hot laser sword wouldn't do X because that's not how the real world works, they can take a hike. For the purpose of the story, it works.

I really hate how places like Reddit, YouTube, or elsewhere have so many autistic morons concerned with whether or not Star Wars works the same way as the real world does. It's not a fucking documentary, it's a science fantasy film that plays according to the beats of a dramatic story.

 

[Male Idiot]

Eh, yeah, Quigon dying was fine. Stab through the chest, no medic in sight, he dies. My only problem with Rotj was the fucking ewoks. Enslaved Wookies there would have made way more sense, its an army of angry giant bigfoots. Bigfeet?
Maybe Lucas could have added the death star blowup wiping out a lot of Imperial ships near it, and it would be tied up nicely.

Grimdark is fun, but it has its place where it shines. Worked for Warhammer or Gotham, doesn't need to be plastered over SW or ST.

 

[Cheeseknife]

yeah, Quigon dying was fine.

I agree. Way too boring to let live. And none of that is Lian Neeson's fault. It's the horrific script he was made to read. Waste of good talent.

I know the mouse is just desperate for money but the og battlefront remake coming out Thursday is the most hyped I've been for star wars in forever

View attachment 5814616

The game sits at 21% approval right now, and its only been hours since it publicly launched. Here's the general gist of what happened according to Steam reviews:

>3 servers only able to hold 200 people with shitty netcoding on Battlefront 2, no MP servers on the side of Battlefront 1
>60 gigs for games made in the 2000's due to lazy AI upscaling for textures
>Inputs across the board are fucked, be it with controllers or with M&K, and some sounds are apparently broken
>Worse anticheat than Punkbuster, as in there is literally no anticheat (lmfao)
>Missing campaign cutscenes from 2
>Barely any new content worth 30 bucks: they didn't even implement online galactic conquest
>AI has been thoroughly gutted to the point that AI infantry can't get into vehicles anymore


View attachment 5814622

The state of gaming in 2024

Unfortunately, looks like they mucked up the Classic Collection.

 

[Michael Wade]

Unfortunately, looks like they mucked up the Classic Collection.

Lol im experiencing the train wreck first hand. An enjoyable nostalgic mess all things considered.

I just wish it had voice chat

 

[Mississippi Motorboater]

I was listening to a podcast with the guy who made Masters of the Air. He talked about spending a year writing a hundred of pages long document of research from 30 + books before he could even start to write the show. You need real male autism. Can you just imagine the laziness of Patty Jenkin's fighter pilot script? What's the bet it'll just be destroying another Death Star?

Your first mistake was the notion that anything under the current Disney Banner could be made half as good as Masters of the Air.

Or Band of Brothers. Or The Pacific. Or even Land Girls.

At least we still have Dune. Frank Herbert knew well enough not to trade the soul of his franchise to marketers and accountants. Main characters fucking die in Dune. Can you even imagine?

You know what we also have? Edgard Rice Burrough's Barsoom series. You know, that other seminal sci-fi series that Star Wars arguably takes more influence from, and better synergizes with given its swashbuckling high adventure, pulp romance, and binary morality.

But it was clearly a shit story, since the author had the fucking audacity to keep main characters John Carter and Dejah Thoris alive and unscathed across all eleven novels, appearing alongside their adult children to fulfill the series' status as a generation-spanning family saga. I mean, what an artistically compromising, unbelievably shitty story choice. Decisions like that are clearly why the Barsoom novels are corporate slop that sold out to base consumer impulse, destined for the gutter of obscurity and never even in danger of attaining status as seminal sci-fi fiction.

Next thing you'll tell me that Valerian actually stayed with Laureline and never went through a bitter breakup with her, before subsequently dying alone in a ditch somewhere.

 

[The Nothingness]

I guess what Im trying to say is that his innocence and optimist was endearing and made it so much more heart breaking when all that hope and optimism slowly turns into into bitter hatred until he is nothing but a barely living body inside a black metal coffin. People just want monsters to always start off with who they are going to become on the nose because its easier to digest or something, idk. Seeing something reeking of innocence turning into a goliath of evil and hatred is far more impactful.

Darth Vader is basically held up like an iconic slasher villain where the mystery of the character is more terrifying. Some took Anakin in the PT like the backstory Rob Zombie gave for Michael Myers in his Halloween remake. Vader's portrayal in Rogue One and Obi-Wan seemed to be not just for the memberberries but to also bring back the mystique of the character.

 

[Cheeseknife]

But it was clearly a shit story

Not shit. It just wasn't deep or thunk-provoking and was never intended to be. As you said, it was just a swashbuckler with adventure, romance, and binary morality. Simplicity is not equal to low quality.

Decisions like that are clearly why the Barsoom novels are destined for the gutter of obscurity

The fact that you're even referencing it just goes to show the opposite is true. It clearly stuck with you which means it might very well outlast you.

Next thing you'll tell me that Valerian actually stayed with Laureline and never went through a bitter breakup with her, before subsequently dying alone in a ditch somewhere.

Not sure what you're getting at with this. Are you arguing this would or wouldn't strengthen the story? If there's purpose to it, then just do it. If you're just having your main character die alone because you want to make some overarching social statement about dying alone then it serves no purpose to the story and are just perpetuating an ideologue.

As Brandon Sanderson would say, don't write a story for the purpose of teaching your audience a lesson.

Vader's portrayal in Rogue One and Obi-Wan seemed to be not just for the memberberries but to also bring back the mystique of the character.

I disagree based on how they worked it in. Vader's presence in Rogue One doesn't really change or influence the outcome of anything. It's entirely fanservice. Besides, they can't put the genie back in the bottle. You cannot stop people thinking about young Anakin saying, "Wizards!" or "Yippee!" whenever the dark helmeted former badass appears on screen now. What's done is done. Vader will never be Pre-1999 Vader ever again.

 

[LORD IMPERATOR]

Darth Vader is basically held up like an iconic slasher villain where the mystery of the character is more terrifying.

The problem with that statement is that we saw Vader for what he really was in ROTJ; a sick man behind an iron mask, barely held up by technology. The mystique is gone. He's just as human as the rest of us, just a fool, like the rest of us. A man who made bad decisions that landed him in hell, and his son pulled him out minutes before he died. There is no longer any mystique behind the man, especially since ROTJ made him into a punching bag to show how powerful Luke was.

You cannot stop people thinking about young Anakin saying, "Wizards!" or "Yippee!" whenever the dark helmeted former badass appears on screen now. What's done is done. Vader will never be Pre-1999 Vader ever again.

Morons like you acting like the PT ruined him just goes how ignorant you people are, when the guy was de-mystified in ROTJ, turned into a wimp with no agency, who is just a pawn in the chess game between Sidious and Luke, yet the world didn't complain. ESB was the last time Vader had any real strength or mystique in the films; instead of talking about pre-1999 Vader, you should be talking about pre-1983 Vader instead.

If anything, TPM making Vader an idealistic young boy made perfect sense. He was, after all, a Jedi, like his son would later become. The Jedi would've never added a maladjusted psychopath into their ranks, but an idealistic kid, that makes some sense, even though Yoda wasn't a big fan of it. Having him lose faith as time went on made more sense, as opposed to the Jedi adding someone with a bad psychological state into their ranks, which would make no sense when ESB established that Yoda was picky on who should even be trained in the first place, not even the age, but the state of mind, and he spent a lot of time critiquing Luke on the latter. Given how autistic he was regarding Luke's state of mind, there would be no way Yoda would take an abused and traumatized slave boy in as a Jedi. The most he would do is drop such a kid in an orphanage, not the Jedi Temple.

 

[Cheeseknife]

Lol im experiencing the train wreck first hand. An enjoyable nostalgic mess all things considered.

I just wish it had voice chat

It really is a shame, though. How the fuck does someone release a 20yo game in this state?

 

[Fatsuit Shinji]

Not the picture I seen posted on Spacebattles, but this one does show people and especially artists suck at keeping things in scale. For the inattentive the super star destroyer in the orbital ring in the far right is bigger than the Death Star II. Comic panel is from the pre-Disney era.

Spoiler

 

[Cheeseknife]

Not the picture I seen posted on Spacebattles, but this one does show people and especially artists suck at keeping things in scale. For the inattentive the super star destroyer in the orbital ring in the far right is bigger than the Death Star II. Comic panel is from the pre-Disney era.

Spoiler

View attachment 5815232

People love their Halos.

 

[Gondolindrim]

Well, I made the right call to not buy Battlefront after all. I had this suspicion that something was going to go wrong despite it being a fully made game already.

 

[Adamska]

You know what we also have? Edgard Rice Burrough's Barsoom series. You know, that other seminal sci-fi series that Star Wars arguably takes more influence from, and better synergizes with given its swashbuckling high adventure, pulp romance, and binary morality.

The biggest mistake that Disney did, besides trying to shove the plothook of Gods of Mars and bloat the really simple like 150 page book in the movie, was that they focused way too much on scheming, and did not do enough of the swashbuckling and exploring, or you know... the ROMANCE. You know things are bad when the trailer only focuses on stuff in the THIRD ACT.

Also doesn't help that much like Solo they did not have a charming actor in the lead role.

But it was clearly a shit story, since the author had the fucking audacity to keep main characters John Carter and Dejah Thoris alive and unscathed across all eleven novels, appearing alongside their adult children to fulfill the series' status as a generation-spanning family saga.

Funnily enough three of the books actually don't even star Carter or his family. Mastermind of Mars, A Fighting Man of Mars, and the Synthetic Men of Mars all come from different characters. The remaining eight though is correct.

I mean, what an artistically compromising, unbelievably shitty story choice.

Funnily enough, Edgar Rice Burroughs also was willing to experiment and poke fun at his own stories. Fighting Man for example, takes Princess of Mars and twists it on its head. The Princess is a false romantic lead the main character strives to save. It also plays around with making damsels who are able to fight back, since the true romantic other half is able to stand her ground.

Llana of Gathol, which has Carter rock with his Granddaughter and is the second to last book, is one big shitpost and nod and wink to others in the series. It also has one of the first western examples of a Tsundere, since Llana shits all over her love interest to his face, and only lets the facade slip when she thinks he's dead, isn't there, and near the end.

Decisions like that are clearly why the Barsoom novels are corporate slop that sold out to base consumer impulse, destined for the gutter of obscurity and never even in danger of attaining status as seminal sci-fi fiction.

It easily could've been made into serials or into movies beforehand, but people really only care about Tarzan because it's a hell of a lot cheaper to film earlier on, and Star Wars killed most interest in it after the 1970s.

There's more than enough to do a good trilogy so long as you realize you aren't going to make this an expensive movie. You're gonna want to make this for like 50 mil at most. The problem is you aren't going to get that in Hollyweird.

 

[Judge Holden]

Well, I made the right call to not buy Battlefront after all. I had this suspicion that something was going to go wrong despite it being a fully made game already.

*thinking there was ever a slight chance nu-wars would not retroactively assfuck anything good about the franchise to death*

Little baby infant chiiiiiiiild......you had to know they would find a way to take a game so low tech you could run it on an abacus and make it an unplayable fucking wreck

 

[Mississippi Motorboater]

So far, I've heard the major issues of the new Battlefront collection are:

• Only 3 Dedicated Servers for multiplayer
• Peer-to-Peer Multiplayer (meaning when the host leaves, it’s game over for everyone)
• If you’re hosting a match, you’re locked at 29FPS
• Multiplayer rules have been changed to force matches to end under 3 minutes
• Endless rubber-banding in multiplayer
• Menu and UI Assets have been retooled with AI Art
• Whole cutscenes are missing from the campaign
• Hitbox is utterly broken in both campaign and multiplayer
• Textures Missing
• PC Starfighter controls are permanently inverted that can’t be undone without a modfix in BF2, or at all in BF1
• PC Cheats have been removed
• Broken sound effects
• Game breaking bug that prevents you from respawning in Hero Mode, like, at all.
• Broken achievements on BF1
• Hero Mode has been extended beyond Tatooine, WITHOUT testing, resulting in utterly broken enemy AI
• Game is an uncompressed 65GB download, as opposed to the first two games’ combined 11GB install size

All for the handsome price of $34.99. Or you can get the OG games for peanuts, install GameRanger, and engage in multiplayer on a private server with some of the other spergs still playing this game, as God intended.

Funnily enough three of the books actually don't even star Carter or his family. Mastermind of Mars, A Fighting Man of Mars, and the Synthetic Men of Mars all come from different characters. The remaining eight though is correct.

Yes, it seems my raging sarcasm slid off the individual I was replying to like wet clay on marble...but if anyone else missed it, I actually love the Barsoom novels, the overwhelming majority of which deal with John Carter and his kin, and they are still alive at the time of other novels starring offshoot characters, which was the point I was illustrating (which in that sense, isn't entirely dissimilar to the Star Wars Expanded Universe and its non-Skywalker stories set during a time when those characters are alive and well, such as many of the X-Wing novels or one-offs like Allegiance or Scourge).

I will say, that the nice thing about Burroughs splintering off into books about other characters also coincided with his switch from first-person to third-person narration, and I actually prefer the former, since it encouraged him to have less POV monologues and more character banter, which I think made the story feel more fleshed out. Chessmen of Mars is a prime example of this, as a lot of the novel's action skips along at a brisker pace than Princess of Mars, for example, because the third-person narration pauses infinitely less to contemplate on the character's thoughts.

Funnily enough, Edgar Rice Burroughs also was willing to experiment and poke fun at his own stories. Fighting Man for example, takes Princess of Mars and twists it on its head. It also plays around with making damsels able to fight back and false romantic duos. Llana of Gathol, which has Carter rock with his Granddaughter, is one big shitpost and nod and wink to others in the series. It also has one of the first western examples of a Tsundere, since Llana shits all over her love interest to his face, and only lets the facade slip when she thinks he's dead, isn't there, and near the end.

I've read the Barsoom Saga out of order, so I haven't encountered Llana as of yet, but she sounds like another likeable firebrand girl that Burroughs likes to write.

For all the shit he gets for dressing up his characters in the most microscopic loincloths and nipple-pasties in existence, Burroughs wrote some very compelling female characters for the time--not just Dejah, but her daughter Tara as well. She gives me a lot of Scarlett O'Hara vibes in how she interacts with men.

Maybe someday Dynamite can give some of the other Helium ladies a miniseries to create wider exposure for them, if they can ever take a break from publishing the 9 billionth Deja Thoris series...or if they can pay an artist who can draw better than a cross-eyed Deviantart Autist. The last few series have been uglier than sin.

It easily could've been made into serials or into movies beforehand, but people really only care about Tarzan because it's a hell of a lot cheaper to film earlier on, and Star Wars killed most interest in it after the 1970s.

There's more than enough to do a good trilogy so long as you realize you aren't going to make this an expensive movie. You're gonna want to make this for like 50 mil at most. The problem is you aren't going to get that in Hollyweird.

Honestly, I'd like the French to make a new, lush bandes dessinees album--or if some Japanese studio could make a John Carter anime.

Live-action seems to be where Barsoom goes to rot, so maybe adapting the story in a less costly and more stylized medium will give it a chance to breathe and adapt more of the story. Fuck, give it to Genndy Tartakovsky--after Primal, imagine the spectacle he could create out of John Carter beating Thark Warlords with his bare hands.

You would also have a chance to see Dejah Thoris in all of her Frazetta-age hotness, which you are never going to see in a live-action production from any contemporary studio.

 

[Male Idiot]

Not the picture I seen posted on Spacebattles, but this one does show people and especially artists suck at keeping things in scale. For the inattentive the super star destroyer in the orbital ring in the far right is bigger than the Death Star II. Comic panel is from the pre-Disney era.

Spoiler

View attachment 5815232

Maybe it is a tiny tiny planet! Like 30km wide.

 

[Ghostse]

Well, I made the right call to not buy Battlefront after all.

"Not cucking the mouse" was always the right call.
Consoomers BTFO yet again.