r/MtF•
How did coming out to your wife go?
I_identifyas_me commented
I recently (two weeks ago) came out to my wife. I knew it would be hard as we have been married for 27 years. I knew there would be shock, but she had known that I had been struggling with dysphoria for 40 years, so I hoped for a bit of understanding. I didn’t get it. She told me that if I started to transition, it would be a deal breaker for her. That she could never see me as a woman, because she wouldn’t see the man she married, instead it would be the woman who both “stole and killed” her husband.
I had hoped for some support to start dressing in the open and to socially transition, wth the aim to start HRT in the next few months. That sent happening now. I can only dress when she is not home. (So basically, like when I was in the closet). She has outed me to multiple friends at church, our pastor and his wife & her boss at work (a Christian school). I get she needs support and I can understand the need to share, but there have been specific people I have asked her not to tell and she has told them anyway. In fact she just rang me to ask if she could tell the leaders of our boys and girls brigade company (I am a leader, but taking some time to deal). I to,d her no, but won’t be at all surprised to find out they know.
I am getting a lot of pressure from multiple sides to pretend like this isn’t how I actually feel. My wife has basically stated that we can “fix” this by improving our intimacy issues (those are secondary to all of this). I can talk more openly to her about this, things like my clothing styles, my attempts with makeup and desire to try heels. But it is all abstract concepts. I think if I showed up in a floral dress, fully made up and heels, she would chuck a huge fit.
It is a work in progress, but to me it feels like a work in regression. I can only hope your experience is better.