How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

First day of work was good, I can even say it was fun! Everyone was friendly and we had lunch together.
Also, when I opened my LinkedIn to announce my new job, I saw a post of the dude who fired me announcing that he was looking for a job. I'm a bitter bitch and smiled a little.
Treated myself with a nice homemade dinner and played with my cats. There's a lot of shitty stuff I still need to solve in my life, but right now I am fine, happy even.
 
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Still jobless because minimum wage in Canada goes up next month so pretty much no one is hiring, I cant feed my significant other enough really because of this. I'm still applying for a job for being a trained home care aid but no luck as it has to be training without a drivers license since I took forever to get it. I really hope I can get a job that has a pension, hopefully a government job too.
 
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One week post knee replacement. 5 days after release from hospital due to low blood pressure. I was all rigged into a harness for PT on Thursday when they checked blood pressure. 74/43. Session aborted! I was the last patient released last year for knee 1 so I guess it’s a pattern of mine. My 2nd child practically lept into the world and my OB said it was a pattern and all of my future children would deliver fast. Joke’s on her - no more babies no more pattern.

I am so happy to have this surgery behind me and am looking forward to more agility, less pain. The right-here-and-now of it sucks even with the best support. Thanks for the anonymous cheers!
 
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Nick Obre said:
Many great artists got their break late in life. Some even started their art careers late in life.
Just work on your skills if that's what you want, and try get your stuff out there.

OR, and this is not the "nice" advice people usually give

If you determine you don't really have the time or the dedication to actually pursue it, then redirect your efforts, energy, and more importantly, attention to whatever else it is that's more important to you.

What matters, I think, is just not to simply do nothing.
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I know I come across as whiny about this subject often but its just frustrating that Im forced to choose between a dead end desk job and wanting to do anything else. Im not classically trained in the arts or writing so its something I have to build up over time except unlike being in school and having 12 hours a day, I get barely 2 hours a day most times less and on weekends Im generally occupied with upkeep (home cleaning, cooking related stuff, house work, eating/bathing, exercise) which leads to like 6 hours a day at best. It feels limiting, I feel stuck and the lack of any sort of accomplishment is driving me insane in a depressing hollow way especially in comparison to people who were at the heights of accomplishment at the same age. But I also feel obligated to family and friends to help with work, do a desk job, pursue some profitable industry crap which will collapse in a year or two basically live for the benefit of others as I dont want to let them down. That leads to complacency and me browsing the pc all day to avoid boredom from doing my job instead of finishing the job early, wasting massive amounts of time in the process. Finishing the job early will end up with me getting more work because there are no quotas, just endless amounts of maintenance crap. Its scary how little free will I actually have and I dont know if this is too much power levelling but I might just actually neck myself if this continues for a very long time. Its easy to say do it as a side hustle but when you get no time for the side hustle it eventually ends up disappearing from lack of commitment and Ill continue to be stuck with this groundhog day routine mess of a life with no satisfaction or useful reward.
 
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I'm doing well. My best friend said I've seemed happier than usual lately. I believe this is largely just because I've resolved to break my habit of ghosting my friends during stressful times, so she's just seeing more of me, but either way, it felt good to hear. It was a little reminder that some people do care and notice these things.

On my lunch break tonight, I went to a convenience store to grab an energy drink for myself and some smokes for my coworker. The door was propped open, the smell of sewage permeating. Brown looking footprints were all over the store. It is the only place that isn't an extra 10-15 minutes away, so I decided to go in. A pissed off looking cashier came out and I asked if they were open, thinking they might've had some major plumbing issue. Nope, not closed. I picked out my stuff and checked out, but I asked about the usual cashier since I know him from working together in the past. That led to him bitching about his job and how the day shift left him alone with a huge mess. We shared horror stories from working those kinds of jobs for a bit. It was fun and seemed to put him in a better mood. Maybe I made a new friend. That'd be cool.

ᴵ ᵈᶦᵈⁿ'ᵗ ʰᵉˡᵖ ʰᶦᵐ ᶜˡᵉᵃⁿ ᶦᵗ ᵘᵖ ᵗʰᵒᵘᵍʰ, ᶠᵘᶜᵏ ᵗʰᵃᵗ
 
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Got a tooth out a few days ago and waiting for it to heal, I'm a bit of a fatass and having to avoid the extraction area while eating is a bitch but at least I might loose some weight for once lol
 
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A girl whom I dated VERY briefly passed away recently due to natural causes. She was kind of a bitch (not in the kind of endearing Asuka way my first ex was, but in the mean-spirited way Asuka was, pardon the Evangelion reference) but there was much sadness and wailing by everyone else about her passing but I kinda felt "eh. that's sad but, oh well."

I think it didn't help she was the rebound girl. I was also in such a state after my first ex left I was essentially broken. The way this recently-passed girl left me pretty much as it is and treated me afterwards wasn't really all that good either, so can't say I sympathize much about her tbh.

You know what's scarier than death?
Living here and not being able to make ends meet. A lot of people forget that.

I'd be lying if her death came as a shock and also I felt sorry for her and those who knew her, but, well... you know.
We all have our problems. But apparently I'm a monster for not caring enough or showing enough vulnerability. -shrugs-
 
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My knee feels fucked. It's been clicking awhile but now it's getting worse and it feels weird. All the people around me have basically acted like I'm not being tough enough and being a crybaby, but I may have a slight dislocation. As I get older I realize the people around you don't care so much about you and they use your own ailments to compete with you and try to bring you down, other people will always try to minimize your pain or whatever for their own benefit and ego.
 
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I've fucked my back at work, like really fucked. Sore as hell, I just hope it's okay tomorrow. I've had to take time off before because of my back and it's just horrible.

Anyway, I'm going out with my co-worker for her birthday in April. I'm going to just straight up ask her what she thinks our relationship is/could be. Might be blunt but I'd rather just get it out into the open than just fuck around flirting.

It's not like I'm full on head over heels in love or anything like that so I don't think I'll be too bummed out if she just wants to be friends but I do think we'd make a good couple. The only problem I have is how it'd work with work. I don't want things to be weird either way. To be honest I'm wanting a new job so that might push me over the edge in any case lol.

Edit. I feel like a massive faggot posting this shit, I'm nearly 30 and I'm acting like a kid lol.
 
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I think the most mindbreaking thing for me is realising that you only get so many chances at life. You will just not make it after a certain point.

I wanted to have a wife and child but there's no way to meet anyone, my body is seriously deteriorating at this point, I can't bring myself to eat and my other hand goes into cramps all the time now.

Every developed country on earth is facing a doomsday scenario with zero births. I alternate between ruminating about this and ripping my hair out or turning my brain all the way off and engaging my hobbies like a manchild.

No reason to go outside, everyone looks at you like you're trash though people online are even worse. I've been here for two seconds and I've posted tone deaf rude shit too already. My hand hurts.
 
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WEEKEND said:
The only problem I have is how it'd work with work. I don't want things to be weird either way
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It will be weird. There's a reason most people tell you to avoid workplace romances - they virtually always end with an inability to work normally

黒 ん ぼ said:
I think the most mindbreaking thing for me is realising that you only get so many chances at life. You will just not make it after a certain point.

I wanted to have a wife and child but there's no way to meet anyone, my body is seriously deteriorating at this point, I can't bring myself to eat and my other hand goes into cramps all the time now.

Every developed country on earth is facing a doomsday scenario with zero births. I alternate between ruminating about this and ripping my hair out or turning my brain all the way off and engaging my hobbies like a manchild.

No reason to go outside, everyone looks at you like you're trash though people online are even worse. I've been here for two seconds and I've posted tone deaf rude shit too already. My hand hurts.
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Self-flagellation about how you will never make it is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you define "making it" as something you cannot accomplish, then you will not make it.

What happens to "every developed country on earth" isn't your problem and really you shouldn't be overly concerned with it.
 
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WEEKEND said:
I've fucked my back at work, like really fucked. Sore as hell, I just hope it's okay tomorrow. I've had to take time off before because of my back and it's just horrible.

Anyway, I'm going out with my co-worker for her birthday in April. I'm going to just straight up ask her what she thinks our relationship is/could be. Might be blunt but I'd rather just get it out into the open than just fuck around flirting.

It's not like I'm full on head over heels in love or anything like that so I don't think I'll be too bummed out if she just wants to be friends but I do think we'd make a good couple. The only problem I have is how it'd work with work. I don't want things to be weird either way. To be honest I'm wanting a new job so that might push me over the edge in any case lol.

Edit. I feel like a massive faggot posting this shit, I'm nearly 30 and I'm acting like a kid lol.
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If she makes you happy and you were thinking of quitting, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to tell her what you're feeling. As long as you accept that you are committed to whatever the outcome is.
 
VargReallyDidNothingWrong said:
It will be weird. There's a reason most people tell you to avoid workplace romances - they virtually always end with an inability to work normally
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Yeah it's a concern. She's pretty chill about things but who knows how getting into a relationship might change that but I'm willing to risk my job for a chance at romance. Even if it doesn't last it's still worth getting my head back into the game right? I'm putting the cart before the horse, I still need to figure out what she wants but I'm not the type of guy to either hold a grudge or obsess over being rejected. It'll be embarrassing but that's all it is.

Betonhaus said:
If she makes you happy and you were thinking of quitting, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to tell her what you're feeling. As long as you accept that you are committed to whatever the outcome is.
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If I'm honest, I don't really know what I feel about her. We get along pretty well, we have fun and we talk a lot outside of work but I just don't know. I think I'd be happy with her but like I said I'm putting the cart before the horse. I'm going to get it sorted out one way or another, if only just to know where I stand for my sake.

I don't hate my job, it pays the bills and I like the people I work with but it's not very fulfilling. I just can't help but shake the feeling that I'm only here because it's easy. I think that one of the things driving my mini quarter life crisis is that I've been in this comfort zone for too long. I get up, go to work, come home and start the process all over again for the next day. I'm aware that such a reductionist take on life is true for most people but there has to be something more to drive you than just money. I think I'd only quit (at least in the near future) if I did start a relationship with my co-worker and it got serious. People need that space I think.

One of the reasons I'm going to buy a car is expand my horizons not just for work but also life in general. My only problem is that I haven't driven in like 5 years and I'm thinking about getting some refresher lessons in before I get a car, plus I want to go away more but I really need to drive to make the most of it.

It feels pretty good to air my faggatory out to you guys. Thanks for listening to me.
 
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Harbinger of Kali Yuga said:
My knee feels fucked. It's been clicking awhile but now it's getting worse and it feels weird. All the people around me have basically acted like I'm not being tough enough and being a crybaby, but I may have a slight dislocation. As I get older I realize the people around you don't care so much about you and they use your own ailments to compete with you and try to bring you down, other people will always try to minimize your pain or whatever for their own benefit and ego.
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If your insurance allows it - go get a CT scan. May be a damaged meniscus.
 
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