If he absolutely
must be that autistic about his pedal board, he would get
far more utility out of
something like this (
A).
It satisfies all the guitar pedal 'tisms. To start with the table stakes, like all his other pedals, it's foot switchable, allowing him to step on it and completely fuck up his tone, live on stage, mid-song, while nobody in the audience gives two fucks. It has indicator LEDs to show exactly how he fucked up his tone, and the switches are properly rugged enough to withstand being stepped on.
But let's talk about what makes it special. First off, it's fucking expensive, and therefore
guaranteed to make him sound better than those fools who spend their time practicing instead of buying pedals. It has a fancy buffer for the spergs who know that true-bypass is for faggots. There's true bypass for the spergs who know that buffers suck
cocks tone. It's got seven switchable loops in series for the pedals he will
never change the order of change the order of after every
show practice solo jam session. If that wasn't enough, there's three parallel loops for for even more routing flexibility. Of course it can be programmed from his iPhone. And finally, the
pièce de résistance,
full-fucking-blown-MIDI-control (a rabbit hole many an aspiring musician had ventured down in pursuit of better control of his gear, never to be seen again).
All he needs to do is buy one of those, find someone who will charge him another $1000 to sandblast it, re-powdercoat it in a
fabulous shade of pink, paint all the switches in the colors of the pride flag, and that will be it. His pedal board will be complete. He will be able to generate the
faggiest of soundscapes. The sounds which emanate from his rig will be so gay, straight men will spontaneously start sucking cocks upon hearing his tone.
Or he could could sit down with just his guitar, his amp, a metronome, and work on the precision of his finger technique. But who the fuck would want to hear the results of that?
