Are you lost needing femoid advice post here - For the poor bastard's who dare or are just curious

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GoysGoneWild said:
How much of a red flag was it when I never made my ex orgasm?
Not because I couldn't. But because when we got close, she'd literally push me away, push herself away, squirm, yell, etc. Basically do whatever to stop it from happening.
I did try to discuss it with her, and all I got was some variant of "we can do that later".
I've asked 3 lady friends now, and all 3 seem to lean heavily into "she's probably got serious sexual trauma".
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Not a foid, but the answer is none. If you didn't hurt her, you aren't to blame for anything. Somethings are just too much to overcome for some people.
 
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Alright, I have a strange experience to share. It wasn't bad, but it was deeply confusing, and I suspect that my "attempt to be foliage" plan was autistic.

A while back, I was at a rock-climbing gym and trading off belaying with a woman I know there. She wears a crop top and skintight black shorts and I understand it is my responsibility to not look at or think about the view while I am looking up from below. I just ensure her safety while she climbs, as she does mine.
As we were setting up, another woman went up to her and happily stated that she was impressed by my belay buddy's ass. It was nice and big, much bigger than a lot of other top-rope climbers, who tend to develop slim muscles. I just stood there casually, not moving much, eyes straight ahead observing some wall, trying to be nonexistent. She carried on with these compliments and gestures to her ass for a few minutes while the belay buddy smiled and politely thanked her. Then we went back to climbing.

Context: I am a straight guy. Belay buddy has a boyfriend.
What was happening and what was I supposed to do?
 
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GoysGoneWild said:
Dude, fucking same. This is what is currently getting my goat. My last two gf's have both had this "anxious attachment" style. Its fucking hell now that I have become aware of it. Once that hamster wheel in the head gets spinning, it doesn't calm down. Nothing good you do is ever acknowledged, but if you even hint at saying the wrong thing, its the end of the world.
I wish that she could have opened up to me more. I wish that I could have helped. :( Maybe we could have made things work. But she never would. She would shut down and tell me she was scheduled to work when I'd ask if she was free to come out on a date or to hang out. Not too much you can do if the other party won't talk.

Honestly wondering if there is something about me that is manifesting this shit into my life.
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Now would really be a good time to do a little bit of self reflection before you get back on the dating scene again. Do you have any underlying traumas? I've been through some shit myself and totally understand why girls who have been through some shit seem to gravitate towards me. These girls might subconsciously see you as a kindred spirit.

My GF has a kind of avoidant attachment style but it became more manageable as I got to know her better. I already almost broke up with her once because her emotional baggage really made me question her viability as a long term partner. She never cheated, but her behavior on social media made me blow up at her in our DM's but she kind of saw where I was coming from (I pretty much yelled at her because she didn't immediately block a man who she said hurt her by ghosting her after a date years ago). Sounds like your ex's issues were just too much for you to deal with and you made the right call by breaking up.
 
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Agares said:
Now would really be a good time to do a little bit of self reflection before you get back on the dating scene again. Do you have any underlying traumas? I've been through some shit myself and totally understand why girls who have been through some shit seem to gravitate towards me. These girls might subconsciously see you as a kindred spirit.

My GF has a kind of avoidant attachment style but it became more manageable as I got to know her better. I already almost broke up with her once because her emotional baggage really made me question her viability as a long term partner. She never cheated, but her behavior on social media made me blow up at her in our DM's but she kind of saw where I was coming from (I pretty much yelled at her because she didn't immediately block a man who she said hurt her by ghosting her after a date years ago). Sounds like your ex's issues were just too much for you to deal with and you made the right call by breaking up.
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Thanks for the convo dude.

I absolutely have had some traumas, yes. And despite the cliche, it did begin with my parents and then progressed and got worse through school.
Thing is that in my late 20's, I had friends step in and tell me to get therapy, and I did. It took a lot of active work on my part (therapy isn't something you can sit on your ass and hope works), and maybe a bit of luck, but I can honestly sit here and say that they are largely no longer a thing. Both the original underlying traumas and the maladaptive coping behaviors have been worked on and fixed.

There was one that was left though, that I've actually realized in the weeks since we broke up. To an extent I felt I still had "work" to do to be a good relationship partner. Stuff like - listen harder. Get bigger/get a six pack. Dress better. Be more supportive, supportive in the sense that women mean, not necessarily men. Be someone she feels proud to show off to to her friends.
So on the one hand I felt very secure in who I had become - I noticed all these other dudes not putting in a fraction of the work I do, generally being kinda scumbaggy and lazy. So I knew I had value. But I also felt I still had work to do to be better. Not even that I was bad, just that I wasn't perfect. Yet. That I could conceivably be better.

I realized I was doing that when I went back and reviewed our texts, and started decompressing from our Norway trip (which was fucking awful, the worst relationship experience of my life, I've never been treated that badly by someone). I realized I hadn't fucked up even a fraction of what I was being accused of. That I had been supportive through her struggles, that I had been kind and always offering my help and time. And that she had constructed some kind of straw man psycho in her head representing me, and thats what she used to justify treating me like an actual leper.

So going forward, I'm trying to realize that I am indeed worthy and deserving of the kind of attention and appreciation (and great vibes) that I got in the first month. No reservations, no tests needed to pass. I've already passed them, if I ever needed to pass tests at all. I hope thats the disconnect that was acctracting these also disconnected (although in a different way, and with way less accountability) women into my life.

At least I hope thats how it works, cause it will fucking suck ass to have that first month be the pinnacle of my romantic experience.
 
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GoysGoneWild said:
Honestly wondering if there is something about me that is manifesting this shit into my life.
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I don't mean this in a blame-y way, but this is worth investigating. And not the "manifesting" part, but fr, sometimes people with certain tendencies attract and are attracted to people with negative-but-complementary tendencies.

An example: some people with poor boundaries can tend to align with people who take advantage of poor boundaries. It's a perverse dynamic, and not necessarily about you being "bad," but it does happen. It may be worthwhile to analyze whether there are any themes in what was attractive about a series of similar or similarly dysfunctional involvements.

Spiny Rumples said:
Alright, I have a strange experience to share. It wasn't bad, but it was deeply confusing, and I suspect that my "attempt to be foliage" plan was autistic.

A while back, I was at a rock-climbing gym and trading off belaying with a woman I know there. She wears a crop top and skintight black shorts and I understand it is my responsibility to not look at or think about the view while I am looking up from below. I just ensure her safety while she climbs, as she does mine.
As we were setting up, another woman went up to her and happily stated that she was impressed by my belay buddy's ass. It was nice and big, much bigger than a lot of other top-rope climbers, who tend to develop slim muscles. I just stood there casually, not moving much, eyes straight ahead observing some wall, trying to be nonexistent. She carried on with these compliments and gestures to her ass for a few minutes while the belay buddy smiled and politely thanked her. Then we went back to climbing.

Context: I am a straight guy. Belay buddy has a boyfriend.
What was happening and what was I supposed to do?
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You weren't supposed to do anything; it was a convo between 2 people who were not you. Your "professionalism" was appropriate.

GoysGoneWild said:
I'm trying to realize that I am indeed worthy and deserving
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You are. If in the past you've connected and invested in people who were dysfunctional, and recognize that your perspective might have been be off, and have worked on/do work on that, then you're going in the right direction.

Ftr, if people you've been involved with were shitty people, then their behavior is on them; if they're bad, they are, and it doesn't change your value. But - apart from any bad people/bad actions toward you- if you find a pattern of getting involved with people who are bad to you, it's worth investigating whether there is something in your mental orientation that is being drawn to people bad for/to you. It could just be bad coincidence, but worth analyzing whether that's all it is.

Sounds like you're on a good path to awareness and healthy self-worth. :feels:
 
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Andoxico said:
Speaking of decorations, how important are they? I have a lot of interests but don't feel the need to surround myself with tokens of my hobbies. My apartment is pretty close to those stereotypical guys' apartment memes. Does that actually reflect really poorly on me to women?
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No it doesn’t. Decorations are something you pick up over time rather than an all in one thing you do at first. Smelly dirty house would reflect badly. Minimal, no. If you want to put a couple of things in why not a few plants? Get a few nice pots, some easy care plants (we have a plant thread here) You can also get sort of plant pedestals (like a pot on high legs) for filling in a corner. Or a picture? Get a nice frame, have a photo you like made big enough, or find a picture you like. Hang it so the centre of the image is about 60 inches off the floor, if you have regular height ceilings. Or a nice rug. Dont over clutter for the sake of it though.

Shidoen said:
Did a swan rest on her hair until a hunter came along and shot it?
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Reminds me of that Björk swan dress
@Spiny Rumples no idea what was going on but you did the right thing there. If challenged laugh it off with a ‘I’m just concentrating on the rope!’ And change the subject. You cannot win that one, polite non engagement while concentrating on safety is your only exit
 
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If I give you femoids, femcels, nonnas like a vague outline of the kind of person I was interested in, could you be able to point in the direction I could meet someone similar, IRL perhaps?
 
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You know how blood sausage is made by mixing fresh animal blood with various ingredients, such as grains, meat products, onions, spices, and all that jazz.

I'm sure your getting what I'm implying.

But my question: is it possible?
 
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Andoxico said:
Speaking of decorations, how important are they? I have a lot of interests but don't feel the need to surround myself with tokens of my hobbies. My apartment is pretty close to those stereotypical guys' apartment memes. Does that actually reflect really poorly on me to women?
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from what i have heard you spend most of your time alive in your room so it should be energetically balanced so they will know you are spiritually well off
forget the color of your bugatti and consider the color of the eastern portion of your room

all the wenches that step into your crib know immediately if you are receiving prosperity from heaven
 
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Frosty Fetus said:
You know how blood sausage is made by mixing fresh animal blood with various ingredients, such as grains, meat products, onions, spices, and all that jazz.

I'm sure your getting what I'm implying.

But my question: is it possible?
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Sounds like a good way to get food poisoning, period blood isn't really that voluminous
 
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Frosty Fetus said:
You know how blood sausage is made by mixing fresh animal blood with various ingredients, such as grains, meat products, onions, spices, and all that jazz.

I'm sure your getting what I'm implying.

But my question: is it possible?
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There were tumblr blogs that had an abundance of recipes for that, I think tiktok witches did as well. so it is possible. I think someone made brownies. If you find someone that bleeds abnormally and is willing to help you out, go wild you sick fuck ;)
 
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Justa Grata Honoria said:
what is it with you people making or bringing it up this shit , i now will have another nightmare and fear to add to my list . I will not touch blood sausages

Have you considered Jesus as your lord and saviour ?
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"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16 NIV
 
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