AIBU about sex education

[David Brown]

the big obstacle to homeschooling is that the teaching parent(s) needs to have a pretty good understanding of all the content that is to be taught.
sure, high school level anything isn't rocket science, but be honest: how many normal people still have a good understanding of high school math (exponentials and logarithms, derivatives, integrals, vectors) 20 years after they're out of school? how about chemistry (stoichiometry, orbitals) or physics (thermodynamics, classical mechanics)?
yes teaching your kids is easy, yes you can do it like 5 times faster and better at home than the teachers can at school, but it takes a lot of preparation, a lot of time and effort to get yourself to a level where you understand all of those topics well enough to teach them correctly.
being a homeschooling parent is a pretty comfy full time job, but it's still a full time job. if you're already working a job for money then you're most likely not going to be able to do it.

If normal people don't even remember the basic shit they were taught in school, why should it be taught?

I agree that homeschooling is a full time endeavour and not everyone can do it. I'm saying most of what a school "teaches" (and isn't retained or used anyway) is either not worth it or not difficult to teach. Whatever a thoughtful and caring parent could teach a kid would be useful because the parent can teach it because they actually do that thing or use that skill often enough to know how to do it. Anything beyond that is time wasting bullshit to keep public school teachers employed.

 

[DumbDude43]

If normal people don't even remember the basic shit they were taught in school, why should it be taught?

because you dont know ahead of time which path the kid is going to choose and what exact knowledge it will need to succeed on it.
for example if you skip teaching high school math, it'll be near impossible for your kid to go into any technical or hard science related field.

 

[Chin of Campbell]

I'm actually quite surprised you've got children at all, considering it sounds like you've married a colossal faggot.

Seriously though, I would get in touch with people at school and find out exactly what is going on in this lesson, since it sounds like your husband is just going to override your wishes (extremely disrespectful IMO), and do like others have said and just monitor the situation closely, and the second something seems current-year you bring down the hammer.

Absolute travesty that this has to be on the curriculum at all. Parents should be expected to teach their kids this shit, not the state. This kind of shit is exactly how you get Mx. Alice Troonerton having "close, intimate relationships" with xir students.

 

[Osmosis Jones]

There's no information on this planet that you can or should shelter your children from. Sheltering leads to ignorance which leads to mistakes and stunted development. What a parent should do is moderate and discuss information with their children and frame it in a way that they can understand.

If you pull your children from part or all of that lesson and they return to their classmates after the fact, do you understand what's going to happen? All of that information is going to be repeated to them the day after except instead of having an adult meditating and delivering information, it's now coming from their peers, whose ages are in the single digits and probably aren't good at articulating the facts of sexual anatomy. If you also supply them with a separate lesson, your children will 'compare notes' at school with their peers to see differences.

It sucks. I don't agree with half of the lesson plan and I don't think children need to have pornography discussed in depth, but that doesn't seem to be the case anyhow. However, wise and intelligent people do not arise from only receiving what information is validated and approved by their guardians. Wisdom and intelligence has mostly to do with criticality and thoughtfulness. Encourage your children to ask more questions about what they learned. Encourage them to criticize things they don't understand so that they may learn more about it. Do not try to remove or prevent information from reaching them. It will reach them eventually and your level of control and ability to moderate will drop each time you try to block it.

 

[Android raptor]

Absolute travesty that this has to be on the curriculum at all. Parents should be expected to teach their kids this shit, not the state.

Unfortunately there are parents that refuse to even teach their kids about menstruation until the kid is bleeding freaking out thinking she's dying. To say nothing of the ones who don't want their kids to be taught abuse prevention shit because they'll find out what daddy does to them at night isn't actually ok and something they need to tell authorities about.

 

[TapewormSalesman]

I am just not able to accept that my eight and nine year old daughters should be taught about in a class full of other eight and nine year olds

Spoiler: PL

Now, I'm not American, but before throwing a bible, keep in mind that most of my former classmates did come from religious families. From my own childhood (early 00s), 8-9 was about the time when everybody learned what exactly sex was, boys started flaunting around underwear catalogs and humping the air, and for girls every other conversation turned to something extremely explicit. The school only started teaching sex ed when we were about 12, and by then everybody had seen some manner of porn and the sex ed lessons were treated as an amusing opportunity to make the teacher extremely uncomfortable, by asking her to describe what a cock looks like, until she had enough and made us watch a medical video of an abortion preformed in full.
What I'm trying to say is- there's a high chance are they actually already have heard about some of this from their peers, just don't care much to get any clarification from you, or they've learned by themselves that the topic is uncomfortable. And as Osmosis Jones said, if you pull them from the lessons, they will still get a retelling from their friends.

 

[Tablet County]

Sex ed is gay. Teach your kids not to touch other women's junk.

Wait a minute...

 

[Chromeo]

I don't know if this is an option for you, but when I was a kid parents were allowed to come and shadow their kids at school. It didn't happen very often, but I don't think it was illegal or verboten in any way. Maybe you could sit in with them and see what class is like?

 

[isalaide]

Thanks for all the advice and thoughtfulness.

It's been a difficult one because our values are not really aligned in a lot of ways, and being parents, you need to have a united position as opposed to just agreeing to disagree with each other. I know I'm much more socially conservative than he is - he's very much a typical 2024 liberal - and trying to get on the same page with the values and ethics stuff in parenthood has been pretty challenging at times.

He feels very, very strongly about this so they are going to attend the lessons. Thanks for reassuring me the world won't end because they learn about circumcision. I've explained them that we'll sit down and have a chat after the lessons to mop up any questions and cover anything that they didn't understand, or weren't comfortable with.

 

[Otterly]

The first bit, ‘benchmarks’ is fine.
Age appropriate, and informational NOT instructional is the key.

Kids need comprehensive, medically accurate, age appropriate sex ed.

About what their bodies are, how reproduction works, and how to stay safe yes. The line is where it crosses from the biology and safety to instructing them how to have sex or showing them inappropriate sexual content.
how baby is made is fine. Periods, fine. Erections for boys (and they always used to separate the sexes for the latter two topics) is ok. Contraception ok, STDs ok. How to recognise if you’re being groomed is ok.

Porn - that’s a tough one, IF it is just a very dry ‘this is the name for films and photos of sexual activity, it may make you feel uncomfortable and you should tell a trusted adult right away if anyone tries to show you this’ then I think while horrendous we even need to, it’s ok.
The problem with everything past the benchmarks bit is that unless you can see the visuals and see what they’re saying it’s possible it could be very clinical (fine) or very graphic (not fine.) we’ve had stories in here of kids being shown actual porn or parents being encouraged to make ethical (lol) porn for ‘younger people.’

My mum sat me down when I was eight years old, when I got my first period, and very clinically told me how periods work. She explained what's going to happen with puberty, how sex works, how sex makes babies, and how condoms prevent babies and STDS. She explained it to me in a very no-nonsense way, and treated me like I was a small adult, but she was very calm about it. So it wasn't scary at all. So being pre-emptive about these things is the best course of action for you and tells your kids they can come to you for anything pertaining to these topics.

This is a very sensible approach and pretty much how we had it as kids.
My advice is go into school and talk about it with the person delivering the content. Express your worries and ask how they deliver it. Talk to your kids ahead of it and give them the information you want them to know and tell them that you’re always there for any questions and they can always talk to you

 

[Android raptor]

we’ve had stories in here of kids being shown actual porn or parents being encouraged to make ethical (lol) porn for ‘younger people.’

We've had way more horseshit right wing propaganda made up than anything else. Afaik no school has showed elementary schoolers porn as party of any curriculum. Right wingers just don't like it when kids are taught gay people exists or what daddy does to them at night is bad (or how to actually prevent teen pregnancies).

Mysteriously no one clutches pearls about middle schoolers in abstinence only states being shown graphic photos of diseased genitals (while not even being taught how to put on a condom).

 

[Otterly]

Right wingers just don't like it when kids are taught gay people exists

It’s not the existence of sally has two mummies that pisses people off, it’s stuff like being taught ‘how to do anal safely’ when it can never be safe for a child and isn’t safe for adults.
It’s down to the difference between informational/factual and ‘how to fuck.’
It is very, very sad that eight year olds need to be told what porn is. What a world

 

[Android raptor]

It’s not the existence of sally has two mummies that pisses people off, it’s stuff like being taught ‘how to do anal safely’

Good thing no one it teaching that to elementary schoolers

I don't remember them even saying the word anal at all, even in high school. Pretty sure we never even got taught what the clitoris is. But they sure made sure we saw diseased genitals and thought condoms are basically useless

 

[DumbDude43]

sally doesn't have two mummies, sally lives with her mom and her mom's weird fuckbuddy

 

[Local Farmer]

They will go to a Catholic secondary. Homeschooling is not an option; I don't believe I could bring them to the attainment level I want them at homeschooling a whole nest of them in the kitchen.

If this was a lesson being delivered to 12 or 13 year olds, I would feel differently. They are eight and nine. Most of their little friends still have a significant level of belief in Santa. I just feel unhappy introducing masturbation and pornography at school at this age. This feels like something I want to cover with them myself, and also I honestly don't feel they are ready for those conversations.

We are already dealing with the very early signs of puberty, and trying to do this sensitively and in a non-terrifying way. I don't think they are ready to do the human sexuality stuff yet. They understand how sex works. They advised it was "disgusting".

Have you considered co-opts or online learning platforms? I got a cousin who did that and they turned out normal. The key thing is to keep them socialized and in contact with friends.

 

[James Brown]

Kids need comprehensive, medically accurate, age appropriate sex ed. Be glad you live somewhere that offers that instead of banning girls from being taught about their own bodies before 6th grade or telling kids condoms offer no protection against HIV (and other lies).

I don't think telling kids they shouldn't touch themselves in public and that people shouldn't be showing them porn is bad info for older elementary school age kids. They likely have at least a vague idea of what porn is already from chatter from their schoolmates, it sounds like the lesson isn't anything graphic and is just basic definitions plus telling kids it's not ok for anyone to show them porn and to tell a trusted adult if it happens (which is something kids need to be taught especially in the internet age).

I don't remember being taught anything about porn even in high school, and the number of grown-ass men out there who think porn is what real sex is like proves kids need to be taught about that shit (especially with so many kids being exposed to it before they're even in middle school).

Mid-late elementary school is when kids need to learn about both male and female puberty stuff, especially since many girls have already started puberty at that age. Ideally kids are taught that shit before it happens to them so they know what to do ahead of time and don't freak out, and learning about the opposite sex helps prevent them from being that grown-ass adult that doesn't know basic shit about how X reproductive system works (again, there are a saddening number of adult men especially that don't even know basic shit about the female reproductive system, including a disturbing amount of lawmakers).

I'm honestly curious, how is discussing porn with 4th graders going to create adult men who can differentiate between porn and real life? Sex ed classes in middle school won't impart kids with a lifelong knowledge of the opposite sex's reproductive sytem. Most don't even remember what they learned after the summer is over. What actually affects how men view women/porn is the attitude at home which is why its weird to see this touted as a curative to social ills. People model their treatment of the opposite sex based on what they see at-home or in their culture, not how school tells them. Otherwise all those sex ed programs in inner cities would've resolved unwanted pregnancies and domestic violence.

I just think its strange how suddenly people are acting like you will never figure out sex or have a healthy sexual relationship unless you learn about porn and masturbation in school at age 12. That this really picked up semi-recently (2022-ish?) around the same time of child transitioning and other weirdness puts a stink on it. I think most people supporting it have good intentions, but it opens to the door too far for those that don't.

 

[std::string]

What I'm trying to say is- there's a high chance are they actually already have heard about some of this from their peers, just don't care much to get any clarification from you, or they've learned by themselves that the topic is uncomfortable.

Yeah, kids are just as uncomfortable talking about it as parents are.

Sex is gross and weird and drugs aren't fun and only losers do them. This is the fastest way to get a parent or teacher to shut up so you can exit whatever convo was about to happen.

Kids aren't stupid.

 

[Sweetie Kitty]

That graph is per capita.

I knew of two teachers who diddled some kids and their unions protected them whole cloth until one of them was thrown in jail, not after they had been moved around 4-5 times

There’s no doubt that there is a huge epidemic of teachers and priests preying upon kids, but I’m curious how many of these predator teachers teach sex ed. If anything, my money is that a bulk of these predator teachers are teaching band, theater, or coach after school sports where they’re more likely to be in close contact with their victims in a relatively closed off setting from other teachers. Every sex ed teacher I ever had was a woman that was brought in specifically to teach just that and nothing else for a few weeks, but I know in a lot of schools that responsibility falls into the lap of the physical education or health teacher. I think that’s where shit can get tricky.

Regardless sex ed is a valuable resource for kids, but only when the content isn’t libshitted up with tranny and porn nonsense. Kids at that age aren’t going to be able to handle gender retardation without internalizing it. Sometimes sex ed is the only resource vulnerable kids have to get information about their bodies in an accurate, controlled way from a professional. Ideally sex ed would cover puberty + education about menarche in elementary school with the addition of how to identify predatory behavior from peers and adults (stranger danger shit, how to behave online because iPad babies are everywhere.) middle school and up should discuss STI contraction and prevention, as well as the pros and cons of each contraceptive option available.

The CDC has a pretty comprehensive write up about evidence based sex ed leading to a healthier adolescent population. Give it a read if you want something to ruminate on.

 

[Local Farmer]

There’s no doubt that there is a huge epidemic of teachers and priests preying upon kids, but I’m curious how many of these predator teachers teach sex ed. If anything, my money is that a bulk of these predator teachers are teaching band, theater, or coach after school sports where they’re more likely to be in close contact with their victims in a relatively closed off setting from other teachers. Every sex ed teacher I ever had was a woman that was brought in specifically to teach just that and nothing else for a few weeks, but I know in a lot of schools that responsibility falls into the lap of the physical education or health teacher. I think that’s where shit can get tricky.

Regardless sex ed is a valuable resource for kids, but only when the content isn’t libshitted up with tranny and porn nonsense. Kids at that age aren’t going to be able to handle gender retardation without internalizing it. Sometimes sex ed is the only resource vulnerable kids have to get information about their bodies in an accurate, controlled way from a professional. Ideally sex ed would cover puberty + education about menarche in elementary school with the addition of how to identify predatory behavior from peers and adults (stranger danger shit, how to behave online because iPad babies are everywhere.) middle school and up should discuss STI contraction and prevention, as well as the pros and cons of each contraceptive option available.

The CDC has a pretty comprehensive write up about evidence based sex ed leading to a healthier adolescent population. Give it a read if you want something to ruminate on.

The two I knew of were math teachers but no doubt it’s a lot of coaches.

This really want me condemning sex ed, their is a time and way to talk about this stuff but from what op has given, it does seem really uncomfortable.

Fourth grade is also way to young to be talking about this kind of stuff, the youngest should at least be 6th grade in a clinical and non creepy manner

 

[PFM]

I read the thread what is AIBU