Are you lost needing femoid advice post here - For the poor bastard's who dare or are just curious

[doodoocaca]

The reason I call it autistic is because it appears as if you are assuming that if you develop a certain skill you'll be able to solve other people's emotional problems.

lol, if only

I want to know how to manage it when it's worth the effort to do so. Lots of posters here have made the point it is usually not worth time that could be better spent finding other people. Huh.

 

[Lurker]

So you can't just plan to fix a girlfriend that you don't even have yet.

are you saying he can't find a boyfriend-free girl to turn into a sweetheart from the ground-up?

 

[Big Miss Steak]

How much moisturizer should I use for my face? I usually just get a thingy the size of a nickel and put that all over my face, but somehow I feel like it's not enough. Are there any side effects from using too much moisturizer?

Depends on the moisturizer. What do you use, if you don't mind my asking?

Why is it hilarious?

Because unless you are handy yourself (I am not), people aren't willing to climb up into a Florida attic in a two story home in the middle of July and crawl out over the ceiling joists so the technician can show them how they cut open air duct vents to check for mold growth and glue the cutting back. Most people are unlikely to have an AC technician call them on the phone and explain what a condensate drain line is, what a float switch is, and walk them through how to clear the drain line because the AC won't come on and the drain line is full of water (using my grandma's shop vac at the end didn't work, so I had to take it apart to get it into the attic, re-assemble it, and blast air into the drain line from this access point I found) because the technician can't come out for 24 hours and you're hosting a party in 3 hours. Most people are not going to call their internet provider at 11 PM and have the customer service lady walk them through fucking around with wires outside their house in the dark. Either you're a handy person who understands equipment and can do basic fixes and maintenance yourself, or you know nothing and just call for some technician or repairman to come out whenever something seems off. I'm in the middle, which is funny. I need someone more knowledgeable than me, but I want to participate too.

 

[grenouille crétine]

How much moisturizer should I use for my face? I usually just get a thingy the size of a nickel and put that all over my face, but somehow I feel like it's not enough. Are there any side effects from using too much moisturizer?

You are some spooky warlord skeleton-man. Find some fine, aromatic bone wax. Or perhaps gild yourself. Dry bones are the least of your concerns!

If you feel greasy, it is obviously too much. If you feel dry, maybe you need a different one, or a different face wash. Nickel-sized, or streaks of something with SPF patted into the neck with your fingertips and lightly up into the T-zone of the face should generally suffice. Sometimes I don’t bother to apply it nicely like that, but it is both pleasant and appears to make some at least fleeting different if you approach it like a massage.

[the last several pages, otherwise]

What a wonderful day to visit this thread for the first time.

 

[Shidoen]

Because unless you are handy yourself (I am not), people aren't willing to climb up into a Florida attic in a two story home in the middle of July and crawl out over the ceiling joists so the technician can show them how they cut open air duct vents to check for mold growth and glue the cutting back. Most people are unlikely to have an AC technician call them on the phone and explain what a condensate drain line is, what a float switch is, and walk them through how to clear the drain line because the AC won't come on and the drain line is full of water (using my grandma's shop vac at the end didn't work, so I had to take it apart to get it into the attic, re-assemble it, and blast air into the drain line from this access point I found) because the technician can't come out for 24 hours and you're hosting a party in 3 hours. Most people are not going to call their internet provider at 11 PM and have the customer service lady walk them through fucking around with wires outside their house in the dark. Either you're a handy person who understands equipment and can do basic fixes and maintenance yourself, or you know nothing and just call for some technician or repairman to come out whenever something seems off. I'm in the middle, which is funny. I need someone more knowledgeable than me, but I want to participate too.

I'm not handy with any HVAC shit but if there's a chocolate chip cookie involved, i'll do my darndest not to break anything important

Source: Gf from 2 years back when I just nodded my head to whatever the fuck she was teaching me about that shit.

Edit:
Also date from a few pages back went well but we both agreed to just stay friends because it feels better that way.

 

[Georgio Cocklord]

I wanted to ask, how do women cope with loneliness and imposter syndrome? I know it's more prevalent than how it's depicted and I know how the media stereotype is just girlboss and retreat to narcissism, "I'm too good and the world is wrong" all that. I just wanted a more honest answer than journo nonsense.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

Because unless you are handy yourself (I am not), people aren't willing to climb up into a Florida attic in a two story home in the middle of July and crawl out over the ceiling joists so the technician can show them how they cut open air duct vents to check for mold growth and glue the cutting back. Most people are unlikely to have an AC technician call them on the phone and explain what a condensate drain line is, what a float switch is, and walk them through how to clear the drain line because the AC won't come on and the drain line is full of water (using my grandma's shop vac at the end didn't work, so I had to take it apart to get it into the attic, re-assemble it, and blast air into the drain line from this access point I found) because the technician can't come out for 24 hours and you're hosting a party in 3 hours. Most people are not going to call their internet provider at 11 PM and have the customer service lady walk them through fucking around with wires outside their house in the dark. Either you're a handy person who understands equipment and can do basic fixes and maintenance yourself, or you know nothing and just call for some technician or repairman to come out whenever something seems off. I'm in the middle, which is funny. I need someone more knowledgeable than me, but I want to participate too.

I feel you. I like to know exactly what is going on and why, and I have taken apart many things (and with one exception, put them back together again). I've guided an a/c tech to a solution that resulted in a $2 fix (well, free, bc it turned out he had the part in his truck) rather than the initial rec by 2 companies of "oh, you need to replace the whole unit" for many thousands of dollars, just bc I knew enough to prompt him to check on x, but I did not feel prepared or equipped to pull the unit apart to risk doing it myself. And I'm a relatively active participant in the gritty - I run wiring, clear drains, drill out broken bolts (OK, only once afaicr, recently: license plate bolt head broke off and I had to learn about and acquire extractor bits; they didn't work, so I had to drill clear through the bolt shaft, but success), walked my roof today with a roofer to assess damage from a giant tree branch, and was up there last year both to dispute whether a gutter guy had actually done what he said he did (he didn't) and with a critter guy to ID where squirrels were coming in (). I drew the line at clearing traps myself, though; some things I'm happy to pay for.

I couldn't build a freestanding, inhabitable garage to ideal spec on my own, but I enjoy knowing and learning about basic shit like how my property works, so I use every opportunity.

So I get your interest. Just wasn't sure why it was hilarious.

 

[Justa Grata Honoria]

I wanted to ask, how do women cope with loneliness and imposter syndrome? I know it's more prevalent than how it's depicted and I know how the media stereotype is just girlboss and retreat to narcissism, "I'm too good and the world is wrong" all that. I just wanted a more honest answer than journo nonsense.

Joining various craft, dnd and social groups. Imposter syndrome just try your best and keep on trucking. Usually i just try my best and say its good enough. Remember there will be always people better at it but also worse at it. If you aren't the worst person in the room in terms of performance you are doing good.

 

[Ruined by the Rain]

Hopefully, that sounds gross and retarded to you, and will help inspire you to stop being a gross retard. I mean, you're mentally ill, so probably not, but keep reminding yourself that you're crazy, and ruining your body in pursuit of your crazy nonsense will just ruin your life.

This is fucking terrifying. I will print this out to put on my mirror. Just reading this make me shiver, thanks.

 

[NoReturn]

How much moisturizer should I use for my face? I usually just get a thingy the size of a nickel and put that all over my face, but somehow I feel like it's not enough. Are there any side effects from using too much moisturizer?

Grass-fed beef tallow/tallow-balm.

I wanted to ask, how do women cope with loneliness and imposter syndrome? I know it's more prevalent than how it's depicted and I know how the media stereotype is just girlboss and retreat to narcissism, "I'm too good and the world is wrong" all that. I just wanted a more honest answer than journo nonsense.

i cri evry tiem
It's good you know it's more prevalent than it's depicted, and that the media-prescribed cope is bullshit. A lot of people don't know either part.
You dealing with this now?

 

[Georgio Cocklord]

It's good you know it's more prevalent than it's depicted, and that the media-prescribed cope is bullshit. A lot of people don't know either part.

Ive been on crystal.cafe so I know its very true. I just thought women had a different coping mechanism, something something self hype.

You dealing with this now?

Everyday, some more than others but yeah more as of right now. Its just the burden of life I guess.

 

[NoReturn]

Ive been on crystal.cafe so I know its very true. I just thought women had a different coping mechanism, something something self hype.

Everyday, some more than others but yeah more as of right now. Its just the burden of life I guess.

So, there are a couple alternative ways of dealing with it that aren't the "#girlboss" #gaslightmyself method.

Off the top of my head:

• Realizing that maybe if you aren't the best person for the job, you're the one that's there and the one to which your company had access. That's a them problem, not a you problem, you get paid either way.
• If you're under the age of 40, you've spent the bulk of your adult life in a time where companies don't train, so if you look back at people in the past and assume they got their jobs on merit or things they learned in school, then you aren't judging yourself against reality. Companies used to train people, you'd learn the skills you need on the job because your employer saw value in cultivating you into someone they could retain and use. Keep that in mind when you think about job stuff so you can be realistic about what you're actually up against.
• If it's something you've chosen to do, then you're the one who's doing it. It doesn't matter what other peoples' skill levels may be. You think Null is the hypothetical "best" person on the planet in terms of technical skills and social connections to run the Farms? Maybe not, but he is the one who cares enough to keep us up and to learn whatever he needs to learn to do things. He's the most tenacious, determined, and stubborn ooperator we could ask for. THAT'S what makes him the best guy for the position.

 

[Georgio Cocklord]

So, there are a couple alternative ways of dealing with it that aren't the "#girlboss" #gaslightmyself method.

Off the top of my head:

• Realizing that maybe if you aren't the best person for the job, you're the one that's there and the one to which your company had access. That's a them problem, not a you problem, you get paid either way.
• If you're under the age of 40, you've spent the bulk of your adult life in a time where companies don't train, so if you look back at people in the past and assume they got their jobs on merit or things they learned in school, then you aren't judging yourself against reality. Companies used to train people, you'd learn the skills you need on the job because your employer saw value in cultivating you into someone they could retain and use. Keep that in mind when you think about job stuff so you can be realistic about what you're actually up against.
• If it's something you've chosen to do, then you're the one who's doing it. It doesn't matter what other peoples' skill levels may be. You think Null is the hypothetical "best" person on the planet in terms of technical skills and social connections to run the Farms? Maybe not, but he is the one who cares enough to keep us up and to learn whatever he needs to learn to do things. He's the most tenacious, determined, and stubborn ooperator we could ask for. THAT'S what makes him the best guy for the position.

Its not really work related, its a lot more personal life related. I dont want to powerlevel cause its demeaning information but thanks, Ill keep them in mind.

 

[Justa Grata Honoria]

BDD fag here. How to cope with being female?

therapy and meds ,lots of therapy and meds. Hated being female due to being ugly as sin and hairy on top but it is what it is . Eventually you will accept it and learn to live with it. There is nothing much to it.

 

[Otterly]

but whenever I ask for him to do something for me he usually won't.

Ok that sucks. These are run of the mill things right? You’re not asking for the bizarre or impossible?

How much time do I give him to improve or show that he wants to improve

It’s not time so much as you need to be very very clear with him:
“X i love you. At the same time, we both work and I need you to do your share around the house. When I ask you to do reasonable things like clean up you don’t. I find this disrespectful and I am starting to feel like a surrogate mother. This is not sustainable. We need to discuss it.
Why do you not do your share? If it’s because you’re unwell, I can support you to get better but I cannot continue like this forever. I need you to change or this is a deal breaker. “ be absolutely clear what you want as an outcome, what’s not working now and what ‘it working’ would look like. Listen to his response. Work through it. If he commits to change give him time. If he doesn’t, you need to think hard about if you want to stay. Nothing kills love more than being a disrespected bangmaid

but I can't accept the reality that men are stronger than woman and no matter how hard I work in the gym I will never have muscle as impressive as males

That’s the reality though. It won’t change. You need to find a way of changing your view of it. This is one of the things good therapy can actually do. In the meantime use your female body to do athletic things that a male body finds harder - sports with grace etc

How important are things like careers and full independence to any of the women whom'st are here?

I dont give a shit about my career. I do care about independence. Giving up the ability to earn your own money is a Massive risk in a world where no fault divorce exists. If you want to give up your job you need a ring on your finger and a cast iron legal lockdown of what happens if he runs off with his secretary. I work full time. I’d happily be a stay at home mum if I had the money

Have any Femkiwis got experience with postpartum depression or psychosis? I’ve seen it referenced here and there online and the idea of it frightens me quite a bit. Any condition that could compel an otherwise normal mother to harm or neglect her own newborn children must be terrible indeed. How can it be recognized early, and how is it normally treated

Depression is v common, Almost normal in a way (sleep deprivation and hormones will hurt even the most stable of us.) doesn’t always need treatment just someone who can give your some sleep and a hand hold.
Severe PPD is a different matter and PPS is serious.
Bawling your eyes out because of some random thing like being out of teabags and still loving the baby and thinning what the fuck is going on here?’ = normal.
Any kind of break with reality needs immediate treatment. PPS is where you are losing touch with reality to the point you’re a danger to yourself and the baby even if you do t feel like you are. Hallucinating, delusions etc.
I have a friend who experienced PPS and was hospitalised for it. She started to have some odd behaviour while pregnant, obsessive worries over things happening to the baby. She was IMO sick before the birth. After, she went downhill rapidly, and became convinced that things would harm the baby and that she wouldn’t be able to stop them (she never tried to hurt the baby nor did she ever express a desire to.) but she was really in a bad way. She was hospitalised, they have special mum and baby units, and they gave her sedatives and antipsychotics. She was in for a week or so then home and gradually recovered.
It’s important to note that PPS isn’t simply a desire to harm the baby, and very few women with it actually do ( and most women who do kill babies don’t have PPS, they’re just killers.)

 

[Hassou Tobi]

Is it ok to PL?

I'm basically an autistic female. Currently only have my husband IRL after moving. I'm just quiet at work. The usual advice is just "get out there and talk to people, sure it will be awkward sometimes but you'll get better at it."

But what if...you just never really seem to get better at it and most interactions are awkward? Sending me on a shame spiral and further into myself and not wanting to do that to people?

To clarify I'm not totally hopeless and keep on top of things like eye contact and grooming. Actually I'm quite feminine and like designer clothing and keratin treatments for my hair, etc. Just kind of an awkward woman.

 

[Not a bee]

Is it ok to PL?

I'm basically an autistic female. Currently only have my husband IRL after moving. I'm just quiet at work. The usual advice is just "get out there and talk to people, sure it will be awkward sometimes but you'll get better at it."

But what if...you just never really seem to get better at it and most interactions are awkward? Sending me on a shame spiral and further into myself and not wanting to do that to people?

To clarify I'm not totally hopeless and keep on top of things like eye contact and grooming.

I heard talking to other irl autists could help because you all could be yourselves, take what I said with a grain of salt though.

 

[NoReturn]

Currently only have my husband IRL after moving.

This is hard to answer without knowing where you are. Maybe don't dox yourself, but can you describe the type of area and how it compares to where you came from?

 

[Hassou Tobi]

This is hard to answer without knowing where you are. Maybe don't dox yourself, but can you describe the type of area and how it compares to where you came from?

NYC to another large urban city.

I heard talking to other irl autists could help because you all could be yourselves, take what I said with a grain of salt though.

I tend to hate other autists/awkwards/nerds is the thing. Not liking the bad qualities in yourself that you see reflected in others, I guess? But also so many seem to be oblivious and empty headed in a way I'm not. Like nerds whose height of cultural sophistication is watching anime (which I also like, but....there's more to life.) They're just dumb as shit. I can't really explain it well. Am I just being difficult and pre-rejecting people to feel safe? hmm.

 

[Shidoen]

NYC to another large urban city.


I tend to hate other autists/awkwards/nerds is the thing. Not liking the bad qualities in yourself that you see reflected in others, I guess? But also so many seem to be oblivious and empty headed in a way I'm not. Like nerds whose height of cultural sophistication is watching anime (which I also like, but....there's more to life.) They're just dumb as shit. I can't really explain it well. Am I just being difficult and pre-rejecting people to feel safe? hmm.

Maybe they know their bad qualities and have accepted them even if it makes them look bad in public?