Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[My cravat doesn't flutter]

On tt lying as usual

Her skin has "never looked better"? I'm no skin care expert, but moisturizer seems like the last thing she needs.

What she needs:

 

[multiverse]

On tt lying as usual
View attachment 6016441

She has the skin of a roasted suckling pig, why does she think it looks good? What's with all the fugly fat narc lolcows who think they're gorgeous goddesses? Hubris.

 

[JambledUpWords]

She has the skin of a roasted suckling pig, why does she think it looks good? What's with all the fugly fat narc lolcows who think they're gorgeous goddesses? Hubris.

She’s been saying that for years. I remember circa 2020/2021 of Tess bragging about how “glowing” her skin is. Her skin only looks “glowing” in carefully done photos with photoshop involved. In real life, she looks like she washes her face in bacon grease and calls it a day. Deathfats quite often mistake their faces being excessively greasy to equal “good skin.”

 

[Stupid Cunthole]

She’s been saying that for years. I remember circa 2020/2021 of Tess bragging about how “glowing” her skin is. Her skin only looks “glowing” in carefully done photos with photoshop involved. In real life, she looks like she washes her face in bacon grease and calls it a day. Deathfats quite often mistake their faces being excessively greasy to equal “good skin.”

It's the only thing deathfats have ahold of besides what's left of their hair. Notice how it's only their face skin they brag about? The rest of their body is covered in stretchmarks and lumps and bumps. Doesn't matter where on their body, too. You can be overweight or even a little obese and still be considered pretty but sows are completely covered in rolls and rolls of disgusting fat and blemishes.

Tess is not pretty and she knows this. They're all the same. They pretend they eyefuck themselves in the mirror because they know that nobody but a fetishist would even want to sit next to their stank ass. Layers of makeup and filters to sell a lie that they're happy.

 

[Simon]

She has the skin of a roasted suckling pig, why does she think it looks good? What's with all the fugly fat narc lolcows who think they're gorgeous goddesses? Hubris.

It reminds me of Anna O'Brien and her shilling for face cream while she has bloody sores all over her face. So delusional.

 

[The Hardest R]

Some are delusional enough to equate greasy with shiny and glowing.

She’s been saying that for years. I remember circa 2020/2021 of Tess bragging about how “glowing” her skin is. Her skin only looks “glowing” in carefully done photos with photoshop involved. In real life, she looks like she washes her face in bacon grease and calls it a day. Deathfats quite often mistake their faces being excessively greasy to equal “good skin.”

She called her skin “dewy.” She’s so fat that I could easily see basic functions causing her to break out into a sweat unless air conditioning is cranked up.

 

[blue gopher snakes]

Friendly reminder that you don’t need to worry about random internet pedophiles creeping on your children’s pics on Instagram if you have a private profile and limit your followers to people you are close with irl. Screenshots of your children winding up on pedo Pinterest boards is a manufactured problem only experienced by attention whores.

Also Bowie is chunking up a bit too. Poor kids. It’s going to be very difficult for either of them to have a healthy relationship with food later in life.

 

[toilet_rainbow]

Also Bowie is chunking up a bit too. Poor kids. It’s going to be very difficult for either of them to have a healthy relationship with food later in life.

I’m sad but not surprised. Tess barely bothers to interact with him unless he is “taste testing” food for her social media. She taught him that he only gets Mommy’s attention if he eats with her. I can’t even say she taught him that he gets love with food, as Tess is often annoyed or even pissed with him in videos where they eat together or he wants a bite of her food. He’s still young enough to not realize how food aggressive or bitchy Tess is. He’s happy to be with her at all, even if they’re surrounded with food and there’s a camera in his face.

I don’t know if her sons or hypothetical daughters would be worse off from Tess’s “care.” All of them would develop horrible relationships with food at the absolute minimum. I’m glad Rylee is mostly free from Tess. Shame Bowie doesn’t have the same options.

 

[YouGuysAren'tThatSmart]

Her skin has "never looked better"? I'm no skin care expert, but moisturizer seems like the last thing she needs.

What she needs:

View attachment 6016491View attachment 6016489

Not enough pressure, you need a damn pressure washer to get rid of the barnacles on her underflaps!

 

[yousoundlikeanasshole]

She's waddling around again.

 

[𝓗𝓾𝓰𝓱 𝓦𝓸𝓽𝓶𝓪𝓮𝓽]

She's waddling around again.
View attachment 6028820

Imagine being proud of walking continuously for 30mins...

 

[Attractive Sexhaver]

She's waddling around again.
View attachment 6028820

Imagine being proud of walking continuously for 30mins...

Let's assume she weighs 300lbs. She burned something approximately 0.02348lbs with that hot girl walk. There are nursing home patients burning more calories turning over in their sleep. Truly fucking shameful effort. The only person who should be proud of a screenshot like that are the treadmill manufacturers who want to prove that their human exercise equipment can also be used to rehabilitate livestock.

 

[Diet Coke 4 Life]

She's waddling around again.
View attachment 6028820

Assuming that she has no knowledge of how to work a TechnoGym treadmill, it would have calculated her caloric burn based off of its default weight of 70kg, or approximately 155 lbs.

Using omnicalculator and the calories burned in the upper left hand corner of the picture, this puts her walking speed at exactly 0.8 mph.

WAY TO WALK, TESSY.

ngl, I am mildly jealous at her capability to maintain her balance at that slow of a speed.

 

[Azovka]

Assuming that she has no knowledge of how to work a TechnoGym treadmill, it would have calculated her caloric burn based off of its default weight of 70kg, or approximately 155 lbs.

Using omnicalculator and the calories burned in the upper left hand corner of the picture, this puts her walking speed at exactly 0.8 mph.

WAY TO WALK, TESSY.

ngl, I am mildly jealous at her capability to maintain her balance at that slow of a speed.

I am more surprised by her 112 MOVEs for half an hour. It’s a Technogym measurement to calculate movement regardless of age, weight, and fitness level.

According to their site, half an hour of walking should get you 200 MOVEs. She barely got more than half of it.

And that’s lowballing it. For instance, here’s a chill 30’ cooldown run I did on a Technogym Treadmill.

This half an hour workout gave me 800+ MOVEs at a slow running pace.. Way more than their 400 estimate. Again, I emphasise the “slow” part. This pace means a Marathon in 4h42 minutes.

It’s actually difficult to comprehend just how slow she was on her “hot girl walk”.
Jesus.
I think Anna O’Brien might be faster at this point.

 

[Bill Evans 45]

Using omnicalculator and the calories burned in the upper left hand corner of the picture, this puts her walking speed at exactly 0.8 mph.

I can't comprehend what this looks like. It's so slow it's like standing still for 25 of the 30.

 

[My cravat doesn't flutter]

I can't comprehend what this looks like. It's so slow it's like standing still for 25 of the 30.

I imagine it looks something like this:

 

[yousoundlikeanasshole]

Tess working out and telling people she is smart

 

[a modern Persian cat]

Yes, she is walking insanely slowly.

But I actually found what she was saying there more infuriating.

She is right in that, yes, when someone tells you something you didn't know or haven't considered, that doesn't mean you're stupid. But it means that there is something you didn't know or weren't considering. I swear "gaslighting" is one of the most overused words nowadays.

It also made me think if that immediate resorting to "you are gaslighting me" that too many cows seem prone to upon being confronted with new information somehow contributes to echo chambers: If someone tells you something you weren't taking into account, brand them as having evil intentions instead of letting other people's information or point of view somehow interact with your own.

Kinda sounds like what a stupid person would do?

 

[Haram-Habibi]

We might see another "30 minute walk" or two before she figures she's svelte enough for Hot Ass Summer.

 

[Oscar Winner]

We might see another "30 minute walk" or two before she figures she's svelte enough for Hot Ass Summer.

Oh God, I was worried about another bunch of bikini photos like we had at the “YES” house (in Palm Springs?). Then I remembered it appears she doesn't have friends anymore.