Horrorcow Cecily Kellogg / CecilyK / Uppercase Woman - unrepentant terrible human being liked by no one.

[Argonian Scum]

I mean, she is disgusting but if you read enough shit that didn't happen.txt from HAES nutjobs you notice a pattern.

"That cashier was smirking at my shopping list! Those kids at the playground tell stories about me! Those skinny bitches were laughing at me over their frappes! That guy only took me out because he has a fetish, and everybody at the restaurant was eating salad but MEEEEE!"

99% of the time they're projecting their own social anxiety and insecurities on everyone around them, especially after an afternoon of reading other fatties' horror stories.

 

[JudgingYou]

I think you mean Florida.

Don't I remember a sister in Seattle or nearbouts? I seem to remember Microsoft flying This twatwaffle to Seattle and she skipped meetings so she could hang with her sister.

I'm also remembering how Microsoft gave her a brand new laptop which she sold when she came home and ruined another client relationship by tweeting not a month later about how she needed a new MacBook.

 

[The Great Chandler]

They say you can't judge a book by its cover, but it shows.

 

[💗Freddie Freaker💗]

School supplies: Play dough, Kleenexes, some pencils and a bottle of cleaning products.

I am dying to know who, besides Cecily, would send their kids to this place. Every picture on their facebook is of kids playing. The most educative thing they do is read once in a while. Their math skills must be abysmal.

 

[Francis York Morgan]

Don't I remember a sister in Seattle or nearbouts? I seem to remember Microsoft flying This twatwaffle to Seattle and she skipped meetings so she could hang with her sister.

I'm also remembering how Microsoft gave her a brand new laptop which she sold when she came home and ruined another client relationship by tweeting not a month later about how she needed a new MacBook.

Jesus Christ, does this woman just go out of her way to piss everyone off?

I generally agree with the sentiments that Cecily has a low IQ but I think it's her arrogance that screws things over for her the most. She seems to believe she can get away with being an awful piece of shit.

 

[RI 360]

thank you, @exceptionalgoogle for that incredible rundown of her pretend battle with bulimia. What stands out to me the most in Cecily's writing and narratives is that she's so willing to extend the benefit of the doubt to herself and husband and literally to no one else. If she had a conscience, I think the weight of it from all the terrible things she's done would certainly drive her to suicide, lucky for her it's completely absent.

Also, I have southern family whose kids say sir and ma'am, all they did was remind them to end their sentences with it, there were no beatings. The idea of being consistent and caring about your child's development - particularly that they be kind and likable to others is completely foreign to her.

 

[Piga Dgrifm]

Is there an Unschooling thread yet?

 

[GingerDixie]

thank you, @exceptionalgoogle for that incredible rundown of her pretend battle with bulimia. What stands out to me the most in Cecily's writing and narratives is that she's so willing to extend the benefit of the doubt to herself and husband and literally to no one else. If she had a conscience, I think the weight of it from all the terrible things she's done would certainly drive her to suicide, lucky for her it's completely absent.

Also, I have southern family whose kids say sir and ma'am, all they did was remind them to end their sentences with it, there was no beatings. The idea of being consistent and caring about your child's development - particularly that they be kind and likable to others is completely foreign to her.

As a child from a southern family, the "sir" or "ma'am" thing is mostly to show that you respect the person you are talking to, especially your elders. Everyone down here does it, be they black, white, yellow, green, or orange. It's not a white trash thing to do. It means you have a fucking sense of decorum.

Which, of course, means no wonder Cecily loathes it.

 

[exceptionalgoogle]

Now I haven't been a mom for that long, but long enough to know that if my baby is sobbing and begging for me, maybe I should get off the fucking computer. And I would also wash dishes so I can cook and not eat out constantly while in foreclosure and bankruptcy. I'd probably even ignore new iPhones and refrain from sitting on my fat ass in front of the TV for hours on end instead of earning additional income. But not Cecily. She's just so exceptional.

 

[RI 360]

What kind of fucking monster is annoyed their kid wants a hug!?

 

[Ginger Piglet]

What kind of fucking monster is annoyed their kid wants a hug!?

The kind of stupendous narcissist that writes autismal screeds about being shamed for being fat while constantly failing to stop shovelling empty calories in her face-hole and who tries constantly to mould said kid into a Mini Me.

Now I haven't been a mom for that long, but long enough to know that if my baby is sobbing and begging for me, maybe I should get off the fucking computer. And I would also wash dishes so I can cook and not eat out constantly while in foreclosure and bankruptcy. I'd probably even ignore new iPhones and refrain from sitting on my fat ass in front of the TV for hours on end instead of earning additional income. But not Cecily. She's just so exceptional.

I dread to think what Cecily's cooking is like. I suspect it's like vegan cooking - brown gack - but with extra greasy stuff.

 

[C3PBRO]

You're all just jealous, because she's a genuine freak and you all have to wear a mask.

 

[ObeseScreamingBlackMan]

lol as if the Penguin is even half as fat or repulsive as Cecily.

 

[AnOminous]

You're all just jealous, because she's a genuine freak and you all have to wear a mask.

Nobody cared who I was until I put on the mask.

 

[Durable Mike Malloy]

The kind of stupendous narcissist that writes autismal screeds about being shamed for being fat while constantly failing to stop shovelling empty calories in her face-hole and who tries constantly to mould said kid into a Mini Me.



I dread to think what Cecily's cooking is like. I suspect it's like vegan cooking - brown gack - but with extra greasy stuff.

Here is a classic example of Cecily's cooking. She ran out of peanut butter when making chicken mole, so she added "sipping chocolate" and Nutella to the recipe instead and claimed it "totally worked."

She posted this example of culinary prowess to her Uppercase Woman blog while boasting about eating mostly organic, non-GMO foods and purporting to undershoot her calorie goals by hundreds of calories per day.

 

[Ginger Piglet]

View attachment 148586
Here is a classic example of Cecily's cooking. She ran out of peanut butter when making chicken mole, so she added "sipping chocolate" and Nutella to the recipe instead and claimed it "totally worked."

She posted this example of culinary prowess to her Uppercase Woman blog while boasting about eating mostly organic, non-GMO foods and purporting to undershoot her calorie goals by hundreds of calories per day.

It looks like a turd that someone's taken a wank on.

 

[Dog Prom 3D]

What kind of fucking monster is annoyed their kid wants a hug!?

The kind who refuses to fight with her husband like an adult and stages a psychodrama in front of her little girl that is so savage and intense the kid shits herself from misery and terror.

The kind who screams at her child for daring to interrupt her as she was watching the casualties from the Boston Marathon Bombing on a loop.

The kind who, along with her shit bag of a husband, ruin the only trip to Disney Tori will ever have - and probably the only real vacation she will ever have - because they are both too hip, intelligent and world weary to control their nasty attitudes long enough to let their child have fun. Signaling anti-consumerist and non-comformist ideas on a free trip were more important to them than Tori's happiness.

The kind who orders expensive take out and sushi but obtains second-hand bedding for her daughter and a used, filthy keyboard from a pawn shop for her only Christmas gift.

The kind who promises her daughter she will get a nice new dress for her aunt's wedding and talks about the trip to the wedding and hypes it until the child is super-excited, then decides at the last minute not to go because she can't afford it.

The kind who stopped working so she could transition into a work from home life so she could be with her daughter then put the toddler into daycare so she could Twitter all day uninterrupted.

Gonna stop here. I could spend an entire day typing up all the egregious parenting failures Cecily has shared with the world without any sense that any of it was inappropriate to post online.

 

[exceptionalgoogle]

ETA: Sorry, @Durable Mike Malloy, I was still composing this post when you posted yours!

I dread to think what Cecily's cooking is like. I suspect it's like vegan cooking - brown gack - but with extra greasy stuff.

Funny you should ask. Cecily tried to become a food blogger a couple years ago, with such delights as Nutella enchiladas. Don't they look appetizing?

Yes, she thought this poop smear on her plate was worthy of a blog entry.

Also, worth noting that Charlie claims his father "worked himself to death" toiling for The Man hence his desire to be "unemployable" (his word). Well, Cecily let slip that this wasn't quite the truth:

Now, Charlie's dad had scarlett fever as a child (which can cause serious heart damage) and also smoked three packs a day, never exercised, and ate fatty food all the time....

 

[ccoinhoarder]

Thread theme song. Well, it would be if Charlie was the topic at hand here, but still:

"Some people say I'm lazy, and my life's a wreck, but that stuff doesn't phase me, I get unemployment checks!"

 

[exceptionalgoogle]

@Dog Prom 3D, thanks for reminding me of Cecily blogging about raging to the point where Tori shit herself. Here's the post. Bear in mind Tori was 3 or 4 years old.

Spoiler: Rage shitting ahead

Simmering
by Cecily Kellogg on April 16, 2010
I should have seen it happening. I should have known.


Tori came home from school cranky. She refused a snack, which meant that her mood only got worse with time. At one point, I came across a picture of these adorable teacup baby pigs and I offered to show her the photo at which point she yelled NO! I, startled, said, "But they are so cute!" To which she kicked a chair, threw herself to the floor and began screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANYTHING CUTE! I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANYTHING CUTE!"

Flabbergasted, I ignored her until the storm passed. Eventually she ate some dinner and became a bit easier to deal with. As we usually do, I turned on the television to watch the evening news after dinner, a time Tori usually just plays with her toys or colors. But not tonight. Tonight she climbed all over me, yelling in my face, making me pause the news over a dozen times before I finally gave up on the news. Normally our deal is that she lets me watch the news and then we watch the Simpsons together before she goes up to bed (I love the way she watches the Simpsons; she laughs at every single line, because she hates missing the jokes, even when she doesn't understand them). This night she was ill-tempered through the Simpsons, and when it was time to take her to bed, both Charlie and I were relieved.

It was my turn (Charlie and I alternate both getting up with her and putting her to bed), so up the stairs we went. Tori was really breaking down, clearly exhausted, and she got more and more frustrating as we tried to brush teeth, wash her face, and get her in her pajamas.

I tried. I really did. But eventually, I was starting to lose it. And then… the bulb in her princess night light blew. We'd just bought a new bulb a day or two before, so I knew we had one in the house. But several other things had been in that bag… and Charlie couldn't find it.

I. Lost. My. Shit.

I knew that I'd handed the bag with the bulb to Charlie last, so he bore the brunt of my irrational fury. I raged. I "searched" for the bulb while tossing things to and fro, adding to the already chaotic mess of the living room. I yelled. Tori came downstairs, trying to get in the middle of it, and then she announced that she had to poop. I told her to go ahead to the bathroom and I'd come up when she done to wipe her, but she refused to go to the bathroom alone. I started trying to push her to go upstairs, and soon escalated to yelling at Tori while I was yelling at Charlie.

You know what happened, right?

Tori got really still all of a sudden. Charlie stopped in the middle of his attempts at self-defense, grabbed Tori, and started running up the stairs to the bathroom. But it was too late. Tori pooped all the way. I reeled it in enough to clean up the mess, and Charlie got her cleaned up. I came upstairs to get Tori ready for bed, and Charlie offered to go the store and get new bulbs. I was still muttering and complaining as I put on Tori's pajama shirt and pull-up.

Then Tori started crying and whining that she didn't like that shirt, it wasn't the one she wanted, and so on and so forth until I grabbed the shirt and yanked it off of her. Which of course hurt her when it snagged her chin a bit. Which of course led to more crying, and her saying, "You hurt me!"

[snip]

This happens to you, right? Tell me it does. Please.