Grace Lavery / Joseph Lavery & Daniel M. Lavery / Mallory Ortberg - "Straight with extra steps" couple trooning out to avoid "dwindling into mere heterosexuality"

[TheMonkeyMan]

Every one of Grace Lavery's outfits:

 

[Dr. Butt]

Mallory:

"Tennis time!...very fun...very fun...having a great time." I thought we were just joking by calling Mallory "Tard Baby," but is she literally a retarded baby?

She's trying to entertain a specific demographic of women who were on the outer edges of a subculture that no longer exists. They basically were the tard babies of the hipster scene. Wallflowers with non-hairstyles and no confidence who'd show up to parties/concerts to stand around quietly for the time it takes to finish one drink. Absolutely terrified of other women.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

Lily's ex-wife now going by she/they and working as a psychotherapist in Chicago.

I’m not even a lesbian but I’d pick Yelena over Joe six days a week and twice on Sunday.

Tasteful Russian woman translator, art historian, psychotherapist vs cross-dressing bloated academic fart huffer in gaudy garb and embarrassing sunglasses.

Seriously, if Lilly is into fanfic her ex could be a character in a spy fiction whereas Joe is just a rancid clown with extra chins.

Lilly was punching well above her weight class with Yelena.

 

[p0mm3rz]

That last one...ENHANCE:

Oh, she looks so much like her father.

 

[Trianon]

Oh, she looks so much like her father.
View attachment 6065324

John Ortberg: Thick, lustrous silver locks adorn a righteous head
Maltard: Peach fuzz struggles to protect an acne'd scalp from the rays of the sun

These pictures... I love them.

 

[Larry David's Opera Cape]

That last one...ENHANCE:

She thinks this pic makes her jaw line look good.

 

[AirdropShitposts]

The gang plays sports.
View attachment 6065022
That last one...ENHANCE:
Is she balding in the back? God she looks horrendous.

Anyway, the above tennis pics were posted by both Tard Baby and Joe. But their captions were quite different!

I think this is at MSU. In the picture I didn't take out of the quote, that siding is the siding of the Tennis Center out on the edge of campus by the highway, they have outside courts surrounded by a lot of trees:


The blurry building in the background of Joe's close up picture looks like a lot of them on MSU's campus too. Might be able to guess which one if I pulled up a map and looked at the ones that would be within range but that seems a bit overkill.

 

[monstrous bubo]

She thinks this pic makes her jaw line look good.

First she grows Joe’s moustache, and now she’s growing his jowls. Pity she can’t grow his lank greasy locks anymore.

She’s still struggling through Jane Austen, but luckily the free local papers have pictures, simpler sentences, and useful life advice.

Spoiler: I like horsies

link | archive


link | archive

 

[Autistic Nonetheless]

For someone so obviously playing up to the glamour of the NYC freelance writer lifestyle why are they so bad at it ? I know you have to fake the authenticity as well but this is like watching people in their forties who are still fully committed to the goth life.
But a goth can always just dress normally for a job interview. Guess once you’ve done this to yourself what else is there but to keep going?


With Joe I at lest know it’s bait. He would smear himself in shit to offend you with the smell. But Mallory... girl what are you doing?

 

[CyrusKissFanClub]

Joe's booklet Closures: Heterosexuality and the American Sitcom can be found here:

http://library.lol/main/1D1E3AD5015F4131C03F9705D1A2D53F

http://libgen.li/ads.php?md5=1D1E3AD5015F4131C03F9705D1A2D53F

 

[Dromedary]

Meanwhile, repulsively hypersexual Joe had this to say about the pics:

Behold Joe's devastating wit. It's like he has one quip template he uses over and over and over again.
"Here's me (doing something glam like a screen treatment) but (KINKY TWIST). Har har. Get a job to feed your kid, you fat useless fuck.

 

[Aunt Carol]

She’s still struggling through Jane Austen, but luckily the free local papers have pictures, simpler sentences, and useful life advice.

Maybe now that she's in a smaller pond, she's setting up for the arc of Danny Lavery, Boy Reporter.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

Maybe now that she's in a smaller pond, she's setting up for the arc of Danny Lavery, Boy Reporter.

I already sense “transparenthood” is their new content angle, while it lasts.

If a major media outlet wants content about Father’s Day one must include a new trans-dad from a polycule who’s not biologically related to the child and the actual father is playing mommy.

Danny was quick to churn out that piece after one whole month of living with a baby. Look for lots more!

 

[Trianon]

Maybe now that she's in a smaller pond, she's setting up for the arc of Danny Lavery, Boy Reporter.

There is NO way she could accomplish even the most basic of local reporting tasks, like rewriting press releases, let alone doing any level of working a beat. She could swing a column, maybe, because they might be shorthanded enough not to be picky about someone wanting to write something once a week, but on the other hand, there isn't ROOM for anything that isn't getting eyeballs. A transplant trans-parent advice column is not going to be enough.

Plus her dumb commentary is getting my hackles up. Yes, Mallory, you're so much better at writing headlines than the locals. Which is why your publication went under.

 

[Larry David's Opera Cape]

Maybe now that she's in a smaller pond, she's setting up for the arc of Danny Lavery, Boy Reporter.

Well "columnist at medium sized town paper" would at least be one of the few jobs that pays less than being a nursing home art supply wrangler.

 

[Coo Coo Bird]

She could swing a column, maybe, because they might be shorthanded enough not to be picky about someone wanting to write something once a week

Remember how her Dear Prudence column turned out? If she's too much of a loony leftist for Slate readers, she's way too detached from normies to write for a small local paper. She keeps mocking how simple the headlines are, not understanding they're meant to be clear and easily understandable. She also doesn't seem to understand that small free papers are primarily used as advertising for local businesses, and read by people who want to know where to go on Friday night.

I do want to see how much of a disaster her parenting advice column would be.

 

[bei_rav]

As this is paywalled, Tard Baby’s contribution is extracted below.

"You need a good pair of noise-reducing headphones. Not completely noise-canceling, obviously, but there’s a substantial difference between a curious squeak and a full-blown cry for food. Mack’s makes the best earplugs. If that’s too effective or low-tech for you, Loop makes a good, middle-of-the-road, noise-filtering pair of plugs."

Truly insane advice for a new parent. So a "curious squeak" from your baby isn't worth interacting with? This is some barren sisterwife shit, no one else could come up with it.

Goes without saying that heterosexuality is selling out, but literally shilling products (to define and overwrite the most primal human relationship, no less) isn't.

 

[Larry David's Opera Cape]

Truly insane advice for a new parent. So a "curious squeak" from your baby isn't worth interacting with? This is some barren sisterwife shit, no one else could come up with it.

Goes without saying that heterosexuality is selling out, but literally shilling products (to define and overwrite the most primal human relationship, no less) isn't.

I wonder, what would Mal and her coworkers at The Toast have to say about a young father who asked for earplugs (to better tune out the curious squeaks of his infant) for Father's Day?

 

[Dr. Butt]

luckily the free local papers have pictures, simpler sentences, and useful life advice.

Spoiler: I like horsies

View attachment 6065888
link | archive

View attachment 6065889
link | archive

What a fucking bitch.

 

[Bookwork]

Can Mal even differentiate between her local paper and The Onion?