Phil’s fear of women

[SauceRyuKen]

That's funny cause when I hear his cadence he sounds like a retarded Canadian who keeps making statements...that are choppy....and they GO UP.....and then go UPSOMEMORE.... and you think he's done .......but he doesn't go down when he's finished so you don't knoooo.

It's like some nerd WANNABE? Who has a couple times read a word of the day CALENDAR? That finishes all his statements in a QUESTION? And hypes himself UP like THIS? Right? Right.

A lot of it is lonely person speech patterns. Making questions soothes them. Feels like they're having an actual conversation. But this is mostly acted. His natural speech patterns come to light when he's frustrated. He talks more in run on sentences, sometimes loses his train of thought. He's clearly uncomfortable with conversations that can't be curated. And he wants to avoid speaking his mind. But it does sound more natural. He's at his most natural when bitching about Street Fighter.

Essentially he talks like a girl from cali, Valley Girls, they were all the rage in the 2000's. Not to go all Steve Of The Dead on your collective asses but narcs tend to form a personality based on fiction or celebrities they like. Checks out with Phil, the whole heel wrasslin' persona. And he formed his speech around popular TV shows of the time. He's mentioned not understanding the ending of The Sopranos before, but he definitely latched on to that. The whole fake Italian persona. Plus the way he horribly butchers some words. Frahgs. Ghalf. He says Ghalf exactly like Big Pussy Bonpensiero, which is telltale, because almost nobody else butchers it in that very specific way. The OC featured a lot of valley girl upward inflections.

Oh, shit, we're being hit n' run'd by Lidl Drip. Protect your balls, fellow moids, she's a killer. I'll take the bait, I guess!

Braindead coomers really see a man act respectful towards his wife and not drool over videogame titties and think he's gay, lmao.

Okay lol, but they sleep in separate beds, he's let it slip multiple times. Come on, even ice queens ocasionally want the D. Khet only ever wants the Mickey D.

There's respecting your wife and there's treating your wife with the same respect you'd give a stranger at a church mass. They're roommates at best. And he frequently makes her seem like a fucking regard live on stream. "Oh noes, Khet threw some chicken bones in the garbage disposal and just stared at it like a deer in headlights, I had to be a man and fix it!" "Oh damn, Khet put some sour cream instead of whipped cream on her French Toast and almost cried, I had to fix it by ordering more doordash!"

Hope you have some righteous female fury for him, because he really makes her seem like a dum dum. To be fair she's benzo'd out of her skull, but y'know, could still be nice about it, don't air the dirty laundry to the Dentheads.

I can't even imagine being that autistic and poorly socialized.

I got an inkling that you can, actually. (Sorry, it was a great setup. Pls Nool don't smite me.)

Yeah doods, a real heterosexual man announces that his dick is HARD

NEVER WASTE A BONER!!! LET ALL YOUR HOMIES KNOW YOU GOT A BONER!!!

Obviously we don't and it's not like we have to make a meat market out of everything, but you couldn't ask Phil if he thinks Emma Watson has a pretty face. Specially over certain ages we really don't talk about bobs and vagene all day, but some stuff is fairly innocent, and he refuses to engage in any of it, which, again, alien skinsuit and all that. For a male with a mostly male audience, it's kind of a faux pas. You couldn't ask Phil who is best girl in Persona without him giving a snake laugh and a sarcastic non-answer. "Teddy! Teddy is the best girl! Oh my god... Tsss. Tuhuh."

It just takes away a possible conversation. I don't think a guy has to be drooling over a relationship in a videogame. I think Shepard and Liara or Femshep and Garrus are pretty good. I think Piper is a cool romance in Fallout 4. It doesn't necessarily have to be about TEH SEX. But it's weird that Phil can't engage with these characters on even a basic level to decide which ones he likes best, you know?

when he sees a boob on stream,

Literally all it takes, yes. Universally. Every man. A single boob. Every time.

It's a dude thing. Pointing out how ridiculously fanservicey some outfits are doesn't, necessarily, have to be immature, and it can be made funny. It's about charisma, but of course Phil's got negative charisma, so meh. Maybe he IS better off scrapping any and all sex jokes.

And he still makes them about men. All the damn time. Sees a muscular black man, "Oh hey now stud. I once looked like that... In my dreams!". Those aren't any more mature than saying Ivy from soulcalibur is very well dressed for a day at the office. And I don't think that putting Skarlet in a literal battle burka for MK11 was necessarily more mature, refined or adult. Specially when Johnny Cage and Kano were still absolute beefcakes parading around shirtless.

Fighting games in particular have been intrinsically tied to athtletic, toned physiques since their very inception and even married man and dad Max Dood will openly declare that Cammy looks good in high boots and a thong. Doesn't automatically make a guy a gooner to see and react to what's on display. Plus Capcom has some of the thirstiest designs you'll ever see.

lest some retard might think he's not attracted to women because he doesn't drool over sexy anime babes at every possible moment.

See, this is why I think you're a great troll, because you twist things in these specifically infuriating ways. You KNOW nobody said anime. You KNOW anime is generally perceived as more pathetic than real women. You're making this about us and our bodypillows and HOW DARE YOU.

I think you're a funny shitposter and it's great that you graced the DSP board with your bullshit. But yeah, I hope the regular peeps don't take it the wrong way if they don't know your history. Obviously none of this stuff carries any weight over the general topic. Generally shitposters get BTFO around these parts. I still 'member Pickle. Regardless, trolls are an important part of forum culture. A respectful fedora tip to you, m'lady.

Ah, and about the last point: No, Phil really is being extremely fucking weird even about chaste romance stories with only implied sex at best. Refusing to do romance quests in games and everything. It's not even just the anime stuff. It's not looking poorly on bikini outfits in Genshin Impact, it's refusing to romance anyone in Mass Effect or Baldur's Gate.

EDIT: Fixed a doublepost

 

[Mysterious Figure]

Part 2 came out last week. He's happily married, dood.

Thanks for linking. This is fucking hilarious!

 

[QwahlityKahntent]

His reactions to attractive males are, I feel, what he truly wants

like vid related. his instant subconscious reaction gives away his faggotry here. then he thinks "oh shit, i better cover that up with a joke".
i just know that when i see a muscular naked black man, my initial instinct isnt to stop mid sentence and stare slack-jawed in silence for 5 seconds

 

[Cyber Bowling]

He almost always acted as a jilted lover around Rambo. He acted as a jilted lover around Brian as well, not letting him strike a conversation with Kekon. It's not like he's not surrounded by dents and degenerates. If he wanted to sext a dude, I'm sure Anonymouse, Swagginz or OIC would have been receptive. He has this weird admiration for manly men, and he considers troon porn funny and not offensive, so maybe in another life he would have actually been a flaming faggot. Not in this one though. No one has less patience for ED than gay men.

I think Phil has an early middle school view on relationships. He places more value (as much as someone like Phil can) on male friendships because he's still at that point where girls have cooties. But I think Phil does genuinely want companionship in his life, even if it's more friendship focused than romantic. Phil's biggest issue is he's so greedy he doesn't understand friendship is a two way street, so his idea of friendship is he wants someone who admires him and drives him around places. I guess it's more like a sidekick than anything else.

I do think there's something a little deeper with his view on muscular men, but it isn't a sexual thing, just...admiration, I guess? It's hard to put into words because I really have to try and go back to how an 8 year old thinks. I think part of it is definitely from Phil being a wrestling fan growing up, but basically, he wants to see himself as this strong massive dude that other people admire/potentially fear, who is this strong badass he can kick anyone's ass. Phil is essentially LARPing as who he wants to be when he grows up, completely ignorant of the fact that he's (technically) a fully grown adult.

This isn't meant to just be an insult against Phil, I think there's a genuine ring of truth when people say he's socially/emotionally stunted. It's not that he's like...completely in the mind of a 12 year old or something, he obviously knows some adult concepts and can (surprisingly) survive without adult supervision. Not necessarily well, but enough to not be homeless and get his basic needs met. But then in other areas, it's like he has the mind of a spoiled toddler.

 

[Incel Death Note]

Braindead coomers really see a man act respectful towards his wife and not drool over videogame titties and think he's gay, lmao. I can't even imagine being that autistic and poorly socialized. Yeah doods, a real heterosexual man announces that his dick is HARD when he sees a boob on stream, lest some retard might think he's not attracted to women because he doesn't drool over sexy anime babes at every possible moment.

So true, it's great to see a man respect his mo- his wife. Not enough men respect their mo- their wife the way Phil does. He treats his mo- his wife like a queen.

 

[Malcolm X]

Maybe not just a size thing, but also a "skill issue".

I'm not sure these are separate. Given how Dave's understanding of the world seems to have been frankensteined out of '90s television and film, I wouldn't be surprised to learn that he equates "big dick" and "good at sex". Not only that, but that equation also gives Phil the one thing he wants more than even money or food: an excuse for failure that absolves him of responsibility. I'm bad at sex and Leanna is constantly dissatisfied and wants me to do better? Nothing I can do, dood, I don't have a BBC. It also dovetails with his "investigation" into cock embiggening. If he takes the right pill, he becomes Chad Thundercock and is then good at sex, without having to pay attention to his partner's needs and turn-ons, exert any effort, or change anything about what he's already doing, i.e., the ideal Phil solution.

 

[Cyber Bowling]

I'm not sure these are separate. Given how Dave's understanding of the world seems to have been frankensteined out of '90s television and film, I wouldn't be surprised to learn that he equates "big dick" and "good at sex". Not only that, but that equation also gives Phil the one thing he wants more than even money or food: an excuse for failure that absolves him of responsibility. I'm bad at sex and Leanna is constantly dissatisfied and wants me to do better? Nothing I can do, dood, I don't have a BBC. It also dovetails with his "investigation" into cock embiggening. If he takes the right pill, he becomes Chad Thundercock and is then good at sex, without having to pay attention to his partner's needs and turn-ons, exert any effort, or change anything about what he's already doing, i.e., the ideal Phil solution.

Him looking for pills is definitely the equivalent of him shopping for a fight stick, or a new monitor/capture device for Street Fighter and insisting not having it was the reason he lost, but now that he has it, his matches will be so much better. Only to continually lose and move onto a new excuse. The "maturity" one works so well because it's not one that can ever really be disproven. If he can claim he can fix input lag or whatever with new equipment, it raises the question of how he's still losing and he has to fallback on new excuses or memory hole that he claimed the new product would work. With "maturity" as an excuse, he's fine unless Khet calls him out on it. I mean, we can obviously point to all the examples of Phil being immature/how maturity has nothing to do with whether you'd sleep with your wife or not, but he's not trying to convince us, he's trying to convince Khet. In one of the few times I'd ever question her density, I don't know if Khet is wise enough to question Phil's "logic". I always assumed she went along with it because she wants nothing to do with him physically because it's kinda weird to sleep with your roommate.

 

[Sicko Hunter]

like vid related. his instant subconscious reaction gives away his faggotry here. then he thinks "oh shit, i better cover that up with a joke".
i just know that when i see a muscular naked black man, my initial instinct isnt to stop mid sentence and stare slack-jawed in silence for 5 seconds

View attachment 6158501

Yeah the closeted gay guy raised in the catholic church is just openly lusting after cock on his livestream his wife watches. Makes sense to me. Every cock joke isn't just him having the brain capacity of a 13 year old he's openly flaunting his love of men and penis.

 

[QwahlityKahntent]

Yeah the closeted gay guy raised in the catholic church is just openly lusting after cock on his livestream his wife watches. Makes sense to me. Every cock joke isn't just him having the brain capacity of a 13 year old he's openly flaunting his love of men and penis.

his fat whale roommate doesnt watch him, as if that would make him less gay anyway. hes a fucking literal actual faggot

 

[Sicko Hunter]

his fat whale roommate doesnt watch him, as if that would make him less gay anyway. hes a fucking literal actual faggot

Your theory is Phil is a gay guy with Kat as a beard to cover up his gayness. Why would a closeted homosexual man be openly lusting for cock on his stream? He is already extremely paranoid. He is so terrified he won't even pick up the phone but you think he's broadcasting his love of dick to thousands of people? I get this is mostly just a joke but this is retarded. If anything Phil would be doing the exact opposite. He'd be doing his "over sexualized" commentary talking about tits and shit because he doesn't want people to think he's gay.

 

[QwahlityKahntent]

He is already extremely paranoid.

hes also extremely low IQ and doesn't realize how obvious he is

He'd be doing his "over sexualized" commentary talking about tits and shit because he doesn't want people to think he's gay.

what hes doing is still an extreme over reaction, just in the opposite direction. both things point to him being a faggot

 

[YHWH's Strongest Soldier]

I don't think that Phil has the capacity for being either straight or gay since he's mentally stuck as a 10 year old. He knows that penis goes into hole and that girls are icky because they pee on your pp. His marriage with Kat is also how an 8-year old views adult relationships. Man makes money while woman stays at home and they both sleep in the same bed. Homos and dicks are funny but you must be respectful to mature women so mom doesn't get upset. Similarly, his relationship with Panda Lee is how children view teenage relationships. They're supposed to have sex and make indecent jokes.

Phil really is just low IQ and his behavior is blindly based on stereotypes taught to him by society, media and his parents. If mature and respectable adults were supposed to be coke-fueled swingers, that's what DSP would be doing. Since he associates dead marriages with maturity, that's his current state of affairs.

 

[Ultrapenguin]

I don't think that Phil has the capacity for being either straight or gay since he's mentally stuck as a 10 year old.

I mostly agree (especially about his relationships) although to be fair we know Philburt has some type of sexual proclivities because we've seen the video evidence of it. There's something on that screen he's cranking it to. What is that thing? I'm not sure, that's a lost piece of detractor knowledge sadly.

He obviously experiences some type of physiological reaction to tits, he's just so scared of that reaction he'll only indulge in his scandalous heterosexual urges while watching porn in the privacy of his office. Wouldn't want the wife to know his secret.

 

[YHWH's Strongest Soldier]

I mostly agree (especially about his relationships) although to be fair we know Philburt has some type of sexual proclivities because we've seen the video evidence of it. There's something on that screen he's cranking it to. What is that thing? I'm not sure, that's a lost piece of detractor knowledge sadly.

What do young coomers jerk to? Phil probably has his set of mildly weird fetishes that he indulges in only in the privacy of pornography with significant feelings of shame. It's pretty likely he watches standard hetero porn with a small chance of more peculiar fetishes considering how uncomfortable he gets around certain topics like blacks and muscular mustached men. Honestly, I wouldn't be too surprised if he consumed blacked porn due to his shy-girl awkwardness and nail-biting whenever Africans appear on his screen. Still, I'd probably be more concerned if he was just masturbating without any external stimulus like some mega autist.

The wife is of course not be included in his sexuality because adult men are not supposed to discuss these things with adult women since that's indecent. Kat is supposed to just be around his house and sometimes sleep in his bed (fully clothed of course). Missionary is only to be done in the moments of greatest desperation.

Edit: Yeah, he does it to anime titties. Real women are scary and drawn pornography will never hurt poor Phil.

 

[Sicko Hunter]

There's something on that screen he's cranking it to. What is that thing? I'm not sure, that's a lost piece of detractor knowledge sadly.

Phil's porn search history has been leaked at least once by accident in his search bar during really old videos. If I remember correctly he was looking at anime titties and some other really generic porn stuff.

 

[Cyber Bowling]

I mostly agree (especially about his relationships) although to be fair we know Philburt has some type of sexual proclivities because we've seen the video evidence of it. There's something on that screen he's cranking it to. What is that thing? I'm not sure, that's a lost piece of detractor knowledge sadly.

He obviously experiences some type of physiological reaction to tits, he's just so scared of that reaction he'll only indulge in his scandalous heterosexual urges while watching porn in the privacy of his office. Wouldn't want the wife to know his secret.

I admit this is getting into tinfoil hat territory, but I almost wonder if, working off of what Overachiever said, Phil was only doing what he thought was "normal" for guys his age. Like, it was just another adult thing (literally and figuratively in this case) he worked into his schedule because, with his extremely limited world view mostly shaped by 80's and 90's pop culture, it's just one of those things guys do. Or it was just a rare moment of Phil having a human urge that wasn't inspired by getting food or money.

both things point to him being a faggot

To be fair, we're trying to figure out whether Phil is gay. I think we can all agree he's a faggot.

 

[Big Brown Schlub]

I still maintain that he looked at his top tipper leaderboard while he was whacking off during the incident.

 

[Axiom.]

I still maintain that he looked at his top tipper leaderboard while he was whacking off during the incident.

The Playstation music really sets the scene that might've been true

 

[Beverly Sutphin]

Your theory is Phil is a gay guy with Kat as a beard to cover up his gayness. Why would a closeted homosexual man be openly lusting for cock on his stream? He is already extremely paranoid. He is so terrified he won't even pick up the phone but you think he's broadcasting his love of dick to thousands of people? I get this is mostly just a joke but this is retarded. If anything Phil would be doing the exact opposite. He'd be doing his "over sexualized" commentary talking about tits and shit because he doesn't want people to think he's gay.

Before Phil got married, he would REALLY oversexualized his content. Let's not forget the condo tour when he was feeling up one of the statues with his hoof. Like I said before, Phil isn't gay and he has a history of calling women "teases", "sluts", etc...and even putting his own mother in that same category. I still think he has feelings about women that fall into the MGTOW bucket: women suck, they're all gold diggers, and they all want your money.

That and he has issues with sex in general, either due to his Roman Catholic upbringing - having spent time around Roman Catholics, especially the HARDCORE Bible bangers, they see sex as a "bad thing" and "You have to suppress those feelings and thoughts." and it's meant for procreation, not because you have a biological urge to sexually want to please your romantic partner. That's bad, well, according to them.

Like I mentioned before, Phil doesn't possess the mental and emotional maturity for any kind of relationship, let alone a sexual relationship or marriage. I think he moved away from oversexualizing his content from "Man, took the tits on THAT girl!" to "OMG, that fridge is sexually harassing me! No!" because he thought "Well, I'm married now and I can't talk about that, because that's what married people do." Married people also sleep in the same Goddamn bed, Phil! Not in separate bedrooms and live their lives as roommates. That and they don't slap a ring on someone that they only knew for less than a year!

Like I said, Phil is just...fucking weird. He's also been noted to be socially awkward around people, especially women. Hell, he was awkward around Leanna when he first brought her on camera - not Asian, BTW - and even awkward when he brought souldmaid and going "It's okay, baby...if you're tired, we understand." and the way he touched her arm, it was like a 6th grader touching the arm of their crush. Also, when she came back and saw that Khat got HUGE, the first thing he said was that she's "not pregnant." Again, if Khat was mentally and emotionally matured herself, she would've gave Phil a look of "The hell is your problem, why would you say that????"

So, not gay. Just extremely socially awkward.

 

[myone]

he was feeling up one of the statues with his hoof

history of calling women "teases", "sluts", etc...and even putting his own mother in that same category

Roman Catholic upbringing

"OMG, that fridge is sexually harassing me! No!"

socially awkward around people, especially women.

the way he touched her arm, it was like a 6th grader touching the arm of their crush

A very avantgarde choice of you to make a list of DSP being very gay and finish it with a banger like

So, not gay. Just extremely socially awkward.