We are fucking LIVE! Cog smacks away some bugs and greets us from his tiny tent. Hi Cog!
Mrs. Cog will not be joining us tonight. No girls allowed at this sleepover. Perhaps she'll make an appearance later to bring Mr. Cog some more snacks. Cog reveals that his tent is at an "undisclosed location". Good luck finding him, alogs!
To start the show off, Cog plays his sad violin music and performs a comedic monologue about falling on hard times and becoming homeless. The music is playing from his phone speakers and is barely audible. He pretends to weep while showing off today's snacks.
He jokingly asks for donos to help him out in his hard times. Don't worry, this is all a gag. Cog is actually quite wealthy.
No dings today. This is a stripped back indie stream. Cog asks if we can at least hit $100 so he can eat tomorrow. $2/100!
Chat is loving this stream.
Cog agrees that this is, in fact, cogtent.
To prove how down on his luck he truly is, he shows us his bottle of water. It's Nestle! It's gonna taste really gross!
If you thought going off the grid would stop Cog from talking about Steel Toe, think again! He pulls up a video and holds it up to the camera.
He can't read chat, but that's fine. No one is donating. The Steel Toe segment is aborted as he goes back to asking for donos. He says that if he gets $10, he can eat again, then waves around his mini Pork Pies. Why does he need ten dollars if he already has the food?
Rhetorical question. The money is for the privilege of watching him eat.
"At least I can smoke during the show now." Work AND play. This is truly Cog's dream come true.
"I'm just waiting for the support to come though." There is no show planned for tonight. He is literally just going to sit in a tent and smoke weed while begging for money.
Struggling to find something to talk about, Cog starts showing off his camping equipment. Nice flashlight!
"So did you guys hear that Boogie got fired?"
Now he's just reading chat and asking them to donate again. "I thought people would support this content. I should have just left it as a video."
Cog is telling us about his food plans. He is going to have to ration his snacks and save the potato chips for tomorrow. No sloppy chip mukbang today. Sorry Bunghole Tiger.
"I'm gonna have to smoke more to keep the bugs away."
Piano man loves to help the needy.
Is that a sneaky superchat???
It was not.
Mrs. Cog is here now to help with the technical issues. Chat is broken, and no new chats are showing up.
Prisoner #214 resubscribes. Cog sees it pop up in chat. Turns out chat isn't broken, there's just no one talking. $7/100!
He's getting desperate, and is now resorting to stripping for cash. He offers to take off his hat if we hit the goal. Not even an hour of homelessness and he's already turning to sex work.
Another $5 comes in! Cog is finally allowed to mukbang his Pork Pies. $12/100
He chews loudly, smacks his lips, and talks with his mouth open. This is a sight to behold.
Cog looks to his phone for some media to play. He finds a video about wilderness survival tips, and plays it. It is impossible to hear what is being said in the video. After a minute,he pauses it to look at chat. No one has said anything.
"How are we doing on battery life?"
It's getting dark. This stream is getting scary. Cog is all alone in the wilderness. I have asked my friends to keep him company.
Another dono! $17/100
Another hard-earned snack! He pours the entire bag of chips into his mouth.
"I thought I'd get more support for this, but no." The grim reality of the situation is starting to set in as he sadly smokes his weed.
Cog's Norwegian feeder generously donates more from his own boiled cabbage and potato fund. $19/100
Another big dono! $20/20! Cog has now officially made back the money he spent on his tent.
COGMEDY CORNER:
There are a few moments of silence. Cog cocks his ear says "Do you hear that? I think it's a sasquatch! He's coming for my Pork Pies!"
"Anyone? Anyone? Please... Anyone?" Someone please talk to Cog. He's getting lonely out here and there's a sasquatch afoot.
"Press one if you think I should just end the stream." All 3 people in chat smash those twos, then 2 Smokes come in! $30/100
Mo money mo mukbangs
*Ralph voice* "MMMM, SCRUMPTIOUS"
NEW GOAL! If we hit $50, he will buy another tent and go camping again tomorrow. Please someone, donate. We need this arc to continue.
"Kino Casino is going to have their best episode ever. What else do I give you other than literal cogtent?" He swats away some bugs.
He pulls out his phone. "I think I'm gonna play some sad songs."
The way he smokes is so cool. He compares camping to the video game Valheim and asks chat to donate again.
If we hit the $50 goal, not only will Cog buy a nicer tent, but a barbeque as well. No better way to sweeten the deal than with some more mukbangs.
Haha! $35/100
"Only if we get some support coming through."
Cog is finding it difficult to move around in his child-sized tent, and shows off a little leg.
"Send out those links, chat." Why are there only 21 live viewers? Does no one want to watch a man begging from his back yard?
"No one's sending in any media. I set everything up so I could play media." A dono comes in without any media. Cog is doomed to spend the rest of the night in quiet solitude. No funny videos. No gay songs. No Maya Media. No chatters. No wifey. Nothing but the sound of the airplanes flying over his little tent.
"I appreciate the support. I can buy more beans." $36/100
"Are there any memes? Have you made any memes for Hobo Cog?" The cogcord is barren. There are no memes.
I don't know if digging for gold is part of the game Valheim, but I imagine this is very similar.
This is getting bleak. No one is chatting. Even my friends have abandoned him.
Cog once more urges his 21 viewers to donate. "Press 1 in chat if you want to see more 'cogtent' tomorrow." One person responds, undecided. Let's see how the rest of this stream plays out first.
"I'm just gonna sit here, all patient like."
"Terrible. Terrible. We might have to end this."
Another dono and some weed questions. Cog is a sativa man. $37/100!
Asking for donos again. Get this guy some Smokes before he starves! Thankfully, DrBHunter donates $5 through paypal. Can we smash the goal? I want to see Cog stream from a tent every day from now on. This fucking rules. $42/100!
CYBER TAZ IS HERE AND DONATES $10, SMASHING TODAY'S GOAL! Taz has guaranteed us another day of "cogtent". Cog is saying "cogtent" a lot today. I love his creative little puns. He plays some video game music on his phone and asks for more donos. $52/100
WEEEEEEEOOOOOOOWEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOO! An extremely loud police siren blares from nearby. "WOT WAS THAT, CHAT?"
"I thought we'd at least get a hundred today, but no. It's so over."
Cog is coming to terms with how small his tent is now that the stream is winding down. He can't even move around without smashing into the walls and ceiling. "If you want to see me stream until the batteries run out, I'm gonna need to see a big fifty come through." Bunghole? Malechick? Taz? Anyone? Anyone?
Starting to worry we won't see another 2 hours of Cog scratching at bug bites and smoking weed.
With the stream layout scuffed, Cog sets an old fashioned timer; if we get that big dono by the time he finishes smoking this next joint, the stream will continue. Tick tock, feeders.
He smokes in silence, waiting for the donos to roll in. "How we doing, chat?" There are no new messages.
No more donos come in. The show is over. o7s!
"No beans for me."
Smoke break length: 2:15:26
Money added to the feeding fund: $52
Coffee consumed: 0
Misc. mukbangs: 1 package mini Pork Pies, 1 bag potato chips, 1 Nestle water bottle
Ralph references: minimal
