@Forsaken Wanderer
Dude, now you're making it obvious you're not really looking for any advice and just fishing for attention.
"I didn't follow any of the advice given to me, woe is me, I am lost, all is hopeless. Why won't women pay attention to me?"
Have you considered NOT being a gigantic faggot?
"
Existential dread is no excuse for living in filth
"
Let me get this straight, in 2+ weeks you "Only had enough time to vacuum."
You have previously admitted that it takes an ungodly amount of time for you to type less than 300 words onto Kiwifarms.
Nigger, how about you don't post on here wallowing in self pity and instead make your bed, a much better use of your time.
You can call me a faggot all you like but I do have trouble doing basic things and that is the truth, I am trying but somehow I always fail.
Did you tell us what that horrid job is exactly? Are you running 12h shifts in the canned tuna factory? The fuck are you even doing that it kills you this much?
I do work in a factory and it's a very high stress job, and i'm on call in the morning and some weekends, and I get up at 230am so I'm very tired when I get home.
@isalaide I appreciate your kindness despite how easy it is to be annoyed at me as a waste of time.
Can you elaborate on what you said about parts of my brain shutting down? I do feel as though I have a loss of mental faculties and ability to feel things, and I have been finding it harder and harder to think. Is medication really the only way to get my brain working again? I spoke to a random polack online and he said something similar about needing to fix pathways in the brain, although he is all about doing it with mushrooms.
I know I won't be able to work much longer. I've expected this for the past decade and somehow despite being miserable every day I force myself to go to work. But it's taken it's toll and this current job is so high stress that it's too much to deal with so I'm failing to keep up with this bit by bit. It's just a matter of time before I can't work and I lose my house and I have to live in a box.
I don't know if my parents worry about me or not, I think they just care more about the flow of money and me not losing my job or house. They are from an age where none of these issues existed and it probably doesn't make sense to them.
I've been given drugs from the dr before for depression and anxiety a long time ago and nothing worked. I don't think drugs do anything but make you more of a zombie. Sure you won't have the lowest lows but you won't feel anything at all either. I'm already numb enough as it is.
Yes my brain is fucked, probably beyond repair at this point, but the environment is a factor. The male suicide rate is ever climbing. I worked at a school previously until contractors replaced me and during one of the scamdemic years there were 3 boys and 1 male counselor that killed themselves. None of the girls did (although one died of an anurism). It's even worse when you look at the adult suicide rates...
Which is to say, I'm just another male that is in the same no win situation that so many other white males are in, my situation is not unique, my story is probably the same as all of the rest, but usually nobody ever hears it and they are just another silent statistic. What women don't understand is that we truly have nothing to live for anymore. I fear that I will go to hell so I will have to try and stay alive but I can fully understand the mind set of anyone that decides that it's not worth suffering through decades more of the wage cage.
If I somehow fix my brain what do I have to look forward to? At best I get to be a grunt fighting against the powers at be, at worst I wait for the shit skins down the road to machette me in the back. We live in a pointless limbo and perhaps the fact that I can see that and feel the pain, maybe it makes me one of the sane and normal ones.
I know, this is all esoteric and I need to go get help. Well I can't, there is nowhere to go for help anymore. What drugs would you suggest I take anyway?
And yes I'm sure I look depressed to people. At the school job I went on lunch time walks and twice random men on the street told me to cheer up. I'm also very weird and autistic though so in general people just see me as a tech tool retard and nobody bothers to treat me as a human.
