How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

Update: will probably be able to at least start training at some point after I get a few permits. It's slow season so apparently it's harder to hire people on. But the owners are willing to do so. B)

It all felt slightly condescending but I could be imagining it. I don't care though. I'm doing this one way or another.
 
Doing pretty OK right now. I'm typing this right now as I have a sleeping kitten on my lap.

Almost 3 years ago, my black cat passed away. He was my buddy, and I cried so hard when he passed. My husband and I have been without a pet for those almost 3 years until recently. A few weeks ago, my husband surprised me with a 9 week old kitten-- half domestic, half Maine Coon. He took it as a sign when he heard that the kitten shares the same birthday as our son.

Anyway, the kitten is a little furball of affection, and he's great with our toddler. Total sweetheart. We were told that this kitten was the "mama's boy" of the litter, and that he's a little snuggle monster (fact check: true). Feels good to be a cat owner again. :)
 
I have to fly out for work next week and meet my team in person. I really don't want to have to deal with my boss in person.
When I go meet my team in person the company takes us to bowling or kart racing or something and feeds us. And I like my boss.

Anyway, good luck.
 
I got the job! It's an on site contract job that's only three weeks but pays a mind boggling amount (in comparison to what I had for the past few years), and will hopefully lead to more contracts, otherwise provides me with good recent references and experience I can use to try for work up in Fort McMurray, or if I can get site work in the states
 
Just realized it isn't Sunday. Got up early today, started drinking beers i had left over from yesterday, listening to loud music while doing my cleaning duties. Doorbell rings and i am thinking, somebody going to bust my balls because of the music? I ask "Who is it?", "Mail", i go "Hoh, mail on a Sunday?", my girlfriend goes "Sunday?!" from the kitchen while the mailman starts laughing and telling me "Bro, it's Saturday!" while handing me my package. Needless to say i am in a good mood and already drunk off my ass.
 
Actually played some street fighter today, albeit with a keyboard instead of the leverless stick I got months ago. Not having to learn motion inputs on a weird phallic joystick is great, but still I just.. can't pvp games anymore. I used to play competitive TF2 and even wanted to play medic, the most important and demanding class (cause nobody else did). Now, I can't even play online let alone pvp. I don't fear losing but I just.. can't. The comfort of a nice singleplayer game is too strong. Likewise I kinda wanna dip into the new WoW expac and be like "hell yeah healer main fuck being part of the dps peasantry" but it's also just easier to be another dps loser. I think I justify the extra effort of being a healer in doing something for my community, but now that Discords removed -all- sense of community, why heal randoms? Why bother? Do my shit and leave.

I haven't drank in quite a few weeks but it's hot as fuck and I just did a double shift. So, so tempted to go get drunk. I have this faint idea from drinking and gaming TF2 with the lads years ago that "if I drink, I'll magically start playing games (street fighter) again and wake up sober and energized to keep going". No, I go to bed early and wake up 5AM feeling like shit. But it's better than staring at the wall for another 4 hours before bed, I guess. Probably won't drink but hell do I hate this feeling.
Update: will probably be able to at least start training at some point after I get a few permits. It's slow season so apparently it's harder to hire people on. But the owners are willing to do so. B)

It all felt slightly condescending but I could be imagining it. I don't care though. I'm doing this one way or another.
It's so odd to me. The entry barrier is high as shit on so many shit jobs, but once you're in, at least in my first-world country, you gotta eat rape kill and sodomize to get fired. They're so fucking lenient. My aunt's company died after decades and she was GIVEN a new job, then given 3-4 courses to learn basic office shit like Outlook, and STILL quit herself out of frustration instead of being fired. And these are the type of people who get the jobs I apply for, being wet behind the ears, a master's degree (poorer) and ready to commit for more than the usual 18 months zoomers shop around after these days.
Anyway, the kitten is a little furball of affection, and he's great with our toddler. Total sweetheart. We were told that this kitten was the "mama's boy" of the litter, and that he's a little snuggle monster (fact check: true). Feels good to be a cat owner again. :)
Funny how much pets prove the hedonic treadmill. Everything will balance itself out and become mundane again. Rich? You'll be bored in a month. Broke as shit, eating out the trash? Also the norm in a month. "Oh I can't have a pet", normal in a week or two. I think It's why I got a lot of guinea pigs and hamsters as a kid instead of just.. a dog or a cat. Shit, I got my first cat recently after looking into fish and ferrets and a cat is the least god damn demanding of them. I should've just been given a dog as a kid. I've wanted to be a zookeeper, marine biologist etc, so it'd be real formative. Alas.
 
I need some serious help. I’m on some new antipsychotics and they raped my sleep schedule. Just woke up after 18 hours. I’ll try and find motivation to keep a good schedule when I get a new job but I’m scared that motivation won’t be enough against doped-up sleep.
 
Damn. How are you holding up?
It's complicated.

tl;dr there's a retard in the family that doesn't understand language or much of anything at all, and whenever he doesn't like something he hits people, mostly my mom. So everyone is pretending everything is normal and acting like nothing happened to keep him calm, and I spent so much of my life doing that that I know if I do it now I'm just going to disappear down a hole and never come back. So I just leave.

Part of me is happy for him. He's free now. He got dealt this shit hand and made the best of it, worked his ass off caring for his family until he literally dropped dead at 55. I told him a few weeks ago that he's the best man I know. So at least there's that. I spent the night with friends who knew him and we laughed a lot, I know if he was here he would have been laughing with us.

I'm worried for my mom. She's so broken from this gay retarded life that she doesn't even feel anything. I hope she takes this as a wakeup call that their life is unsustainable and she can't live alone with a retard that's going to beat her to death when the cable goes out. But I don't think she will. At least her family is there for her.

This was my biggest fear, that my parents would be miserable until the day they die, and it's coming true. I've only ever prayed for three things and one was "Don't take them away from me yet." So I guess that doesn't work.

did he have some flowers/plants he liked a lot?
Just weed.
 
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I'm getting deathly sick of these online safety courses. Every company has one and they are all 90% the same but you still have to pay attention so you don't miss the other 10%
 
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