Nicholas Robert Rekieta / Rekieta "Law" / Actually Criminal / @NickRekieta - Polysubstance enthusiast, "Lawtuber" turned Dabbleverse streamer, swinger, "whitebread ass nigga", snuffs animals for fun, visits 🇯🇲 BBC resorts. Legally a cuckold who lost his license to practice law. Wife's bod worth $50. The normies even know.

[Jungle Strike]

The comparisons to fictional characters to accentuate Rekieta's own faults (I agree with others that it's unfair to Ahab, Quixote, etc.) remind me that, as others here & even Aaron Imholte speculate, there may be an adaptation of this part of Rekieta's (squandering of) life. The fictional characters mentioned were partly or wholly based on actual aqcuaintances of the authors, even if they didn't consciously have anyone in mind in particular. Due to another person writing these characters, their actual inspirations won't translate to the ficiontal story one-to-one.

And like these characters, one aspect of this tragedy that is impossible to translate to whatever medium it may wind up on is the insanity of being here over time and living through the inflection point where Rekieta went from basically respectable to where his reputation is now. I certainly don't know what that was like as Rekieta fell off my radar after the Chauvin trial and only became aware of him again as he became more topical on Mad at the Internet.

Without that aspect the story is just noveau riche wiggers falling to pedestrian pitfalls, their money shielding them from consequences that would ward off conscientious individuals from ever indulging in daily drugs, alcohol, and polyamory.

 

[PhoBingas]

Expert tips to avoid the Ralphamale

1. Park far away from the entrance (He will tire out following you)
2. stay inside the courthouse for 10 minutes (He will become bored and waddle away for drugs and booze)

Just bring a bag of McDoubles and leave it on the hood of some car. The burgers will distract Ralph.

 

[Dr Naomi Hunter]

Knowing that Nick reads these threads he 100% knows Ralph is attempting to come, which must be genuinely terrifying to think about, your criminal trial will have a drunk hog squealing outside the entire time.

What are you gonna do when he fucks something up Nick? Are you going to wrangle the rage pig?
Imagine if someone from the news realizes Ralph is supporting you, your public image will be even more ruined from the realization that you are allies with people like that.

Also if Nick tells him not to come or not to be fucked up then Ralph will go nuclear like he did to Nick Fuentes.

 

[Balldo's Gate]

Just bring a bag of McDoubles and leave it on the hood of some car. The burgers will distract Ralph.

I would recommend placing them in the trash as it's where he's likely to look first

 

[Me262PrinceOfTurboJet]

The comparisons to fictional characters to accentuate Rekieta's own faults (I agree with others that it's unfair to Ahab, Quixote, etc.) remind me that, as others here & even Aaron Imholte speculate, there may be an adaptation of this part of Rekieta's (squandering of) life. The fictional characters mentioned were partly or wholly based on actual aqcuaintances of the authors, even if they didn't consciously have anyone in mind in particular. Due to another person writing these characters, their actual inspirations won't translate to the ficiontal story one-to-one.

And like these characters, one aspect of this tragedy that is impossible to translate to whatever medium it may wind up on is the insanity of being here over time and living through the inflection point where Rekieta went from basically respectable to where his reputation is now. I certainly don't know what that was like as Rekieta fell off my radar after the Chauvin trial and only became aware of him again as he became more topical on Mad at the Internet.

Without that aspect the story is just noveau riche wiggers falling to pedestrian pitfalls, their money shielding them from consequences that would ward off conscientious individuals from ever indulging in daily drugs, alcohol, and polyamory.

Nick isn't some complex or deep character. He's a spoiled brat with a substance abuse and infidelity problem coupled with a personality disorder. People like him are a dime a dozen. Even the description of "a man who had it all, but threw it all away" is a cliché.

 

[Mandatory User Name]

Let's be honest, the county is probably used to crackheads spending 20 minutes on Google and coming up with garbled pseudoscientific nonsense.

Check out the top Google search suggestion.

Nick thinks he's doing something tricky and clever when in reality, dumb criminals, smart criminals, above average intelligence criminals (like himself) have all trodden this same path before with similar results. The court knows what he's doing, the prosecutors know what he's doing, we know what he's doing, a jury will be made to see what he's doing, he may think he's playing chess but he's doing so against (practicing) grand masters who understand this game in and out.
They probably already have an automatic response typed up sitting and waiting in a filing cabinet for every argument Nick is considering. Nick is out of his depth, a drowning man who doesn't recognize that he's drowning.

 

[ChromaQuack]

Now, in "fairness" to Nick, a simple search gave me this

And to be 'unfair' to Nick, he's most likely even below the average Journalist-reads-an-abstract-and-automatically-assumes-its-true levels of interpreting studies.

Sometimes you read an abstract and the results don't follow, or the testing methodology is deeply flawed, or you realize 'oh this paper is from science India', or it was retracted by the first publishing source like the time the lancet fucked up so hard they let a paper written by pajeets claiming the coof was literally airborne aids because it displayed a slight sequence similarity in its spike proteins slip through.

You can read a thousand studies but unless you know how to interpret them (and more importantly, your brain isn't thoroughly cooked) vocalizing such an 'achievement' leads to naught but showing the world you're an idiot with internet access and a chip on their shoulder.

he may think he's playing chess but he's doing so against (practicing) grand masters who understand this game in and out.

I will have to use this equivalence yet again; Nick is the kind of person who thinks learning the four-turn-checkmate that is 'Scholar's Mate' makes him Kasparov, when it reality his chess moves are likely to play out closer to this:

(with apologies to the kid, he was legitimately great at chess but a meme's a meme)

 

[LiquidKid]

Also if Nick tells him not to come or not to be fucked up then Ralph will go nuclear like he did to Nick Fuentes.

Ralph has more courtroom experience and more courtroom victories than Nick does, including finding ways to cheat fate and get lenient judgements. You’d think Nick would be begging Ralph to show up to assist him

 

[Strix454]

What would matter in Nick's case in court would be him hiring a credible expert witness. The type of witness that is going to cost a whole lot of money. More money than a broke-ass junkie like Nick has these days. Taking big about studies you read or having your attorney quote those studies in court isn't going to get you anywhere. The sort of names Nick & Barneswalker threw around in the CPS process as potential witnesses would not be good enough.

But its already easy to see that Nick is going to treat anything other than the county increasing his child-related charges at the omnibus hearing as total balldo victory.

 

[Obnoxious Asshole]

Just bring a bag of McDoubles and leave it on the hood of some car. The burgers will distract Ralph.

Put them in the dumpster. Don't make them too obvious, Qayla may fight him for a chance to eat prepared food.

 

[Optavia Sales Rep]

If Nick really is foolish enough to pay Ralph's travel fare with the intent that he will be some kind of attack dog to intimidate people, he might be in for a rude awakening. Ralph is very predicable, but also completely uncontrollable. Any perceived slight could send Ralph into a full blown hog-rage. That's funny from a distance, but when it's at your own court proceeding, where Ralph can and will say anything if he thinks it will get under your skin?

I don't think Nick is that foolish.
But I also never thought he'd let his children live in squalor while he was fucking his live-in coke whore.
So I guess anything is possible these days.

 

[PhoBingas]

Put them in the dumpster. Don't make them too obvious, Qayla may fight him for a chance to eat prepared food.

Can Fapcop's wife even eat solid food? Or is she like one of those Auschwitz victims that need a liquid diet?

 

[Tablet County]

Nick is out of his depth, a drowning man who doesn't recognize that he's drowning.

He's worse—a drowning man spluttering that he's actually an olympic swimmer and once won a gold medal as he flails and drifts ever closer to the whitewater.

 

[SiggerNlayer]

Not to seem like I'm encouraging crime, but if some awful person did manage to record the trial and it ended up here, what are the consequences? Especially if it's something like a hidden body cam that only captures the audio, so you couldn't identify the recorder.

I'm not a lawyer but I'm pretty sure people doing this produces avenues for mistrial (so don't fucking do it)

 

[AnOminous]

Daxipad is Nick's father, but Ralph's stepfather. Ralph's father, Jim Metocare, disowned him.

Unfortunately he doesn't have any actual genes from Jim Medicare, he got his genes from this schizo:

 

[Tablet County]

I don’t think even Ralph is dumb enough to attempt to harass and strong arm random people trying to enter a courthouse.

Maybe not strong arm because he's a pussy, but he's very good at limp-wristed mushmouthed comebacks and yelling impotently, both of which could be construed as forms of harrassment.

 

[Xarpho's Return]

If Nick snakes her like this, there is no corner of the internet he could flee to without being doggedly alogged.

At this point in time, it doesn't matter what he does.

Rackets could go clean and make amends with his family and his community, cut off communication and contact with Ralph/Dick/etc., and become a genuinely good person. Officially he won't be a lolcow anymore. Most people will lose interest. The Balldoverse Universe subforum will be locked and sent to Spergatory.

But...

All the evidence will linger on. Even if he fully embraces it and becomes one of those guys who gives talks at churches about he was a coke user who was a complete shithead to everyone around him and returning to the love and forgiveness of Jesus Christ restored him to a respectable person, that evidence isn't going away.

There will be video of him continuing to repeat "anime sucks cope and sneed" while he's out of his mind on drugs and alcohol. There will be video of him advertising sex toys. He will be still referred to as "Balldo" years later.

Sorry, Nick. You done goofed. The consequences will never be the same.

 

[RotPockets]

No thoughts, head empty.

You can practically smell the cope.

More Faggy version.

 

[AnOminous]

I agree with you that probably the baldoman is going to go to plea deal's route because he is a spoiled manchild that will go to the easier route to get out. But I would said the same thing as you say now if someone said three months ago that the rekieta could go to prison even he is on drugs.
Edit:

Don't try to make him more likeable than he is. The baldo is just an Ralph that have a somewhat decent family and money.

Even the very night of the cokestream, where he was obviously on cocaine and literally showed up after one of his "bathroom" breaks obviously agitated and with cocaine literally on his face, nobody was predicting he would get raided by the cops nearly immediately.

But that indeed happened.

 

[Kosher Dill]

Her hair test revealed an identical profile of concentrations, also in agreement with external contamination, despite recent cosmetic treatment, which is known to produce a large decrease in drug concentrations, due to loss of binding during the chemical process.

Can't wait to see the Rekietas' new hair colors!