Inactive Audrey E. Hale / Aiden E. Hale - Troon Terrorist

[Abbadon's Gate]

Why do people take the word of a "person" who can't even be honest with themselves about their gender as a reliable narrator of reality?

Why should I distrust her? She said she was gonna kill people and die and she did those things. So far as I can tell she's honest. Crazy, but honest.

 

[Hey Johnny Bravo]

She had some ranting someone posted a few pages back about how her dad would give the cat more attention than her. Not trying to give her an easy out, but I really wouldn't be surprised if in an upper middle class white neighborhood, mom and dad are always fucking working, never spending time with the kids. Left them on the Internet with no supervision, didn't partake in any of their school activities etc.

Again I'm not trying to justify what Audrey did. She died a monster, I don't want anyone to think the sympathy I feel at all thinks I feel she should be absolved. She deserves every bad thing that happens to her, and every person's criticisms of her here are fair game. I just can't help but wander how many times Dad didn't show up for the game, or how many times Mom was out drinking with the girls instead of helping with homework. I wonder how often her parents were around for dinner. Or if they took interest in what she was learning in school.

I have the strangest of feelings they were probably never present. They might have loved her because they're biologically programmed to love their children, but in the moment, they were clocked out. They probably thought "Hey, we gave her a nice house and a private school. That's enough." Probably looked at it like they were giving her things they wanted, and not really paying attention to what she needed.

As far as I'm concerned the parents should be buried with her.

I think that this applies to a lot more people than just Audrey Hale. It's why I always tell parents-to-be that they have to spend lots of time with their kids - you can't just wait until they're in school and then go back to the way your life was before. You really have to keep them close to your chest because, otherwise, you will get your wish: your life with go back to how it was before. However, the monkey's paw is that your kid will wander off and probably do shit that bugs you. Or, in the case of this thread, they will do shit that ruins your life and the lives of others.

 

['Ole Dente]

Notable that part of why Audrey shot a bunch of children is because she was forced to hate herself by a bunch of insane academics and their occult following of spastic DEI students.

This shit breeds self-loathing and whatever resentment they force on the world, but whatever trans rights are valid, eat the bugs and suck the boy penis, we’re on the right side of history. No fucking wonder they didn’t release this.

If you spread this shit to children, you are a murderer.

 

[Equal Rights for Androids]

Why should I distrust her? She said she was gonna kill people and die and she did those things. So far as I can tell she's honest. Crazy, but honest.

Because she's a troon. Troons lie about what they really are.

 

[Netizennameless]

Why should I distrust her? She said she was gonna kill people and die and she did those things. So far as I can tell she's honest. Crazy, but honest.

You should distrust her because even if she is saying what she genuinely believes, she does not have a firm grasp on reality.

 

[MisoSupper]

This watermarking is so fucking egregious

 

[Procrastinhater]

The girl who pulled the alarm was a hero and everyone should #SayHerName more than the shooter's: Evelyn Dieckhaus

I'm pretty desensitized to most shit online, even the worst Cartel shit doesn't really bother me, but I think it's because subconsciously you know the guy getting carved up by Sicarios was doing the same shit to someone else last week, bad things happening to bad people is just karma catching up, but things with kids and animals is the only shit I can't stand.
Hearing about that kid was the worst thing about the Nashville thing.
Brave girl. She didn't freeze up, she ran for the alarm to try and get help and got killed trying. She was just a kid. Fucking brave. On the body cam they've blurred it but just before Officer Rex gets to the balcony and sends that Pooner fuck to hell, I think that was her laying in the corridor.
Shook me up.

This diary is a fucking joke. I didn't think I could hate this twisted little bitch more than I did but this sickening shit has done it. WAAA I'M IN PAIN So I'll go murder children.
Everyone thinks I'm a joke so I have to slaughter fucking kids, but make sure you keep my stuffed dick bear safe and don't put him in the basement.
Stupid little bitch.

This is hard to get through from sheer disgust and contempt.
Twisted little freak.

Unremarkable anus.

 

[Paige Matheson]

Not exactly a target practice video but Hale did mention going to the "range" a few days before she attacked the school.

View attachment 6377850

I wonder why she was driving from Nashville to Sumner Gun & Supply in Gallatin Tn? (Kind of a long drive with traffic)
Was she worried someone in Nashville at a nearby range would recognize her and contact her parents?
I wonder if she bought the gun at the Sumner Gun & Supply?

 

[Pillar of Autism]

Did she try to put a floral pattern on a drawn gun?

View attachment 6377377

That's how you know she was a pooner. Any actual man would know that the floral pattern gives you no tactical advantage whatsoever.

 

[Mayor Cody Travers]

Gotta love how y'all calling she/her. Even after having a freak out and gunning down people and getting herself shot up. Nobody will still respect her pronouns

Always found it fascinating that this murder-pooner instantly got labeled as the female she is while male troons who get exposed for evil shit like MrBeast's butt buddy Chris Tyson still get called their pretend girl names and pronouns. Really shows how troonacy is primarily a power play - sometimes literally via their biological strength - dominated by perverted men.

 

[Brenda Holiday]

I'm skimming through both the pages and the thread now, but has there been any mention of her being potentially molested? This has been a common cope for people who try and paint her as sympathetic. Not that it would be particularly shocking if true.

 

[AssignedEva]

Here's the entire transcript with a big thankyou to @Bloitzhole who transcribed a load of the middle pages and kept me from completely losing my marbles

Spoiler: Long, schizo and disturbing

Darkness
Nature
P.A.P 2/27/95 B.A.V 7/13/95
Everything Hurts.
Why does my brain not work right?? Cause I was born wrong!!!
Nothing on Earth can save me... Never-ending pain. Religion won't save.
I feel like shit cause I missed the gym on a Saturday... again. FUCK ME. I guess I'm not as near as consistent as you... (HER)
THE INTERNET A DANGEROUS PLACE
IT'S ALL A LIE. SCAMMERS. Cheating MFrs stay the fuck away from all of em pieces of shit. Motherfuckers are everywhere clever + crafty in there own stupid way ruin lives by emotional stress
money is filthy when its stolen, not earned. waste ur time liers
Red flag shits:
If it's too good to be true it's scumbags
Make transactions complicated
Use someone else's identity
Copy + Paste email confirmations
More than 2 step w/money transfers
asking for money (e.g.) "refunds")
If I pay "200 you pay "100" -> negotiation
using a different profile picture than picture posts (socials)
each step in the process is trying to take more $ from you
use a different email address than the name
pressure you to give them money
write fake checks w/ the wrong company name
Fake emails confirming you applied to have an interview but no # of the company to call
using google meet chat + not employer/company/.com
shady but complicated things about money + its should not be complicated
shady communication
jobs, job searches, commissions, socials, emails, TV contests

IF I EVER CRY ALL DAY IT'S CAUSE I NEED YOUR LOVE
11/5/23 P.A.P
A.P.P If I'm sad all day that means I need your <3
I JUST WANT YOUR LOVE </3
Hurt too much x
I hurt too bad
too many tears x
WANT 2 DIE Aiden
I HURT BAD ENOUGH AND LONG ENOUGH THAT I WANT/NEED TO DIE

NO LOVE NO BROWN GIRLS I HATE LIFE
The internet is dangerous people scam all for money
money is filthy indepdendence is impossible
[my autism]
people pretend they like me, then block, delete, erase me
but scamming fuckers would copy, chase me
like they do to just about everything
I hurt just about in every way possible of a mental condition from anything possible

This love... no brown girls no love
I am nothing. Brown love is the most beautiful xKindx
This love will never end
This love for you will never end until I am up in heaven when hurt is no more and I can love you and be in no more pain in that new place I LOVE YOU
Audrey is not my name but when you say it I am just as the little 1 I was back then
I can be a kid again with you, alongside you, even if I can't really be w/you
-Aiden (Audrey)

Love until there is no real love <3 you
The loudest spirit to be heard, the most loving ever known, and everyone can hear it LOUD AND CLEAR
must know love, once they meet you, you know love and love gives back. you give your heart yet keep it safe and share it to those who you feel all need it, all the same
I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU

I Feel Pain...
Whatever room feels to your vibe,
how bright you love shines,
my eyes hurt cause
I'm in so much pain xxx
I need you lour love, if you can't see me [who I am] that's ok I'm better off dead
Can't have you
lose you
may never had you
maybe???
your love is so beautiful
that it hurts
because the love you give
are those you treasure + love
your best love you give full-commitment
is your love itself
It's everything I can't have xx
Everything hurts xxx 1/19/23
I look in all the wrong places but when you pop into my eyes
I'm in a place where reality does not exist
only to dream
I love you xx

Life is a lie at most
But most of all, your love is REAL
Above all else
God is Love, so are you

Freelance Failure Shit
"You'll always miss 100% of the shots you dnt take"
I took all of them and missed 99%
What I shot at:
Police logo - no longer could continue cause the head leader left
American Spirits - that internship was total bullshit. Fucking liar. All a game not real
Illustrate book for a client - finished the book, but not in full colour. Never got full product, so was pissed off.
"First" commission but was all a scam + a lie
Made logo for my friend - Sora Entertainment
1 out of 4 = FAIL
My reality = freelance won't help shit!

My mind is creative, brilliant, but a living hell all the same
You give the best hugs. But a strong hug of yours would take a strong connection. Something I am unable to give. I LOVE YOU. EVERYTHING HURTS.

1/16/23 LONGING
The vibrant show was one of the best I've ever seen. Because you were there + I got to see you at your best. To see you happy. It feelsgood to see you be loved, feel love and give love into the entire atmosphere. There were several loud, vibrant spirits in the air, but yours made my heart scream out because your love is the LOUDEST in my heart. I ache for your face. Sounds lame but it's true. I am better off watching you from a distance where your love fills the air as the smoke embraces every soul. Feel so high and low at the same time whenever you move around. It's hard to explain. My heart beats loud, beacuse of how loud your love is. The only loudness that attracts me. Loud as in vibrant, full of light, sparkling out through your beautiful smile. Seeing you dance, love on your friends, even a stranger. I saw the child I used to know again. The child that knew how to smile, to be funny, to pour out your soul into what you love, who you love the most; it can be overwhelming sometimes. I just can't help it when my heart flutters while you were on the dancefloor. It's just how I rememember you when you were a child. Your youth is still alive; and that's what I can't escape from. To whomever you love, it's the sweetest child I know that stays young, bearing much fruit: reach your hand to clasp another, strong like your grip but soft like your heart, soft at the touch as your arms when in them. I was twice 4 seconds in total. Painfully short. Now I wished it could last forever. If not, longer. Maybe in another life. Aiden.

Love cannot be real if my autism is. Love cannot exist or fails to in this realm. Too bad I was loved by your heart to short in time. I felt like a dream... If there is no love, there is no life. And no life is feeling dead, it's only natural wanting to die. I'm ok with being gone forever. In time we will be together again in a better place <3 When our time is up in this world I LOVE YOU

There is a much better place than being in these bodies forced 2 live in (even if you like showing yours, takin the wrong body) so... I can't wait to get there... I know Sydney is waiting for me. My time is coming soon to leave this realm behind. all my pain. And all that I have, except YOU.
The world won't have 1 care in my departure. You'll be just fine without me, gone forever.
You always find your way to be happy despite darkness or pain. You deserve to be happy, and have the heaert to repell darkness. I can't be happy. I am meant to die xxx Aiden

<3 PAIGE The most beautiful girl 2/27/95
All I see is you... my thoughts, my heart is yours... everything of me will be gone only if you remember me <3 Love Always Aiden
I yearn for you... P.A.P
I NEED YOUR LOVE
In all your darkest moments in all your tears pain and all that was against you, I wish I was there 4 you

Love will find me once my body loses me... (I will be whole again)
We will be in a perfect world and our hearts will truly be together again. Our hearts will find each other no longer in pain... no more wounds to heal because we will become whole. Your body glows soft as an angel down here. You look perfect.
Imagine you in Heaven. I can't even imagine that... you glow down here drifts my heart towards the clouds
all your beauty will make all the Earth smile
Every growing nature will fill their lungs, breath anew - in full LIFE
So Happy they knew, your spirit IS Life + Love

Your body talks to me, and my mind tells me I should die. I'm better off unknown. So lost in your spirit, I don't expect you to find me, Soon I'll be in a better place. Aiden.

Pices Woman
All the nature that grows and propser
all the waters pure and sacred
is exactly the place in your heart
that should never be taken for granted. I LOVE YOU 2/3/23

1/16/23
I'm so sorry Nikki
I didn't meant to plan my massacre on the 17th. I'm going to be a terrible shit for leaving you. How bad my heart hurts. Tomorrow is my last day on Earth. I love you, I am so sorry [SYCH]

... Audrey (Aiden) <3
[PS - Not leaving yet.I couldn't do it. I don't want to ruin your day... I'll wait as planned 1/17/23]

1/16/23
I got scammed again
I broke my figuring
My outburst was because I can't stop feeling sad, angry, so sad too much, too long
I hate to leave my animals, my art; my possessions
the only real things to me in this world and my love - P.A.P <3
I've been anxious all last week all day today [stressed]
then I'm told I'm bi-oolar, by some pridful bitch
no one gets me - everyone missunderstants Autism typical
I had my favorite meal - chicken nuggets + fries
I listened to 1-800-273-8245 5 times
I want to die but I hate to leave what I love
have to live to be with them
but want to be free + whole in a better place than this...
I'm not EMO or bi-polar
yet a faggot with no lover
I'm scared how it will all turn out when it's over, I'll be gone
And a better place - I can't wait
My faith is weak God, FORGIVE ME xxx Aiden

I can't wait to see you again, Syd. I'll see you at the golden gates. Audrey 3/27.23! <3
Brown girls have the nicesst skin, especially yours. To touch it, I'd Rather die...
[I hate my thoughts...]

Paige, I'm going to kill people tomorrow (someday...)
Please don't be mad...
I'm going to do something SO bad tomorrow (sometime)
It's too sad to even think what you might feel...
IM SO SORRY I LOVE YOU
I JUST HAVE TO DIE <3 AIDEN
PS I think God will enter me in heaven. If I do get there I'll be waiting for you. All of our pain will leave us.
P.S.S. The hair style short+natural was so similar to the one from middle school. it was like seeing you a child again. I like when we were friends. How beautiful you were glowing that night...

Having a father in this life is gay
no actual job no actual responsibility
DROP DEAD FAGGOT

1/17/23
Everything makes me sad
I'm sad about everything
I want to say Goodbye
PS It was too sudden I am unstable. I hope I feel numb in the days coming. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't leave my animals...
As long as its these #s
1/7/23
21/17/23
I guess I'm a pussy or my anxiety is too high
can't sleep well
racing thoughts
I wanted to be there for Nikki on her birthday
I want to do it in Febuary 2/17/23 (No birthdays on that day)
(I'll finish my "before death" goal list by then)
too sad + anxious rn, not enough anger.
guess the time wasn't right... yet.
It will be. I'll know when it's time (right now is too much uncertainty)

SICK.... 1/17/23
Home life is good (for the most part)
my room is safe
my possessions are real
my animals
my art; art itself in all forms in many forms
as so is your (Paige's) love; all that I have; except you
so life can't be all good,
if I am in pain all my days
no such thing as better times
bad times new and old surface; time after time and worst part of life; I can't feel your face or taste your love
though I know it's sweet, too sweet that I feel sick; I can only watch
so sick that I can't be in your arms
longer, tighter and feel warm
my blood is hot w/ rage/saddness, its all I feel, but then to cold.
my mind is hell, unwanted thoughts and my energy dead, numb or both.
What I long for most... YOUR LOVE <3 </3 Aiden

Without my creativity, my art, my possessions, I am NOTHING
Syd would want me to be happy, but I can't be... 1/20/23
easy/simple -> difficult/complicated
getting a career art job
budgeting money
finding apartments MY BRAIN
< :
It's shining outside by my heart is black
I pay no rent or bills... still live w/ parents. Might as well throw me in a retard home x 1/25/23
Can't buttsex a beautiful young grown girl, w/ a big ass and small asshole
If I had a penis, it be big + rock hard
too bad I am a sad boy born w/ a puny vagina... EVERYTHING HURTS

1/19/23
Syndey is gone but my fucking dad is alive. it should be the other way around... xxx EVERYTHING HURTS X

Father is delusional -> tells me "it gets better + better" old man, YOU'RE FULL OF SHIT
you don't feel good every damn day FAGGOT FUCK
in regression too asshole, like grandma. Burden. Waste! (everything good contradicts you)

A terrible feeling to know I am nothing of the gender I was born of. I am the most unhappy boy alive. I wish to be dead x 2/6/23 EVERYTHING HURTS
I will be of no use of love for any girl
if I don't have what they need: Boy's body/male gender

I think of death alot because I think of you <3 P.A.P. 1/31/23
The saddest part... will be leaving everything I love behind
Family (Mom+Scott)
Art
Possessions
Creativity
animals
nature
They are all real; the only things real in this life that is all a lie. but allso include; Real Love
Everything about you <3 P.A.P EVERYTHING HURTS XXXX

MY BRAIN <--> THIS LIFE... 2/7/23
I need my brain for creative and to live out my passions. I need my brain to survive. It functions on basic science of physics + cells to help me breath, eat, smell, sleep, move yet cognitively my neurones don't work right. It just processes informtion differently to people so much. I think differently.

I've always been different. Alot of people run away from my difference like it's the plaugue or something. They solate me because of my brain that I think different, say words that make no sense to the neurotypical minds of others. My brain makes me smart + brilliant imaginatively/creativly but all the while makes me suffer every day. Why did God make me this way? I feel wrong. I was born wrong. I'm told that I have the wrong perspective of think wrong ideas about my reality, of life. But howI think affects me every opportunity possible to be happy. I can't be consistent w/ anything since I lfe school; and since Syd died - all my efforts feel meaningless cause I don't work enough, don't make enough, don't do enough. I can't sleep right. I can't eat right. My brain taunts me. My thoughts are a never ending abyss. A DARK ONE.

I'm not eating 3 meals a day like I'm supposed to. Not on the job search like I'm supposed to (artist). I've been doing well at preparing myself to die in all the wrong areas, it's my only way to do good. I want to die. This life is so difficult for me to accept or even think over, people have trouble accepting me in their lives b/c I'm difficult to understand. I'm just too different. I have to have friends like Nikki, she is all I have to share everything and she doesn't isolate me to hang out + do things. She keeps me. The closest thing to Nik was Syd, Syd kept me, Syd understood me, when no one else did or could. She would comfort me + knew w/o me saying a word. Their kind in my mind, was exceptionally rare friend b/c she DID see me as rare. Well, I'm much more rare than people think or know. She knew that too. 1% of that reality for me.

And in that I was someone forever to someone - felt appreciated because I was able to exsist through her mind at that time. I will exsist if people love me genuinely, not use me, or choose to ignore my rarity. If they ever wished to see it I'd have more friends. But I don't. I tried. I'm doing trying. I want to be done w/ everything. I'm 27, my youth is resting in the Abyss. I want to take a rest with it - w/ all my dreams. My dreams cannot be here, so I must die, but I feel too bad. Hurt too much. Sad all the goddamned time. Either I have too much bitch ass estrogen, or I'm just a sad lonely boy. Relentless, ongoing, everyday sadness. Eeyore (from Winnie the Pooh) + I would relate on so many levels. I belong in the imaginary world where I exist + those characters exsist. my perspective of my brain - my brilliance, to see thier brillience. I'd be happy anywhere but earth - to be stuck in a body that is destined to rot some day. I hope that day is soon. I have noone to talk to, noone of more than one. I talk to myself. I'm with myself all the time. I can only see what people share on a public level. Levels of deep private connection I will never have in this realm.

I only observe and they have things I don't have and wish I had. I have things others don't have. Human existence will never seek full contentment. I know hard work will earn dreams. I don't want a free golden star to an opportuned new life. I just want another life beyond the real. My one ticket out on railroad - the afterlife. Goddammit how trapped I am in myself that can't get along or understand how life should or could work + to it on my own. I can't thier suggestive perspective tell me how I should change mine - it's not of my nature. It's simple, yet everything to me of adult life sucks, more complicated than it should be. Death is simple. Natural for to think cause. My brain isn't. No one seemed to notice me -THE REAL ME. All of me. All of my good + no bad. If I can't exist here, I exist somewhere else. Anywhere but here, Here is where there is nature animals + creativity. Those forms see me, I appreciate them. I just don't exist anywhere else. I feel so sad...

What makes the world full of shit is clones full of people that are meaningless shits. x I don't care if I died tomorrow. Fuck my existance -> everyone no, anyone x
Idc if people die as I am the shooter because I am going 2 die too X
I'd kill 2 die
I would have made more money since my 2nd job but my brain thought it'd be better to die
my efforts lose effort consistency -> life (temporary/won't last)
my only true motivation = mass suicide + DEATH
White nothing
Poor people resent this shit
My parents aren't rich they work hard for their money so I didn't end up homeless
Yet I still feel bad
cursed to be looked down up
It be better to be average + have friends
the most brilliant people suffer the most and are the most isolated from everything they love Aiden 2/7/23

Brain -> White privlage -> embrassment of self -> me -> no one -> no one
anyone? someoneone? REALITY

Meaning Less(er)/I'm better as Dirt for world's sake -> nature will be more in place -> my dead body will help the earth grow
My existance is meaningless so who will five a fuck about a future to-be shooter like me
(people's perspective) my soul worth nothing but my dead body will be worth more xxx
Aiden 2/9/23
Major blow to girls; I am a boy that has no penis. XXX
Death -> Rebirth -> Life -> Death -> Infinity [Nature's cycle]
Death infinity =/= happiness
The thing is, for it to be better, it takes commitment to live
but problem is I DON'T FUCKING WANT TO!!
I don't care about living (my breath)
Death will be my way to find a better life
Infiate Happiness cursed soul suffered of life given - ready to leave the world

P.A.P I love you <3 + Britt + Nik
(And) Fuck everybody else No really... I'm gunna die no matter what 2/10/23 Aiden

Being me sucks
It shouldn't be a problem getting up at 7 every morning. But unfortunately, for me, it is. I've missed several morning orders this wekk. I missed 3 today. God whyyyy?!?! I hate myself for not making myself get up. it's money going to someone else who actualy works consistently + gets more consistent pay. not me. the morrow of life is hollow. I swollow bones instead cause I'd rather die hard than try to live better life while suffering to do so. I repeat my same patterns - can't sleep routinely, or eat, or stick to be more strict on myself. Do I really not give a fuck? I hate waking up that I'm still here but no one gives a fuck if I am. Noone, I mean no one will think my life meant somthing after I die. Noone by no friends but who are around my age or 3 yrs older. None of this shit will matter to them once I'm dead. If I don't care myself to live, then no way they will even to notice when I'm gone. It ment nothing to them alive; it won't after death (sure as fuck)
WHITE NOTHINGNESS
Aiden 2/10/23
My Existance... if they don't care, why should I?

(seize the day) "suck the marrow out of life"
Me: give the marrow to the birds/animals - they deserve to live
smash up the bones w/ a mallet of death + me choke myself with
XdieX

This Bastard has no idea what love is. Neither do I. Fuck it...
2/13/23

Dad problems
Turn the other way like I'm not here; I'm right here
I hate when my dad loves on the cats; not me FAGGOT!!
He never once loved on me for years
mayve like ever (as a child; maybe)
I hate his old cranky-man exsistance
all cranky good-for-nothing mentally ill men SHOULD DIE
there all useless pieces of shit
waste of life, waste of time
waste of human population
dad just takes me space for all I know
dried out _ hollow
says negetive shit all the time, like
"He's a loser"
"I hate movies like this"
"I don't care"
Well Guess WHAT?
YOUR A LOSER
I HATE YOU (LIFE, YOU)
I DONT CARE IF YOU DIE
I WANT TO KILL YOU
Dad is not real
Everything Hurts

2/14/23
No one could love me
I have noone to loe
infamacy is in another demension
I will find love
once I leave this place
I have vlentines day
mom is the only LOVE I have
Everythin hurts

Fuck getting old' al that BS,..
its infamous to die young!
Dying young is my destiny
I make no impact
all my success was overoming my darknesses now I embrace them
they think it's wrong but with it; I know myself
no one knew, no one knows me; this life; reality
college was the only "normal" to achieve
MY DEATH WILL MEAN NOTHING
w/o my creativity I am useless + meaningless to society
and I hate society b/c society ignores to see me
I'm a queer; I am meant to die Aiden x

P.A.P <3 YOU ARE INFINATE!
Society + politics are scum in this world that nature should wipe clean; oh no way, you don't compare, scum vs you - no way! It cant compete to your lovel who you are, your spirit, your face, your smile makes the world smile because you make the world beautiful. al of what nature brings of good, the animals, the trees, the birds, pure water + the earth all in harmony all stop + stare, watch, listen when your name is heard I LOVE YOU <3 Aiden
In Harmony, In spirit, when your face smiles the sun smiles with you, and all the earth sings, your love makes the world go round 2/17/23

2/20/23
So now in America, it makes one a criminal to have a gun or, be transgender, or non-binary
God I hate those shithead politicians. Anyone who puts funding into government or presency companies are totally brainwashed if they knew how crummy(?) it's been. If it's not everyone in the whitehouse making criminalizing laws; it's someone scheming. And whoever he/she/they may be, they are not American + have no care in the world about what "Land of The Free" means. Whatever fucker is taking away human rights in not of a human at all; just a robot.
Soon this goddamn country will turn out no fun like England or Europe. No guns, no gender rights, no freedom of speach or pursuing or radical ideas, no mischief. You can't even carry a knife in England. Fucking pussies...
And just forget about the Disability Liability Act; good look finding or keeping a job w/o that, cause no one will! Disabled have rights, civil races have rights, LGBTQ have rights, gun owners have rights. Landowners own property, people have guns. Disabled people have the right to medical treatment and have trouble adapting to society. It's just you talking airheads don't recognize or ignore it. Our right are there for a reason: so called America's name.
So now b/c of you, I wish death on myself caused of the pure hatred of my female gender with no rights, anyones country is a shitty dictatorship

2/18/23
Covenant was closed yester. I guess it was b/c of the weather.

DIE
Rights only to those whom are Angels (P.A.P. <3) or Supremes (Aiden (me)).
Everyone else must die CLONES. Human nature to kill, humans kill humans and them themselves
animals kill animals
bugs kills bugs
destructions; reconstruction
repeat
live;death;repeat NATURE infinity

2/21/23
I was called woman, lady and ma'am all in the same day. I Hate EVERYTHING about my Gender. EVERYTHING HURTS

A bad equation of life
Dad = Fag + mentally ill -> abnormal + Chone's Disease + health problems -> cranky all the fucking time = MISURABLE fuck (should be put out of its misury!!)

HATE SOCIETY/LOVE P.A.P
World-> Nature (but it sucks to live)
Infinate Nature = infinatly overrules the lines of bad/good
(temporary or to completely) change via of nature = manipulation (of nature) healing (good or bad) (to lessen nature's power)
deconstruction/reconstruction
nature/change
racism/civil rights
gay killings/LGBTQ rights
poverty/food banks
asylums/disabilities act
sex/"safesex"
AIDS/medical care
gun violence/gun laws
pollution/WWF
politics/the constitution
death/life
The worst thing about living; is life itself
Life is life w/o the "f" fuck living Lie --- Me
Nature - porn, sex, murder, queer, loner, love hate
a god - open-mind, isolation, a-neurotypical, a-sexual, fantasies
death. will. save. me xxx
Paige, I LOVE YOU <3 IT ALL HURTS

29L
(male brain -> my autism?) 2/21/23
I was actually identified as a male today and it felt right but embarrassed of my female body.
I SHOULD NOT BE IN THIS BODY !!! {a drawing of a sad person, with what might be a chain coming from her arm}
The guy who runs the comic shop is cool and he even has friendly customer service skills. He really knows his stuff and treats all the guys fairly. I like being called bud, bro, and man. It just feels is directed 100% accurate to how who I am as a guy inside. If only all other men+boys could see me that way; that my body doesn’t make me a female. 100% more like 5 to none. Sometimes people do identify me right away as a he since I am smaller and look younger than others my age. It helps, but when I’m called a lady or ma’am – damn it it makes me not want to exist. The body in me exists only to me. Im just damn tierd of being called+identified by a gender I am not. AT ALL. At least I don’t have big boobs or a butt, but yet I hate having boobs at all. They might have grown just a bit + I want to die.
Aiden

29R
2/26/23
Tomorrow, I will see my beautiful brown girl at the happiest she has ever been <3 & she DESERVES IT MOST!!
{Two drawings of a microphone next to a stylized “AVERIANNA” with a subtitle “The Personality”}
{A heart with flowers and “P.A.P., I love you, your light amist my darkness” in it}

30L
{A drawing of a female body splitting open and a man with a penis flying out, which transforms into a butterfly that flies away}
The caccoon of my old self will die when I leave my body behind and the boy in me will be free. In my butterfly transformation; the real me.
If god won’t give me a boy body in heaven, then Jesus is a faggot.

30R
2/28/23
I looked behind this bastard + it was so disgusting. I lost my appetite. I felt sick looking at it. That ugly flannel that looks ugly on it and its hair was the nastiest, uglyest hobo head Ive ever seen on it.
This faggot is so goddamned ugly, and I’ll be damned I had to look at this miserable fuck for 10years. Disgusted with that like disgusting being in a female body.
|Makes me think about dying|
What is pure ugly, and then seen what is pure beauty. She is the most beautiful girl that I ever layed eyes on. No other woman has touched my heart more than her. The times I have seen her in person, how I feel like dying b/c I die to be apart of that kind of love. A love amongst the rarest through my hearts desire. But my heart knows that I can’t be with her, or have any close connection. At least she would be able to talk to me a couple seconds, look in her eyes, look in mine and her hands that are gentle at the touch – kind+sweet. It makes me shrivle+shake in this cacoon much desire to rest + be released. So I can be a butterfly + transformed in another demision. For all this time of shaking inside to her, all my inner butterflies of her will fly away w/me son. A love never known…Aiden

31L
{A drawing of a cross? Umbrella} DEATH DAY (D.D.) 3/27/23
In less than 26 days, my final day, death day will finally await me
I can’t wait
(3/21/23)
Nature needs
Enigmas…
I am one.
THANK GOD.
(I will feel much better w/o BASTARD who needs fathers? Definitely not me!!!!!!) {A drawing of a person with glasses and spikey hair. A cloud above with “ESCAPE” written next to it}

31R
3/2/23 {A drawing of a heart with flowers connected to squiggles}
(Feb.)
The 27th was a beautiful night, just like my brown girl. She looked so beautiful that night. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. Call it lust or pervertedness, I know who I am attracted to, and I can’t unchanged that. It’s like my soul is spellbound to her spirit or something. It has to be her personality. Personable + the way she connects w/ people makes her so likeable. Its why she has a whole team of supporters, and why shes loved the way she is. I just wish I was more a part of it. So many aspects I love about her – physical + spiritual. The two mingle perfectly together in harmony. Yes, shes just as beautiful with her heart than her body. But for the life of me I cannot help but gaze into her beauty. Her arms, her back, her hips, her lips, her hands. Every part of her I desire to latch onto. So when her hand layed onto me after the show, its being touched by an angel. But my problem is living in hell. My mind, my body is a prison. Anything that triggers it, or stimulates it, only makes things worse. She made history that night even if she was nervous and her back felt clammy. Only natural to sweat with having a first live show and shes still beautiful. She knows who she is, and all the rest of the world in time will too, shes famous to me; a star to many. Little does she know how we will soon share the same fate . She will live a legend and I will die a shooter – hopefully to be infamous -- I will make history too. No one will forget neither of us. She will be the blessing, and I will be the horror to inflict pain
XX Aiden

32L
April of ’99 – the year columbine | BNK was born…
(4/20/1999)
(4/17/23?)
The year Aiden was born.. (3/27/23) {Drawing of Umbrella Cross}
{Person with glasses Xed out} A day w|o a father will be a better day…

32R
3/8/23
I need a transdoctor
This female gender role makes me want to not exist…
To be completely gone in physical form….
Off the face of the earth
|DIE|
AIDEN
{Large stylized letters, something flying off into clouds}
My therapist now is the best I could get 4 help. My Autism
{Drawing of puzzle pieces and a frowny face}

-33
Dear Paige,
Aren't parents manipulative? It's total ignorance when parents step in + try to change thier childs environment. Make them go to youth group + force christian friends in thier life just because the old ones were a "bad" influence. I can't fucking stand that shit. Parents actually believe religion can change nature. That could explain why I don't practice religion anymore. Let kids think for themselves, listening to parents does no damned good but to mold thier premature minds into a preformated program; likes closed do? the very manipulative forms teens hate? And rebel to?
Kids are not robots, we are the future! Thats how it ment 2 be. 2 idea one mind; that all nature needs. You did life the way YOU wanted to. It was 100% your hearts desire; (needs) no one else but you that planned it. Why I admire you; SO independant
so young
me, young too
and what I desire
to die + be with you
my ultimate plan thought noone else but me
I am who I am am
You are who we are
NATURE is pure in it its raw form

3/11/23 My Imaginary Penis
My penis exsists in my head. I swear to God I'm a male. I think about sexual fantasies about how if my dick was real I'd fuck the girl I love in the ass. I want to know what thats like, but I never will because I was damned to be born this way. I swear to fuck I hate it so goddamned [indecipherable]. It's a fucking curse. Having a brain like mine has its godliness but also prone to making poor ass descisons. Like putting my Aiden name while filling out paperwork for instacart + now my BG check didn't clear + I'm possibly not going to get the job. Fuck me, man. Mom just says I'm young and young people make mistakes. But with me, it's painfully more than that, with being autistics and waste time all the time, myself, people, Drenthy itself. And the biggest shit; the torchure of being raised a girl, and actually believed I just had to deal with it, and tried to be femenine. But that didn't last long after highschool ended + no longer I had to fear being called a dyke or a faggot. It was only until my early 20s I finally found the answer - that changing ones gender is possible. But oh fucking-no, not w/ my mother. What she believes, how she grew up conservativly, and that LGBTQ - especially transgender in her era was an enigma, an illness or nearly non-esixtent. I might have told her once I wish I was a boy when she made me put my shirt back on as a kid. But would say "your a girl and that how you were born, that's how god made me". Some kind of bullshit like that. It made me made. Because being a boy as a kid was when I felt most like myself. A bare, flat chest made me free. But puberty imprisoned me. And so does my mind. Pubertys life sentence. The people in this world adds more bullets to shoot violent thoughts into my head on full-auto. I hate parental views, now my mom sees me as a daughter - and she'd not bear to want to loose that daughter because a son would be the death of Audrey.

-34
My Imaginary Penis
Pain of loosing a daughter? That's not pain, that's selfishness. Just like any rest of the parents with that mindset. They are all full of shit. How could they not ever think of thier own child suffering, and that they hate thier gender so bad they cut + want to kill themselves? Fucking parents like them who think of themselves first, and thier preference of conservative religon - gay shit makes them believe that the child they're given should stay that way in how they prefer them to be. Even if transgender treatment was discovered and tested during my time, I know how the situation would have turned out. My mother would not have payed a cent. Children who were able to successfully take puberty blockers and never enter a torchured puberty, those little faggots don't know how good they fucking have it. I'd kill to have parents who would let their child be happy no matter how different it is to thier viewpoints or don't agree, or scared of it. They are willing to listen to their children, not the other way around. I'd kill to have had those resources; 2007 was the birth of puberty blockers, a newfound discovery of treatment of non-conforming transgender children. 2007 was when I was when I was in the 6th grade. Puberty already hit me. The only reason I could conclude why it didn't bother me too much is that my boobs were small. I thought they'd stay that way forever. My autistic brain... change in body fucked me over now, even if my boobs are still small for the most part.

It started w/ getting new underwear for my big bears (my two tabbies, lion + frog). And there I was thinking of porn and doing surgery on my boy stuffed animals giving them penises when I got home b/c thier middle in section looked like a vagina + the underwear was slightly too big. No boy should have that. Why not give volume with a nice big cock if flat triangle cut in the leg? If I can't change my appearance, I can pretend how it would be in my imagination of childs playthrough my stuffed animals spirit through me.

I can pretend to be them + do the things boy do + experience w/ thier dicks. My boy self as tony - my stuffed boy doll is like the boy I am in another form. Since childhood I constructed for him a penis, then got out my girl doll named Ashley (who is tonys life-long boyfriend - to have sex w/tony). Ashley was represented as any dream girl I wished to have in real life, as a child I like blonde white hot girls back then, and Tony is me, having those intimate relationships w/ a beautiful girl. Tony is a boy; inside and out. Ashley is a girl inside and out. Two straight lovers who are in full nature of themselves by awareness. I let Tony fuck Ashley in the ass - hard-humping - and stuffed Tony's big penis in aggressively to her asshole. It took several attempts for Tony to put his dick into her vigina because he has a big dick (and was even bigger since he had an erection) finally went in and Ashley cried and moaned for a good ten minutes. Tony humped slow and gentle from viginal sex. In but sex, he humped speedly and hard, only grunting w/ all his strength. Then after I fucked Ashley for a good ten minutes (remember Tony is me) then I let her suck his dick and touch his erected penis. After that they wrapped each other in their arms + legs as a sloth hugging a tree. After love they made, gracefully sat side by side naked holding hands and surrounded by the scattering of their clothes. I took pictures of thier sex positions. My imaginary penis was hard for hours. Rock hard as a Flintstone. Hours making cloth penises for my boy bears, only to realize I missed the gym cause they closed at 7. I was mad already cause I had no work that afternoon. Walked around the mall browsing pop tshirts at Spencers and got some boots for Tommy, my stuffed lion at build a bear workshop. I purchased some stickers at Zummie - for my car and one sticker I got - a stripper booty illustration w "Dat Ass" on it. God I am such a pervert. I waste too much time in my fantasies.

-35
Soon I will leave this world; you + your friends will be just fine. Does it even matter when I am alive?
I will regret nothing. I regret nothing in my death!!
No regrets by the guh!!!

3/13/23
When its all said & done;
I said my last goodbye to you today
(that post was not a post; it was my last suicide note)
[I'll be dead in 2 weeks!!!]
So as much as my heart pours out to you you,
no longer will I bother you about how much
I love you thats NOT necessary to your heart (over feeling sad or happy)
All pain must end someday... SO I MUST DIE!!!
None of what my heart went thru will matter untill I die. The signs will never be 100% clear b/c of how often they go unmissed
I love you but you can't tell me that.
(Although I wish you could...)
I'm sorry
innocent lives will be taken
Aiden x

-36
3/13/23
2 more weeks. Thank fuck I planned to die, plan in mind.
3/27/23
[And a plan to hear perfection!]

Life of a virgin fag...
No sex in real life
No love in life
-> Resort to cartoon porn
-> or let my stuffed animals fuck

For 5 years I planned to die.
No I am finally ready to go...
Dark Abyss
My only exsistance!!

maybe, just maybe, you'll give a kiss to me in heaven.
God knows I can't get it down here...
(except (1) kiss from Dezha from 2012)
Will I be happy enough, as like you, where we won't need love + affection?
I'd die to know. Literally. Aiden.

--37
3/16/23
That #10 backpack that looked straight at me from a distance of boys formed around a a circle like bball boys after practice. Your picture hung up on the wall - you looking straight at me. How was I playing Syd? Am I better than I was? I feel stronger. My short is more confidence. I think of you shooting the bll as you did and pretend I'm in your shoes. I DID feel that I was. They were my shoes but spiritually (since #2 is your name is imprinted on the back of the soul) - its OUR shes.

So no wonder I felt you more in me - made me feel strong and my passion for ball. Your spirit ever so close to me when I am surrounded by people, places and objects that were in relation to you. It's weird feeling knowing I never thought about things like this until you passed away. Ever since, my thoughts about death have altered significantly. I think about death every day + facinated/curious with the idea of dying tomorrow. I know its unhealthy, but I just don't care if it is nymore. All is unknown about work. I know how unhappy I am with all the things I wish I could do. It's too late now, I'm ready to die - Audrey <3

3/14/23
I really should not drink more than (1) bud Light... it put me in a funk since Sunday... Damn Syd I just want 2 hug you </3 (Hopefully soon once I die)

3/16/23
I thought About You All Day Syd
Anthony's living life life best he can. I'm living while I can until it's time. That time is soon, and it needs to be. I've been crying about you all week so far. Anything I do what I love to do, it brings me back to you. Mccabe Community Center I've visited since last Saturday and my heart keeps pulling + tugging my mind to go back tomorrow and the next day and so on. I hoped for an hour, worked out in the weight room for an hour + 20 min, then back to the gym to watch a basketball camp Anthony was coaching. He seems like such a natural teaching about ball just like you were. Patient, kind but honest only to push his players mentally. Basketball is a more mental game rather than physical. "Basketball is alot like life" was what stood out to me as Anothny spoke when camp was over. Mixed feelings. Not just about the boys playing; but the boys dunking and wishing I was a boy to do that. I watch the boys connecting + having fun w/ thier friends (reminds me being w/ you playing ball in middle shool). One little boy was crying b/c 2 other boys were mean to him. I watched the pain in his face, the tears in his eyes, the way he crumbled into a ball + dug his face in Damn it reminds me just the kid I was doing just that. And there Paige was; so kind + good to me that I forget what I was sad about. The protection + safety I felt around you + Paige as kids. The coaches lifted the little white boy + protected him, made sure he was safe just as you did. A black former bball girl spoke in a voice that sounded a little like yours. Another black girl who hung out at the center had the eyes + lips, braces similar to Paiges physical features + even showed the personality similarity to Paige. And the backpack 1 boy w/ #10 on it.

-38
I LOVE YOU SYD #32 32 Tears

Dear Paige, The biggest hurt of them all; I love you AIDEN 3/17/23

-39
Just A.E. (NOT Audrey Elizabeth)
I don't like that name, never did, never will XXX
I want my massacre to end in a way that Eric + Dylan would be proud of
People and society will ignore...
Staying stable for life is like staying sober... it's not reality...
Old ones will return... new dark matters will form

-40
For Media:
"A"
A.E. (legal initials)
Aiden (illeagal name haha)
A.E. Hale
Aiden Hale
3/23/23
Fun day tomorrow -> (4) more days
23,24,25,26,27 X

-41
Week OF D.D.
3/23/23 - Omw to the range, and saw a billboard on suicide only meters away from Summer Gun + Supply. I will use guns in my suicide. Then after the time in the range (while cleaning my AR) a lady got rickoshaded in the leg + ankle. I saw the EMTs working on her leg on the floor + they took her away on the gerny. Forshadowing on my own massacre? There was blood splatters on the floor. Police asking questions to the other pple that were in the range.
On the way home, I look up at the sky + parts of the clouds peeking out sunlight like heaven shining down. Forshadow of my deah?
Saw sunlight peering clouds twice in a row this week. Are the angels telling Syd I'm gunna die soon?
Huh...
A.E. --- A.I. -- Aiden

-42
3/27/23
Forgive me God, This act will be inglorious

DEATH DAY DARK ABYSS 3/27/23
Today is the day
The day has finally come!
I can't believe its here. Don't know how I was able to get this far, but here I am. I'm a little nervous but excited too. Been excited for the past 2 weeks. There were severl times I could have been caught especially back in the summer of 2021. None of that mtters now. I'm almost an hour + 7 minutes away.
Can't believe I'm doing this but I'm ready... I hope my victums arent.
My only fear is if anything goes wrong. I'll do my best to prevent any of the sort.
(God let my wrath take over my anxeity)
It might be 10 minutes tops. It might be 3-7. It's gunna go quick. I hope I have a high death count.
Ready to Die haha Aiden

-45
Remember me for, the good things... <3 Audrey

She definitely seems to grow more unstable towards the end (and she starts off unstable) and I have to wonder if she had maybe started drinking more or doing drugs. I also hope Paige never finds out about any of this, she seems to be a completely normal person who merely was friends with an autistic girl in Middle School.

I'm skimming through both the pages and the thread now, but has there been any mention of her being potentially molested? This has been a common cope for people who try and paint her as sympathetic. Not that it would be particularly shocking if true.

If she was, she repressed it deep, deep down. She mostly seethes about being a kissless virgin (barring one kiss in 2012 when she'd have been about 16). I can see why people might suspect that as she finds her Dad disgusting/repulsive and talks at length about hating being in a female body and everything to do with being female, which could sell a certain narrative, but given everything she writes about in this book I can't imagine she'd skip over mentioning she got molested and the "red flag" signs for molestation could also be because she was completely batshit insane.

 

[needforsneed]

She really thought she was going to heaven while calling Jesus a fagg lmao.
View attachment 6376952
Notice that rethoric about "coming out of your egg" that they use. If you are buying into that shit then it's already too late. They preach escapism rather than self acceptance.

Fuck me, the gnostics are back

Shitty handwriting.

Truly, her transition was nearly complete.

 

[admiral]

Cannot imagine the trauma and embarassment at having my cringe teenage diaries published online, this has got to be even more horrifying for her than the being sent to jail part. At least when you get sent to the slammer you can convince yourself that people think you're a cool dangerous badass, but now everyone knows you're just an edgy weird dork! Godo for her that she's dead i suppose, so she doesn't have to witness more embarassment.

 

[Netizennameless]

I think that this applies to a lot more people than just Audrey Hale.

That's exactly why Audrey's parents aren't to blame for this. It is an extremely common circumstance that people grow up in, and 99.9% of them do not commit mass shootings. It is unrelated. The childhood mental illness is a far more likely explanation and there is nothing parents can do beyond try to get them help.

This diary is a fucking joke. I didn't think I could hate this twisted little bitch more than I did but this sickening shit has done it. WAAA I'M IN PAIN So I'll go murder children.
Everyone thinks I'm a joke so I have to slaughter fucking kids, but make sure you keep me stuffed dick bear safe and don't put him in the basement.

I was expecting more given all the secrecy, but this is just schizo ramblings of a lazy narcissist. There are no mitigating factors to lessen my hatred of her. She had a better start than millions of other people who didn't murder a bunch of children.

 

[The bird with tourettes]

Here's the entire transcript with a big thankyou to @Bloitzhole who transcribed a load of the middle pages and kept me from completely losing my marbles

Holy crap thank you both for doing that.

 

[rat fucker]

Bitchs diary reminds me of some piece of performative teenage emo art you would find on deviantart in the 2000ies.
reminds me of pixyteris "writing"

both pooners. coincidence?

 

[Marc]

She really thought she was going to heaven while calling Jesus a fagg lmao.

Notice that rethoric about "coming out of your egg" that they use. If you are buying into that shit then it's already too late. They preach escapism rather than self acceptance.

Escapism may be the most varied path to resigning oneself to certain failure; because it is entirely left to the imagination of the doomed. I feel it speaks to one of the pitfalls of the human condition: No matter what your religious beliefs are, the path of least resistance is the most insidious cult, requires only the dogma of what one prefers to believe about themselves, and superficially appears to be compatible with the reality they resent for being reality.

To paraphrase a description Der Feeder used to explain Mumkey Jones: Audry's ego-stroking screed demonstrates that she gained no further insight into herself - All she managed to do with all of that nonsense was to convince herself that nothing else she did mattered.

 

[Blarmed&Dangerous]

Why is the "penis" attached to Cousin It's head?

... is it supposed to be a dog dick? Was she also a furry?

 

[Ed Special]

Audry died as she lived - having a massive fucking woman moment.