- Per usual, he huffs and puffs directly into the mic throughout and grimaces as alot
- :22 this is one of Kurt's signature dishes, apparently
- :55 shows us his flavor injector; in the upper left hand corner we can see food debris in his sink; I have never heard of injecting seasoning into the meat for beef wellington
- 3:07 Kurt confirms his plan to inject the meat with a combination of seasonings, then brush the meat with mustard before searing; surely this would overpower the natural flavors of the meat, and like injecting with spices I have never heard of pairing mustard with beef wellington
- 3:50 summarizes how he will cook the wellington, asserting it is quite simple (skipping several steps in making the duxelles, the most difficult part imo)
- The duxelles (minced mushrooms) are essential for protecting the meat from the heat required to puff the pastry and a nice uniform layer is crucial; they must be sautéed in a pan to remove most of their moisture
- 5:55 the solution Kurt makes to inject into the meat is red wine, garlic, salt, and pepper; not a crime but idk man I personally wouldn't
- 6:27 opens a drawer and food is crusted onto it
- 6:50 cranks an ungodly amount of black pepper into the cup of seasoning, saying it will "break up the flavor" (why would you want that) and that he will want a LOT of pepper
- Legit cranks the pepper into the cup for almost 30 straight seconds
- 7:30 cranks salt into the cup for over 20 seconds
- 8:03 stirs the mug of seasoning and slops some over the rim
- 8:12 Kurt tastes it and smacks into the microphone like an ogre, declares it needs MORE pepper
- Cranks pepper into the mug for another half minute
- 9:05 tastes, smacks, uses the spoon he has had in his mouth and the wine/salt/pepper concoction to scoop more minced garlic and dump it in; does he not realize this will likely clog the injector?
- He sings Walking in a Winter Wonderland as he makes this seasoning mix, often resorting to humming as he does not know the words (he says it's Christmastime but Youtube says it streamed 8 months ago, which would make it January, I think…)
- His trembles are really noticeable as he starts handling the injector at 11:11; I've mentioned before that this is often seen in awkward fat people and I don't know the cause
- Has poor control of the injector and sprays seasoning onto the cutting board and counter at 11:30 (probably pressing too hard on the plunger and trying to force too much liquid in); liquid continues to seep out of the meat and drip off the cutting board and onto the floor
- I feel like I should say here that there is no need to inject/brine the meat for this kind of dish afaik
- He is determined to inject the entire cup of seasoning into the beef and by 13:57 the meat is sitting in a puddle of excess fluid
- Dear God, pours even more liquid into the seasoning cup at 14:14
- At 15:04 has issues with the injector not taking up the last bit of the seasoning juice, want to bet it's clogged by chunks of minced garlic?
- Stream cuts out around 17:00, says he just poured the rest of the seasoning onto the meat and sealed it in foil; injector had not been picking up the pepper/salt/garlic, which had just sunk to the bottom of the cup
- 8:17 foil-wrapped meat is sitting in the seasoning and raw meat juice puddled on his cutting board, literally dripping as he picks it up. He does at least dry it off before putting it in the fridge.
- 18:39 there is seasoning juice puddled on top of his sealed mushrooms, how tf did that get there?
- He wipes down the counters at 19:15, idk the way he does it is just funny to me, hand smacking into everything else on his countertop like an ape
- 19:43 picks up the camera, giving us a view of his filthy and cluttered countertop; there's a huge bottle of Texas Spring Water that looks like it contains piss
- Says that the seasoning will "bring out the flavor" when in fact it will obscure it
- Vacuum-seals the opened wine so it's fresh for the next day, completely and totally unnecessary for screw-cap wines you're going to be consuming within 48 hours
- 23:40 splattered so much seasoning juice everywhere that he has to clean his counters down
- By 24:43 Kurt has concluded cooking and spends the remaining 40+ minutes talking to chat
- 25:17 reiterates this is one of his signature dishes and that it's not that hard. While I wouldn't call beef wellington HARD, I am confident in saying it's beyond Kurt's abilities given how poorly he handles scrambled eggs. Talks about cooking the wellington at 300F which is imo too low.
- Many long pauses filled with nothing but Kurt's breathing as he reads chat and stares into the camera.
- At 29:03 says he isn't having company and it's "just him" since he doesn't have local friends or family. I could have sworn he mentioned elsewhere that he is making this dish to take to someone's house but maybe I imagined it.
- Delusional live chat commentor says Kurt should be engaged after this video
- 30:55 responds to a chatter who asks how long the entire cooking process will take and Kurt says 3 - 4 hours and that cooking time takes the longest. Idk what he is talking about because wellington shouldn't be in the oven longer than 20 mins if you're doing it right, though you should let it rest for a while.
- 39:25 a chatter says she met her husband online and tells Kurt not to give up; he sighs and says he's trying not to.
- At 40:25 sinks further into self-pity and says he feels very lonely. He says it might be the time of year but he got sad watching women buy large amounts of groceries for their families. Begs the question of why he isn't going to visit his own family. Informs the "ladies" he is single and available and will cook for them (rattling off a list of simple/low effort dishes), proving that his fixation is more on having a bangmaid than friends/family.
- Says he cleans after himself at 42:40; from the glimpses we have seen of his kitchen it is not clean. Says he can do laundry and the dishes. So the bare minimum.
- At 43:19 says he will relocate anywhere for the love of his life.
- Several chatters bemoaning they're a few years over his age limit and telling him to move to various states so they can introduce him to their friends. WTF??
- 45:50 puts out an open call for anyone who's looking for a "loyal, thoughtful, caring person." I'm not usually one to point out nice guy syndrome but wow.
- 46:20 says his experience with dating sites has been "complete nothing" and does not elaborate
- 46:55 says he is about to be 43 and is looking for a woman who is under 35, has no kids, wants kids, leans conservative, loyal, kind, caring. I will draw your attention to the fact that the only concrete specifics about his ideal partner are around her fertility, willingness to be his broodmare, and Kurt's disinterest in a woman that is "used up" (my phrase not his) by already having given birth.
- At 48:10 chatter named Sarah says "Dam am 44 single look like and 32 and defo no kids don't count me out" and Kurt replies with, "Well, Sarah, do you want to have biological children? Because that is something I want," with a definite tone of condescension, implying her dried up eggies are of no use to him. He sighs, grows more irritated, and says, "the age limit is because I want biological children. I told you." Not a regular Kurt viewer but seems he gets pressed on his standards often and won't yield.
- He is now scowling into the camera. He would like 3 - 5 children.
- 49:25 chatter says it's a big ask (can't see it but Kurt reads it aloud, so a mod must have swept it). Kurt mocks the chatter: "That's a big ask? Really? That's a big ask? To want to have 3 - 5 children, seriously, that's a big ask? Go fuck yourself." Kurt, if you married your dream wife NOW you would be a senior citizen before your youngest kid was 10 years old. Your wife will bear the brunt of 90% of the child-rearing as you will be unable to keep up with your young spawn, and in short order she will be not only child-rearing but providing elder care to you. That's a big ask right there. On top of that, you are obese, a poor cook, sloppy, socially awkward, and smug. Yes it's a fucking big ask.
- 49:55 someone else says it's a huge ask. Kurt sighs and rolls his eyes. Chat is full of people arguing, some thinking it's reasonable and some disagreeing. Someone suggests that Kurt waive the age limit and Kurt says, "Do I really have to explain the decrease in fertility rates and the increase of complications as women get older? Yes I know women can sometimes have children older without birth defects, I know it's possible. But I shouldn't go into it with the expectation it will occur…. Because I'm looking at 3 - 5 children, [if she's already over 35] the odds are that will not occur (basically saying there's no chance a woman over 35 will birth kids without defects)." I pointed out how poorly he understands fertility and age in a past breakdown so I won't tread old ground here except to say 1) women over 40 have a 1% chance of having a child with Down's and 2) bro's worried about the age of the mother when his curdled sperm would birth another Chris Chan. He bemoans having to explain this and says it's "basic biology."
- At 53:05 someone says that he may be overlooking someone because of the age limit. Kurt holds firm and says it's "not arbitrary." Further validation that he wants a broodmare, not a loving and equally yoked partner. Kurt seethes further: "I don't understand this, am I allowed to want it? Is it okay?" Malds about fertility more. "I'm overlooking them because they can't give me what I want."
- 54:40 Someone asks if he's tried a professional matchmaker. He's open to it.
- 55:25 "I don't feel like what I'm saying is fundamentally different from what a woman would say, in this respect… It seems to me women often express [how many kids they want] and what they're looking for in a partner so I don't feel like I'm saying anything profound here." It does not compute for him that he is reducing the role of wife solely to babymaker rather than actually trying to find someone he could be happy with, which is different than just wanting kids.
- Reiterates at 58:00 that he will not go for a woman who already has children.
- 58:34 Kurt lays out his ideal characteristics. Petite, hair and eye color don't matter, can handle him being introverted (i.e. won't bring him to social events), will walk in the park or go to dinners. Says all of this is significantly less important than people think and that marriages can survive without common hobbies or interests, but needs common values and ideals (did not list any values or ideals).
- 1:00:34 when asked if he wants a wife that will stay home with the kids, says it would have to be discussed. Is open to being the stay at home parent. Doesn't have a strong preference. This indicates to me that he has given it little thought, perhaps having given child-rearing in general little thought.
- People are jokingly asking if he'd wear shirts for rival college sports teams and Kurt morosely says he'd wear whichever shirt his wife wanted him to wear.
- 1:03:03 Kurt is open to divorced women
- 1:04:13 says he's tried every dating site and mocks a chatter who suggested it
- An insane chatter at 1:0456 suggests Kurt use a surrogate and be a single father. Kurt wisely dismisses it.
- 1:0548 Kurt returns to the dating site topic. Says everyone he has ever matched with is "very unattractive in [his] view" and that "apparently [he] is getting the very bottom of the barrel," which means "[he] is the very bottom of the barrel, which isn't very encouraging." No comment necessary.
- At 1:0645 Kurt reads aloud another chat that is missing from the replay: "Not everyone alive is meant to find love and happiness." Kurt calls them a troll.
- A morose Kurt decides to end the stream.
