Bad Writing Advice

Listen to absolutely everything people on the internet say. If they don't like something, its probably bad. Never think for yourself. And never ever try anything outside of established genre conventions because the chance it could fail horribly makes it just not worth it.

All those "writing advice" channels on Youtube are totally legit and not just idiots too lazy to write their own book so they're telling you how to write yours.
 
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I’m sure it’s been mentioned, but ALWAYS have a self-insert which fucks young hot babes in your plot. At least have one sexual encounter for every other chapter.
Your self-insert does a good think? Fuck. Saves someone? Fuck. It’s easy.

Also be sure to explain in great detail every single plot point and reference back to it when you think your reader might be too fucking stupid to remember what foreshadowing is.
 
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Disregard everyone who says that the only valid rule of writing is that only smart people can write smart stories. Anyone can write a good and intelligent story if they follow your advice, since you're not a delusional midwit, but a genius who's actually figured it out.
 
I’ll give three “useful” rules when writing:

1.) Play into Didacticism as much as you possibly can, explain everything verbally, leave nothing unspoken.

2.) Make sure the main super special hero always is unharmed in a fight, make the villains leave no scratches or dents against him or her.

3.) If you got a character who got their powers based off science fiction like Hulk with gamma rays or Spider-Man from a genetically altered or radiated spider, throw that away, bring in a magical god entity to tell them “it’s your destiny to be what you are. Also, your powers work because of magic.”
 
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Make sure everything is relevant to your plot. Don't have any unrelated world building, red herrings, or character development.

Emphasis compatibility, this means you can just say character A's magical bullshit is super-ultra effective against the otherwise much stronger character B's magical bullshit and you don't have to put much thought into your fights.
 
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MAPK phosphatase said:
Don't focus on characters. Write your story like you're playing with action figures. Put in whatever cool stuff you want. You can include a connecting thread between the cool stuff but you don't really need to. While you will be writing a lot of fight scenes, you don't need to bother doing any research on tactics, strategy, martial arts, period combat, weapons, armor, or any of that. Fights should be won on vague concepts like "strength" and "power" and "will". It's great to have your characters go on long monologues about the importance of these concepts but you should never, ever define them, establish what their limits are, or state what's entailed in developing them.

Remember that your main character shouldn't work too hard for anything. He or she should just have the universe and other characters bend to suit them. It's ok if your character is directionless and is pulled through the story without motivation. Having your characters drive the story means you may not encounter every action set-piece you want which isn't acceptable. Not to mention emotional stakes will just bog down the fight scenes.
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Kubo Tite, is that you?
 
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Random sex scenes make your work cooler and more mature. Make sure you use as many bizarre euphemisms and nearly nonsensical metaphors and similes as possible when writing them too.

If you can't fit a sex scene in, just add a rape scene, and something about how it's commentary about violence against women, that adds extra bonus super cool edginess points.

Never write a straight high fantasy story. Everything must be drowned in darkness and misery, and of course more rape scenes to show how developed and edgy your story is. If anyone protests, simply call them a chud who wants to go back to when fantasy was sexist and exclusive.
 
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Welcome to Top Tips Writing Tips Suck my Tips The Tip Blog! Today we will teach you to write the Bible in a single word(For this guide we chose the word "nigger")! Here's the process:
  1. First you need to find the Demiurge's Reality Temple. Infiltrate it and ensure you aren't seen.
  2. With access to this immense library of content, you shall replace every word in the English Language with "nigger".
  3. Now, "nigger" will contain the definitions of every single word in existence (in the English language at least), which will include all of the words found in The Bible.
  4. Type "nigger" into your local group chat, and spam it.
  5. Congratulations, you are spreading The Bible- sorry, the Nigger gospel at higher rates than any other priest in History! Rejoice!
WARNING: ONCE YOU COMMIT TO THE GREAT REPLACEMENT, THE EFFECTS CANNOT BE REVERSED. FROM HENCEWORTH EVERY WORD YOUR READ WRITE AND HEAR WILL ALWAYS BE NIGGER. THIS BLOG'S CONTENTS AKA THE WORDS YOU ARE READING RIGHT NOW WILL BE REPLACED WITH NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER
 
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Dunkin DoNUT said:
Watching the show, I got lost on the plot in the soul society arc when they're rescuing Rukia. Too many ooga booga firework shows, my brain got turned off.
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Man, that's, like, the good part of it.

The later arcs get really confusing and nonsensical.
 
Always insert your fetish/special interest into every thing, to the point that it's clearly forced in.

Fantasy setting of dark caves filled with molemen? Clearly the hero will defeat them with his angel wing powers!

Desert scavenger town? They're full of mermaids!

World of post-scarcity and easy and cheap body modification? There are still people with deformities or diseases they could have gotten cured but then chose to still have it!


Want your hero to have an injury that maims him and destroys part of the female readership appeal about him, even though it is a logical extension of the plot and the choices he made? That's okay, just have HER LOVE heal his wounds and remove any significance to his sacrifice! Did he sacrifice his magic power so that he could marry the human woman? Wow turns out when they got married the Grand High Wizard was so astonished that he gave him his powers back!

---

On another note, I do want to defend TWA and Hello Future Me. Both of them have helped me, and I even got the latter's books (for a cheap price lol) and found them useful. They've also given me inspiration, but I admit that I can get inspiration from very bizarre places. They're also helpful for people who can't find others interested in writing despite searching for fellow con-crits for three months. :suffering:
 
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Always include your fetishes in the story. The reader will not become disgusted with you!

Develop a Discord "community" based around your work that is centered around being pornbrained! Make sure to get rid of anyone who openly talks about historical inaccuracies in your story as they relate to North Africa. Does someone have slightly more experience in writing? Make sure to never consider what they have to say.

Charge your community 1.00 USD for three paragraphs that you pinky swear you took nine hours to make.
 
Don't write villains that should be held accountable for their actions, that's for toddlers.
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Forgetting that misery, in itself, is a villain, and guilt is an antagonist. This woman also plans on writing a novel of her own, a cocaine-fueled Grindr story filled with "Dom triggers" that get activated. Real sentence, btw.
 
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Chandelier said:
Don't write villains that should be held accountable for their actions, that's for toddlers.
View attachment 6482461
Forgetting that misery, in itself, is a villain, and guilt is an antagonist. This woman also plans on writing a novel of her own, a cocaine-fueled Grindr story filled with "Dom triggers" that get activated. Real sentence, btw.
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I don't think it's the worst idea for fiction. The Hays Code-esque idea of 'evil actions must always be punished' is pretty black and white, and runs counter to reality where bad things happen to good people, and bad people are not necessarily punished for the things that they've done. The trick is, in fiction, making sure the audience knows that the author doesn't condone what they depict (and that can be a tricky line to walk), and making their escape from consequences plausible. (Spoiler alert for a show that ended fifteen years ago, but Marlo Stanfield from The Wire is a dead-eyed psychopath who has people killed for minor reasons, and he ends up completely escaping justice.)

I wouldn't say that it's 'more interesting' for a character not to face consequences for their wrongdoing, but it's a valid storytelling choice. Though given your last paragraph, this particular person sounds like they're coming from the standpoint of writing a Sexy Bad Boy protagonist and trying come up with a justification beyond 'bad boys are sexy.'
 
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Dick Johnson said:
I don't think it's the worst idea for fiction. The Hays Code-esque idea of 'evil actions must always be punished' is pretty black and white, and runs counter to reality where bad things happen to good people, and bad people are not necessarily punished for the things that they've done. The trick is, in fiction, making sure the audience knows that the author doesn't condone what they depict (and that can be a tricky line to walk), and making their escape from consequences plausible. (Spoiler alert for a show that ended fifteen years ago, but Marlo Stanfield from The Wire is a dead-eyed psychopath who has people killed for minor reasons, and he ends up completely escaping justice.)
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Sure, but what gets me is the line 'antithetical to good storytelling'. Not all villains or antagonists will be held accountable or will remain as they are - and depend on how they are written, makes them exciting. What should also be mentioned is that the first tweet contradicts the second: misery and guilt are themselves antagonists, for if the antagonist feels those emotions it means that, on some level, they do not take pride in their actions. It is ironically being 'held to task', because why should an antagonist feel bad if what they did they felt was right?
 
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Never use the word "said." It's a bland, overused word and your readers will pick up on it.

Try to avoid namedropping your characters too often. It's better to use epithets instead, but make sure they're unique.

The ideal word length is no more than 20k. Anything longer than that will put your editor to sleep.

Use a legible font such as 20 point Comic Sans MS.

Include at least one drawing per scene to keep your neurospicy readers engaged. :)
 
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