Bad Writing Advice

Always write in blocks of text. No spacing. Never. Everything is condensed into a paragraph, this makes it easier to parse and understand.

Plot wise? Your character should be easily described in one word that is a physical attribute/minority/diversity/sexuality. They shouldn't be challenged whether in the setting or around their peers. Happy endings, always.
 
  • Like
Reactions: spiritofamermaid, Dunkin DoNUT, Fromtheblackdepths and 3 others
Make sure that the audience knows your protagonist is super special despite being just a regular guy, and has some vague tragic background that justifies any shitty behavior. This background is also essential for creating an underdog protagonist, even though he has an untapped well of power stronger than basically anyone. Because he is so strong, don't bother making him smart or anything because he can just power through with brute force. Actually, clever battle tactics are a huge waste of time since nobody really pays attention. Only total losers use any sort of foresight or strategy. Plot armor is your friend.

If you accidentally create likeable characters that have overcome genuine obstacles and changed their behavior, that won't be a problem. Just relegate them to the background cast and make sure they only show up now and again to remind the audience that they exist. ALWAYS REMEMBER: Even if they are a villain turned good they should NEVER apologize or reflect on their past actions. That was the PAST and they are GOOD now.

Speaking of villains, don't give them any motives or reasoning besides, like, being evil. Diving into a major character's backstory or perspective is a massive waste of time and will confuse your audience too much, so just make them extremely evil/homoerotic and call it a day. They probably just need a good talking-to and an epic smackdown to become a good guy after all.

Women are very important to a story - they have tits and ass, after all. Thus, giving them a real personality would only detract from the true appeal of the character, actually try to give them the most repulsive personality as possible. There are three tried and true options: give them the opinions and independence of a five year old who depends on a man constantly, give them the outfit and attitude of a hard leather dominatrix that enjoys seeing men in extreme pain, or make them a selfish bitch who gets into catfights over some guy. Every other character should be completely ok with this; they are women, after all. Your male audience will completely love this, and any women who say otherwise are just jealous they aren't as hot as your fictional waifus.

In short, men strong, women hot, villains bad. Do NOT deviate from this if you want anyone to like your work, EVER.
 
  • Like
  • Autistic
  • Agree
Reactions: if the light takes us, spiritofamermaid, Mexican_Wizard_711 and 5 others
BootyButt said:
use the most visited tvtropes pages to determine your plot characters and setting, don't ever read real books because they suck and are boring anyway
Click to expand...
Or if reading from a website is too much trouble, just take your favorite anime or cartoon show, change a few things and add in a character who's an idealized version of you. Or if you're feeling particularly ambitious, take two of your favorite anime or cartoon shows and combine elements of both! Don't worry too much about if they make any sense together. Don't worry that people will think everything you're writing is a worse version of a popular franchise with no original ideas either. Nobody ever notices that sort of thing.
 
  • Like
  • Semper Fidelis
  • Feels
Reactions: spiritofamermaid, Dunkin DoNUT, Fougaro and 6 others
1) Make sure to have inconsistent formatting. One moment things seem fine and perfectly spaced, the next shit gets shoved into one fucking paragraph.
2) Spend six pages writing a scene where a character comes out as LGBTQ+ (I'm looking at you, Sarah J Maas. Refer to "A Court of Wings and Ruin"). Now homophobia is no more!
3) Rely on mental illnesses to create a dynamic character. Might as well add in a tragic backstory.
4) More on the nitpicky side, but ALWAYS make sure to have at least two suitors for your MC. Because each (YA) novel needs the love triangle trope otherwise it's fucking boring.
 
  • Like
  • Dumb
Reactions: if the light takes us, spiritofamermaid, Fromtheblackdepths and 3 others
Only write relatable characters. Readers don’t want to look up to their favorite characters or learn from them, they just want to insert themselves into the story.

But not bad relatable things. No one likes to be reminded that they can be defeated, or that they can be in the wrong sometimes, that won’t make your readers feel good. Only write things that they would like to think they relate to—like caring about their friends! And being so bad at cooking lol XD!!

Your readers are not looking to learn anything or experience any sort of negative emotion from your piece. You should remind them that they are perfect just the way they are, and that adventure will just happen to them because they are super special for some reason.
 
  • Like
  • Autistic
Reactions: Grumpy Pickle Rick, Parasaurolophus, Neurotic Loser and 1 other person
Make sure to write about every single small detail of everything your characters see in long winding sentences with at least 3 adjectives per sustantive to make your descriptions have more impact. As well, always use the same sustantive to describe the same thing constantly and repetedly to avoid confusing the reader on what you are talking about.

Make sure to not have leave the designated starting space for every paragraph and have incosistent spacing between lines. Also, make sure that when you get the first line of your next paragraph right at the end of the page and the finishing lineof each paragraph at the beginning of each page. And try to have at least 1 typo per paragraph to spice things up.

Edit: Also, something that will always catch the eye of every reader is to make the spaces in your paragraphs to line up. That always charms everyone.
 
  • Like
Reactions: spiritofamermaid, cuco, Parasaurolophus and 2 others
You want inconsistency in your writings and answering them with retcons & plot devices? Watch The Legend of Korra.

You want shitty toxic triangle relationships and going to nothing? Watch Star vs. FoE.

You want really destroy your mind with crappy inspirations besides the main one? Read any fanfiction.

You want empowered characters only for being and not for effort/work? Watch the latest Star Wars trilogy or Ghostbusters 2016.

I think if i still writing the list i'm gonna explode... in a good way.
 
  • Agree
  • Like
  • Winner
Reactions: spiritofamermaid, Dunkin DoNUT, Jeff Boomhauer and 4 others
Take month-long breaks every now and then in the middle of writing (don't even finish the sentence you're writing, get up mid-word and let what you've written so far collect dust for a bit), and once you get back, just pick up exactly where you left off as if you never left. Don't go back and read what you've already wrote to remember where you were, just go off of memory. Don't worry, it'll be perfectly coherent and the reasers definitely won't notice.
 
  • Agree
  • Winner
  • Like
Reactions: if the light takes us, spiritofamermaid, cuco and 6 others
Never make any of your characters do or say something that you don't agree with. None of your characters should have political opinions that differ from yours, and the villains are not permitted to say anything offensive - forget the fact that them doing so would just cement whatever they said as "something bad guys say" in the minds of readers and actually help your cause, if someone reads something mean in a book under any circumstances, regardless of context, they might get their poor fee-fees hurt!
Remember to have your characters stop to lecture the reader on current political trends, and have the antagonist stop by to say "I may be responsible for the deaths of 800 children and have a death laser currently aimed at a large population center, but even I'M not so evil that I'd vote Yes on [that new law they're introducing]!" and then have them all go back to whatever they were doing like nothing happened.
Oh, and make sure to slack off on your writing duties for so long that it only comes out when whatever political issue is already old and irrelevant anyways.
 
  • Like
  • Agree
Reactions: spiritofamermaid, Dunkin DoNUT, Parasaurolophus and 3 others
Stoneheart said:
Bill Shatner was Wrong, brevity is not the soul of wit. write giant amount of pages.
the more your write the more people will love you...
Click to expand...
On this note, remember to have extremely quick or extremely dragged out pacing. Of someone can't bear with things how you display them, they won't be able to understand your book anyways. Plus, everyone knows that enormous encyclopeic books are the best and size is equal to quality.
 
  • Like
  • Feels
Reactions: spiritofamermaid, Parasaurolophus and Neurotic Loser
Limits aren't things that characters have. People can arbitrarily do things or not do things at the whim of the author.
Don't bother actually explaining the backstory of someone like the main character. People like a mysterious badass.
Expound on every trivial detail, from the calendar to how these people reload this particular model of gun to what color socks someone's wearing, and why. Lean into that high school education of "you need (X) words to graduate".
Utilize the thesaurus exorbitantly to the point of nigh illegibility. Exceptional literature is an onerous experience meant to bludgeon the receiver into a stupor.
 
  • Like
Reactions: spiritofamermaid, Parasaurolophus, Malagor the dank omen and 1 other person
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back