Bad Writing Advice

[Heavy Metal Kiki]

Character became a fan-favorite after their heroic sacrifice or tragic death? That means your readers would be absolutely delighted with the direction of the story if you deus-ex-machina'd them back to life!

Or do the reverse as one animal-raping cow did and kill off fan-favored characters just because the fans preferred a male over the swathe of female characters! They'll love that you for making the story a more female-friendly environment because all males are icky.

 

[Yukako]

• Don't waste your time reading published books. There are thousands of professional level fanfics available for free online, and those deserve your attention more since they're written by hobbyists.
• Your first draft is supposed to be readable.
• Stories without a message behind them have no value.
• All stories should end on a happy note.
• Avoid exploring darker themes in your story. There's no proper way to do so without romanticizing it.
• Any characters who don't share your ideologies must always be portrayed as either an antagonist or retarded and possibly killed off. Your readers will think you endorse the character's views otherwise.
• If your character is a part of a marginalized group, that should be their defining personality trait. Don't write them as you would any other character, they're nothing like the cisshits!
• Whether you're shitposting on Kiwi Farms or writing a novel, it should exclusively be in lapslock. Additionally, never use periods, especially if they're at the end of a sentence. Linguists say that millennials see them as a sign of anger, and the last thing you want is to alienate a large group of people from your story.
• You only need to proofread Criticizing grammar and spelling errors without consent is ableist, and in some cases racist.
• Try writing in chat log format. It's easier to keep track of things that way, and your readers will be encouraged to use their imagination.
• Finally, if you write something that borrows too many ideas from your favorite novel, DFE, even if it was unintentional. Imitation is the sincerest form of laziness, and people only want to read completely original ideas. This is another reason why you should avoid reading books.

 

[DogZero]

Bad Advice

1) stop writing.
2) stop reading.
3) Don't show your friends.
4) All feedback is personal.
5) Try to subvert the story, before you can successfully write the story.
6) Sell it before you share it.
7) Written dialogue doesn't have to sound right when spoken.
8 ) A good written work doesn't need a clear purpose.
9) Don't write about what you know
10) Only write about what you have personally experienced literally.
12) Do not abstract your ideas.
11) Ideas do not have consequences.

 

[Doctor of Autism]

Remember if there is any moral ambiguity or if its not clear enough, make sure to constantly remind your readers to point out that a bad thing is bad and they shouldn't do it.

If you're writing a sequel to something that was made long ago, make sure to turn the previous lead into a jaded loser who is absolutely pathetic, undo their previous achievements, and rehash the same thing. The readers would love to see you retread their heroes journey or be the washed up mentor for the plucky new character everyone will love.

If you want to make everyone love a character you really love, make sure to have everyone say how cool they are, and if they're not in the scene, spend your time praising them or have them think about them.

To make a great romance, make sure the male lead gets the girl by showing basic human kindness in a normal society. Holding the door open will lead to marriage you know

 

[Ughubughughughughughghlug]

Never spare an opportunity to talk about what the hero had for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Always describe your sex scene graphically.

 

[Loris Yeltsin]

If you're writing a sequel to something that was made long ago, make sure to turn the previous lead into a jaded loser who is absolutely pathetic, undo their previous achievements, and rehash the same thing. The readers would love to see you retread their heroes journey or be the washed up mentor for the plucky new character everyone will love.

And make sure to include a prescient cat that can sense death. Bitches love cats.

 

[Yukako]

Don't punch down when writing comedy. Joking at the expense of minorities is mean-spirited and will age your book horribly. Instead, only ever make fun of politicians and straight white men.

 

[Midwit]

Whenever [PROTAGONIST] isn't in the scene, everyone else should be asking "where's [PROTAGONIST]?"