The Stop Drinking (or using other substances) thread - Hello, my name is "kiwi farmer", and I am an alcoholic.

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It has been nearly a month since I've drunk any alcohol. I don't think it ever was chemical for me, really, because it was effortless to not drink when visiting home. I had a brief interruption to visit home, but I also had a trip to a conference, where I'd normally drink heavily, and I didn't drink anything. The desire has just faded. Is still there, a bit, but way, way weaker than it used to be. I think cigar smoking was a big factor at first, but now I don't particularly want to smoke either. It just feels like it's gone.
 
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Likewise havent drank in ages but I still get those "oh no did I do something while drunk?" doomer vibes. Afraid of opening IMs etc
 
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97 days sober today, the longest stretch in well over ten years. I don't really feel that different, maybe more bored. I don't hang out with people much, since most of my friends' activities revolve around drinking. I don't miss being hungover in the mornings, but I miss the comraderie and the fun I used to have when getting plastered. I'm not sure whether I'll pick it up again, but in the meanwhile it feels pretty good. I keep having nightmares about relapsing and ruining my life, and then I wake up to the relief that it was just a dream and I didn't actually make a fool out of myself, so maybe that's a handy deterrence.
 
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Pale Empress said:
97 days sober today, the longest stretch in well over ten years. I don't really feel that different, maybe more bored. I don't hang out with people much, since most of my friends' activities revolve around drinking. I don't miss being hungover in the mornings, but I miss the comraderie and the fun I used to have when getting plastered. I'm not sure whether I'll pick it up again, but in the meanwhile it feels pretty good. I keep having nightmares about relapsing and ruining my life, and then I wake up to the relief that it was just a dream and I didn't actually make a fool out of myself, so maybe that's a handy deterrence.
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Rusty Cage did a sober month vlog. His biggest takeaway was "Holy fuck I've got so much time during the day that I actually need things to do". I think that's why people used to have more hobbies; they had to. Today I hear of some zoomer getting into church restoration as a profession and I'm just like, how the shit did you get that idea, not being constantly exposed to a bunch of things but rather gooning and boozing at home?

Anyway I recommend Rusty's vlog. Very eye opening.
 
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I guess I kind of relapsed today. Some three weeks ago I had a bottle of merlot. It did nothing for me but make me think, "wow, drinking really blows, I don't like feeling like my mind is cloudy." A week ago I had a pint-and-a-half of beer after kayaking and didn't feel bad about it at all. But a pint-and-a-half every now and then isn't a problem. If it wasn't I wouldn't be posting here. Today I got a jar of peach moonshine. It was actually really good. My lame excuse to myself was that I had this really, really noxious work-chore I had to do and it would loosen me up (work was cancelled, I'm doing stuff from home, I didn't, like, go to work drunk). I know it's a really stupid self-excuse. Thankfully, the thing I bought happened to have a lower ABV than usual, was basically like having a 12-pack or a heavier-than-usual wine bottle as opposed to some big ass jug of liquor. But nonetheless I drank it and I felt a rage. That's why I can't drink anymore, really. If I get drunk enough I just feel this blind, all-consuming rage that frightens me. I don't get that in day-to-day life - I actually feel serene much of that time - and so I don't understand where this comes from, but every now and then it's like I peek behind the curtain and I quail at it.
 
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To make it Kiwi Farms-relevant, I have to say that the Alice Walker Wright thread was pretty motivating. She's younger than I am, and I DO NOT want to end up looking like that.
 
Nique la mere de Macron said:
To make it Kiwi Farms-relevant, I have to say that the Alice Walker Wright thread was pretty motivating. She's younger than I am, and I DO NOT want to end up looking like that.
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Watching Rekieta stuck in the ASCAS loop hit home lmao. It was the having to close one eye to try to see straight especially that made me think, jfc I looked and sounded like that at least twice a week at best? Shameful.
 
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Has anyone tried sparkling water just for the taste? Kind of tastes like a light beer/whiteclaw (like piss) and it stops that urge atleast.

Decided its probably not a good idea to skullfuck 2000~ calories of vodka a day so I'm just going to stop with that shit.
 
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Magnitude2717 said:
Has anyone tried sparkling water just for the taste? Kind of tastes like a light beer/whiteclaw (like piss) and it stops that urge atleast.

Decided its probably not a good idea to skullfuck 2000~ calories of vodka a day so I'm just going to stop with that shit.
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I prefer non-alcoholic beer. Some are better than others. The Heineken tastes exactly like normal Heineken and is less than half the calories. Athletic Brewing does some weird IPAs and stouts which are fun.
 
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Nique la mere de Macron said:
I just posted this in another thread because there seems to be a few different alcoholism threads and I'm not sure which one is the current/active one. I joined AA three days ago and I am sad, man.
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Depression is a major symptom of Alcohol withdrawal. You will need to power through that hump. It takes a couple weeks. Your brain will eventually figure out it needs to start making dopamine again. Ice Cream is good for mitigating this, as that sugary fatty goodness acts on the same reward mechanism as booze. Maybe make yourself beer mugs, but with root beer floats.
 
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Magnitude2717 said:
Has anyone tried sparkling water just for the taste? Kind of tastes like a light beer/whiteclaw (like piss) and it stops that urge atleast.
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Carbonated water makes drinking water less shit but as a teen ai just got hooked on that shit instead.
mindlessobserver said:
Depression is a major symptom of Alcohol withdrawal. You will need to power through that hump. It takes a couple weeks. Your brain will eventually figure out it needs to start making dopamine again.
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My last weekend was fucking rough. Once on a streak I don't consider drinking but once I've dipped, it gets hard. I enjoy being bored and wasting time but on weekends? Oh boy I could've had fun!.. not playing games and going to bed earlier.
 
Haven't drunk in this calender month, my other half wanted a month off and I came along with it because I know it's way easier if you both do it. Also because there's no hell greater than being sober and hanging around someone who's tipsy.
Now we're heading towards the end of the month I would like to just continue not drinking, I feel the benefits of better sleep, more level energy and mood, and overall feeling better. But they have a different perspective, and will certainly be back on the sauce 1st November. Not sure how to handle that really, it feels shitty to be starting to drink again just because your partner is, but the opposite is also true.
 
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Magnitude2717 said:
Has anyone tried sparkling water just for the taste? Kind of tastes like a light beer/whiteclaw (like piss) and it stops that urge atleast.

Decided its probably not a good idea to skullfuck 2000~ calories of vodka a day so I'm just going to stop with that shit.
Click to expand...
gobbles said:
I prefer non-alcoholic beer. Some are better than others. The Heineken tastes exactly like normal Heineken and is less than half the calories. Athletic Brewing does some weird IPAs and stouts which are fun.
Click to expand...
Non-alcoholic beer helped me for the first couple of weeks, Heineken was definitely top tier. I got tired of non-alcoholic beers though, because the taste of beer made me want the buzz to go along with it. I started trying drinks with adaptogens and CBD and shit. HOP WTR is good, I also like Daytrip and Vybes. Yes they all sound gay as fuck but at least it's not beer.
 
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Ughubughughughughughghlug said:
It has been nearly a month since I've drunk any alcohol. I don't think it ever was chemical for me, really, because it was effortless to not drink when visiting home. I had a brief interruption to visit home, but I also had a trip to a conference, where I'd normally drink heavily, and I didn't drink anything. The desire has just faded. Is still there, a bit, but way, way weaker than it used to be. I think cigar smoking was a big factor at first, but now I don't particularly want to smoke either. It just feels like it's gone.
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Been drinking much less lately. Feels pretty good. I did not start drinking with any kind of regularity until my 30s, I never really liked it in my 20s. Feels like I will just slip back into that. Been trying to cut back on caffeine as well. Biggest issue I have is every time I go to eat at a restaurant its hard to not order 2-3 beers with food and then I end up doing it again the next day and the day after. I never drink at home really so if I just stick to take out I'm fine.
 
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I wasn't an alcoholic per se, but I was a heavy drinker who'd drink until I was wasted or blacked out basically any time I had a sip of alcohol. I haven't had anything to drink for a month after an "incident". Basically I got drunk, and the following morning I got sober, and promptly started having visual and auditory hallucinations. I also couldn't formulate sentences in my head. It was terrifying.

Basically I went to the ER and after some tests they basically advised me not to drink (or do any kind of mind-altering substance) until into my 30s (I'm 24 now) since I have a family history of psychotic illnesses including schizophrenia.

I know it will stop alcohol from hurting my health, but I'm mourning it. I like camping and drinking beer, I like making cocktails with my friends, I like celebrating big occasions with champagne with my family. Now it's gone for some of the most formative "having fun" years of my life. It's a kind of a petty concern, but it adds insult to the injury of having to worry about my brain turning into gray schizo mush.
 
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