I had a huge, 2.5 month slingshot on not drinking when I went home for the Summer. At some point I cracked open a can of lager but I didn't feel like it was the end of the world because it stayed controlled, and up to this point it pretty much is still controlled, but I drank a bottle of wine today and I'm feeling hollow.
It mostly boils down to four facts for me:
Fact 1: If I start drinking I will keep drinking until I sleep.
Fact 2: If I have alcohol in my house I will drink it (triggering Fact 1).
Fact 3: I crave the feeling of intoxication specifically.
Fact 4: If I don't drink and I'm not visiting home, I will eventually crave to drink.
The way I was managing this, and it honestly works pretty well, is I only buy cans of Yuengling lager about every other day, and after a while I started to appreciate the beer more as an actual beverage, was getting used to normal drinking patterns, all that. I couldn't buy, say, a pack because although it's more cost efficient, Fact 2 and then Fact 1 would kick in. At the same time, though, just a can won't satisfy Fact 4 and Fact 3.
I called my Pa and talked a long time, which is not uncommon when I'm completely sober, but when it ended I felt the disappointment of the world crash down on me suddenly.