The Stop Drinking (or using other substances) thread - Hello, my name is "kiwi farmer", and I am an alcoholic.

[Ultrapenguin]

Yeah that's kind of what ended up happening, I had twenty days and ended up hooking up with somebody who drinks hard, at first I was rationalizing it as "OK just when we're hanging out," and then it spiraled back to where I was before, except exacerbated by a grandparent dying. I'm back to five days sober today.

Started going to AA on Tuesday and it's a pretty supportive bunch. Not quite what I expected. After the meeting today I got bullied (a term I use loosely) into accepting a "temporary" sponsor who told me they'd spent all weekend thinking about me and wondering whether I was OK, which feels weird since I'm not used to anybody really giving a shit like that.

Not familiar with AA/NA?

I never want to outright discourage anyone from doing it because for a certain type of person, especially really serious addicts, it can sometimes be one of the only things that work.
On the other hand I'm not that fond of it an an entity.

It can be extremely cult-y, and 12 steps is just a roundabout way of accomplishing humility and coming to terms with how much control you actually have on a moment to moment basis (which isn't that much, a person can set things up such that it encourages good habits or discourages bad ones, but conscious will wears down quickly. If an urge is present in someone's thoughts and it's available to act on, eventually they will act on it).
Side note: If you haven't started doing the 12 steps thing they're definitely going to try to rope you into doing it.

Spoiler: Twelve Steps

Then you get the people who are like "I have to make sure to go to 3 AA meetings a day or I'll relapse" and it sort of seems like it's defeating the purpose.
The idea of someone getting cleaned up is to have it not entirely rule their life, but AA often winds up being something people have to do in perpetuity where they're stuck and never move on.
Whether they're drinking or not, either way their life and identity still revolves around alcohol.

Also in AA-centric groups and facilities (It's not uncommon for rehab facilities to essentially treat AA/NA as their central model) there seems to be a sentiment that their way is the only way, and if anyone isn't gelling with it or wants to leave the only possibility is that they're doing it because they're giving up on sobriety and are therefore lesser and deserving of scorn.
Like I said, very cult-y.

Obviously different groups/areas will operate somewhat differently so your experience may vary, and it's almost certainly superior to serious alcoholism (There's NA for other substances but it seems like the process is best adapted for alcoholism specifically), but I won't lie, there haven't been many times where I've looked at someone who's been to AA and been that impressed with the outcomes. For the record I've never been an AA participant, alcohol's never been something I had that much problem controlling, but I've been adjacent to them.

Spoiler: Addendum in your case

I've never seen it firsthand, but be aware that if you're a single woman, these people aren't saints. If there's a male sponsor or group member who's being very pushy and overly warm, it could be that they're just concerned about you. It could also be that they know that people in the first stages of sobriety are easy to prey on. (Fun fact: if you've ever heard of A Perfect Circle's album Thirteenth Step, that's what that refers to: finishing the 12 steps then using your position to prey on newcomers)

When you're dealing with therapists they're bound by a code of ethics to not parlay their position with vulnerable patients into anything sexual or otherwise exploitative. Those rules don't apply to AA even though the dynamic is probably even more pronounced.

So be on your guard a little bit and don't be afraid of telling these people no.

 

[Caesare]

I've never seen it firsthand, but be aware that if you're a single woman, these people aren't saints. If there's a male sponsor or group member who's being very pushy and overly warm, it could be that they're just concerned about you. It could also be that they know that people in the first stages of sobriety are easy to prey

No AA/NA group would allow a male to sponsor a female or vice versa.

For the record I've never been an AA participant, alcohol's never been something I had that much problem controlling, but I've been adjacent to them.

As always, the person spouting off nonsense about AA has never been themselves.

 

[William Tyndale]

99% of reddit is cancer but there are a few subs worth making an account for. One of those is r/stopdrinking. I lurked there for years before I actually stopped drinking and I used it as sort of an online support group for about the first year or so of my sobriety. There’s another one for weed but I can’t remember the name. “Leaves” or something like that. Anyway, if you’re thinking about quitting, or are having trouble maintaining your sobriety, give it a look and see what you think. I’m approaching 8 years as of this post and I still get the urge every once in a while. But I play the night out in my head and even in my imagination I don’t stop with one drink. I finish the bottle of wine and then drive to the store to get another one. That realization usually snaps me out of it and I’m reminded to not even take the first sip. Good luck to anyone visiting this thread as motivation. I know it’s hard and terrifying, but it’s sooo worth it. I can’t tell you the joy I felt when - out of the blue - my family volunteered me as the DD on a gathering where everyone would be drinking. I think I was 2 or 3 years sober at that point. I realized that I was the “sober guy” to my family when all those years I had been the retarded drunk guy. It was a great feeling. You can have that experience too. Eventually everyone learns to respect your choice so don’t let that be a reason to scare you off of quitting. (“But all my friends and family drink and I’ll feel left out”) And if they don’t be prepared to cut them out of your life. Don’t let the crabs bring you down.

 

[SonnyLorenzo]

I'm 165 days sober. I got into some trouble with the law and spent a few days on jail, and when I got out I realized the only way I ended up there was my drinking habits. I went to one AA meeting and found out real quick it wasn't for me (I see how it helps some people) so I've stayed sober for my family and myself. But lost about 20 pounds cutting out the drink. Good luck to anyone else giving it up.

 

[XYZpdq Jr.]

exwife is approaching her one-year chip, we still live together, I've been mostly supportive despite still drinking like a fish, try to keep shit she doesn't have a taste for around
she's feeling clingy and wants a kiss but gripes that I taste like vodka, then I tenderly whisper "I'm not sharing"
"you jerk"

 

[William Tyndale]

I've been mostly supportive despite still drinking like a fish

You should stop, fren. Your life will improve considerably. Even if it’s just a 30-90 day trial run.

 

[BigFanOfTheKillstream]

I've been sober from alcohol for over a year now after being a hardcore alcoholic for a long time. Every single aspect of my life has improved since making that decision. I've lost 70 pounds, regained my sanity, I handle money better, my relationships are happy/stable and I don't wake up sick, hating myself and the world, having to play hangover detective to figure out who and what I fucked over the night before.

It is indescribably better in every possible way and I never thought I'd be here. The things that seemed like mountainous obstacles turned out to just be molehills that I couldn't properly evaluate with my dick in the dirt.

I know I act like a goofy fag on the Internet and my takes aren't brilliant or even that funny but in all seriousness and all stupid online shit aside, if any of you are struggling and need someone to talk to, please feel free to DM me. I'm not going to powerlevel or tell war stories here but I promise I've been through your struggle and have come out the other side.

God sneed, lads
o7

 

[ATI Escapee]

Wasnt going to drink energy drinks in 2023 but my meds are very delayed and I needed to drive this weekend so... new resolution is no energy drinks on weekdays lol. I am narcoleptic, need meds to function. Only have half of them right now. Dumb insurance.

 

[Calandrino]

 

[Ughubughughughughughghlug]

I went about a month before having a six pack on a Friday night, and now my goal is to make it until the weekend before getting another six pack, but I'm still worried I'll just fall into binge drinking again. The biggest thing that helps me go a while is that when I visit my parents it's easy to not drink (they don't offer me alcohol anymore and I don't feel any desire to ask for it), so I can at times (especially the Summer or Winter) build up a big head start, but then when I have to leave I feel stressed (more need for it).

 

[Flamin Park]

Stopped doing booze or stims since I got out of hospital for heart failure caused by booze and lost my license for drunk driving (victimless 'crime' which only nerds care about btw)

Trying to get by vaping weed but its not the same, also got shrooms growing but I miss booze

 

[Gangster Talk]

Got hospitalized with withdrawals after trying to come down too fast from a really bad bender. Guess it's time to quit bros
I was reliant on benzos to not be retarded for a few days but since I started exercising again I haven't felt I've needed them, especially stuff that requires some intuitive thinking like boxing and climbing.

Hey, I wish you nothing but the best.
There's also a documentary I had seen that really helps me keep off booze myself. It's about a fan of a now defunct radio show, Opie and Anthony. Her name is Lady Di, and she is an alcoholic, which had cost her jobs, her kid, and her home. At one point she was homeless, begging for change and having sex with other hobos for booze. She got back on her feet, and at one point did an internship for the radio show, which she was paid, and mugged for when she went to a chicken fast food joint in the bad part of town. In the end, the drink took her brain, and she had gotten dementia, and is currently in a nursing home.

Spoiler: Video

Honestly this picture should tell enough of the story and is a cautionary enough tale for sobriety.
And this is dated, long before she ended up on a navy boat at sea in rehab

 

[Empty Humidifier]

Ah I've finally found this thread. I drank 5 cases of beer a week and when I drank liquor I would drink 1/3 of a gallon of 80 proof. I've done this for 3 years or so. I've drank for around 20 years but the last three years have been the worst. Im six days sober now and already feel better than I have in years. I hope I haven't done too much damage to my liver but I do feel a "fullness" in my side below the ribs that comes and goes, less and less the further I get from my last drink. My liver is probably a little swollen. Ill go to the doctor soon and see what the damage is. I had no withdrawal symptoms.

 

[YouGuysAren'tThatSmart]

Crack is my favorite drug

 

[CharlesBarkley]

Best way to quit drinking is just live with an angry drunk and watch them die from liver failure. Pretty shitty way to go.

 

[The Silent Perjority]

Coming up on 120 days.

Drank a lot as a young man but the last 5 years or so it's just been Saturday's with a break here and there, probably 3 times a month on average. I never crave drink and didn't mind having a week off but my issue is the amount. I never have a couple, can't see the point, if I'm only going to go out and have a few beers I don't bother drinking, drinking for me had been about getting drunk. So the Saturdays I did drink I would get properly pissed. 12 beers easily and I'm not a big guy.

Have felt miles better since stopping and haven't struggled at all, it's just been an experiment really to convince myself I don't need to do it.
I think I will start again but go for once a month. If that rapidly ramps up to weekly again I'll stop for good.

This is how I suspect it will pan out. I don't need drink but I used to get bored on those weekends off. Stopping completey does seem the most likely outcome.

With the the above being true am I still kidding myself? Do you think I did have a problem, just don't want to admit it?

 

[Tinidril]

I'm sober 40+ years (in AA). My SO is sober 26+ years...in AA, but we're not an "AA romance". Ask me anything (pretty much LOL).

 

[William Tyndale]

I'm sober 40+ years (in AA). My SO is sober 26+ years...in AA, but we're not an "AA romance". Ask me anything (pretty much LOL).

How did you learn about this website?

 

[Tinidril]

How did you learn about this website

Probably through ED, back in the day. I couldn't say how long ago, but it was definitely before it went down for a while...it was sold or something? I lost interest for a while, when I looked in again it was after Chris Chan trooned out. I've lurked here off and on for a long while, and started popping by most days when the Keffals thing was hot.

 

[Empty Humidifier]

Best way to quit drinking is just live with an angry drunk and watch them die from liver failure. Pretty shitty way to go.

I was raised by a guy that drank a 1/3 gallon of whiskey a day and he wasn't a good person but he did what he needed to do to for me and he died from lung cancer from smoking and the cancer ate his lungs and ate into his spine and he screamed and screamed and the hospice doctors killed him with a morphine drip while my mother pushed him around in a wheelchair outside so he could look at the sun while he died and he died with that big ball of light in his eyes and I can only hope in his last moments he didn't think of me and what a disappointment I would have been at that time to him.

Anyways like all children of God I have failed and am drinking again.