Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[Cheesegirl78]

1st bit - I don't think that's a Baby Boomer thing. I think it's a classless butterbrained lardball thing, or a 'ain't got shit anyway coz poor' thing. Have quite a few boomer relatives and they don't do this shit. I'm still fighting with my boomer parents to get them to fucking spend their money on themselves and enjoy their golden years with vacations and excursions rather than squirreling shit away for an inheritance I don't want and will just pass down to my fucking spawn if forced to receive it.

2nd bit - NOPE. Rylee is already off into the wild blue yonder and never mentioned (wouldn't surprise me if he's cut ties). Bowie? He is a 'baby bald eagle' now because he has short hair - he's gettin' none of Tessy's money when she can get her nails did and her hair done up. He dun have the hair to spend her beautifying money on. Pfffff. Plus future? College? Real estate? Financial stability? Wazzat? lolz No, the siren song of Cheetos and the distant memory of Madonna Inn pink champagne cake must be answered first.

But when she's broke, living in a trailer in Mississippi, and bedbound, she's going to expect...no, DEMAND her sons take care of her. After all, she gave birth to them, that's their duty to dear momma.

 

[NoReturn]

But when she's broke, living in a trailer in Mississippi, and bedbound, she's going to expect...no, DEMAND her sons take care of her. After all, she gave birth to them, that's their duty to dear momma.

I hope they don't. I hope they say no.
I hope when Tess says they need to do it, they say no.
I hope when Tess' few friends try to guilt-trip them, they say no.
I hope if they're ever lying awake at night with feelings of obligation, they say no.

 

[Angry New Ager]

It occurs to me that Tess is doing that Baby Boomer thing where she's spending all her money on herself. Do you think she has anything at all set aside for the kids?
View attachment 6507385
View attachment 6507384

She is drunk/high as fuck in that vid.

"Money can't buy you class..." Well Tess, honey, you don't have either one, LOL.

(And yeah, I guess she has moved, because that's not the apartment she was living in before.)

ETA:

But when she's broke, living in a trailer in Mississippi, and bedbound, she's going to expect...no, DEMAND her sons take care of her. After all, she gave birth to them, that's their duty to dear momma.

I don't think she'll ever go back to Mississippi. I don't think her Narc ego will allow it, even once it becomes obvious that that's what she should do, if only for Bowie's sake.

Lots of people crave fame, go out to LA, experience a brief brush with it, and get hooked. For fifteen minutes they're fawned over, put on magazine covers, and make a lot of money. And when their 15 minutes are up? They don't cope well.

Most of them can't even recognize that their 15 minutes are up until the bottom has already dropped out of their careers. They didn't see it coming, and, more often than not, didn't want to see it coming. And since fame is addictive, and they need their fix, they will spend years, if not decades, trying to claw their way back into the spotlight in LA—when a smarter move would be to move back to their hometown (or at least home state), and ride the pride people back home always have for someone who "made it."

Nah—instead, they stay in LA, because if you want to get the kinds of jobs that will rocket you back into fame again, you have to be able to show up, in person, on short notice. So it's better to stay in LA, living in ever-shittier apartments in worse neighborhoods, than it is to go home.

Trouble is, LA is expensive. It didn't used to be, but the last 20 years have been really hard on has-beens still chasing that star. So eventually, they drift eastward, to much cheaper places like Riverside, San Bernardino, Hemet, or the shittier little desert towns around Palm Springs. When things get really bad, there's Lancaster, Palmdale, or Victorville. They're still within driving distance of LA, and can be there when they need to, but they're all shitty places, and nobody admits they actually live there.

Tess will end up out in a section 8 shoebox apartment in Victorville or Mojave before she goes back to Mississippi, because to go back to Laurel would be an admission that her career was completely dead, done, over, and never, ever coming back. And no way is she ever going to admit that.

 

[Cheesegirl78]

She is drunk/high as fuck in that vid.

"Money can't buy you class..." Well Tess, honey, you don't have either one, LOL.

(And yeah, I guess she has moved, because that's not the apartment she was living in before.)

I went back and watched, that does look like her LB apartment.

 

[Clotso Coof]

Lots of people crave fame, go out to LA, experience a brief brush with it, and get hooked. For fifteen minutes they're fawned over, put on magazine covers, and make a lot of money. And when their 15 minutes are up? They don't cope well.

Anne Heche comes to mind, even though she had a decent career on average. She didn't take her meds and got run through in several ways, then burned to death in a self-inflicted single car accident. Unsurprisingly, she got her start on a soap opera.

I've often wondered how many of the good looking but unstable middle aged L.A. population got churned through the soap opera mill in their early 20s. Soap Operas used to (don't know if they still do) employ shittons of young actors for a few weeks at a time as a competing love interest for a main charactor.

Soap opera fans are notoriously loyal to their shows, so they'd fawn all over these flash-in-the-pan guest stars. There was also a whole world of tabloid-style soap opera magazines in the 1980s and 1990s. It was a huge taste of fame for a big pile of actors who never really worked in a major production again.

 

[yousoundlikeanasshole]

Tess hasn't moved yet but apparently is urgently looking for a new place -

 

[RainbowStarlight]

Tess hasn't moved yet but apparently is urgently looking for a new place -
View attachment 6509444

I want to know what her budget is. And how the fuck she's affording it.

 

[cactus]

I want to know what her budget is. And how the fuck she's affording it.

A 2 bedroom apartment in Riverside alone is around $2500 to $2800, so I have no idea how she's going to afford anywhere on the coast that isn't the ghetto.

 

[Diet Coke 4 Life]

Also, doesn't she have a cat? That takes out a lot of the sub-$2k apartments I found with a cursory apartments.com search of the area.

ETA: Also, they need to narrow down the search area a bit. Unless, of course, she's going to commit herself to tons of time in her vehicle taking Bowie to and from school due to the fact that traffic in the region is utter balls.

ETA more: If she didn't have Bowie, I'd totally be onboard for her going to Lakewood - nothing like being 8 miles out of motherfuckin' Compton - but that little boy deserves better.

 

[Stupid Sexy Flanders]

I've often wondered how many of the good looking but unstable middle aged L.A. population got churned through the soap opera mill in their early 20s.

I mean, there's been a fair amount of soap opera actors who've died early deaths, either due to suicide or good ole' addiction getting to them. Tyler Christopher, Kristoff St. John, Billy Miller and Alec Musser are just those I can recall from the past few years. A lot of them got their start in the 90s when daily soap opera was still a thriving format and it was easy enough to jump from soap to soap. Now they're in their fifties and there's only four soap operas left with limited budget and it's not a viable career option.

But to bring it back to Tess, she'd never commit suicide. I'm sure she'll still dream of her big comeback as she's in her mid-50s, dying of diabetes and washing her anorexic 700lbs body with a stick.

 

[The Hardest R]

If Tubbers could afford rent in that area, she wouldn’t need Jolene who lives several hours away to ask people if they know of any places. Knowing Ryann, she’s hoping for a place that is both cheap and at a trendy locale. This is just Jolene doing a solid for an old friend and it would be better if she just cuts all ties. I don’t think Jolene expects fruitful results.

Regarding where Tubby Tess lives now, she will never willingly disclose that, much like her mysterious income she’s been receiving almost five years now. The reason is simple: it’s embarrassing. If we find out, it’ll be because of the autism of many fine folks here who will identify some small detail in a photo or video that exposes where she lives.

 

[Umaibae]

Also, doesn't she have a cat? That takes out a lot of the sub-$2k apartments I found with a cursory apartments.com search of the area.

ETA: Also, they need to narrow down the search area a bit. Unless, of course, she's going to commit herself to tons of time in her vehicle taking Bowie to and from school due to the fact that traffic in the region is utter balls.

ETA more: If she didn't have Bowie, I'd totally be onboard for her going to Lakewood - nothing like being 8 miles out of motherfuckin' Compton - but that little boy deserves better.

Lakewood is actually a very nice area. It’s all wealthy, conservative white people and single family homes. Eight miles is FAR in LA terms.

 

[NoReturn]

Tess did another "Bowie's Taste Test" but I'm not posting that. I didn't even watch it. Leave the kid alone.
Here's her other most recent video, though.

There's no sponcon tag on this. I think she's fishing for sponsors.

So eventually, they drift eastward, to much cheaper places like Riverside, San Bernardino, Hemet, or the shittier little desert towns around Palm Springs. When things get really bad, there's Lancaster, Palmdale, or Victorville. They're still within driving distance of LA, and can be there when they need to, but they're all shitty places, and nobody admits they actually live there.

Tess hasn't moved yet but apparently is urgently looking for a new place -
View attachment 6509444

Lakewood is actually a very nice area. It’s all wealthy, conservative white people and single family homes. Eight miles is FAR in LA terms.

Can you tell us more about these areas? Where is she likely to end up? Where is shameful to end up? Where is some place she might be able to pass off as aspirational to people unfamiliar with the area?

 

[Simon]

Tess did another "Bowie's Taste Test" but I'm not posting that. I didn't even watch it. Leave the kid alone.
Here's her other most recent video, though.
View attachment 6510623
View attachment 6510622
There's no sponcon tag on this. I think she's fishing for sponsors.




Can you tell us more about these areas? Where is she likely to end up? Where is shameful to end up? Where is some place she might be able to pass off as aspirational to people unfamiliar with the area?

You too can look like greasy ham with fake freckles, just like Tessy! Just take a large pepperoni pizza, dab off all of the oil & smear it on your already red, sensitive face! Voila!

 

[Blerg]

The skincare video got me thinking about old school Tess and her sponsorships. And the amount of shit she puts on her face just to ooze about in a sports bra and spandex bike shorts got me wondering just how much she’s given up on life lately.

It’s a lot. She’s given up a lot. Tess from just four years ago had actual clothes on, one chin, and light in her eyes. It’s interesting to see how far she’s deteriorated in four goddamn years. She wasn’t exactly svelte but she sure didn’t look like she’d burst if you touch her. Sad. But hey - at least she’s loyal to Tula! Official proof she doesn’t lie about every single thing.

Spoiler: THIS DAY IN HISTORY!

View attachment 1657298View attachment 1657296View attachment 1657299View attachment 1657295View attachment 1657296View attachment 1657293View attachment 1657292View attachment 1657294View attachment 1657289View attachment 1657291View attachment 1657301View attachment 1657300

View attachment 1657288View attachment 1657287View attachment 1657290

 

[blue gopher snakes]

Tess did another "Bowie's Taste Test" but I'm not posting that. I didn't even watch it. Leave the kid alone.
Here's her other most recent video, though.
View attachment 6510623
View attachment 6510622
There's no sponcon tag on this. I think she's fishing for sponsors.




Can you tell us more about these areas? Where is she likely to end up? Where is shameful to end up? Where is some place she might be able to pass off as aspirational to people unfamiliar with the area?

Anywhere in Riverside or San Bernardino counties would be as near as we’d get to an outright admission from Tess that she acknowledges that her career is over, in my opinion.

I don’t think she’ll ever move to somewhere like Hemet. People call it Hemeth. It is visibly post-apocalyptic: jobless black men tweaking on street corners, shootings, etc. There was a wildfire there a few years ago and most people that lived nearby were like “can we just…NOT…fight this one fire?” The only way I could see her moving there is if she signed a lease sight unseen and didn’t do a single Google search before showing up with her U-Haul. Nobody lives there that is happy to be there.

I could see her moving somewhere like Rancho Cucamonga or Corona. They are on major freeways that she could use to race back to LA for those totally real job offers that she swears are still pouring in. Even Lake Elsinore (Lake Smell-Some-More, it’s a toxic mess) has the Ortega Highway she could use to hop on the 5. She’d fit right in with all the other fat, white Dependas in their baggy Monster Energy hoodies, crop tops, and pajama pants uniform.

I hope she does move to the IE. Bowie growing up there would increase the chances that we someday see Tess get launched from a sand rail at Glamis. Which would be hilarious.

 

[swingbatta]

Can you tell us more about these areas? Where is she likely to end up? Where is shameful to end up? Where is some place she might be able to pass off as aspirational to people unfamiliar with the area?

She might be able to spin Palmdale into an aspirational life, so long as no Angelenos figure out where she is. You can rent a whole house for about the price of an apartment in LA County, and on a good day with normal traffic, you can get to downtown LA in under two hours (which, for those of you not familiar with Los Angeles' traffic hellscape, is really good time).

But Palmdale is depressing. It's miles and miles of beige, with the occasional "God Hates Abortions" signs dotted around for flavor. All the houses are the shitty cookie cutter types that look nice from the outside but will be falling apart in a year, there's nothing by way of entertainment outside of opioid abuse, and it's in the shitty desert part of California that's just plain ugly, hot, and dull. Everyone hates Palmdale. If you move to Palmdale, you've officially lost.

But, if you're going full delulu, as the kids say, then you could theoretically spin Palmdale's beige existence into Desert Living Y'all!! Tess's love of kitsch and novelty florescent lighting might work in her favor if she could summon up the strength to actually maintain a backyard and pool.

 

[The Hardest R]

Basically the further she has to live away from Los Angeles proper, the more embarrassing it is for her. The exception is Palm Springs, which is obscenely expensive. I recall seeing advertisements from realtors at the Palm Springs airport for houses starting at “just” $2,250,000 in the city.

Regarding Lancaster, Palmdale, Victorville, etc., these are all dire cities out there with lots of crime. They’re along major highways or interstates that Tubbers can front as the LA metro area but these places are 2-3 hours away from the city proper. It won’t stop her from lying about it of course. She can fool most of America with saying she’s in the LA metro area. But for those who know, it’s a sign that she’s not doing very well. Nothing wrong with being priced out of these ridiculously expensive cities but it’s all about image for Tubby Tess.

 

[cactus]

I hope she does move to the IE.

I do too, so I can see how gargantuan she is in real life.

 

[Dr. Butt]

I mean, there's been a fair amount of soap opera actors who've died early deaths, either due to suicide or good ole' addiction getting to them. Tyler Christopher, Kristoff St. John, Billy Miller and Alec Musser are just those I can recall from the past few years. A lot of them got their start in the 90s when daily soap opera was still a thriving format and it was easy enough to jump from soap to soap. Now they're in their fifties and there's only four soap operas left with limited budget and it's not a viable career option.

Thaao Penghlis stay winning