Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[NoReturn]

She is trying to raise 389,220 dollars to move? I know SoCal is expensive but there are plenty of reasonable places she could get into for 10k. And shes not even in Los Angeles proper, but somewhere in Long Beach. Something seems fishy. Or scammy

Does Bowie not have his own bed?!

 

[Diet Coke 4 Life]

Probably too pricy for her to have a two bed hotel room for extended stay.

 

[toilet_rainbow]

@NoReturn, I don’t know if Bowie even had his own bed by the time of that recent one Tess did after revealing that she lets Bowie stay glued to a tablet all day.

How is this moving affecting his schooling, too? Is he already out of the Christian school because Tess was that embarrassed over the other parents seeing her license plate?

Either way, Bowie is always lowest priority to Tess. Sad.

 

[Clotso Coof]

How is she so incapable of renting a new apartment?

She'd probably need 3 times the monthly rent in documented income in order to qualify for her own apartment lease. Sometimes landlords take 2.5 times income in expensive areas, or even 2 times income for seniors using after-tax income to qualify. But a landlord isn't going to rent a decent apartment to a demonstrably broke single mom.

If Tess has been underreporting her income to the IRS, as you'd expect from sex work, then she'll have a hard time convincing a landlord she can afford an apartment. Her 2022 and 2023 tax returns would show very low income.

Landlords are careful with requiring the documents they can use to turn down renters in LA. They don't want to try to evict single mothers, because the tenant's rights situation is too dicey. There are free lawyers available for families facing eviction through charities. Lawyers can stall evictions for a long time in LA through filing for continuances and bitching about rental inspections.

She could find a ghetto under the table rental in a converted garage, but she'd be unwilling to stoop that low. She'd have a hard time finding a stable roommate situation with her bizarre appearance and personality.

Probably too pricy for her to have a two bed hotel room for extended stay.

She'd be in a studio or a 1 bedroom for sure, leaving Bowie sleeping on a couch. AirBnB isn't cheap in LA with the housing crisis. She might even be in a shitty motel room.

 

[The Hardest R]

I wonder if she's in an AirBnB or other temporary rental.

The second photo that @yousoundlikeanasshole posted is of her and Bowie in a hotel. That explains why she has a storage unit and why she needs to move asap because she’s technically homeless and living in a hotel is expensive and of course temporary.

Something really bad happened to her finances recently. She's selling shit and panicking. Maybe she had one last cake John paying her rent and he finally dumped her for a new fatty.

I believe it is because Rylee graduated high school, resulting in a substantial reduction in benefits she receives. Even as Rylee lived elsewhere, she pocketed the benefits. That’s gone now and not coming back. Her financial situation started really going downhill coincidentally with Rylee’s graduation. Which means Tess knew well in advance of her impending financial situation and hoped for a Hail Mary modeling gig or cake john, which also aligns with some of the things she was saying during the summer.

How is this moving affecting his schooling, too? Is he already out of the Christian school because Tess was that embarrassed over the other parents seeing her license plate?

Most families who struggle with housing also struggle with taking their kids to school regularly. Tess may drive him to and from school, because she has shit else to do, but I’d be surprised if he was attending school regularly. Many such cases like this unfortunately.

 

[NoReturn]

Probably too pricy for her to have a two bed hotel room for extended stay.

You can request cots from the front office of even the seediest motels.
She could fix the air mattress and let Bowie sleep on it.
A travel cot for a kid is about $70.

Either way, Bowie is always lowest priority to Tess than even Tess herself. Sad.

 

[SickSadWorld]

I’m so glad we get to see Tessie’s homeless/e-beggar arc happen in real time All of her delusions are going to come crashing down and it honestly couldn’t happen to a better person. She could just suck it up and do OnlyFans/fetish porn to pay the rent but that would require actual work and wouldn’t feed into her supermodel fantasies.

The only real victim here is Bowie, since he was born to two useless parents.

 

[yousoundlikeanasshole]

Isn't she supposed to be doing a ted talk in November? What is she gonna tell them? How to rally your fanbase to pay for your delusional lifestyle choices?

 

[Clotso Coof]

I’m so glad we get to see Tessie’s homeless/e-beggar arc happen in real time

I didn't think she'd be reduced to openly ebegging this quickly off her podcast and Italian vacation influencer arc. How fast the mighty (heavy) fall.

Isn't she supposed to be doing a ted talk in November?

She should roll her shopping cart full of homeless bag-lady stuff right up to the stage.

 

[The Hardest R]

She could just suck it up and do OnlyFans/fetish porn to pay the rent but that would require actual work and wouldn’t feed into her supermodel fantasies.

She is still delusional enough to believe that her supermodel comeback is going to happen any day now and an OnlySimps is not what highly in demand supermodels do. Plus if she was used to getting a couple cakejohns to give her thousands of dollars per month, she will find it humiliating to allow simps to subscribe for a few bucks. She’s too hot to charge that little for showing off her gargantuan ass after all.

 

[The Queen of Autists]

Also, doesn't she have a cat? That takes out a lot of the sub-$2k apartments I found with a cursory apartments.com search of the area.

ETA: Also, they need to narrow down the search area a bit. Unless, of course, she's going to commit herself to tons of time in her vehicle taking Bowie to and from school due to the fact that traffic in the region is utter balls.

ETA more: If she didn't have Bowie, I'd totally be onboard for her going to Lakewood - nothing like being 8 miles out of motherfuckin' Compton - but that little boy deserves better.

Lakewood is actually really nice, especially compared to long beach

That, or she's showing a remarkable bit of common sense by not paying moving and/or storage fees for a giant sectional fast-furniture couch that has seen better days.


Even if she can get the money together and qualifies to rent a place, the rental market in major West Coast cities is fucking brutal. I know people with great credit scores, who make good money, and have never been evicted—the kinds of tenants who used to have lots of options—who still struggled to get a new place because the rental market is so competitive in any halfway-decent area.

Being limited to a specific area so your kid can stay at a good school is a huge issue, as well. To stay in close proximity of Long Beach, so Bowie can remain in his new school, is probably going to mean downsizing to a one bedroom and living in a much less-desirable building. And even then it's going to be a struggle to find a place.

Tess is an idiot and I don't care about her, but I do feel bad for Bowie, because I think this is the first in what will be a long string of moves into increasingly worse apartments. He deserves stability, but with Tess as a mother he's never going to get it.

Maybe San Pedro for her or Wilmington they are Long Beach adjacent

 

[sadrefrigerator]

Wtf is that logo. Why are there 2 cherries standing in for the 'o'

 

[vanilla_pepsi_head]

She is trying to raise 389,220 dollars to move?

I actually did a double take at that post. She really thinks she is God's gift to her "community" for being fat on the internet and this ridiculous figure is a realistic and reasonable ask... I just cannot get over the absolute fucking audacity. It takes 30 seconds of cursory internet searches to establish that it only costs like 15k at most to pack up and move the entire contents of a 4 bedroom house clear across the fucking country, assuming you hire professionals for literally everything. The 389k figure is incredibly out there but it's also really specific, if I had to take a shot in the dark I'd say Tess has totally maxed every source of credit available to her and needs around $300k to pay the majority of it off. You know what, I'd actually send Tess $5 in return for redacted financial documents that provide a candid, honest indication of how much she's spent the last few years just on junk food, restaurant meals, and food takeout/delivery apps.

Does Bowie not have his own bed?!

A lot of mothers always in need of narcissistic supply like to have their children sleep in their bed with them for far longer than most would consider it appropriate. I don't know if Tess is that type but it wouldn't surprise me. Hopefully poor Bowie is at the very least allowed to ride the couch, because if he's stuck next to Tess and her loud choking deathfat sleep apnea snores all night, that kid is never getting a proper night's sleep either.

 

[Angry New Ager]

The 389k figure is incredibly out there but it's also really specific, if I had to take a shot in the dark I'd say Tess has totally maxed every source of credit available to her and needs around $300k to pay the majority of it off.

I assumed she needs a big chunk of that $389K (or, rather, the roughly half she's left with after the social media platform and the IRS get their cuts) as a down payment on a condo in a decent neighborhood in/near Long Beach. Her credit is currently shit, and her income is increasingly erratic and unreliable, so a big down payment is the only way she's going to get a mortgage loan that she can afford the payments on.

Paying off debt and doing credit repair prior to applying for a mortgage loan may also be part of it—it should be.

But good luck getting 3% of her total follower count to subscribe; most of them, by now, are ghost accounts, abandoned by users who have moved on. Then there's bound to be a lot of bots, a lot of thirsty foreign men with no money, and a lot of gawkers and hatewatchers.

That leaves the feeders and the fat chicks who actively follow her and engage with her content, which is maybe 10-15% of her total followers (if she's lucky), but is no doubt a lot less. They haven't subscribed to her before, which means they're unlikely to start.

Tess is basically fucked; she's not going to pick up 78,000 new subscribers to finance a new place to live; she'll be really lucky to pick up 78.

I'm convinced she's staying in an AirBNB right now, and it occurred to me today that she's now one of what I've come to think of as the "secret" homeless: people who have lost a house or apartment, can't afford the move-in costs for another, and now have no permanent residence. They can still just afford to keep a roof over their heads in the form of AirBNBs or monthly-rate motels, and thus maintain employment and the superficial appearance of normality, so nobody thinks of them as homeless. But, in effect, they are, and should they lose their jobs their homelessness would quickly become not a secret at all.

 

[The Hardest R]

The 389k figure is incredibly out there but it's also really specific,

It’s three percent of the people following her giving her $4.99. You’re giving Tubbers too much credit for the idea that she put pencil to paper and figured out what she needed. Guarantee you in the snowball’s chance in hell odds she gets that money that she will blow most of it on “vacays,” daily Starbucks, etc. basically the things she was buying when she had ample cakejohn money rolling in.

Wtf is that logo. Why are there 2 cherries standing in for the 'o'

Because she’s dumb. Not much to it other than that.

I'm convinced she's staying in an AirBNB right now, and it occurred to me today that she's now one of what I've come to think of as the "secret" homeless: people who have lost a house or apartment, can't afford the move-in costs for another, and now have no permanent residence.

The photo of her and Bowie in bed together is a hotel because within the frame of the photo is the typical hotel furniture, including the headboard.

I agree that she’s homeless right now. I expect she will have to bounce around to different hotels, likely increasingly shittier because hotel living is very expensive and as it becomes apparent that nobody is going to save her, she’s going to have to relocate to those extended stay hotels.

Gonna be grim times for the foreseeable future for Tubby Tess. There’s no easy solution here that soothes her massive ego. Would not be surprised if behind the scenes she’s asking both sides of her family to see if anyone can take Bowie “just for a few days.” No ready takers is probably one of the “harsh lessons” she was talking about. Never her fault, never her responsibility. Things just keep happening to her, if she didn’t have bad luck she’d have no luck at all, etc.

 

[Miltank]

I’d subscribe to her if she used that $5 for birth control and stopped having kids to neglect

 

[HalfPricedAmHoleBuffet]

You really think she can conceive at the weight she is and she’s not her own form of birth control right now?

I really doubt she’ll be having more kids. I also don’t think any dude can stand her enough for that anymore.

I’d subscribe to her if she used that $5 for birth control and stopped having kids to neglect

 

[NoReturn]

It's now been one week since her last TikTok.

 

[multiverse]

It's now been one week since her last TikTok.

Damn, she's got to be someplace she doesn't want anyone to see - and she clearly doesn't have the cash to go to Starbeetus and undulate around in her jeep while smirking into her phone.

She's also not filming herself waiting in the school pickup line, so it's unlikely Bowie is going to school. I wonder if they lost his placement when they left the Long Beach Apartments address.

 

[NoReturn]

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