Single dad here. In situations when strangers ask me where the child's mom is, I always answer with either that there's no mom anymore, or tell them that 'the other parent' lives far away and doesn't care much about the child. My experience is that the first question mostly chokes down every further questioning because people don't want to tap into the subject of either a mom abandoning her child, or the mom might have died. And it's not exactly lying. There's no mom. My child never grew up with one. Most people don't ask further after this one. Those are for situations where my child isn't present.
When I have the impression that it's a 'safer' person in front of me, I tell them there's simply no mom, but another dad. I have never yet have anyone ask further there too. I figure most people feel awkward about the subject of two men being parents. And tbh if they're strangers or not close, I think any further information isn't their business anyways. Even if they could clock me as trans or are thinking I'm female, I will not out myself in front of them. I always act surprised when someone misgenders me, so I turn around the entire awkwardness lol.
My child herself simply tells people she has two dads and the other one only rarely visits, etc. Her best friends know that she has a trans dad, but they're safe people anyways, one of her friends is a trans boy as well, the other is questioning.
I taught my child to be very cautious. Where I live are too many far right people. It's unsafe to run around telling people she has a trans dad. Weirdly having two dads isn't very dangerous here, as there are many gay families around and somehow that's become a normal thing. Being out as trans isn't very safe here, so yeah, I taught her from the start not to tell people I'm trans.
My situation is that my child grew up with no memories of me being in a mom role. She was 3 when I started transitioning and chose to call me by my name. I left her the choice between mom and my name or dad, though. And she chose my name because she calls her other parent dad, even though he's not close.
When people confuse me as her mom, she acts really confused as well and tells them 'no that's my father!' She never was bullied or anything for that. Kids don't care. Other adults, if not close, they have no business in this. They are left confused if they get rude. Simple as that. We're not obliged to tell random people who we are. If they're confused, it's not on us to educate them or out ourselves. I only do that with people who are genuinely and kindly interested in our small family. I think chosing to use the wording that I do, feels genuine, because it's no lies, but it's also not implying I could be anything else but her father. It's a fact. And I needed to learn to carry it exactly that way. And now it's so normal, we are both honestly confused when people are confused. I always catch myself thinking 'oh now they will think I'm really gay' which is not true because I'm bi
