Patrick Sean Tomlinson / @stealthygeek / "Torque Wheeler" / @RealAutomanic / Kempesh / Padawan v2.5 - "Conservative" sci-fi author with TDS, armed "drunk with anger management issues" and terminated parental rights, actual tough guy, obese, paid Quasi, paid thousands to be repeatedly unbanned from Twitter

[femoralcanal]

nice find. I googled "kempesh" and that name is in the url of his blog so that is def him
https://www.patrickstomlinson.com/author/kempesh/

Kempesh selling his car on May 3, 2011 because it was "time for an upgrade" https://archive.fo/xekc8

Last week I thought that for completeness sake I should bring up the fact the thread title was incomplete, since Pat has other aliases besides Torque Wheeler:

This is probably an irrelevant point, but since you mentioned his identities: shouldn't his alias "Kempesh" be on the thread title, like Porque Squealer is?

It didn't get much traction, but since yesterday PiggyTits mentioned on the Podcast he's "an expert model designer" and today @Caverlock shared some archives from the model forum (Resin Illuminati) where Pat posted as "Padawan v 2.5" I thought I'd revive my proposal.

I vote both "Kempesh" and "Padawan v 2.5" be added to the thread title.

In case you guys don't feel it matters, at least it is new content for us to laugh at Patso:
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[Cane Skretteburg]

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Rick garners sympathy from a really shitty segment of the population that thinks people should be allowed to do whatever they want without anyone else making them feel bad about it. The kind of people who listen to a podcast that tells you about trigger warnings and support services before it starts.

 

[Judge Holden]

Last week I thought that for completeness sake I should bring up the fact the thread title was incomplete, since Pat has other aliases besides Torque Wheeler:

It didn't get much traction, but since yesterday PiggyTits mentioned on the Podcast he's "an expert model designer" and today @Caverlock shared some archives from the model forum (Resin Illuminati) where Pat posted as "Padawan v 2.5" I thought I'd revive my proposal.

I vote both "Kempesh" and "Padawan v 2.5" be added to the thread title.

In case you guys don't feel it matters, at least it is new content for us to laugh at Patso:
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>googles "Padawan v 2.5"
>first result


That fucking pointy finger photo always brings a giggle to my lips.

EDIT: I am in heaven. I am in hell. My body is wracked with agony as I laugh and yet I cannot fucking stop.


DOUBLE EDIT: Seems this account was hacked as of late given the sidebar....

 

[MavisBeaconTeachesSnipin]

You know, we all edit our past lives to some degree when talking about ourselves. Pat just takes it to unreasonable lengths. Same psychological fucking-up that leads him to spend hours every day arguing with his toilet and threatening prison to everyone he interacts with, I guess.

if you go through @Caverlock posts here you'll see that pat was making up crazy shit about himself before the pests ever discovered him. the way pat talks about being a genius unruly child (even claiming to be ODD) it is a safe bet that his disorder began as a child.

either way he is an example of what happens when a person goes over the event horizon of believing their own bullshit. he can't separate what he wants to have been with what was, and he can't understand how others perceive him.

 

[femoralcanal]

DOUBLE EDIT: Seems this account was hacked as of late given the sidebar....

Lol oh yeah, I forgot about that part hahaha. But if my memory serves me well, the Funster responsible (not me, I honestly don't know who it was) didn't alter much besides the profile, most of it is still An Original Pat. Caverlock will probably know the details (all Brothermen with any knowledge of the account's integrity are welcome ofc).

EDIT: I am in heaven. I am in hell. My body is wracked with agony as I laugh and yet I cannot fucking stop.

@Judge Holden This pic is an authentic Pat, I remember reading it a few years ago. I can't search Owen right now, but I'm 99% positive there are archives of many other pedantic Padawan v 2.5 posts there, including him fighting with the moderator.

 

[Anonymus Fluhre]

Never caught that fpkclub.com site of his before (it's no longer in use by him). That being said, that led me to The Mad Klingon pseudonym he used on the Finescale site and an old email,
Madk001@hotmail. com

Earliest it's been found in a data breach was the 2008 Myspace breach

 

[TheMeanOne]

No way in hell am I listening to that podcast. Patrick is insufferable to listen to when he's in his smug "I get to dictate to you the facts, child." mode. He's only funny to listen to when he's in Josiah 5/Mama Raven "nnnno, child." or full meltdown DOYOUHAVEANYIDEA mode. Thanks for the transcript.

It's worth hearing because he mispronounces fairly simple words, and instead of saying "my friend's dad got me a cush job" he says "a close relative of my best friend offered me a six-figure opportunity at the low, low age of 22." Oh, he also frames his first marriage as his ex...stalking him. Moving to FL after only "a couple months" of dating to follow him.

Such a weird dude. You couldn't write a character like Rick no one would believe it.

He also mentions his divorce and says something emotional about his wife being pregnant with their daughter...then totally never mentions the daughter again. I mean, if he was like, "these stalker children make it unsafe for me to try and undo signing my rights away and get visitation," okay that would be one thing. What he's saying, though, is "these stalkers interfere with my ability to go to cons and bars." He's FORTY FOUR years old. The fuck won't he grow up?

ETA: has he even promoted the podcast on his Twitter? I scrolled until yesterday's Tweets (my god does he ever go offline?) but no mention of it. Normally podcasts want you to throw something up on your social and bring listeners in, no? For someone who claims to need Twitter as a marketing tool he doesn't seem to understand Twitter.

 

[Immortal Technique Vol.2]

Comparing what was archived a year ago to his current Health/Life insurance appointments/licenses in Florida, Rick didn't let them expired and had them extended. Rick is still cold calling people with dementia selling them insurance.

https://licenseesearch.fldfs.com/Licensee/527843

Old / https://archive.fo/YZKOl


New / https://archive.fo/9CJqn

 

[Picnic_Boy]

EDIT: I am in heaven. I am in hell. My body is wracked with agony as I laugh and yet I cannot fucking stop.

Chris thinks he's the creator of all life and matter and somehow he comes across as less arrogant than Pat.

Actually, remember when Chris went through that phase where he said "among which" a lot? Pat has been stuck in that stage for almost 50 years.

 

[Judge Holden]

"Sir a second person has now stolen Fatrick's patio furniture"



EDIT: "dang, sure was nice of Mister Tomlinson to let me take this. Not sure why his pet pig is squealing at me from the half-balcony though...."

 

[Anonymus Fluhre]

Chris thinks he's the creator of all life and matter and somehow he comes across as less arrogant than Pat.

Actually, remember when Chris went through that phase where he said "among which" a lot? Pat has been stuck in that stage for almost 50 years.

I fully expect him to start talking like Autphag one day

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"Sir a second person has now stolen Fatrick's patio furniture"

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EDIT: "dang, sure was nice of Mister Tomlinson to let me take this. Not sure why his pet pig is squealing at me from the half-balcony though...."
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Which of you implemented Operation Bowstring? It's far too early for that!

 

[Judge Holden]

HUSH CHILD

 

[Immortal Technique Vol.2]

In case you guys don't feel it matters, at least it is new content for us to laugh at Patso:
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When he was talking about models that he made, I thought it actually might be something at least cool. Something intricate. Something with lots of detail that the average person couldn't make. But I should've known it was Rick, and it was just an upside down paper airplane. "$50! I know what I got!"

 

[Sneedfully and Peacefully]

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"Sir a second person has now stolen Fatrick's patio furniture"

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EDIT: "dang, sure was nice of Mister Tomlinson to let me take this. Not sure why his pet pig is squealing at me from the half-balcony though...."
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"Who parks a mustang outside like that and not in a garage or even a carport? The thing's gonna get rusty in this Milwaukee weather..."

 

[McMitch]

"Who parks a mustang outside like that and not in a garage or even a carport? The thing's gonna get rusty in this Milwaukee weather..."

I am baffled that neither of his motorcycles have been stolen by this point. And not as a prank by the pests but legitimately taken by thieves. I understand the cutout is open because it’s a duplex, but they aren’t renting out the other half and anyone from AirBnB would just park on the street, so just build a fucking garage.

 

[Judge Holden]

WHYUS breaking out on threads rn

 

[Sneedfully and Peacefully]

I am baffled that neither of his motorcycles have been stolen by this point. And not as a prank by the pests but legitimately taken by thieves. I understand the cutout is open because it’s a duplex, but they aren’t renting out the other half and anyone from AirBnB would just park on the street, so just build a fucking garage.

I don't think he would accept it as anything but a cyber stalker escalation at this point. The idea that some random nigger would want a gibsmedat and take his bike is foreign to him. He'd be on X:
"Welp, the cyberstalkers have finally decided to escalate from throwing paint cans I didn't catch the act of on my security camera and writing Gay Virgin Fatrick on my house to stealing my very special and cool motorcycle. Look at this footage, notice how he's completely dark and painted himself to look black to pin this on a minority like a racist. Notice how he saunters along in the alley and then turns back, pretending this is an opportunistic crime. The police have refused to do anything because I'm actively trying to/did try to sue them. 1/13"

 

[break these cuffs]

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When he was talking about models that he made, I thought it actually might be something at least cool. Something intricate. Something with lots of detail that the average person couldn't make. But I should've known it was Rick, and it was just an upside down paper airplane. "$50! I know what I got!"

It's shocking to see him creating anything tbh. I know nothing about Star Trek and if the models are anything good, but Rick actually made something presumably from scratch and got it produced. The fact that he did these and wrote one or two modestly successful books is mindboggling when you look at his current creative output.

 

[ParasiteSteve]

It's shocking to see him creating anything tbh. I know nothing about Star Trek and if the models are anything good, but Rick actually made something presumably from scratch and got it produced. The fact that he did these and wrote one or two modestly successful books is mindboggling when you look at his current creative output.

Not really, most "creative output" is 98% work. You dont even need a good idea, just the ability in this case to write a complete book. Its why so much generic shit exists, those people are workers and put the hours in and are able to have a nice life out of it. They will never be famous or win awards, but they will have a nice life if they are content to be a writers.

its the same with musicians, likely other creative forms I am less familiar with.

Thats the great thing about Pat. If he had stayed true to his writing and just stuck with it, he could still be publishing books and enjoying a comfortable life. Instead, is he a fat useless faggot who spends his every waking hour arguing with people pretending to be his toilet on twitter (which he hates). We make our own heaven and hell, and we choose to live in it.

 

[femoralcanal]

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Addendum: I just realized this print finally gives us documented confirmation of the existence of an important Patverse side character, which until now we only knew from Pat's own words and pictures from the Lappening: Blappy, Pat's best friend who he and Ade lived with and direct observer of the greatest cuckholding event of all times.

Considering Patrick lies as often as he breathes, documented evidence becomes essencial for the professional Patstorian:

There's actually another story from a toy convention involving his "friends", specifically this dude nicknamed Blappy who has a pretty hot wife and is raising his daughter. We've only heard Patrick's telling of this story as an unreliable narrator, but he was being obnoxious in a hotel room (something about Maple Leafs or maple syrup) lecturing everyone else because he knows everything. Blappy got up and started screaming at him that's he's a fucking idiot who doesn't know what he's talking about.

Fuck I googled "Patrick Tomlinson Blappy" and lo and behold, the original story has already been told in this thread on page 27 by @vettii

For posterity's sake, I'd like to bring attention to this funny aside about Patrick and his best friend, Dave "Blappy" Guertin.

Blappy is a Canadian model builder who Patrick befriended during the height of his space toys phase. Blappy attended the Wonderfest modeling convention in 2011 along with Patrick, his wife Ade, and a large cast of other misfits; this was the trip where all of the pictures of Big Jon cucking Patrick came from, which are available to view here.

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Anyway, I bring this up because Dave Guertin served as the inspiration for one of the gayest pieces Patrick has ever written: Blappy & Me

Spoiler: Blappy and Me

In a couple days, my wife and I will get in the car, drive six hours, and be surrounded by people who have loved me without preamble or condition for many, many years. Before I was published. Before I had a following. People who earned calling me "Pat."

It's my little heaven.

So I'm going to share a little #WonderFest story. It's not going to make sense to most of you.

WonderFest is a global mecha in Louisville, KY every year for unfortunate kids like me who never grew out of building model spaceships.

I have friends on every continent except Antarctica because of WonderFest. My newlywed wife and I spent a night outside Liverpool on our honeymoon staying with friends we made at WonderFest. It's a thing, and no, you're not invited if you can't build. Anyway...

...about ten years ago, a shitboat of us sci-fi model nerds were in a hotel suite getting our faces torn off by Molson XXX beer that had probably been smuggled across the Canadian border illegally by a Canuck compatriot.

We're three days into this Con. No one has eaten real food. Booze is flowing like Niagara. We're all talking shit. The Canuck looks like he's been passed out for an hour, chin on chest. We're jawing about WWII fighters for some reason.

I, being drunk, in an offhand fashion, talk about Canada's contribution to the war effort, which was considerable and honorable, and accidentally refer to the roundels on their planes as "Oak leafs."

Friends, I've been in real fights. I have seen people come to life and stand up at the slightest provocation.

But I have never seen anything like that Canadian resurrecting himself up off the suite's couch when I fucked up the tree species on the Canadian flag.

Blappy (we call him Blappy, no one knows why) openned his eyes, rose up off the couch like Nosferatu, and got right in my face shouting, "Oakleaf, motherfucker! Do I call it the Asterisks and Ribbons, you piece of shit!?"

Remember, we're in Louisville, KY, as all four-foot-nothing of this boiling cauldron of maple syrup jumps up in my grill.

What does everyone in the room do as Captain Ottawa lights off and insults our flag?

Laughs. At me. For fucking up Canada's flag.

I still hear about it.

We would all kill for Blappy. We have people who come from Canada, New Zealand, England, Hong Kong, Japan... every year. And they're family. Our big, dumb, drunk family.