Are you lost needing femoid advice post here - For the poor bastard's who dare or are just curious

[A Cat in a Minefield]

I get excited when meeting new people but sometimes feel like I've typed out too much in response. Admittedly, I'm not romantically interested in her, but it's been wonderful getting to know someone so hardworking and earnest. In saying that, I really don't want to bother her too much!

You sound like you are interested in her

Gauging from your posts I think you have a lot of really interesting things to say. You'd be great to have a conversation with! Maybe you're just having some difficulty limiting your options on where to begin? Too many choices can lead to decision paralysis. I do that to myself sometimes. So to breakout I just say the first thing that comes to mind. I'm not saying the results are refined but I find it's a good way to get the ball rolling.

Well, thank you! I sometimes probably spend to much time thinking of what to write someone but I want to chose my words carefully, at least when I don't know her to well. That definitively leads to some kind of paralysis. I don't want to write something boring. Once I get to know her a bit I don't have that problem. The same when talking to them face to face. When talking to someone I don't know I also find it difficult not just doing small talk. Again, when knowing them a bit I don't have that problem and can make them laugh quite a bit. First dates are pretty rough with me I imagine . Sorry ladies, I'll try to do better.

 

[PonderosaPete]

You sound like you are interested in her

That would be an interesting angle. Unfortunately it's nothing so compelling. I just haven't made a new friend in years.

 

[Maori Kiwifruit Growers]

I'm not sure how to ask this without sounding like an incel, but ladies what makes you decide have sex with a guy (fwb/hookup/casual etc) vs have sex with a guy only when you're in a relationship with him?

In my experience I go on dates with women and I end up at their place, I'm not intending to end up at their place, it just...happens however when I try to "seal the deal" when we are already getting physical they say they don't want to or they only do hands/mouth stuff. When I ask why? They say that I'm "boyfriend material, not hookup material". What the fuck does that mean?

What makes me so special that you want to hookup but don't want to fuck but also don't want a second date? I mean action is action, I'm not complaining. But if you only wanted to hookup why didn't we just fuck or if you just wanted a relationship, why didn't we go out after and/or did you invite me over?



For the record I did ask my ex about this and she told me "idk I knew I felt comfortable with you" but that wasn't a clear answer.

I'm not pushing women for anything, and of course I get consent and stuff but I'm just.... confused. This is like going on a drive to a specific ice cream store, trying the cone and then going home? What was the purpose of all this? Are you getting a scoop or buying a pint to take home?

 

[Hubelublub]

seal the deal

Are you haggling over a used car, or trying to find a romantic partner?

What makes me so special

You aren't.

I mean action is action, I'm not complaining

Gross. You clearly don't give a shit about any individual woman, but want them to give a shit about you?

if you only wanted to hookup why didn't we just fuck

Because they don't want to hookup with you.

if you just wanted a relationship, why didn't we go out after and/or did you invite me over?

Because they don't want a relationship with you.

For a moid, any woman will do. Women are selectors, we can be and are picky. Men who just want to get their dicks wet are a dime a dozen, so unless you have a fuckton of money (I doubt) or are incredibly attractive (you aren't), then you have nothing exceptional to offer a woman.

Maybe you need to lower your standards a lot.

 

[Maori Kiwifruit Growers]

I think you miss understand what I meant

 

[Big Miss Steak]

I'm not sure how to ask this without sounding like an incel, but ladies what makes you decide have sex with a guy

Our wedding

 

[suspended animation]

they only do hands/mouth stuff

This part has an easy answer: women are becoming more aware/educated on the risks of STIs and pregnancy (and abortion access is becoming more restricted in the US).

Getting off is fun but it's not worth risking your life or quality of life when toys and fingers can scratch that itch without such a high cost.

 

[Meursault's gun]

I'm not sure how to ask this without sounding like an incel, but ladies what makes you decide have sex with a guy (fwb/hookup/casual etc) vs have sex with a guy only when you're in a relationship with him?

This is one of the strangest questions I've seen in a while. They just don't want to have sex with you. There could be a million individual reasons in each situation. But good on them, frankly. Having sex when you aren't even dating is a drooling retard level activity.

 

[Maori Kiwifruit Growers]

This is one of the strangest questions I've seen in a while.

It's stranger on my end.

 

[Meursault's gun]

It's stranger on my end.

Let me put it this way, and as kindly as possible.

When I ask why?

"Why don't you want to have sex with me?" coming from a male will almost never mean "Hey, are you okay? I noticed that your mood has been down and I am worried" and it will almost always mean "What have I done wrong in my goal of masturbating by using your body? Can I convince you out of this if I unnaturally alter my behavior/demeanor?". Sure, you might not proceed to push yourself onto her (congrats on not being the absolute worst, I guess?), but you WILL proceed to use her reasoning to con other women into giving in with less thought.

This is like going on a drive to a specific ice cream store, trying the cone and then going home? What was the purpose of all this? Are you getting a scoop or buying a pint to take home?

Plain retarded there. Their goals differ from yours and actively change while they are interacting more with you. The reason why so many useless men prefer hookups, by and large, is the fact that they would drive away any decent woman within time.


If you cannot behave how you normally do and get hookups (which are still inherently gross and dangerous, mind you), then you shouldn't be getting them. There is no secret knowledge that could (or should) let you skirt around this fact.

 

[Maori Kiwifruit Growers]

Let me put it this way, and as kindly as possible.

"Why don't you want to have sex with me?" coming from a male will almost never mean "Hey, are you okay? I noticed that your mood has been down and I am worried"

Honestly that's actually how I mean it.

and it will almost always mean "What have I done wrong in my goal of masturbating by using your body? Can I convince you out of this if I unnaturally alter my behavior/demeanor?". Sure, you might not proceed to push yourself onto her (congrats on not being the absolute worst, I guess?), but you WILL proceed to use her reasoning to con other women into giving in with less thought.

ohhh. I see now. I was worried that I was doing something that was a complete turn off and self sabotaging experiences/romance/partners

Plain retarded there. Their goals differ from yours and actively change while they are interacting more with you. The reason why so many useless men prefer hookups, by and large, is the fact that they would drive away any decent woman within time.

I'm not a fan of hookups, but if I see a chance (with dating) I'm not OPPOSED to a hookup. That's why I was clear these dates don't start out as hookups.

If you cannot behave how you normally do and get hookups (which are still inherently gross and dangerous, mind you), then you shouldn't be getting them. There is no secret knowledge that could (or should) let you skirt around this fact.

Thanks for the clarification. I didn't realize that while I'm being genuine in my concern many men use it as an excuse to use women as a breathing Fleshlight.

 

[DickMain]

Any general recommendations for dating apps? I'm not really all that comfortable in bed, so I just kind of avoid hookup apps like Tinder, but are there some well-liked ones for dating without necessarily wanting to hook up?

 

[Big Miss Steak]

are there some well-liked ones for dating without necessarily wanting to hook up?

If you don't want to hook up I would suggest avoiding apps. HOWEVER, as a man you are more likely to find women looking for a serious relationship on an app than vice versa.

 

[DickMain]

If you don't want to hook up I would suggest avoiding apps. HOWEVER, as a man you are more likely to find women looking for a serious relationship on an app than vice versa.

Thanks very much. I'm using Bumble and this bagel one I'd seen, but I haven't so much as spoken to anybody after a few months. I think I just genuinely need to retool my profile on it, it's probably more my own fault, but I also didn't know how liked these ones were to begin with.

 

[ElHijodeDeficienciaCogni]

I've been wearing Armani Code as my scent for the last 15 years and recently the smell has started to bother me. Trying to pick a new scent and it is a toss up between Burberry High Tea and Sauvage by Christian Doir. Can any of y'all give me your impressions and tell me what images spring to mind when you smell them?

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

I'm not sure how to ask this without sounding like an incel, but ladies what makes you decide have sex with a guy (fwb/hookup/casual etc) vs have sex with a guy only when you're in a relationship with him?

In my experience I go on dates with women and I end up at their place, I'm not intending to end up at their place, it just...happens however when I try to "seal the deal" when we are already getting physical they say they don't want to or they only do hands/mouth stuff. When I ask why? They say that I'm "boyfriend material, not hookup material". What the fuck does that mean?

What makes me so special that you want to hookup but don't want to fuck but also don't want a second date? I mean action is action, I'm not complaining. But if you only wanted to hookup why didn't we just fuck or if you just wanted a relationship, why didn't we go out after and/or did you invite me over?



For the record I did ask my ex about this and she told me "idk I knew I felt comfortable with you" but that wasn't a clear answer.

I'm not pushing women for anything, and of course I get consent and stuff but I'm just.... confused. This is like going on a drive to a specific ice cream store, trying the cone and then going home? What was the purpose of all this? Are you getting a scoop or buying a pint to take home?

Bc wanting to fool around doesn't mean wanting to fuck. It's not all the same thing.

Or maybe your kissing game needs work.

But also question - if you meet up and have sex tgat night - is she out of the girlfriend material pool?

Potential recommendation: if you're looking for a potential relationship, don't go back to her/your place, and end the evening. Whether or not you want to see her again. Sometimes a guy pushing for sex signals to a woman (often rightly) that you don't think much of her, and some women are able to sense that - which is a big turnoff. And maybe unpopular opinion, but I don't think sex is a bad thing - however, know your audience, and know yourself, and also know that women can judge you for wanting quick sex just as much as men can judge women.

 

[Maori Kiwifruit Growers]

for some reason I can't quote you but I'll answer:

But also question - if you meet up and have sex tgat night - is she out of the girlfriend material pool

No, actually I think I would be more interested in a relationship. I try not to go for woman who want a hookup because that's just not my style. I'm pretty clear about my intentions.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

for some reason I can't quote you but I'll answer:





No, actually I think I would be more interested in a relationship. I try not to go for woman who want a hookup because that's just not my style. I'm pretty clear about my intentions.

Well, then, like I said, encourage you not to get physically involved super- early, even if it seems to be on offer.

 

[Meursault's gun]

Any general recommendations for dating apps? I'm not really all that comfortable in bed, so I just kind of avoid hookup apps like Tinder, but are there some well-liked ones for dating without necessarily wanting to hook up?

You can use Tinder, I think it's one of the most populated apps. Just make your intentions known in your bio/in conversation before you plan dates.

 

[DickMain]

You can use Tinder, I think it's one of the most populated apps. Just make your intentions known in your bio/in conversation before you plan dates.

Really? I'm not looking to fuck, so that wouldn't have been my guess to be honest.