I preface this by saying I had kicked bits of slop before. A killer (almost literally) energy drink addiction, excessive coca cola consumption, destroying a bag or two of potato chips a day etc. Most of my bad slop habits had been dealt with but I was still a sucker for the drive thru and with my work at the time, was an easy option at least once if not twice a day.
Now that's over with, let me take you back to the year 2017, where I, a younger and more humble IT faggot, was handed a pile of shit jobs to complete over the space of 5 days. The task, that I thankfully accepted (in hindsight) was to go into a number of pizza shops (all belonging to a singular well known franchise) and cable then cut their internet over to new links & install new routers.
I attended the first store and while not terribly phased by the environment, completed my work and left the site. Returning to my car I noticed I had strange sticky yellowish marks on my shirt, pants, arms and hands that smelled kind of rancid. Not knowing what it was and just assuming I had nailed myself with a dodgy grease pack from my tool box and unwittingly spread it around. I grabbed some wet wipes out of the boot, cleaned myself off and on to the next job I went. With my now heightened awareness, I started on the second job and noticed a thin, almost atomized film of rancid grease on the router I was handling, all the shit I had to move to get to it, the managers desk, even the office chair I used to get up to the stupid fucking shelf where the kit was setup. I finished the cutover, left the store and immediately washed myself with wet wipes.
This cycle continued for another 2 stores that day and 5 the following. This lands us on day 3.
Day 3 is a fairly easy day, only 4 shops to do, cruise through the first 3 with relative ease and minimal wipes then onto the last one for the day. Shop is in a fairly newly built area and couldn't have been more than a year or two old. It was this store that broke me. By all appearances from the front, in the FOH or customer area was all pretty normal. Then you went out the back... It was the filthiest place I had ever been in. There was a layer of rancid yellow fat on everything, thick enough you could have scraped it off with a butter knife and smeared it on toast. It was thanks to (I guess) the layers on layers of this vile substance that I could now see the full extent of where this shit ends up. It was everywhere. On and IN the ovens, on the prep surfaces, on the racks of pizza trays, on the utensil holders, on the extraction fans, shrouds, the filters were clogged with it, the drinks fridges, the fridges where they store the bases for the day, the mixers and all the mixing bowls. It was fucking EVERYWHERE.
There was nothing that could be done, I ended up covered in this shit.
Stick your arm up on shelf to grab a cord or plug something in and bam, big ol schmear. Put your hand on a desk to push yourself up to a wall mounted unit, boom hand is now covered in the shit. Gotta get to the IDF, it's covered in the stuff too both on the cover and the punchdown blocks then all over me and my tools. Need to squeeze between shit to sling a tongue around, get covered in it. It was a disaster. I sucked it up, lost a bit of my soul and finished the job. I walked out of that place covered in this 'substance', so defeated and dirty with a tool bag over my shoulder and a rancid smelling router under the other, looking like I had just returned from a POW camp. I chucked the router and tool bag in the boot, wiped myself off as best I could and went home to drown my sorrows with scotch.
This is a pic of the tamer section, in an airconditioned office, in the back, that was kept closed most of the time. Managers seemed to only use it to take calls or sit and play on their phones. Where there is white, there was yuck that now resided on me and this is but a fraction of the area I had work to complete in.
I got home, my wife gagged and the dog ran out the back to get away from the smell. I had two big slugs out of a bottle of Chivas followed by the longest hottest shower of my life. The clothes went straight into the bin, along with my boots. I took a garbage bag out to use as a barrier between me and the router and chucked it into the bin too. I left the windows in the car down to try and air out the stink and honestly hoped someone would steal it.
Laying in bed that evening something ticked over in my head. They were all kinda dirty but the last one had been brutal. Knowing how bad the last place was, I expanded that out, how may other places are like this? Is it exclusive to this chain? How can the newest store be the worst I've experienced? None of the shitty 4chan greentexts can actually be real? Surely the videos of niggers standing on lettuce and licking the cheese are fake shit for clicks right??? RIGHT??????? oh shit........
I called the following morning and shit canned the last 2 days. Palmed the now permanently stink infused car off onto the new guy and upgraded mine, bought new boots, replaced my tool bag and never looked at any fast food / restaurants the same.
It was the final nail in the coffin I needed and in retrospect one of the best worst things to have happened to me. From that day, I have refused to eat any fast food goyslop shit. If it's not the missus home cook or something i'm doing on the bbq, I'm out.
I thank (unnamed pizza franchise) for the revelation they gifted me and send my prayers to all that chose to consume the slop so they too might have a similar revelation.
Thank you for attending my TED talk.
