Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[My cravat doesn't flutter]

She looks like a fucking shrinker.

 

[The Hardest R]

Lmao, that’s a tarp, not a dress.

Tess’s dress is also a really strange choice. It is not glamorous at all, as I would imagine she would wear for a big event, nor is it very professional. It’s not a flattering cut.

Tess is fat flat ass broke. TEDx does not cover her wardrobe costs so this is likely the best she could do with the money she has and the lead time she gave whoever made this for her, assuming she didn’t get this off the rack somewhere. Custom formalwear often takes weeks and is very expensive. Tess is living in hotels now.

 

[My cravat doesn't flutter]

Can't hide beyond angled and photoshopped selfies huh?

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Mess's Ted Talk seems, ironically, to be much smaller than the others I've seen. Smaller stage, smaller seating area, and just a PowerPoint show behind her.

Lmao, that’s a tarp, not a dress.

Tess is fat flat ass broke. TEDx does not cover her wardrobe costs so this is likely the best she could do with the money she has and the lead time she gave whoever made this for her, assuming she didn’t get this off the rack somewhere. Custom formalwear often takes weeks and is very expensive. Tess is living in hotels now.

The thing is, living in hotels isn't cheap. PL for context: It was less expensive early in the pandemic. Hotels were desperate. My property was advertising itself as an alternative to an apartment with stupidly low rates. Even then, rent would be $1,650/month before tax. Fast forward 4 years and we no longer have that deal. Rates fluctuate from night to night. I just checked in our system and a month would set you back $4,891.18 and that's just for November 23- December 24. For shits and giggles, let's look at another month - the month of January 2025. You get $4,784.40 for the month. I wanted to see how much the entire year of 2025 would look like but our system can't calculate that far out, apparently.

 

[The Hardest R]

Mess's Ted Talk seems, ironically, to be much smaller than the others I've seen. Smaller stage, smaller seating area, and just a PowerPoint show behind her.

Lausanne has 140k people so it’s unlikely to have a big venue. Conversely, Kelli Jean Drinkmountaindew presented in Sydney.

The thing is, living in hotels isn't cheap.

Yeah that’s my point, Tubbers is not in a position to afford anything that would’ve been decent, this is the best she could do with the funds she has. It looks like cheap fabric and the bows feel like a cheap and half assed way to minimize tailoring the dress to her gargantuan body type, especially her massive upper arms. But Tubby Tess desperately needs the exposure so she spoke at this event where it was very likely she was not one of the first few choices the organizer had.

 

[My cravat doesn't flutter]

Lausanne has 140k people so it’s unlikely to have a big venue. Conversely, Kelli Jean Drinkmountaindew presented in Sydney.
Yeah that’s my point, Tubbers is not in a position to afford anything that would’ve been decent, this is the best she could do with the funds she has. It looks like cheap fabric and the bows feel like a cheap and half assed way to minimize tailoring the dress to her gargantuan body type, especially her massive upper arms. But Tubby Tess desperately needs the exposure so she spoke at this event where it was very likely she was not one of the first few choices the organizer had.

It looks like Mess is wearing this dress from Eloquii x Kate Spade:

A handful of reviews:

 

[FuckDuckSeagull]

It looks like Mess is wearing this dress from Eloquii x Kate Spade:
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A handful of reviews:
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I can't get over the dress. Why in hell did she choose that ugly AF thing? Something flowy and floor length would have been better, yes? A vibrant color to match her.. ahem.. "sass". That dress would MAYBE work on a skinny tall teenager.

Edit. Spelling.

 

[Clotso Coof]

those huge hamhock upper arms that dwarf her skull.

Her arms stick way out to the side now, like Juliana Aprileo. It's probably been 50 pounds since she could wipe her own ass. Bad sign for a sex worker. Can she twist around enough to even wash herself under her gunt(s)? Bet she uses a long shower wand.

Her pannus is bigger than her This Ass and hangs low, low, low.

Even social media fat activists are ashamed of having a hanging pannus, so imagine being a "super model" trying to sell sexiness with one.

Why in hell did she choose that ugly AF thibg?

She saw it online and thought, "This will cover me up and make me look like a serious leader!" Instead of her usual skin-tight looks, she thought a looser sillouette would provide the hiding cover she usually gets from slimming features. This dress was supposed to be the clothing equivalent of a huge cardbood cut out she could hide herself behind.

She didn't understand that bright lights are going to bounce off that black fabric in a way that's undeniable and shows everything. Some of the lighting is reflecting up from below the stage as well. You can't really tell how professional lighting is going to hit fabric while you're standing in front of a motel room mirror.

Tess actually would have been better off with an ugly print to disguise the bulges from the lighting and cameras. The floor length draping dresses she's worn on TV the last few years would have been much more flattering.

 

[barbie meat]

It looks like Mess is wearing this dress from Eloquii x Kate Spade:
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She's definitely wearing the biggest size she could get. If they had bigger, she would have bought that, because even she can tell this dress is too small on her.

30 and 32 are sold out, so let's assume she bought it recently (because it's like her to leave things until the last minute) and could only get a 28. That is a 55 inch waist. 64 inches around the hips. Isn't Tess like 5'3"? That's 63 inches. She has officially surpassed wider than she is tall territory. And that's assuming she could only get a 28. What if she's wearing a 32, and she is more than 73 inches around? Christ that is big.

 

[The Queen of Autists]

She's apparently a model. It gets so much worse:
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Don’t shoot me, I kind of like these from a photography angle, the way it plays with shapes in an artistic way. A lot of fashion isn’t stuff you actually wear? It’s worn as an art piece and in that context it’s kind of interesting to look at cause it’s different. This is not the same as say, Jude valentines boudoir pics, it’s not trying to show the fat as trying to be “just as good” as thin instead it’s kind of ornamenting the fat in an aesthetically interesting way. But she’s smoking in the second pic and there’s nothing more disgusting than a fat person smoking unless it’s a naked fat person smoking omg ewwww.

 

[Single_Sock]

Did Tess forget that Spanx exist?

Or is shapewear fatphobic now?

This one simple thing would have made a difference here.

 

[The Hardest R]

Did Tess forget that Spanx exist?

Or is shapewear fatphobic now?

This one simple thing would have made a difference here.

I don’t think the technology for such fabric exists to handle all that.

 

[Kela de Thaym]

HOLY HELL! She looks like she’s one wafer thin mint away from exploding and that dress is barely containing the blast.

 

[Alex Hogendorp]

HOLY HELL! She looks like she’s one wafer thin mint away from exploding and that dress is barely containing the blast.

When she takes off the dress. It would be a Eta Carinae scale supernova for sure.

 

[Kitty kitty cat]

When she takes off the dress. It would be a Eta Carinae scale supernova for sure.

That thing will rip if she sits down. She looks awfull. I wonder how shes coping with 2 long flights in a short amount of time.

 

[My cravat doesn't flutter]

That thing will rip if she sits down. She looks awfull. I wonder how shes coping with 2 long flights in a short amount of time.

Given how terrible some of the reviews are, I'm surprised it survived being put on. My best guess it she got it from a consignment/thrift store. No way can she afford to drop $100+ on a dress.

 

[Stupid Sexy Flanders]

Given how terrible some of the reviews are, I'm surprised it survived being put on. My best guess it she got it from a consignment/thrift store. No way can she afford to drop $100+ on a dress.

I could see Tess being narcissistic and short-sighted enough to drop her last penny on this dress to be honest. Remember, she sold clothes as she was moving, so she got some money in her pocket (that she really ought to save, but fuck that because her superwaddle career is about to take off again, any day now).

 

[xogossipgorl]

https://www.tiktok.com/@virginiegrossat/video/7440442967753526560

I'm so excited to see her full speech, so I've been waiting for someone to upload a clip or something somewhere. This is all I found so far, it's someone else's, maybe another of the other speakers. It's in French but it has Tess in motion in her dress, lumbering onto the stage, and really "glowing" in the face. There's a quick cut to a skinny on the stage that is quite jarring.

 

[Programmer Socks]

I increased the size with an AI image upscaler plugin in Photoshop, what even is that hanging down by her knees?

 

[Kitty kitty cat]

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I increased the size with an AI image upscaler plugin in Photoshop, what even is that hanging down by her knees?

Thats her thigh fat getting so big and heavy, its starting to hang around the knees.

 

[HansKlokBier]

Are those fat rolls?