Ethan Ralph, Fugitive from Justice

[Ethan Ralph's Low IQ]

Listen here bish, the woke west won't let me see mah kids and the court system is alogging meh. I'm a political dissident because of Biden. I believe in the Orthodox Russian way of life.

<squeals "Christ is Kang" in Russian>

 

[FiveStarAce]

Nobody tell Ralph about occupation laws in south europe.

 

[Captain Manning]

Funny thing is he's said several times on stream that he can afford a local attorney.

And he probably actually thought he was right, in a technical sense. Especially when you consider:

1. That local attorney is named Nick Rekieta.
2. The price Ralph was thinking of is free.

That he's having to ask for a public defender is funny.

 

[There Is Light At The End]

<squeals "Christ is Kang" in Russian>

<sharts and dies from it>

 

[repentance]

Option 3 is it. The only way Ralph is ever crossing the border again is illegally. What's worse is he has no US driver's license. No passport. He's effectively an illegal alien whenever he's in the US at this point. I'll lose my shit if somehow Ralph gets rounded up by ICE and deported back to Mexico if it means he thinks it's the only way to avoid Minnesota.

He posted a picture of his emergency passport the other day. It looks brand new so he must have organised it recently.

https://kiwifarms.st/threads/ethan-ralphs-twitter-tweets.81217/page-1817#post-19968129

They're only issued under certain circumstances and only valid for up to a year. He must have told them he needs to return to the US ASAP.

https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/passports/have-passport/limited-validity.html

 

[Elmo]

And he probably actually thought he was right, in a technical sense. Especially when you consider:

1. That local attorney is named Nick Rekieta.
2. The price Ralph was thinking of is free.

That he's having to ask for a public defender is funny.

You would think the fatman would unnastan that Rekieta won't even appear for speeding tickets, much less a contempt charge. And he was fucking the person who had those speeding tickets.

 

[DickMain]

I will tell you why gunt going into Russia is a bad idea:

1. He's a junkie. Remember nigress, who brought some weed vape. Amerimutts get special treatments on customs. What do you think will happen if they find his benzos pills? УК РФ Статья 229.1. Contraband of psychotropic substances
2. If he manages to get through customs, this is where the fun begins. He doesn't know Russian, he's fat, he's an American. He's an easy mark. Go on a wrong turn, at the wrong time and he'll be surrounded by churkas. At best, he'll be pickpocketed. At worst - he'll receive Portuguese treatment, but this time, medical treatment will be either delayed or non-existent.
3. Russia doesn't use SWIFT so, international banking is very limited. Banks, that are in it takes fees for currency exchange up to 30-40%. If he expects to move in Russia and live like a king, he's very wrong. He'll die like a bum here
4. Russian customs do background checks. Gunt is a felon and has nation-wide warrant for his arrest. What do you think will happen? That's right - prisoner"s exchange. He'll be detained in aero port or any other checkpoint. While he's not a nigger, no matter how much he inspires to be one, he's still an US citizen. Sort of. I wonder, on who's he'll be traded for.

It'll be funny if he tries, but chances of him succeeding are close to none.

I think you're forgetting the most important point above all else; the language. He can get away with knowing Amerifat beanspeak to get by just enough to get hookers and tortas, but Russia? They have funny B's there. He wouldn't last a day.

 

[Captain Manning]

I think you're forgetting the most important point above all else; the language. He can get away with knowing Amerifat beanspeak to get by just enough to get hookers and tortas, but Russia? They have funny B's there. He wouldn't last a day.

Their Rs are also backwards.

 

[Salvatore Leone]

Xeet | Archive

IT'S A RALPHAMALE MIRACLE BISH THE ALOGS LOST AGAIN!

Is the Ralphamale banned from ever stepping foot in Minnesota ever again?

 

[Noproblemo]

View attachment 6712100
Xeet | Archive

IT'S A RALPHAMALE MIRACLE BISH THE ALOGS LOST AGAIN!

Is the Ralphamale banned from ever stepping foot in Minnesota ever again?

Thank you Yah honah, I kiss the ground beneath your feet. GROVEL, RALPH.
How the mighty has fallen, when the biggest W you've had this year is accepting a PLEA DEAL.

 

[DickMain]

View attachment 6712100
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IT'S A RALPHAMALE MIRACLE BISH THE ALOGS LOST AGAIN!

Is the Ralphamale banned from ever stepping foot in Minnesota ever again?

How am I living in the world where Ralph is somehow being more of a man than Nick Rekeita. He's not seething in this at all (unless I missed something), and he's recognizing just how fortunate he is to have been offered the deal. What planet am I on right now

 

[Captain Manning]

You would think the fatman would unnastan that Rekieta won't even appear for speeding tickets, much less a contempt charge. And he was fucking the person who had those speeding tickets.

Look. You're talking about the same Ralph that thought Null would come on the Killstream at some ungodly hour to commentate some political thing. This despite the fact Ralph has spend the past few years shitting on Null.

It doesn't have to make sense for Ralph.

 

[Salvatore Leone]

How am I living in the world where Ralph is somehow being more of a man than Nick Rekeita. He's not seething in this at all (unless I missed something), and he's recognizing just how fortunate he is to have been offered the deal. What planet am I on right now

Ralph, unlike Rekeita, has been in the courtroom more times than Rekeita. You have to give Ralph credit: he listens to his lawyers and shuts up (for the most part).

 

[AncientPhosphur]

Fingers crossed for community service in Minnesota

 

[Salvatore Leone]

Fingers crossed for community service in Minnesota

I hope he has to pick up trash on the side of the road. It will end up in hog hunting.

 

[The Punished Mitch]

Yuge RALPHAMALE W as is customary

 

[Captain Manning]

My prediction is they give him a small fine, and that's about it.

It's not really that serious of a charge. The humor came from the fact it basically exiled him to Mexico.

And yes, Ralph is demonstrably smarter when it comes to the criminal justice system than Rekieta. That's scary.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

View attachment 6712100
Xeet | Archive

IT'S A RALPHAMALE MIRACLE BISH THE ALOGS LOST AGAIN!

Is the Ralphamale banned from ever stepping foot in Minnesota ever again?

I’ll assume this means Ralph squealed about being paid to restream Aaron’s arraignment by Nick. “It wasn’t mah fault yo honnor, it was that coked up lawyer who took advantage of my destitute situation!”

 

[not william stenchever]

And yes, Ralph is demonstrably smarter when it comes to the criminal justice system than Rekieta. That's scary.

The difference between "Yah hawnah, I'm fuckin retarded" and "Yah hawnah, YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY BULLSHIT LYING" is night and day.

 

[Looseleaf Paper]

Damn, I can't believe Ralph is going out like a BITCH.