Besides a few old co-workers from 2017, a few family members do come to mind. My own mom and aunt easily come to mind. They're the typical lolcows on the level of DSP and Amberlynn combined. So, how are both of them like the lolcows I just mentioned? Well, grab your popcorn, because here we GO!
My mom, God rest her soul, she's not dead yet....but, I have my fingers crossed. She spent her entire life blaming others for her shitty decision making - for example, she blamed her mom for kicking her out of her house at 12 years old because she "took" her stepdads side. In actuality, she was kicked out because she was caught having sex in the living room with said boyfriend, while her mom and grandmother walked in on both of them in the act. Oh, her boyfriend was 18 at the time. She was known to drink and do drugs heavily by the age of 11, in and out of the halls from 10 to 17, spent a bit of time in county jail in her 20's for armed robbery and soliciting. She spent more time in jail than school, which she dropped out in the 8th grade, and moved somewhere in Southern California.
When you mentioned something that is bothering you that she did? It's immediate "You don't know what I've been through! You don't know!" Immediate professional victim. How did she make money, when she had myself and two other kids? Well, welfare of course! She was the typical welfare queen, minus driving the Cadillac with a few more bastard children in the back. She did everything she could to get on the dole and stay there. A job? She found her meal ticket with kids! She can't work, underpaid government worker! She has a bad knee and mental health issues, now give her money! Oh, she did something you didn't like? Well, that's a YOU problem, buddy! Suck it up! Oh, but you have to treat her like the queen of England! Why? Well, because she's her, of course. Now, shut up and do what she's asked. Remind you of anyone? Paging Phil Burnell AKA DSP.
After failed relationship after failed relationship, she eventually got married to anyone that would pay attention to her. I don't remember her first husband's name, as men came and entered so much it was hard to keep track. When it came to relationships, as long as you have a dick and a job, she was happy. Her second husband was a known crack addict - she found him high as a kite off of that glass dick in a abandoned crack house somewhere in California, and later divorced him. Her third husband was originally from Kenya looking for a green card. She moved to Kenya for a few months, on the promise that he would "meet her there." However, she found her third husband was cheating on her with a younger woman. Rinse, wash, and repeat. The way she hops from relationship from relationship, she's Amberlynn if she was straight. She has the U-Haul truck on standby, also. Oh, you find her cute and interesting? Well, you're in luck! She has the U-Haul packed and ready! *Six months later* "Oh, fuck that motherfucka! Lying piece of shit narcissist!" Everyone is a narcissist, if you deviate from what she wants you to do. If you're a pushover and let her gorge herself on Ho Ho's and want to be her feeder? She's in love with you. Oh, you want her to get a job? She can't, dood! She has bad knee's and wants to retire....from never working a day in her life.
My aunt? Well, the retardation doesn't fall far from the idiot tree. Moved out at 16 to the Southwest for that bigger pie in the sky. Became a stripper, "fell" in love with a lawyer, had his kid who eventually became a stripper, and the lawyer's wife eventually found out....and lost everything. My aunt thought that now he was divorced, she thought that they were gonna be together. Well, jokes on you! You let him hit it raw, you didn't have second thoughts, well...now you're a single mom! Population 2: your dumbass and your daughter! Oh, what did her daughter eventually end up becoming? If you guess stripper, ding ding ding! What do they win? More lore on these two lolcows. After working dead end job from dead end job, she later conned - sorry, I meant "fell" in love - with a guy who's in the Mongol's. Oh, she also HAD another daughter who she also taught to be a stripper and hustle simps out of their cash. She also has done some, ahem, shady things in the underworld of this certain city that shall not be named....however, only two things have been confirmed by law enforcement and those two things are soliciting prostitution and vehicular manslaughter, but unconfirmed things include possession of narcotics and human trafficking.
While they'll never come out and admit these things to the internet, they're about as tech savvy as DSP, they're now boomers who are slowly fading into the night, as the only things that bring them happiness is realizing that they're slowing dying and that the world can finally shake these pieces of shit off.
