Lots of people on the farms would consider me a failure if I decided to share my current life situation. You can probably imagine what it is just by that previous sentence, but i'll piggyback off of someone else's message:
I've been under heavy amounts of stress lately from heavy amounts of procrastination. I keep trying to force myself to do what I need to do but everything just feels so pointless that I feel like there's no reason to carry on further. I just wish that everything would blow over and it will be alright afterwards but I know that it just doesn't work like that. I feel like everything needs to be perfect. I think nothing has any real meaning to me anymore and I really don't know what to do about it.
It does about sum it up.
About 10 years ago I didn't end up lucky enough to join the Polytechnics I was aiming for, not because of lack of skill or results, but because of not enough signees to form the group. That and my declining mental health at the time ended up with me going to a much less prestigious and much less capable of educating people well University. We're talking a lecturer being assigned presenting a subject they never taught in their 50+ year career kind of incapable.
I reckon that moment shaped my life moving forward.
However, despite not having achieved much of anything in life, I have faith. I'm trying to learn things adjacent to my degree to some extent and rebranding myself. It's hard to find proper motivation to push on with self-teaching, but every now and then I make a step forward on this long, but finite road. I've beaten most of the despair that resided in my mind.
By no means this is a perfect situation, but it's still an improvement compared to just a few years ago.
Life in its premise is relatively simple, but the successful execution of it is much, much harder and requires forward thinking as early one's teen years. Not everyone gets to feel that and those get to experience the aftermath of lacking said insight. However, just as God is ready to forgive you for your misdeeds should you lay your sins bare in front of Him, so is life ready to reward you with change for your regular and continued efforts to climb out of the position you've found yourself in.
To whoever needs to hear this - if no one else, know that people here believe in you. You're a lot tougher than you give yourself credit for. Getting back on your feet with your own mind adding extra weight well surpassing your capability is very difficult, but it is a process that can reach its conclusion. It will not be easy, it will take a lot of effort and possibly a lot of time. You will make mistakes along the way, but so long as you continue to try and disregard failures as something natural to all of us on this planet, you will eventually prevail. You might be judged by others for what they see, but only you yourself know how far you've come since the beginning and this knowledge should carry you through their judgements.
You can do it. Move forward. Safe travels through the road called life.
But, on a different note, this place has brought me a ton of joy in the short time I've been here and I couldn't be more grateful for that.
And I second that. God bless this place. No need to just imply things. You're free to be your best self. May one day this attitude translate 1:1 to real life.
