How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[DenseDeerFather]

Very mixed.

The good: The housing association that rents my apartment hands out two bottles of wine to tenants every December. They even put the bottles by empty units. I guess because they get sent a supply of wine bottles for each unit in the building, regardless if someone lives there or not. My other neighbour's neighbor got said bottles and they stood there for two weeks.

So I took 'em. Fuck it, no one has lived there for six months. I need to make Sangria.

The bad: imposter syndrome, my self depreciating tendencies and my fucked brain is trying not to spiral.

Work is something. I don't get paid and that's a good thing probably. My boss pulled me aside and in the nicest way possible, told me I'm slow. Not retarded although I am but that's beside the point.

Idk being slow is something I've struggled with even in school. Granted, I did hand in assignments and papers and met deadlines. It was just always on the day of or evening before however.

Although in my defense, I was also kind of lost regarding transparent guidelines and some coaching on how in the world one uses Google Sites or whatever it's called. That Google tool to make websites.

Also it doesn't help that half of the shit is placeholder text in Indian and I'm not sure what purposes the sections are intended for until I ask. Most of my coworkers work from home or part time so they aren't present when I am.

Issue is my boss is a busy man with meetings all day. Over discord of all things. Which I find mildly amusing.

Now granted, it's my third day and I'm unfortunately good at being very hard on myself so I'm not too hot at the moment.

Edit: well at the very least I'm on holiday until 9th of January. It might be good because something about the cocktail of me and this job result in a very tired deer.

I'm very tired when I get home which is normal for most people. I am a little concerned about how exhausted I am the day after. I sleep like a bear the night before but I'm still extremely tired.

Only two days after do I feel rested. What in the fuck?

Bleh this whole thing is feeding my irrational side and suggests that I quit outright but my rationale is telling me that it's a learning process.

 

[User names must be unique]

Feeling very autismal. Writing a Christmas card to my uncle and his new girlfriend and I'm not 1000% sure of her name, I've been over and met her several times she's a lovely woman now i'm stuck, dunno whats worse to leave her name off the card or to take a shot with my best guess. Cards been on my desk half finished for an hour now while I struggle.

 

[Baumstriezel]

I bombed an exam and was very blue about it for two weeks, but I focused on getting my physical and mental health in check and finally I'm starting to feel like myself again, ready to face the world. I am very lucky in that I have family and friends who were very understanding during these two weeks.

 

[✨Tard-Star✨]

I got a protective sleeve for my soft cover sketch pad and I'm so happy

I can finally get those nice sketchbooks that lay completely flat without worrying about them getting beat up in my tote bag or backpack.

 

[Sonic]

I have to go to another fucking corporate networking Christmas party thing so I prepped my god damn meat suit and now I'm ready to quarter-assedly mingle with normies because most of them are painfully uninteresting.

I bet none of them even know who KingCobraJFS is

 

[CoffeeCup]

I've been denied medicaid. I am unhappy about everything since august this year in general. A bright note I did have was someone important did email me back thanking me for the thoughtful christmas card.

 

[Jex]

Pretty happy. I always host the family Christmas dinner, it”s something I look forward to. Got all their gifts wrapped and ready, fresh turkey and salmon ordered for collection on the 24th. Got these crackers with little plushy Christmas animals in them. A little fella loves penguins, so I went through with a flashlight through the cracks and marked that one out so he coincidentally gets it.

 

[Nick Obre]

I've entered the dumbest bout of "depression" (lowercase, not the proper bad kind) in the dumbest way.

My kid just had her 8th grade graduation the other day, and it was really nice, everything went great, she even got some awards.

Later in the day, I watched an episode of What We Do In The Shadows, the one where kid Colin Robinson suddenly grows up and forgets Laszlo raised him (this may not make sense if you haven't watched the show, they're vampires, weird shit happens). The episode's intro song is replaced by Laszlo playing on the piano "Sunrise, Sunset" from Fiddler on the Roof, and at the end over the credits the song plays again, this time sung by the cast of the show in character.

If you don't know, the song is precisely about realizing your kids have grown older, and you don't know where time went.

And it got me so, so hard, man. I cried at fucking What We Do In The Shadows episode and I've been low ever since.

 

[Eternal Spirit of Light]

Eternal bliss.

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

Are they? They have more shit than I do (most of them are in relationships, have friends and family, come from money) so when any of them is extra-cuntish or obviously miserable I'm more mad at the lack of gratitude. They seem to be doing fine. If not, they should be. I'd appreciate being in the type of place they're in.

Normies don't comment on youtube, create twitters, or care for internet clowns. They party, study, fuck, work, hit 30 and settle down cause that's what people are meant to. It requires no autonomy or justification; who are you to tell this family father to get a hobby and friends? He got kids! You're the loser!

Likewise nobody would ask the career volunteer how he pays the bills but rather how 5 months in Africa was. If half the attendees at your funeral aren't blood related, you've messed up, but it's increasingly more difficult to gather such groups. "I'm a childless adult, where do I hang out?". Childhood-friends fathers doing beer football saturday morning or piggybacking the daughter's handball. It really is a deadzone others fill with children.

 

[Betonhaus]

See, that's the big problem I have. Are they? They have more shit than I do (most of them are in relationships, have friends and family, come from money) so when any of them is extra-cuntish or obviously miserable I'm more mad at the lack of gratitude. They seem to be doing fine.

if they have drugs or attitude problems it's possible they are leeching from their family and loved ones, and are spending above their means. The thing is that you just don't know. Just be snippy back to them.

 

[✨Tard-Star✨]

Today was a DAY

I had a woman visit me at my desk today and emotionally unload on me. That's where the stuff I'm willing to tell KF stops

In short a bunch of other shit happened today that left me feeling some kind of way.
Now I'm unwinding with a nice glass of wine.

 

[Scream Aim Fire]

Well, ever since that trip that I finally got a chance to go on after a literal decade, things have went downhill. Job's been getting more and more ridiculous as we get closer to Christmas; boss has gotten significantly more difficult over the past few weeks for some reason, not helped by the hordes of people just crawling in and messing everything up with little rhyme or reason. Family's no help; tried having a conversation with my family about it, they insisted that "retail is a super quiet and low-stress position", that I was "just lazy" for not working a full-time position there. They unironically said that working from 6 AM to 9 PM, six days a week full time retail would be a great opportunity.

On the personal side, health's been in flux; some days have been good, others not so much. Writing's been mixed as well; got a character design in mind... well, sort of, the specifics are still being worked on, and I have an idea of what to write but no idea how to set it up. Feel like it's all messing with my head, severely; mind's a complete mess, though I don't entirely want to talk about it here. TMI, you see.

Aside from that, can't really do much hobby-wise. Been trying some games out; gave the OG Dark Souls another go, but I'm really struggling to enjoy it. Doesn't help that I've got quite the backlog to work through. Also picked up some drawing; was actually going decently well, but... let's just say the subject was giving me some trouble. Other than that, I just feel... lost.

 

[Betonhaus]

Family's no help; tried having a conversation with my family about it, they insisted that "retail is a super quiet and low-stress position", that I was "just lazy" for not working a full-time position there. T

your family is insane if they think retail is easy work during the Christmas season.

 

[Scream Aim Fire]

your family is insane if they think retail is easy work during the Christmas season.

Welcome to my world. Yeah, my parents claim that they worked retail themselves when they were young; my dad went so far as to claim that he "practically ran the store by himself", and that the job was still the easiest thing he ever worked. Don't know if they're just out of touch with the modern reality - they both still claim that it's "ridiculously easy" to find a job in today's market and that the current generation is just lazy - or if standards really were different back then. Probably doesn't help in the slightest that both of them get all of their info of the outside world from the news... and we all know how fearmongering works these days. I could go a LOT further, but I'm not going to rant.

Granted, I also know that there's been a LOT of family drama recently; one relative's been dealing with drug charges and has been taking it out on both of my parents, which has been... stressful. Lots of arguments, a number of deaths in the family... you know how it is. Also, they're both getting on in years, so... that probably factors into the equation.

 

[Betonhaus]

So today my oldest stepsister's ex died, and my youngest stepsister's husband is brain dead after an accident and they pull the plug tomorrow. The younger ones marriage has really not gone well. Her dad is flying down to the states to help her out with the paperwork and figure out what's happening to her green card application.

 

[Truman the Jewman]

I recently met a wonderful young man who's become the new love and light of my life

It's been a surprisingly good year for me. Healthier habits, a spicy summer, new digs, new car, and now a new love and a fresh, renewed interest in the cosier things in life.

Next I want to try learning how to play keyboard and get back into writing when I've got the time to spare, on top of hardcore archiving all the content I can from the Internet.

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

my parents claim that they worked retail themselves when they were young; my dad went so far as to claim that he "practically ran the store by himself", and that the job was still the easiest thing he ever worked. Don't know if they're just out of touch with the modern reality - they both still claim that it's "ridiculously easy" to find a job in today's market and that the current generation is just lazy

Oh but it was. How? He didn't care about his coworkers, the stock, the profits, or anything else than appeasing the boss, somehow brushing off everything he did wrong as happenstance. It's how people like >below< progress to great jobs. Speaking of job market, we usually get the chance to apply for new jobs within our team before they get posted externally, which is usually a formality for the higher-ups, but this time they literally just ignored all of us and hired entirely new people. 120 applications for what to us was "just another position few actually wanted". This is how it is in every company: Rather move up internally than pull someone new in, and that's why the job market is fucked. 120 applications for bottom wage physically demanding work.

I'm gonna start applying for new jobs from january and I genuinely do not believe I'll (ever get one) get an offer within 18 months. I'd be fine quitting to do a 3 month certificate and get a new job, but even a bookkeeping course would be a footnote on my resume immediately made irrelevant by "not having worked 24/7 since age 18". I'd still gladly at my age get in at the bottom and work my way up, but those positions don't exist. "Basic coordinator gig; need these 8 experiences and written documentation" to what, pick up the phone and do as told? I genuinely don't believe 'easy data input job for graduates' exist anymore. All the job listings I see are equally niche and widespread; "We want a marketing capable IT nerd who also has project lead experience to be on the phone all day". Bruh? They literally just copy-paste the resume of whoever just quit the job for the next one.

if they have drugs or attitude problems it's possible they are leeching from their family and loved ones, and are spending above their means. The thing is that you just don't know. Just be snippy back to them.

Someone just ragebaited a bunch of "product managers" in a vidya webm thread and I decided to look into two of them. "who's this literal 5 driving a porsche with no makeup and a hoodie?", turns out, just that. Her two tiktoks above 500 views are "OMGGG (whatever) AS AN XBOX PRODUCT MANAGER!!". Nothing in those videos actually involved xbox or video games, she clearly just landed a gig at a big name in a market she has zero interest in. Even a ground floor xbox worker, lifelong Halo enjoyer, would be more thrilled about their workplace than she ever is. "But she got money!", and no boyfriend and no tiktok rizz. All her videos are about stall food or getting her nails done. You know, those things a minimum wage worker could also do?

Building on that: Money is very unlikely to be a factor as to why you aren't surrounded by friends, hobbies and passions, and I think that's the scary part about "early" adult life. If you truly, truly wanted to get into piano or whatever, you could very likely gather the money and be set to practice for free with apps and youtube for the next 5 years. Archery? Join a club, relatively cheap, borrow gear until you can save up and buy your own, and oh boy is that grind gonna be worth it. A goal and a reward with functionality beyond "uhh guess there's a steam sale?". But it requires decisiveness and we lack it, already making so many decisions throughout the day on our phones. I read somewhere that decisions are the one thing that tire the human mind and it makes sense. When I'm at my parents', I'm not on my phone 24/7 and it genuinely makes me want to get up and do something.

 

[missnaptime]

Things are going well for me.

I passed my midterms with flying colours, the gym is going good, and I'm talking and dating a guy I posted about a while ago - and he's lovely. Utterly, utterly gorgeous and easily one of the kindest, gentlest souls I've had the pleasure of meeting.

He told me I was beautiful recently. I don't know how to deal with that at all. My best friend is also getting married soon, and he's going to be at the wedding too! So I'm happy. I hope I get to dance with him there.

Bit annoyed about the festive period. I don't have a bed back at my mom's place, which means I'm going to be a bit cranky because I'll have to sleep on the floor or on a sofa again.

But, other than that? Onwards and upwards. Lost 10+lbs on my diet, too, for the wedding.

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

Well I actually got to bed at a decent time and got around to cleaning my room and getting back on track for once. If I could increase the frequencies of having a decent amount of rest to once a week at least compared to... every other month, I'd be alright.

I regret sounding so vile yesterday. Because the truth is I don't hate people. I actually like a good chunk of the people I'm around, I just always feel like I'm in this weird space where enough people like me, but nobody really wants me. I get compliments a lot, but I still have some people disrespect me more than they would with most people.
I actually make good conversation with people when I'm out. I'm outgoing and extroverted. I enjoy trying to help random people out when I'm out or just enjoy making people smile. I know some people will think that's me trying to paint myself as some "empath" who's just a beautiful human being but that's not my point... I just mean I know I'm not a complete sperg and can engage with people and like doing so.
It just feels... SO fucking hard now compared to before covid. I actually get pretty upset at all the self-help and shit floating around given to men as if it's always some character flaw they need to fix before interacting with polite society.
It was NEVER this hard to just make connections with people before the death of Saint Floyd. 2020 just really fucking killed the way Americans interact with eachother in a way that can't really be downplayed. It really is a different world now. I've seen things very slowly changing the last year but we still have a long way to go before shit's normal again.
It really wasn't that fucking hard to pair off with people. I can't stress it enough. It didn't matter if that chick was out of your league or some dude was a SJW faggot, it was easy as shit to meet people you didn't have much in common with before covid and just vibe.
I had a coworker I really vibed with recently that I went to a rave for the first time. We were going to hang out more but then the next week he ghosted everyone and left the job/town.
Shit's rough.

Building on that: Money is very unlikely to be a factor as to why you aren't surrounded by friends, hobbies and passions, and I think that's the scary part about "early" adult life. If you truly, truly wanted to get into piano or whatever, you could very likely gather the money and be set to practice for free with apps and youtube for the next 5 years. Archery? Join a club, relatively cheap, borrow gear until you can save up and buy your own, and oh boy is that grind gonna be worth it. A goal and a reward with functionality beyond "uhh guess there's a steam sale?". But it requires decisiveness and we lack it, already making so many decisions throughout the day on our phones. I read somewhere that decisions are the one thing that tire the human mind and it makes sense. When I'm at my parents', I'm not on my phone 24/7 and it genuinely makes me want to get up and do something.

I think my issue is the stuff I'm into is usually surrounded by a bunch of the super-left variety of people. All the nerd fandoms are completely overflowing with that crowd now. Which is fine, generally. I can vibe with people without agreeing on a lot of things. I just know it's harder to form any connection with them because eventually I'll say something that will get me kicked from the club. Generalizing but yeah. Anymore lately I have more in common with gymbros than anything.
That and like we were talking about, there's not much in small towns anymore that brings people together besides bars.

I will say there are more moments lately where I actually enjoy my own company and just want to chill. It gets hard going out where a bunch of people around eachother and I feel like the unemployed friend at 2pm on a Tuesday meme. But it's getting better.
Just when you're working 12 hours in a day and some coworker decides to be overly catty like a fag, it grinds my gears a little bit.