Worst Christmas Movies

I'll defend a few mentions in this thread:

- Jingle All the Way is stupid, yes ... But damn it, it makes me laugh. Never saw the sequel, and I don't plan to.

- Hallmark Channel Christmas movies used to actually be watchable back in the day. I remember seeing a few of them that were actually cute (again, I'm not above watching a chick flick if I find it enjoyable). The problem with Hallmark Channel movies now, though, is that they have become self-aware and are basically parodies of themselves now. "See how bad this is?! Teehee!" is the vibe these movies give now, and I fucking hate it. The appeal of the Hallmark Channel Christmas movies back in the day was how earnest they were in their cheesiness. You eliminate that earnestness, and you get something that's obnoxious and devoid of any charm now. Meta bullshit has plagued so many things, and I'm beyond over it.
 
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StarkRavingMad said:
- Jingle All the Way is stupid, yes ... But damn it, it makes me laugh. Never saw the sequel, and I don't plan to.
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It's nowhere near the worst of Christmas films, and it has a lot charm. The ways it's bad are "so bad it's good," IMO. And Arnie is great in comedies! It's a somewhat ironic family favorite.
 
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frozen_runner said:
It's nowhere near the worst of Christmas films, and it has a lot charm. The ways it's bad are "so bad it's good," IMO.
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I also feel like the "so bad it's good" stuff is entirely intentional. The movie's tone stays very consistent throughout, so when something cartoonish happens, I'm like "Yeah, okay ... That's the kind of movie this is." It's clearly a satire about the cutthroat nature of shoppers during Christmas dialed up to an 11, and it satirizes the frustration that parents go through when they can't find "the" toy for their kids.

The only part of the movie that genuinely does not work for me really is the "workaholic father" trope. It wasn't needed. If you eliminate that aspect from the movie, then you're really not missing anything. Also, I understand the criticisms towards Jake Lloyd's performance ... However, him being an annoying kid actually works in favor of the movie's tone, in my opinion. lol. That makes Arnold's reactions to all that happens to him throughout the movie even funnier to me.

And Phil Hartman. Come on ... He's hysterical in this movie.

Jingle All the Way does not deserve the negative reputation that it gets. I understand how the movie isn't one's cup of tea, but is it one of the worst Christmas movies? No way.
 
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The Nothingness said:
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Nothing else needs to be said.
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This horrible "remake" makes the 2006 first remake look like a better movie, even though the killer mostly used only one method of death (plastic bags), which made most of the death scenes boring, and it did have an unintentionally funny part where Mary Elizabeth Winstead's character didn't know what an ice scraping brush is.

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frozen_runner said:
First time I've seen any of this pile of shit. I can't believe Harrison Ford isn't totally phoning in the opening.
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yeah now that you mention it of all the aspects that are weird, Ford actually kind of gives a shit stands out as the real freakish occurrence

there's a surprisingly disappointing tv version of A Christmas Carol narrated by Vincent Price
sure that sounds great!
problem is this is "mildly famous actor Vincent Price" earlier in his career and not "Master Of The Macabre: Vincent Price" so it's just a crappy no budget production with a sorta gay sounding guy hosting
 
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Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is pretty bad, and I don't think it qualifies as so bad it's good. It lacks a lot of the delirious nonsense that makes shit like The She-Creature or Robot Monster so funny. Mostly it's just dumb and boring.

Also fuck Hallmark Christmas movies to death. Hallmark Channel's approach to moviemaking reminds of me a much worse version of Roger Corman's. It's the same cynical, workmanlike, assembly-line approach to making movies. Break a popular genre movie down to a few base elements that can be rearranged, hire a few has-been or up-and-coming actors on the cheap, crank out a formulaic movie in a few days on a tight budget, and make a tidy little profit. At least Corman was usually up-front about his mercenary nature, and his movies were mostly entertaining. Hallmark tries to push their mass-produced, boring genre pictures with fake sentimentality and appeal to warmth and tradition. They say, "Hallmark invites you to come home for the holidays." What they mean is, "We know you retards will watch anything we shit out, because you've made our brand part of your personality." I've known people (exclusively white women) who treat Hallmark Christmas movies the same way they treat designer fashion brands, as if just the name itself carries an unspoken quality everyone should intrinsically know and want. It's a weird cult that has risen up around some of the most unremarkable, boring movies ever made.
 
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Thiletonomics said:
This horrible "remake" makes the 2006 first remake look like a better movie, even though the killer mostly used only one method of death (plastic bags), which made most of the death scenes boring, and it did have an unintentionally funny part where Mary Elizabeth Winstead's character didn't know what an ice scraping brush is.
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2006 isn't as good as original but it has it's moment, and the killer being killed by getting impaled on a Christmas tree at the end was one of them. I give it a 6/10 and watch it every December along with the original.
 
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The Nothingness said:
What is with Christmas movies that "expand" the lore of Santa Claus such as him having a bitter sibling like Fred Claus? Is it just the continued ruination of the character by modern Hollywood?
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I've never seen Fred Claus; refuse to watch it, actually.

I hate Paul Giamatti with a passion. He is one of the most annoying actors ever to me. I look at his gopher-looking obnoxious face and it makes me want to hit something. lol.

Watching him as Santa sounds about as much fun as being waterboarded.
 
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Thiletonomics said:
This horrible "remake" makes the 2006 first remake look like a better movie, even though the killer mostly used only one method of death (plastic bags), which made most of the death scenes boring, and it did have an unintentionally funny part where Mary Elizabeth Winstead's character didn't know what an ice scraping brush is.

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Yeah it doesn't help 2019 definitely was made to be a pretentious film the director thought would revolutionize cinema. Like she went out of her way to make the 2019 Black Christmas a PG-13 movie to get teenagers to listen to her message, since the film is blatantly concerned being a feminist soap box movie first than a good horror movie.
 
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The Nothingness said:
What is with Christmas movies that "expand" the lore of Santa Claus such as him having a bitter sibling like Fred Claus? Is it just the continued ruination of the character by modern Hollywood?
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There was an early CG thing The Santa Claus Brothers or something like that, about Santa's sons. Santa is voiced by Brian Cranston, it's a nice enough little yarn about a rogue elf trying to take over the operation.
but yeah expanding Santa lore is TONS of stuff, even classics, like the Rankin/Bass stuff like Santa Claus Is Comin' To Town where we get an origin story of him raised by elves and battling evil steampunk Paul Frees, the other origin one based on the Frank Baum story that's all sorts of nuts with pagan forest gods making him immortal
 
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XYZpdq Jr. said:
There was an early CG thing The Santa Claus Brothers or something like that, about Santa's sons. Santa is voiced by Brian Cranston, it's a nice enough little yarn about a rogue elf trying to take over the operation.
but yeah expanding Santa lore is TONS of stuff, even classics, like the Rankin/Bass stuff like Santa Claus Is Comin' To Town where we get an origin story of him raised by elves and battling evil steampunk Paul Frees, the other origin one based on the Frank Baum story that's all sorts of nuts with pagan forest gods making him immortal
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Do you guys remember Santa Claus: The Movie? It was supposed to be the ultimate Santa movie, by the producers of the Superman films. It flopped and has been forgotten. But I remember not hating it as a kid.
 
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Shart Attack said:
At least Corman was usually up-front about his mercenary nature, and his movies were mostly entertaining.
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Back ten-twenty years ago when Hallmark was good, they outright stated it in an interview why they make movies that way. Biggest reason being in spite of the channel's popularity, they had very little money from the parent corporation to make anything beyond the cookie-cutter movies.
 
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Travoltron said:
Do you guys remember Santa Claus: The Movie? It was supposed to be the ultimate Santa movie, by the producers of the Superman films. It flopped and has been forgotten. But I remember not hating it as a kid.
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I watched that last weekend. It's an ok movie but the pacing is slow. I think that's why people hate it.
 
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