Disclaimer: I am young and fully aware that this story is, in some ways, a result of youthful inexperience. Feel free to laugh at me for this, just please be kind.
21 is still young but you should not be making mistakes like this so old. Even if you're a later bloomer you still should absorb through talking with others and basic social awareness certain things are no bueno. You make mistakes like this as a teenager because you're caught up in yourself and too tarded to actually listen to outside experience and get some pattern recognition.
I (21ftm) was at a party where I met a friend of a friend (35m) and we got to talking. Went out to his truck for a cigarette, and in talking about being queer (he expressed he was bisexual with a preference for women) I told him I was trans. He expressed that it would be "fun to get me off" and spoke to me as a man the whole time. He talked a bunch of shit about how he can go for hours and his dick would change my life, but I honestly just wanted some good sex, so I went and met him at his place.
1. Age gaps are okay-ish if it's a natural developing relationship and you genuinely get along. Past a certain age you're an adult and that's just it. But hooking up with a man well into his thirties that hangs around someone over ten years younger for hook ups...he's definitely a sleeze of the highest order. You should have friends (hopefully other women
that can keep your head on straight about this.)
2. Oh, so you just randomly talk about being Queer to random guys you may or may not be into? No normal man is into that. None. It's a red flag if he is or is humoring you. Seriously.
3. "Fun to get me off", "he can go for hours and his dick would change my life"...ha ha...and you know he's just talking shit and still let him get away with it??? No man into casual hook ups cares that you get off. Perhaps as it pertains to his reputation around town and therefor ability to continue to hook up if he's a real player. Do you not ever talk to any other women and have a vague awareness of how they're treated by men in their lives they play around with?? I guess no...
Within the first couple of minutes, he told me to take my binder off and "show him my t*ts." Throughout intercourse, he called me "good girl" multiple times and told me I "sing like a woman." He also said at one point "I can't see your beard in the dark, so that's a plus." He did not touch my clit one time and I came nowhere close to orgasm. He fell asleep shortly after his orgasm, and I left feeling angry, disgusted, and completely unsatisfied.
So much for just wanting some good sex. Bro couldn't even bring himself to keep up the larp during the deed. Casual lays aren't known for being the best for women but TBH I also wonder if he was inexperienced as well...
I want to make it very clear that I understand each person is responsible for their own orgasm during sex, it's no one's job to make you cum. I also understand that at any point I could have called stop, but I felt a sense of obligation once I had started. My question for fellow trans people is this: is this normal? Is it normal to be suddenly misgendered during sex by someone who has been fully respectful of you up to that point? Is it something you have to just accept if you want to sleep with cis people? Seriously considering going t4t only because of this.
"I understand each person is responsible for their own orgasm during sex, it's no one's job to make you cum" "I felt a sense of obligation once I had started" this was her losing her virginity, wasn't it? Feels bad man.
EDIT: I have evidently been fed bad information regarding the "each person is responsible for their own orgasm" statement, so I retract that in full. Thank you to everyone for all of your advice and support!
I like how she frames this as a "cis" person problem. "Is it something you have to just accept if you want to sleep with cis people?" No, this is just how bottom of the barrel men will treat you when you agree to a wham bam thank you ma'am and also when you do not give any input on how to touch you when you're having sex with them.
I had to sperg. Stories like this really get me. She's closed herself off from help from other women on the level that she's a woman as well and needs advice how to navigate these things. But because she's trans and totally a real boy this doesn't apply to her, this isn't behavior for shitty people who sleep around it's a cis person problem. Etc. I feel sorry for her but at the same time mad at her.
