Last hour of Xmas, my parents randomly launched into a TERF tirade. I'm completely at sea as they are both old hippies with majority LGBTQ (or rather LGBQ) friends and have been staunch allies for decades. I believe they have been politicised but I don't really understand how.
They have done what they called a 'deep, deep dive' and have a few main talking points, which I'd like to counter next time I see them.
- Puberty blockers and pre-adult transitioning. They are against under-18s being allowed to make these kind of decisions. I kind of agree but can see the point of puberty blockers, although I have zero scientific understanding of why they are necessary and what the pros and cons are (specifically medical ramifications).
- Trans women in cis female spaces (the classic bathroom/changing room debate). They insist this poses dangers to cis women. I pointed out that the same arguments were probably being made around gay men in cis male spaces and that threw them a bit. But they also said that a predatory male could just declare themselves a woman and enter freely. Looking for any stats / studies that may have looked at this, as it seems very unlikely. I also pointed out that trans women would face much higher dangers in cis male spaces, but they simply said 'there are more cis women'. Would also like some examples of trans women experiencing violence in cis male spaces.
- Medical dangers of transitioning. Specifically some shit about bones crumbling. Scientific articles I have found dispute this, no idea where that came from. Other dangers positioned as 'well we just don't know what the bad effects could be'. Looking for long-term studies on physiological effects - most of the ones I found were looking at psychological.
- Peer pressure / mis-identifying dissatisfaction. Saying a lot of youth are simply buying into the hype and misplacing typical angst with gender dysphoria. Randomly threw out an example of 12 students from the same class all wanting to transition. Is this happening? Any evidence? I can believe a bit is happening but I can't imagine it's that widespread.
- Regret. This was framed through the lens of still being unhappy. I made the point that trans people aren't widely accepted in society so how can they know that the unhappiness isn't from not being accepted as the gender they identify as.
- Radical feminism. My mom specifically thinks being trans exclusionary is being feminist, because 'trans women aren't women'. Looking for literature that examines trans women in feminism.
- A bit tenuous, but - parental trauma. My mom's friend has a trans son and is clearly struggling with it, apparently called it a 'daily trauma'. I can't help but not give a fuck about that 'trauma', but any literature on this matter might help.
They are both rational and mostly accepting so I believe they can be swayed. They were quite shook that I had heard almost identical arguments from homophobes about gay people, so even a book or article comparing the two movements and their struggles might help.
I should mention that my wife and I are both cis and don't know any trans people directly, so while we consider ourselves allies, we don't know much about the trans experience at all. We both want to use this as an opportunity to learn, as well as gather data we can use to counter bigotry. That being said, I am mainly looking for scientific or at least non-fiction books / articles / studies. If you would like to recommend a book that focuses on trans experience, I'd love to read it, but please label it as such so I know.
Thank you SO much to everyone who responds. I know the onus isn't on you to educate the community and appreciate you taking the time to help me guide my parents towards non-bigoted views, while educating my wife and I on the realities of the trans experience!
